쉐도잉 연습: The Science Behind Dramatically Better Conversations | Charles Duhigg | TED - YouTube로 영어 말하기 배우기
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So I'm going to ask you to participate in an experiment,
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So I'm going to ask you to participate in an experiment,
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which is that when you leave this room,
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when you go out into the world,
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today, tomorrow, whenever you feel like it,
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I'd like you to ask and answer one question of someone who's a stranger.
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You might meet them on the bus,
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you might meet them walking down the street,
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and I'm going to show you the question that I'm going to ask you to ask and answer.
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The question is, when was the last time you cried in front of someone?
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Now just out of curiosity,
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how many of you are really excited about this experiment?
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Not, no hands went up whatsoever.
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And that makes sense, right?
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Because like there can be nothing that seems more intimidating or less fun than finding a stranger,
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asking them when they've cried in front of someone else,
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and then telling them about the time you cried in front of someone else.
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But I'm gonna try and convince you over the next few minutes
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that this experiment is not only worth doing It's worth doing whenever you can
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Because it will make your life better
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and explain how I got to this I have to tell you a little bit of a story about me
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and my wife
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Few years ago we got into this bad pattern we've been married for 20 years
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But I would come home from a long day at the office
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I was a reporter at the New York Times at
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that point and I would start complaining about my day about how I'm not appreciated enough
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and my wife very reasonably would offer me some great advice
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she would say something like why don't you take your boss out to lunch
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and you guys can get to know each other a little bit better
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and instead of being able to hear her I would get even more upset
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and I would say things like why aren't you supporting me you should be outraged on my behalf
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and she would get upset
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because I was attacking her for giving me good advice this
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was not anyone ever have an experience like this it was not in a good good situation
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and so I So I went and I started talking to researchers who were studying communication.
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I asked them, why am I getting into this pattern?
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And they said, well, you're making a mistake.
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We're living through this golden age of understanding communication,
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really for the first time,
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because of advances in neural imaging and data collection.
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And they said, one of the big things that we've learned is
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that we tend to think of a discussion as being just one conversation, right?
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We're talking about one thing,
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my day, or the kids' grades,
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what to have for dinner.
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What they said is that actually each discussion contains many different conversations.
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And in general these conversations tend to fall into one of three buckets.
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There's these practical conversations where we're talking about what's this all about,
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what are we really discussing.
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But then there's emotional conversations where we're talking about how do we feel.
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And my goal is to share with you my feelings and I don't want you to solve them,
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I want you to empathize.
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And then there's conversations that are social conversations about who we are,
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the social identities that are important to us,
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how we relate to each other and how we relate to society.
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And what the researchers said is what we've learned is that if people are having different conversations at the same moment,
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they can't really hear each other.
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They can't really connect.
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And in fact, this is exactly what was happening with me
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and my wife right I was coming home
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and having an emotional conversation my wife was responding with a practical conversation they are both legitimate conversations
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but because we weren't having the same conversation at the same moment we weren't really communicating with each other
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and within neurology and psychology this insight is known as the matching principle which says that successful communication
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requires recognizing what kind of conversation is occurring and then matching each other.
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But how do we do that?
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Well in schools they've actually taught teachers to do this.
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If you are a school teacher and you'll probably learn at some point
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that if a student comes up to you with a problem
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or they want something they want to talk about you should ask them do you want to be helped
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which is a practical conversation,
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do you want to be hugged which is an emotional conversation,
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or do you want to be heard which is a social conversation.
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And it seems to work.
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It seems like if you ask students what they need, they'll tell you.
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But of course that is hard to do in real life, right?
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If you go up and you ask someone at work if they want a hug,
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the HR might get involved.
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So you might not want to do that.
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But luckily there is another way of doing this for all of us normal people,
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which is to ask questions.
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And in particular to ask a certain type of question,
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a special question, what's known as a deep question.
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A deep question is something that invites us to talk about our values
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or our beliefs or our experiences and that can sound a little intimidating
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but it's actually much easier than it sounds for instance instead
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of asking someone where do you work you could ask them
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what do you love about your job instead of asking someone
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where'd you go to high school you could say what was
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high school like wait what did you learn there what what
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changed you there put differently instead of asking about the facts of someone's life,
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we should ask them how they feel about their life.
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Because when we do, they tend to reveal to us who they really are.
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They tend to tell us what they want not only out of this conversation,
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but how they hope that we'll see them and how they want to see us.
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What matters to them most?
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In fact, what studies show us is that this is
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so powerful because these kinds of questions allow us to be vulnerable and vulnerability and reciprocal vulnerability.
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When we hear vulnerability and we become vulnerable in return,
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is the key to allowing us to connect with other people.
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And to explain how this works,
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I want to tell you a story about this guy, Dr. Bhafar Adai.
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Dr. Adai is a cancer surgeon in New York City.
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He specializes in prostate cancer,
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removing prostate tumor, removing cancer tumors from prostates.
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And he He has this kind of interesting job because every single day a patient will come into his office asking,
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he thinks, for medical advice,
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and what he will tell them is,
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you should not get surgery.
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The prostate is located so close to the nerves that control urination and sexual function that it's a relatively risky surgery.
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And what's more, most prostate tumors,
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they grow very, very slowly.
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It's actually one of the slowest growing forms of cancer in existence.
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There's a saying among doctors that if you have an old patient with prostate cancer,
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he's going to die of old age before the cancer kills him.
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And so doctor and I would have these patients come in
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and he would tell them look I don't think you should do anything In fact,
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I think you should do this thing called active surveillance.
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What we're gonna do is we're gonna take a blood sample
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Every six months we're gonna do a biopsy every two years
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And if the tumor seems to change we'll do an MRI
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and if we have to we can do the surgery But otherwise no radiation no surgery.
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It's gonna be okay And these patients would listen to them
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and then they would go home and they would discuss it with their spouse
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And then they would walk in the next day
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and they would insist on having the surgery They would say
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I absolutely want you to cut me open take the tumor out as fast as possible
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and for dr Dye this was bewildering right he thought these
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would be the easiest conversations of his life He's telling people
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that they don't have to have surgery and he's a surgeon
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He told me that when this happens again and again
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and again you start to realize this isn't a problem with my patients
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This is a problem with me I'm doing something wrong and
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so he goes to these folks these professors at the Harvard Business School
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and he asks them for advice on what to do differently
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and they said well look the biggest mistake
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that you're making is you are starting this conversation all wrong you are starting by assuming
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that the patient walks into your room into your exam room looking for advice
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and looking for medical solutions but you don't know
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if that's true you're not asking them any questions what you
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need to do is you need to start asking deep questions
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so two weeks later after having this conversation a 62 year
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old man comes into dr. Adai's office for the first time
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he had just gotten his diagnosis of having prostate cancer
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and dr. Adai instead of giving him advice instead of telling
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him what he ought to do he asks the question he
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asks the question what does this cancer diagnosis mean to you
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and the man starts talking and he starts talking about how his father had died
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when he was 17 years old and this had just been so hard for him.
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It had been so hard for his mom.
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And then he starts talking about his grandchildren and his fears for the world they're inheriting,
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what with climate change and everything else that's going on.
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Dr. Adai had expected this guy to at least bring up cancer,
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to at least mention mortality or pain,
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but it never came up.
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And at that moment, Dr. Adai realized,
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because he had asked this deep question,
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that this man wanted to have an emotional conversation.
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He wanted to talk about how do we feel.
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He needed to be hugged.
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And so Dr. Adai didn't actually hug him, right?
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But he did the verbal equivalent.
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And then Dr. Adai says, look, do you mind?
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There's some medical options I'd like to talk over with you.
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Is that okay?
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And they move into a practical conversation together,
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and within seven more minutes,
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the man decides to do active surveillance and never looks back.
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Dr. Adai's patients overwhelmingly now opt for active surveillance,
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his advice, because of this approach.
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And the thing is, we can do this in any conversation.
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It doesn't have to be an important conversation,
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it doesn't have to be life or death,
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we can always connect more and better
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and in a really profound way with the person that we're speaking to if we want to.
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Which brings me back to that experiment.
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So just to remind you what you're supposed to do,
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walk out of the room,
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find a stranger, ask them when was the last time you cried in front of someone,
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and then as soon as they answer,
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you answer the question yourself and you tell them when you last cried.
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Let me just say this experiment has been done thousands and thousands of times,
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most notably by a guy named Nick Epley at the University of Chicago.
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People hate this experiment.
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Nobody who participates comes in and is like,
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I'm really looking, this is gonna be a great time.
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Instead what they say is,
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I do not want to do this.
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This sounds terrible.
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But they're in an experiment,
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and they basically have to do it, right?
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They're in the room, they get paired with partner,
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they go and they ask the question,
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ask an answer, and then Nick Epley afterwards asks them,
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what was that like?
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And what people say are things like,
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oh my gosh, I felt so connected to that person,
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more connected than to people in other conversations in a while.
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I felt more caring towards them,
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and I felt like they were really caring about me. So why?
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Why is this so powerful?
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Why is asking this question,
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why does it help us connect so well?
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Because it's a deep question.
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It allows us to say something real.
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And when we ask deep questions,
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we figure out which of the three conversations we're in,
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what we're talking about, what everyone really wants out of this dialogue.
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And that is how we connect with each other.
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We are living through a time of polarization and division.
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We have forgotten how to have conversations.
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But there's a science to it.
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There are these folks who are known as super communicators,
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who they are not special,
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they're not more charismatic, or they're not more outgoing than anyone else.
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They've just learned skills that allow us to connect with others.
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And they're skills that all of us can learn.
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And that feeling you get after a wonderful conversation,
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that glow that you experience,
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our brains have evolved to give us that, to crave connection.
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So I hope you go out,
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I hope you find a stranger,
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and I hope you tell them all about the last time you cried in front of another person.
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And then tell me how it went.
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Thanks.
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이 레슨에서는 대화의 과학과 감정 대화의 중요성에 대해 배웁니다. Charles Duhigg의 TED 강연을 통해, 여러분은 상대방과 깊이 있는 대화를 나누는 방법을 연습하고 자신의 감정을 표현하는 기술을 향상시킬 수 있습니다. 특히, 낯선 사람에게 감정을 공유하는 실험을 통해 대화의 패턴을 이해하고, 실생활에서도 활용할 수 있는 커뮤니케이션 기술을 익힐 수 있습니다.
핵심 어휘 및 구문
- 감정 대화 (Emotional conversation): 서로의 감정을 나누는 대화의 한 유형입니다.
- 실험 (Experiment): 새로운 것을 시도하며 배우는 과정입니다.
- 상대방 (Stranger): 잘 알지 못하는 사람을 의미합니다.
- 조언 (Advice): 다른 사람에게 제공하는 좋은 의견이나 지침입니다.
- 비난하다 (Attack): 누군가를 부정적으로 평가하거나 비판하는 행위입니다.
- 대화의 패턴 (Pattern of conversation): 대화 중 나타나는 반복적인 경향이나 방식입니다.
- 감정 공유 (Sharing feelings): 자신의 감정을 다른 이와 나누는 행동입니다.
연습 팁
이 영상의 속도와 톤에 맞춰 영어 쉐도잉을 연습하는 것이 유익합니다. 처음에는 강연자의 목소리를 따라 하면서 주요 어휘와 구문을 반복하십시오. Shadow speech 기술을 활용하여 저속의 음성을 듣고 말하는 연습을 시작할 수 있습니다. 강연자가 속도를 조절하더라도, 중요한 것은 감정의 뉘앙스를 정확하게 전달하는 것입니다. Shadowspeaks의 기법으로 감정을 담아 말해 보세요.
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쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법
쉐도잉(Shadowing)은 원래 전문 통역사 훈련을 위해 개발된 언어 학습 기법으로, 다언어 학자인 Dr. Alexander Arguelles에 의해 대중화된 방법입니다. 핵심 원리는 간단하지만 매우 강력합니다: 원어민의 영어를 들으면서 1~2초의 짧은 지연으로 즉시 소리 내어 따라 말하는 것——마치 '그림자(shadow)'처럼 화자를 따라가는 것입니다. 문법 공부나 수동적인 청취와 달리, 쉐도잉은 뇌와 입 근육이 동시에 실시간으로 영어를 처리하고 재현하도록 훈련합니다. 연구에 따르면 이 방법은 발음 정확도, 억양, 리듬, 연음, 청취력, 말하기 유창성을 크게 향상시킵니다. IELTS 스피킹 준비와 자연스러운 영어 소통을 원하는 분들에게 특히 효과적입니다.
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