शैडोइंग अभ्यास: The Science Behind Dramatically Better Conversations | Charles Duhigg | TED - YouTube के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें

So I'm going to ask you to participate in an experiment,

⏸ रुका हुआ

गति:

223 वाक्य

यदि वाक्य बहुत छोटे या लंबे हों, तो समायोजित करने के लिए Edit पर क्लिक करें।

So I'm going to ask you to participate in an experiment,

which is that when you leave this room,

when you go out into the world,

today, tomorrow, whenever you feel like it,

I'd like you to ask and answer one question of someone who's a stranger.

You might meet them on the bus,

you might meet them walking down the street,

and I'm going to show you the question that I'm going to ask you to ask and answer.

The question is, when was the last time you cried in front of someone?

Now just out of curiosity,

how many of you are really excited about this experiment?

Not, no hands went up whatsoever.

And that makes sense, right?

Because like there can be nothing that seems more intimidating or less fun than finding a stranger,

asking them when they've cried in front of someone else,

and then telling them about the time you cried in front of someone else.

But I'm gonna try and convince you over the next few minutes

that this experiment is not only worth doing It's worth doing whenever you can

Because it will make your life better

and explain how I got to this I have to tell you a little bit of a story about me

and my wife

Few years ago we got into this bad pattern we've been married for 20 years

But I would come home from a long day at the office

I was a reporter at the New York Times at

that point and I would start complaining about my day about how I'm not appreciated enough

and my wife very reasonably would offer me some great advice

she would say something like why don't you take your boss out to lunch

and you guys can get to know each other a little bit better

and instead of being able to hear her I would get even more upset

and I would say things like why aren't you supporting me you should be outraged on my behalf

and she would get upset

because I was attacking her for giving me good advice this

was not anyone ever have an experience like this it was not in a good good situation

and so I So I went and I started talking to researchers who were studying communication.

I asked them, why am I getting into this pattern?

And they said, well, you're making a mistake.

We're living through this golden age of understanding communication,

really for the first time,

because of advances in neural imaging and data collection.

And they said, one of the big things that we've learned is

that we tend to think of a discussion as being just one conversation, right?

We're talking about one thing,

my day, or the kids' grades,

what to have for dinner.

What they said is that actually each discussion contains many different conversations.

And in general these conversations tend to fall into one of three buckets.

There's these practical conversations where we're talking about what's this all about,

what are we really discussing.

But then there's emotional conversations where we're talking about how do we feel.

And my goal is to share with you my feelings and I don't want you to solve them,

I want you to empathize.

And then there's conversations that are social conversations about who we are,

the social identities that are important to us,

how we relate to each other and how we relate to society.

And what the researchers said is what we've learned is that if people are having different conversations at the same moment,

they can't really hear each other.

They can't really connect.

And in fact, this is exactly what was happening with me

and my wife right I was coming home

and having an emotional conversation my wife was responding with a practical conversation they are both legitimate conversations

but because we weren't having the same conversation at the same moment we weren't really communicating with each other

and within neurology and psychology this insight is known as the matching principle which says that successful communication

requires recognizing what kind of conversation is occurring and then matching each other.

But how do we do that?

Well in schools they've actually taught teachers to do this.

If you are a school teacher and you'll probably learn at some point

that if a student comes up to you with a problem

or they want something they want to talk about you should ask them do you want to be helped

which is a practical conversation,

do you want to be hugged which is an emotional conversation,

or do you want to be heard which is a social conversation.

And it seems to work.

It seems like if you ask students what they need, they'll tell you.

But of course that is hard to do in real life, right?

If you go up and you ask someone at work if they want a hug,

the HR might get involved.

So you might not want to do that.

But luckily there is another way of doing this for all of us normal people,

which is to ask questions.

And in particular to ask a certain type of question,

a special question, what's known as a deep question.

A deep question is something that invites us to talk about our values

or our beliefs or our experiences and that can sound a little intimidating

but it's actually much easier than it sounds for instance instead

of asking someone where do you work you could ask them

what do you love about your job instead of asking someone

where'd you go to high school you could say what was

high school like wait what did you learn there what what

changed you there put differently instead of asking about the facts of someone's life,

we should ask them how they feel about their life.

Because when we do, they tend to reveal to us who they really are.

They tend to tell us what they want not only out of this conversation,

but how they hope that we'll see them and how they want to see us.

What matters to them most?

In fact, what studies show us is that this is

so powerful because these kinds of questions allow us to be vulnerable and vulnerability and reciprocal vulnerability.

When we hear vulnerability and we become vulnerable in return,

is the key to allowing us to connect with other people.

And to explain how this works,

100

I want to tell you a story about this guy, Dr. Bhafar Adai.

101

Dr. Adai is a cancer surgeon in New York City.

102

He specializes in prostate cancer,

103

removing prostate tumor, removing cancer tumors from prostates.

104

And he He has this kind of interesting job because every single day a patient will come into his office asking,

105

he thinks, for medical advice,

106

and what he will tell them is,

107

you should not get surgery.

108

The prostate is located so close to the nerves that control urination and sexual function that it's a relatively risky surgery.

109

And what's more, most prostate tumors,

110

they grow very, very slowly.

111

It's actually one of the slowest growing forms of cancer in existence.

112

There's a saying among doctors that if you have an old patient with prostate cancer,

113

he's going to die of old age before the cancer kills him.

114

And so doctor and I would have these patients come in

115

and he would tell them look I don't think you should do anything In fact,

116

I think you should do this thing called active surveillance.

117

What we're gonna do is we're gonna take a blood sample

118

Every six months we're gonna do a biopsy every two years

119

And if the tumor seems to change we'll do an MRI

120

and if we have to we can do the surgery But otherwise no radiation no surgery.

121

It's gonna be okay And these patients would listen to them

122

and then they would go home and they would discuss it with their spouse

123

And then they would walk in the next day

124

and they would insist on having the surgery They would say

125

I absolutely want you to cut me open take the tumor out as fast as possible

126

and for dr Dye this was bewildering right he thought these

127

would be the easiest conversations of his life He's telling people

128

that they don't have to have surgery and he's a surgeon

129

He told me that when this happens again and again

130

and again you start to realize this isn't a problem with my patients

131

This is a problem with me I'm doing something wrong and

132

so he goes to these folks these professors at the Harvard Business School

133

and he asks them for advice on what to do differently

134

and they said well look the biggest mistake

135

that you're making is you are starting this conversation all wrong you are starting by assuming

136

that the patient walks into your room into your exam room looking for advice

137

and looking for medical solutions but you don't know

138

if that's true you're not asking them any questions what you

139

need to do is you need to start asking deep questions

140

so two weeks later after having this conversation a 62 year

141

old man comes into dr. Adai's office for the first time

142

he had just gotten his diagnosis of having prostate cancer

143

and dr. Adai instead of giving him advice instead of telling

144

him what he ought to do he asks the question he

145

asks the question what does this cancer diagnosis mean to you

146

and the man starts talking and he starts talking about how his father had died

147

when he was 17 years old and this had just been so hard for him.

148

It had been so hard for his mom.

149

And then he starts talking about his grandchildren and his fears for the world they're inheriting,

150

what with climate change and everything else that's going on.

151

Dr. Adai had expected this guy to at least bring up cancer,

152

to at least mention mortality or pain,

153

but it never came up.

154

And at that moment, Dr. Adai realized,

155

because he had asked this deep question,

156

that this man wanted to have an emotional conversation.

157

He wanted to talk about how do we feel.

158

He needed to be hugged.

159

And so Dr. Adai didn't actually hug him, right?

160

But he did the verbal equivalent.

161

And then Dr. Adai says, look, do you mind?

162

There's some medical options I'd like to talk over with you.

163

Is that okay?

164

And they move into a practical conversation together,

165

and within seven more minutes,

166

the man decides to do active surveillance and never looks back.

167

Dr. Adai's patients overwhelmingly now opt for active surveillance,

168

his advice, because of this approach.

169

And the thing is, we can do this in any conversation.

170

It doesn't have to be an important conversation,

171

it doesn't have to be life or death,

172

we can always connect more and better

173

and in a really profound way with the person that we're speaking to if we want to.

174

Which brings me back to that experiment.

175

So just to remind you what you're supposed to do,

176

walk out of the room,

177

find a stranger, ask them when was the last time you cried in front of someone,

178

and then as soon as they answer,

179

you answer the question yourself and you tell them when you last cried.

180

Let me just say this experiment has been done thousands and thousands of times,

181

most notably by a guy named Nick Epley at the University of Chicago.

182

People hate this experiment.

183

Nobody who participates comes in and is like,

184

I'm really looking, this is gonna be a great time.

185

Instead what they say is,

186

I do not want to do this.

187

This sounds terrible.

188

But they're in an experiment,

189

and they basically have to do it, right?

190

They're in the room, they get paired with partner,

191

they go and they ask the question,

192

ask an answer, and then Nick Epley afterwards asks them,

193

what was that like?

194

And what people say are things like,

195

oh my gosh, I felt so connected to that person,

196

more connected than to people in other conversations in a while.

197

I felt more caring towards them,

198

and I felt like they were really caring about me. So why?

199

Why is this so powerful?

200

Why is asking this question,

201

why does it help us connect so well?

202

Because it's a deep question.

203

It allows us to say something real.

204

And when we ask deep questions,

205

we figure out which of the three conversations we're in,

206

what we're talking about, what everyone really wants out of this dialogue.

207

And that is how we connect with each other.

208

We are living through a time of polarization and division.

209

We have forgotten how to have conversations.

210

But there's a science to it.

211

There are these folks who are known as super communicators,

212

who they are not special,

213

they're not more charismatic, or they're not more outgoing than anyone else.

214

They've just learned skills that allow us to connect with others.

215

And they're skills that all of us can learn.

216

And that feeling you get after a wonderful conversation,

217

that glow that you experience,

218

our brains have evolved to give us that, to crave connection.

219

So I hope you go out,

220

I hope you find a stranger,

221

and I hope you tell them all about the last time you cried in front of another person.

222

And then tell me how it went.

223

Thanks.

TRENDING

शैडोइंग तकनीक क्या है?

शैडोइंग (Shadowing) एक विज्ञान-समर्थित भाषा सीखने की तकनीक है जो मूल रूप से पेशेवर दुभाषिया प्रशिक्षण के लिए विकसित की गई थी। विधि सरल लेकिन शक्तिशाली है: आप मूल अंग्रेज़ी ऑडियो सुनते हैं और तुरंत इसे ज़ोर से दोहराते हैं — जैसे वक्ता की छाया 1-2 सेकंड की देरी से। शोध से पता चलता है कि यह उच्चारण सटीकता, स्वर, लय, जुड़ी हुई ध्वनियाँ, सुनने की समझ और बोलने की प्रवाहशीलता में काफ़ी सुधार करता है।

☕ हमें एक कॉफी पिलाएं

आपके समर्थन के कारण ShadowingEnglish 100% मुफ्त है। सर्वर और AI की लागत अधिक है — आपकी कॉफी हमें आगे बढ़ने में मदद करती है! 🙏

PayPal के माध्यम से दान करें

ShadowingEnglish.com – अंग्रेज़ी शैडोइंग अभ्यास

शैडोइंग अभ्यास: The Science Behind Dramatically Better Conversations | Charles Duhigg | TED - YouTube के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें

लोकप्रिय

इस वीडियो के साथ बोलने का अभ्यास क्यों करें?

व्याकरण और संदर्भ में अभिव्यक्तियाँ

आम उच्चारण के जाल

शैडोइंग तकनीक क्या है?

शैडोइंग अभ्यास: The Science Behind Dramatically Better Conversations | Charles Duhigg | TED - YouTube के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें

ऐप डाउनलोड करें

इस वीडियो के साथ बोलने का अभ्यास क्यों करें?

व्याकरण और संदर्भ में अभिव्यक्तियाँ

आम उच्चारण के जाल

शैडोइंग तकनीक क्या है?