ฝึกพูดภาษาอังกฤษด้วยเทคนิค Shadowing จากวิดีโอ: Louis C.K. Monologue - SNL

Ladies and gentlemen, Louis C.K.

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225 ประโยค

หากประโยคสั้นหรือยาวเกินไป กดที่ Edit เพื่อปรับแก้

Ladies and gentlemen, Louis C.K.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Oh, stop.

I...

Hi.

It's a little early for that.

Well, thank you very much for being here.

This is the 40th year of this show's existence,

and this is the finale,

so I'm very honored, honestly,

to be asked to host it.

So thanks, and I'm glad you guys are here.

Um, yeah, it's fine.

Anyway, uh...

I-I was born in 1967,

and so I grew up in the 70s.

So I'm not racist.

However...

I do have mild racism.

It's the best I could do coming out of the 70s,

because that was a very racist decade.

People said racist things all the time, and nobody got offended.

The only time somebody got offended if you said something racist in the 70s,

is when they would then say,

like, hey, you interrupted me.

I was saying something racist.

Why did you...?

But...

So I have mild racism.

It's benign.

It's not aggressive.

It's not even negative racism.

It's mild racism.

I'll give you an example, okay?

Like, see, like, if I go to a pizza place I've never been to before,

and it's run by four black women,

I'll go, like, uh, hmm.

See, it's very mild.

It's extremely mild racism.

I'll notice that.

Yeah.

You don't usually see that,

four black women running a pizza place.

Unless it's called four black girls pizza or something like that.

Like, that's the whole point of the place.

It's mild.

Here's another example of mild racism.

If I say I'm in a hospital,

and the doctor comes in to treat me,

and the doctor's from China or India,

I'll think, well, good, good.

Good, more of that.

Why not?

It's very mild racism.

Here's another example.

If I'm in a gas station late at night and a young man comes in wearing a hooded sweatshirt,

if he's white, I'll think, oh, he's an athlete.

If he's black, unless he has a big smile on his face,

then I become mildly racist,

and this is what I think.

I think, that's fine.

Everything's fine.

Nothing's gonna happen.

No, of course I'm fine.

Why did I even think that for a second?

This is because I was raised in the 70s.

The 70s were a very different time.

The 70s, everything was different in the 70s than it is now,

except the Middle East.

It's exactly the same.

It's exactly the same as it was in the 70s.

It's been the same fights, and you know what?

It's boring now.

That's the worst part of it.

When I was a kid,

we were like, ugh, but you can't go like this for,

like, a thousand years.

After a while, when you fight,

people don't care, because when you're just both,

you just keep fighting, everybody's like, those guys are dicks.

They just fight.

That's what it's like.

You know, like, I have two kids, and they fight sometimes.

And when they first start fighting, I get concerned.

I go in their room,

I'm like, hey, what's going on?

What's wrong?

Why are we having some feelings?

Can we.. can we listen to each other, please?

Can we please just listen to each other?

Okay, you go first, and then she goes, she's like...

Hmm, yeah, that sounds hard.

Okay, okay, thank you.

Thank you.

Okay, now you.

Because I like this one a little more, so I'm gonna...

And they work it out.

100

You help them work it out.

101

But if they keep fighting, you stop doing that.

102

After a while, you just go in the room and you just go, Hey!

103

Just shut up!

104

Fuck you!

105

You're both wrong!

106

Because he won't stop fighting.

107

You're in a family.

108

There's other people in this family,

109

and you're being a couple of selfish little bitches that won't fix anything.

110

You share a room, and we can't afford another room,

111

so just deal with it.

112

Somehow this has to do with Israel and Palestine.

113

I don't know exactly.

114

I don't remember how it was.

115

And it's because my kids are like Israel and Palestine.

116

And I'm like America.

117

The little ones like Palestine,

118

because she always gets screwed.

119

She gets the worst deal.

120

She's like, she threw a rock at my face.

121

I'm like, you're fine.

122

Look, you have a great life.

123

You take a rock to the face once in a while, you're fine.

124

The older one is like Israel.

125

She's like, Israel, she comes up to me,

126

she burnt all my dolls.

127

I'm like, look, I can't do anything about it right now.

128

Your sister is crazy.

129

Please don't make me talk to her.

130

I'll work it out, you and me, okay?

131

We'll go out.

132

I'll buy you a really cool missile,

133

and you do whatever you...

134

Whatever you do with it.

135

Totally up to you.

136

The 70s were very different.

137

In the 70s, there was a child molester that lived in my hometown.

138

And it wasn't a big deal.

139

It wasn't like, we caught a child molester.

140

It was just like, yeah,

141

that's the house where the child molester lives.

142

He lives where, hey, kids,

143

don't be stupid or you'll get molested.

144

Just stay away from the child molester house.

145

I know, because he did something to me when I was your age.

146

So just stay away from the child molester house.

147

We really did.

148

We had a town child molester.

149

His name was Jean Baptiste.

150

It's a true story.

151

And he liked teenage boys.

152

That's when you would find out,

153

because I was a teenage boy.

154

He didn't like me.

155

I felt a little bad.

156

Like, no, not you.

157

He wasn't into me.

158

But he would drive up next to teenage boys,

159

and he'd say, uh, hello,

160

would you like to go to McDonald's?

161

And you're like, no. And he's like,

162

why you don't like McDonald's?

163

And then you're trapped, because,

164

of course, everybody liked McDonald's.

165

It was the 70s.

166

And then I had one friend who used to get in the car.

167

He'd be like, sure, I'll go.

168

And he'd get in the car.

169

He'd go to McDonald's and eat a burger,

170

and then he'd say, see ya,

171

and he'd just take off.

172

And Jean-Baptiste was like, He was like,

173

I cannot get the exact same child.

174

And he foiled again.

175

But he'd always try, maybe this time...

176

because child molesters are very tenacious people.

177

They love molesting childs.

178

It's crazy.

179

It's like their favorite thing.

180

I mean, when you...

181

It's so crazy, because when you consider the risk in being a child molester,

182

speaking not of even the damage you're doing,

183

But the risk, there is no worse life available to a human than being a caught child molester.

184

And yet they still do it!

185

Which from, you can only really surmise that it must be really good.

186

I mean, from their point of view,

187

from their, not ours, but from their point of view,

188

it must be amazing for them to risk so much.

189

Be- How do you think I feel?

190

This is my last show, probably.

191

Because...

192

Look, I can't key into it,

193

because I love mountains bars.

194

I love mountains bars.

195

It's my favorite thing, right?

196

But there's a limit.

197

I mean, I-I can't even eat a mountains bar and do something else at the same time.

198

That's how much I love them.

199

Like, if I'm eating a mountains bar,

200

I can't read the paper like, Mmm.

201

Mmm.

202

I have to just sit there with it in my mouth and go,

203

Why is this so good?

204

I love this so much.

205

And because they are delicious.

206

And yet, if somebody said to me,

207

if you eat another Moundsboro,

208

you'll go to jail and everybody will hate you,

209

I would stop eating them.

210

Because they do taste delicious,

211

but they don't taste as good as a young boy does and shouldn't.

212

To a child molester, not to me.

213

Not to us, because we're all awesome.

214

All right, we did it.

215

We got through it.

216

We got a great show tonight!

217

Brianna is here!

218

So stick around and we'll be right back!

219

We are two wild and crazy guys!

220

And you're hot!

221

Swing!

222

I can see Russia from my house!

223

New York's hottest club is...

224

40 seasons, one app.

225

Bye.

TRENDING

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ฝึกพูดภาษาอังกฤษด้วยเทคนิค Shadowing จากวิดีโอ: Louis C.K. Monologue - SNL

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