Shadowing Practice: How to Talk to Strangers | Dr. Nick Epley & Dr. Andrew Huberman - Learn English Speaking with YouTube
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A lot of people are on their phones texting with people they already know.
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A lot of people are on their phones texting with people they already know.
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They have an established relationship.
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Presumably they're continuing to maintain,
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if not build those relationships by doing that.
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And I think that going back to this eye gaze thing from earlier,
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eyes down into a little box,
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it's a thicker shell to break through.
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I don't think any of us really feel comfortable interrupting somebody texting or on a call.
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Correct.
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I mean, I wouldn't do that.
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You would think of it as bad manners, impolite.
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Yeah, they're clearly in a conversation with somebody else.
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The same way I wouldn't just walk up and interrupt.
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Actually, yesterday was a social gathering.
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There was like three people talking.
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These guys all knew each other.
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I was the stranger in the group.
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And like you sort of learn like,
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you have to quickly assess like, what is this conversation?
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So I said, sorry, I don't know if I'm interrupting something critical,
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but if so, I'm gonna stand right here.
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No, I just said, if I'm interrupting,
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and they're like, no, no,
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no. Like you have to be able to know how to break into a conversation.
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It's very hard when people are on their phones.
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It can be um the way i think of it is
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you're giving people an invitation i got off the train one
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morning was this guy came up behind me i remember this
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very distinctly uh he's a little taller than i was
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so i'm i'm about six foot he was probably six foot
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three looks like an orthodox monk right he's got this big
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long beard graying beard long hair looks like the last thing
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he would want to do is talk to another person a very stern kind of dead off to work face
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and and i saw him come up sidle up next to me he'd already put his left earbud in
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and he was putting his right earbud in at the same
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time right it would have been easy for me to infer
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that he didn't want to talk to me right
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but of course nobody was talking to him either nobody's talking
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and so
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that signal was a little ambiguous what does it mean does
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he want to talk to me it's it's not clear he could be putting his earbud in
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because nobody's talking to him he doesn't think other people want to talk to him
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so he's just gonna get off to work right get away
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from all these jerks i turned to him i said hi
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i'm nick most powerful words you have in your life hi
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i'm whoever you are i'm nick he took out his earbud he turned to me
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and he just like came alive like i was flipping a
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switch on his back huge smile hi i'm thibault he's turns
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out he's french very strong french accent we became friends over
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the years right we walked down four blocks to my office there
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and so sometimes these cues can be ambiguous
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and you don't know what the cue means until you test it
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so the way i think about reaching out to connect with
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other people to test our fears right our anxiety our interpretations of other people knowing
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that we can make mistakes with each other is to think of it as an invitation right
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when i turn to gustavo yesterday brian last night my cab driver my uber driver this morning i wasn't demanding anything
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I was offering up an opportunity and invitation to connect if they wanted to, right?
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Didn't have to pull their earbud out didn't have brian last
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night had a little video game uh player in front of
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him right i thought maybe he wanted to play video games
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no he was happy to talk right kind of went in
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and out at a manuscript review i had to do but
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if you start thinking of these opportunities as potential places where you might be misunderstanding somebody
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and don't take your beliefs about another person for granted
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but treat them as bets
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that might be wrong well then you start to see places where maybe you've made a mistake
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and you give people an opportunity to show you know
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thibault would have been happy to talk to me
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and became friends um over years just because i was willing to test
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that initial belief i had which was mistaken
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that he didn't want to talk to me and the problem
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that at least we find over and over again in our social lives is all too often
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we infer immediately a pest we have overly pessimistic expectations about how other people will respond to us
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when we try and we just miss opportunities to connect with other people
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that we could have across the moments of our days weeks months years of our lives
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that would just enrich our lives in lots of ways
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if we were willing to test those barriers
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that were keeping us from connecting with other people to see
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if are they made out of steel or is it a pasta noodle sometimes they're pasta noodles.
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The data I've seen suggests that more and more people are going to church,
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they're attending other religious gatherings.
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You know, it seems that some just recent years?
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Oh, yeah, it's really on the upswing.
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And my guess is there are a number of reasons for that.
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People want to meet people with a certain set of values.
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Maybe they are drinking less.
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Who knows?
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You know, I think a component of those types of gatherings are that people generally are pretty friendly.
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Yes.
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It's pretty inviting.
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Absolutely.
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You know, I mean, people still go to festivals, too.
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I didn't go, but Coachella was recently.
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And people tend to be in a good mood at festivals.
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I was at TED last week.
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Okay, so another good example.
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So I'm just, you know,
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we could pepper with different examples.
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And I think it is important to do so.
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I didn't want to imply it was just churches.
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But these kinds of common gatherings where people are there for their own reasons,
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but also to interact with others, including strangers.
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Absolutely.
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And I think this, in my mind,
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can be pretty well explained by the fact that people were indoors during the pandemic.
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a lot of people were anyway,
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and everyone's on their phones more and devices.
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So attending venues where there's clearly an impulse towards interacting with strangers.
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Actually, sauna gatherings are really big in major cities.
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You know, people not just sitting in a sauna facing out like bleachers,
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on bleachers, but in around and doing breath work.
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And so, and on and on.
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So it's interesting.
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I think people really crave this.
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Context & Background
In a society increasingly connected through technology, many individuals opt to engage solely with those they already know, often via their smartphones. Dr. Nick Epley and Dr. Andrew Huberman explore the dynamics of spontaneous communication, particularly the challenge of conversing with strangers in a digital age. They emphasize the importance of breaking through the barriers created by distractions like texting and using earphones. The necessity of reading social cues and understanding the invitation to engage in conversation is a vital skill in everyday interactions.
Top 5 Phrases for Daily Communication
- “Hi, I'm [Your Name]” - A straightforward introduction can serve as an effective icebreaker.
- “Excuse me, can I join your conversation?” - This polite phrase allows you to gauge the willingness of others to include you.
- “What are you discussing?” - Demonstrating genuine interest can encourage others to share and welcome you into the discussion.
- “Sorry to interrupt, but...” - Acknowledgment of the existing dialogue shows respect while facilitating entry.
- “It’s nice to meet new people.” - This statement reflects openness and encourages others to engage with you.
Step-by-step Shadowing Guide
To enhance your conversational skills and improve English pronunciation using techniques like shadowspeak, follow this guide inspired by the ideas discussed in the video:
- Listen and Imitate: Use a shadowspeak approach with the content from this video. Play it multiple times, focusing on word pronunciation and intonation. Utilize a shadowing app for clearer audio playback.
- Record Yourself: After listening, say the phrases aloud while recording your voice. Compare your pronunciation with the original to identify areas for improvement.
- Practice with a Partner: Engaging in paired practice can simulate the presence of a conversational partner. Take turns asking each other the top phrases listed and respond as naturally as possible.
- Assess Non-Verbal Cues: While shadowing, pay attention to the speakers' body language and facial expressions. This awareness is essential when trying to engage strangers in real life.
- Seek Feedback: Utilize a language exchange or conversation group to deploy your new skills. Invite feedback on your pronunciation and conversational flow, tailoring your learning based on the responses you receive.
By consistently practicing through shadowing techniques, you'll improve your English pronunciation and gain the confidence needed to converse with strangers, making every interaction a potential opportunity for connection.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.
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