쉐도잉 연습: How to Talk to Strangers | Dr. Nick Epley & Dr. Andrew Huberman - YouTube로 영어 말하기 배우기
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A lot of people are on their phones texting with people they already know.
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A lot of people are on their phones texting with people they already know.
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They have an established relationship.
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Presumably they're continuing to maintain,
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if not build those relationships by doing that.
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And I think that going back to this eye gaze thing from earlier,
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eyes down into a little box,
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it's a thicker shell to break through.
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I don't think any of us really feel comfortable interrupting somebody texting or on a call.
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Correct.
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I mean, I wouldn't do that.
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You would think of it as bad manners, impolite.
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Yeah, they're clearly in a conversation with somebody else.
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The same way I wouldn't just walk up and interrupt.
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Actually, yesterday was a social gathering.
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There was like three people talking.
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These guys all knew each other.
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I was the stranger in the group.
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And like you sort of learn like,
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you have to quickly assess like, what is this conversation?
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So I said, sorry, I don't know if I'm interrupting something critical,
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but if so, I'm gonna stand right here.
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No, I just said, if I'm interrupting,
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and they're like, no, no,
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no. Like you have to be able to know how to break into a conversation.
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It's very hard when people are on their phones.
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It can be um the way i think of it is
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you're giving people an invitation i got off the train one
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morning was this guy came up behind me i remember this
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very distinctly uh he's a little taller than i was
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so i'm i'm about six foot he was probably six foot
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three looks like an orthodox monk right he's got this big
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long beard graying beard long hair looks like the last thing
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he would want to do is talk to another person a very stern kind of dead off to work face
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and and i saw him come up sidle up next to me he'd already put his left earbud in
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and he was putting his right earbud in at the same
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time right it would have been easy for me to infer
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that he didn't want to talk to me right
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but of course nobody was talking to him either nobody's talking
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and so
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that signal was a little ambiguous what does it mean does
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he want to talk to me it's it's not clear he could be putting his earbud in
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because nobody's talking to him he doesn't think other people want to talk to him
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so he's just gonna get off to work right get away
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from all these jerks i turned to him i said hi
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i'm nick most powerful words you have in your life hi
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i'm whoever you are i'm nick he took out his earbud he turned to me
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and he just like came alive like i was flipping a
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switch on his back huge smile hi i'm thibault he's turns
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out he's french very strong french accent we became friends over
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the years right we walked down four blocks to my office there
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and so sometimes these cues can be ambiguous
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and you don't know what the cue means until you test it
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so the way i think about reaching out to connect with
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other people to test our fears right our anxiety our interpretations of other people knowing
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that we can make mistakes with each other is to think of it as an invitation right
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when i turn to gustavo yesterday brian last night my cab driver my uber driver this morning i wasn't demanding anything
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I was offering up an opportunity and invitation to connect if they wanted to, right?
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Didn't have to pull their earbud out didn't have brian last
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night had a little video game uh player in front of
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him right i thought maybe he wanted to play video games
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no he was happy to talk right kind of went in
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and out at a manuscript review i had to do but
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if you start thinking of these opportunities as potential places where you might be misunderstanding somebody
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and don't take your beliefs about another person for granted
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but treat them as bets
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that might be wrong well then you start to see places where maybe you've made a mistake
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and you give people an opportunity to show you know
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thibault would have been happy to talk to me
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and became friends um over years just because i was willing to test
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that initial belief i had which was mistaken
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that he didn't want to talk to me and the problem
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that at least we find over and over again in our social lives is all too often
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we infer immediately a pest we have overly pessimistic expectations about how other people will respond to us
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when we try and we just miss opportunities to connect with other people
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that we could have across the moments of our days weeks months years of our lives
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that would just enrich our lives in lots of ways
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if we were willing to test those barriers
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that were keeping us from connecting with other people to see
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if are they made out of steel or is it a pasta noodle sometimes they're pasta noodles.
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The data I've seen suggests that more and more people are going to church,
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they're attending other religious gatherings.
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You know, it seems that some just recent years?
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Oh, yeah, it's really on the upswing.
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And my guess is there are a number of reasons for that.
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People want to meet people with a certain set of values.
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Maybe they are drinking less.
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Who knows?
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You know, I think a component of those types of gatherings are that people generally are pretty friendly.
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Yes.
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It's pretty inviting.
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Absolutely.
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You know, I mean, people still go to festivals, too.
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I didn't go, but Coachella was recently.
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And people tend to be in a good mood at festivals.
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I was at TED last week.
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Okay, so another good example.
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So I'm just, you know,
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we could pepper with different examples.
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And I think it is important to do so.
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I didn't want to imply it was just churches.
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But these kinds of common gatherings where people are there for their own reasons,
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but also to interact with others, including strangers.
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Absolutely.
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And I think this, in my mind,
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can be pretty well explained by the fact that people were indoors during the pandemic.
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a lot of people were anyway,
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and everyone's on their phones more and devices.
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So attending venues where there's clearly an impulse towards interacting with strangers.
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Actually, sauna gatherings are really big in major cities.
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You know, people not just sitting in a sauna facing out like bleachers,
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on bleachers, but in around and doing breath work.
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And so, and on and on.
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So it's interesting.
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I think people really crave this.
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