쉐도잉 연습: You Don't Find Happiness, You Create It | Katarina Blom | TEDxGöteborg - YouTube로 영어 말하기 배우기

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Reviewer Gopaljean Reviewer What is the video we would like to do?
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Hello, everyone.
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I would like us to begin with a short exercise.
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So can everybody place their hands like this?
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Reach out your hands.
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Thank you and I will count to three.
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And when I say three,
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I want you to clap your hands, okay?
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One, two, three.
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So, I did this to show you that we don't always do as other people tell us to do.
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We'd rather do as other people do.
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And this is important when it comes to creating well-being in ourselves and in others.
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I'm a psychologist, and I train organizations,
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teams, and individuals in creating happiness and well-being.
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And a couple of years back,
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I co-authored a book on the science of happiness.
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But when the book was published,
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I was actually in the middle of a life crisis.
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I'd just broken up with a person who I thought I'd spend my life with,
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I had no place to live, and no job.
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And I think this is a very common human experience.
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We all face problems.
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We end up in crisis sometimes, and we struggle.
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But at the same time,
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I think most of us,
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we long for that other kind of life that entails meaning and connection and happiness.
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But it's kind of difficult to live this life,
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to always be there in this happy place.
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And today I want to show you why your brain is not always on your side when it comes to creating happiness,
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but also what we can do to counter this.
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And it's not going to be by just positive thinking.
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This takes positive action, because happiness is a skill we all can train and work on.
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I want us to start here,
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How it's not just about positive thinking.
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So let's begin with this.
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Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you're really worried about something,
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and you kept worrying even though you knew that worrying won't change the situation or help the situation in any way,
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and nevertheless you just kept on worrying, hands up.
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Right?
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We're all doing this.
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And if we could have total mind power and just switch over to these happy thoughts,
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we'd just have done that and get on with our lives.
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But that doesn't really happen, does it?
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And did you know that about half of the time that you've been listening to this speech,
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your mind has probably been wandering off, thinking about other things.
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According to a study by Daniel Gilbert and Matthew Killingsworth,
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our minds wander 46.9% of the time we spend awake.
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So our thoughts are automatic,
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they have a life of their own.
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And to create happiness by just controlled positive thinking,
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I think it's hard, if not even possible, impossible.
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And I think it's time that we start talking more about this.
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How can we take positive action,
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actually making the change in our lives?
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Because if I would ask you to keep your focus on your breath,
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don't think about anything else for five minutes,
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I doubt that anyone in this room would be able to do that.
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But if I would ask you to please raise your hand like this for five minutes,
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I think we all would be better able to achieve this.
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So it's really difficult to control our thoughts,
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and we have a better chance at controlling our actions, our behavior.
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Therefore, well-being is better built by positive action, and not positive thinking.
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Also, we tend to look at ourselves as if we're these objective,
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rational beings that perceive situations in this objective manner,
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and we process information almost like a computer.
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I just take information in.
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But in reality, we're far from objective.
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And that's actually a good thing.
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Because if we would truly be able to process and perceive reality in all its nuanced complexity,
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we would be rather lost.
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It would be an overwhelming experience.
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So therefore, our brain has evolved several cognitive biases that helps us categorize and prioritize and sort information,
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making it more easy for us to navigate.
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But these cognitive biases, this sorting and prioritizing,
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is really affecting how we perceive life,
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how we perceive different situations.
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And I'd like us to explore this further in a little thought experiment.
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So I invite you all to think back at the last time
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that you had an evaluative conversation with your boss or manager.
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And I'm quite sure that you got to hear a lot of good things,
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things like how you contribute to the workplace.
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But I'm also quite sure that you got to hear something that you can improve with yourself,
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with your performance.
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And once you leave this conversation,
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what do you think that your brain thinks is the most prioritized information?
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All the things that you do really good or the one thing that you should be improving?
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Well, if you're somewhat like me,
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it would definitely be the latter.
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And this doesn't really have anything to do with how my brain works.
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This is actually a pattern that's been shown among people.
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For example, Therese Amabile is a professor at Harvard Business School.
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She did a diary study where she got to read people's diaries to explore how they experience everyday life.
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and she saw a pattern that the negative effect of a setback
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was more than twice as strong as the positive effect of a success.
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And the same thing goes with money,
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that we feel way worse about losing an amount of money than we feel happy about gaining the same amount.
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And if you would receive a compliment from a co-worker and then a complaint from another co-worker,
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these two comments don't neutralize each other.
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The complaint would definitely leave a stronger emotional mark.
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So now we need to ask ourselves why?
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Why do we carry this emotional asymmetry?
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Why do we have this preparedness to experience unpleasant and negative emotions?
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And to understand that, we need to understand the context,
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the environment where our brain has been evolving for so many years.
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Today, several studies say that we have evolved a negativity bias,
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which helps our attention to be drawn to unpleasant or possibly threatening information.
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And this was really good back then and there,
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when we were at the savannah,
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fighting for survival every day.
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But today, here and now,
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this definitely affects how we perceive our life,
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how we perceive our relations,
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our workplace, our own performance, and ourselves.
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So to simplify this a bit,
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One could almost say that your brain is concerned that you survive throughout this day.
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It's less concerned that you're a happy survivor.
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So by now we can understand that it's not strange that all of us sometimes feel anxious or tense or we worry.
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In one sense, we were built for this.
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But most of us, we long for this other kind of life with the meaning and the connection and the happiness.
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And I'm not sure that we can have one thing without the other,
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but there are definitely things and ways how we can cultivate happiness and build well-being.
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But this comes with good news and bad.
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The good news is that happiness is not something you find outside of yourself,
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and it's not something you have or don't have.
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It's a skill that we all can work on.
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But the problem is that we just don't do it.
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And this definitely applies for myself.
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This is the worst part of having written a book on happiness,
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because whenever I'm having a bad day,
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there's always someone who can go like,
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haven't you read your own book, Katerina?
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You should know better.
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So I've learned that not even experts on happiness know how to turn knowledge into action.
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And this is one of the reasons why me and a friend,
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we started a psychological gym where organizations and teams and individuals could come and train these skills
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in order to create more happiness and well-being.
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Because we want to make psychological training as common as physical training.
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Because today we know so many things about how to eat properly and how to exercise to sustain physical health.
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But what would be the psychological version of a green smoothie or of doing 50 sit-ups?
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Is there really such a thing?
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And I would say yes, definitely.
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There's a lot of different exercises and things we can do building healthy habits for ourselves.
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And I would like to present an example of this.
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So once you've finished listening to this speech,
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when you're leaving this room later tonight,
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I'd like you to bring out your smartphone and text a kind,
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appreciative gratitude text to someone that you care for.
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And maybe you can just notice how that feels.
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And this is a good example of an exercise that I often do with leaders and teams teams.
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And just a couple of weeks back,
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I did this at a two-day leadership conference.
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And later, I found out that one of the participants had texted his wife,
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writing, I love you very, very, very much.
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Which made the wife think,
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what are you doing at that leadership conference?
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And just texting one person at one time,
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time won't change the world in any way.
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But turning this into a healthy habit over time can have a large impact.
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And to dedicate this habit to caring for your relationships might be one of the most powerful actions
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that you can take when it comes to happiness.
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So this might be the green smoothie that you've all been waiting for.
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According to several studies, having functioning relationships is as important,
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if not even more important,
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as exercising well and having a good diet.
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And this can even help us live longer.
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In a study from Harvard University,
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which began already back in 1938,
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researchers followed over 700 people to understand what it is that makes us flourish as people.
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So they followed these participants for decades and in 2012 the results came.
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The researchers found that happiness doesn't come from wealth,
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it doesn't come from fame or working hard, it comes from relationships.
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and it's not about the number of friends that you have
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or whether or not you're in a committed relationship with a partner
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they found that it's the quality of the relationship that counts being able to be vulnerable
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listening and sharing what's close to your heart that's what matters and by now Now,
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we know that forming good,
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healthy habits when it comes to physical training or having a good diet,
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it takes dedication, it takes commitment.
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And I think we should approach psychological habits in the same way,
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and especially when it comes to relationships.
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So, by now, we know that the brain has this tendency to highlight the negative,
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and that this is really tricky to revoke just by positive thinking.
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It takes positive action.
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But some actions are more powerful than others when it comes to happiness.
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And investing your time and heart into the relationships around you,
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you, no matter if it's at work or with neighbors or with family or friends,
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this might be one of the most powerful things that you can do for yourself.
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And I'd like us to do this one more time.
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So can everyone reach out their hands?
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And I'm going to count to three.
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And When I say three,
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I want you to clap your hands.
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Okay?
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One, two, three!
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Yay!
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Great!
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So, we learn by watching others' behavior.
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You've just seen me do this two times,
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and already so many people change their behavior.
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So the more you can turn this talk into action by being more understanding and caring,
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not just towards others, but also towards yourself,
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I think that others will follow your example and do as you do.
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And the people outside of this building,
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they won't know what just happened,
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they won't know what changed,
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but we know that it was here,
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in this talk, that everything started.
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Thank you.
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Thank you.

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