تدريب Shadowing: How to Talk to Strangers | Dr. Nick Epley & Dr. Andrew Huberman - تعلم التحدث بالإنجليزية مع YouTube

A lot of people are on their phones texting with people they already know.

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A lot of people are on their phones texting with people they already know.

They have an established relationship.

Presumably they're continuing to maintain,

if not build those relationships by doing that.

And I think that going back to this eye gaze thing from earlier,

eyes down into a little box,

it's a thicker shell to break through.

I don't think any of us really feel comfortable interrupting somebody texting or on a call.

Correct.

I mean, I wouldn't do that.

You would think of it as bad manners, impolite.

Yeah, they're clearly in a conversation with somebody else.

The same way I wouldn't just walk up and interrupt.

Actually, yesterday was a social gathering.

There was like three people talking.

These guys all knew each other.

I was the stranger in the group.

And like you sort of learn like,

you have to quickly assess like, what is this conversation?

So I said, sorry, I don't know if I'm interrupting something critical,

but if so, I'm gonna stand right here.

No, I just said, if I'm interrupting,

and they're like, no, no,

no. Like you have to be able to know how to break into a conversation.

It's very hard when people are on their phones.

It can be um the way i think of it is

you're giving people an invitation i got off the train one

morning was this guy came up behind me i remember this

very distinctly uh he's a little taller than i was

so i'm i'm about six foot he was probably six foot

three looks like an orthodox monk right he's got this big

long beard graying beard long hair looks like the last thing

he would want to do is talk to another person a very stern kind of dead off to work face

and and i saw him come up sidle up next to me he'd already put his left earbud in

and he was putting his right earbud in at the same

time right it would have been easy for me to infer

that he didn't want to talk to me right

but of course nobody was talking to him either nobody's talking

and so

that signal was a little ambiguous what does it mean does

he want to talk to me it's it's not clear he could be putting his earbud in

because nobody's talking to him he doesn't think other people want to talk to him

so he's just gonna get off to work right get away

from all these jerks i turned to him i said hi

i'm nick most powerful words you have in your life hi

i'm whoever you are i'm nick he took out his earbud he turned to me

and he just like came alive like i was flipping a

switch on his back huge smile hi i'm thibault he's turns

out he's french very strong french accent we became friends over

the years right we walked down four blocks to my office there

and so sometimes these cues can be ambiguous

and you don't know what the cue means until you test it

so the way i think about reaching out to connect with

other people to test our fears right our anxiety our interpretations of other people knowing

that we can make mistakes with each other is to think of it as an invitation right

when i turn to gustavo yesterday brian last night my cab driver my uber driver this morning i wasn't demanding anything

I was offering up an opportunity and invitation to connect if they wanted to, right?

Didn't have to pull their earbud out didn't have brian last

night had a little video game uh player in front of

him right i thought maybe he wanted to play video games

no he was happy to talk right kind of went in

and out at a manuscript review i had to do but

if you start thinking of these opportunities as potential places where you might be misunderstanding somebody

and don't take your beliefs about another person for granted

but treat them as bets

that might be wrong well then you start to see places where maybe you've made a mistake

and you give people an opportunity to show you know

thibault would have been happy to talk to me

and became friends um over years just because i was willing to test

that initial belief i had which was mistaken

that he didn't want to talk to me and the problem

that at least we find over and over again in our social lives is all too often

we infer immediately a pest we have overly pessimistic expectations about how other people will respond to us

when we try and we just miss opportunities to connect with other people

that we could have across the moments of our days weeks months years of our lives

that would just enrich our lives in lots of ways

if we were willing to test those barriers

that were keeping us from connecting with other people to see

if are they made out of steel or is it a pasta noodle sometimes they're pasta noodles.

The data I've seen suggests that more and more people are going to church,

they're attending other religious gatherings.

You know, it seems that some just recent years?

Oh, yeah, it's really on the upswing.

And my guess is there are a number of reasons for that.

People want to meet people with a certain set of values.

Maybe they are drinking less.

Who knows?

You know, I think a component of those types of gatherings are that people generally are pretty friendly.

Yes.

It's pretty inviting.

Absolutely.

You know, I mean, people still go to festivals, too.

I didn't go, but Coachella was recently.

And people tend to be in a good mood at festivals.

I was at TED last week.

Okay, so another good example.

So I'm just, you know,

we could pepper with different examples.

And I think it is important to do so.

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I didn't want to imply it was just churches.

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But these kinds of common gatherings where people are there for their own reasons,

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but also to interact with others, including strangers.

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Absolutely.

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And I think this, in my mind,

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can be pretty well explained by the fact that people were indoors during the pandemic.

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a lot of people were anyway,

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and everyone's on their phones more and devices.

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So attending venues where there's clearly an impulse towards interacting with strangers.

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Actually, sauna gatherings are really big in major cities.

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You know, people not just sitting in a sauna facing out like bleachers,

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on bleachers, but in around and doing breath work.

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And so, and on and on.

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So it's interesting.

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I think people really crave this.

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تدريب Shadowing: How to Talk to Strangers | Dr. Nick Epley & Dr. Andrew Huberman - تعلم التحدث بالإنجليزية مع YouTube

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ما هي تقنية التظليل الصوتي؟

تدريب Shadowing: How to Talk to Strangers | Dr. Nick Epley & Dr. Andrew Huberman - تعلم التحدث بالإنجليزية مع YouTube

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