跟读练习: What Actually Drives Attraction (According to Psychology) - 通过视频学习英语口语

A lot of times people talk about attractiveness.

As though it is the same thing as how we look.

And yes, looks matter in attraction, but they are just one piece of the pie.

I want to talk today about the rest of the pie.

All of the factors driving attraction that are not physical but are more psychological and to do with connection.

If somebody has looks and does not have the rest of these things, that attraction is going to die pretty quickly.

I'm Dr. Thomas with you and I'm a clinical psychologist.

I also wrote a book on psychology and dating.

So really attraction is the continuously updating process.

of moving closer to somebody else.

physically, emotionally, and in conversation.

The more connected we become to somebody, the more attractive we think they are.

when you find yourself in a social setting and you got to interact with people, You can't say, "Okay, pause.

I'm going to go make myself way more physically appealing." But what you can do is,

I'm in this moment, I can remember all the things that drive psychological attractiveness and connection.

And I can make sure to do those now.

Show those sides of myself.

What we're really trying to do is allow people to see who we are.

so that they can appreciate our attractive traits.

So let's get into these factors one by one that research has found makes us more attractive.

One of the most powerful drivers of attraction and being happy in our connections with somebody is if they are warm.

if they're kind, generous, caring, thoughtful.

In the old days, this is maybe the 70s, These researchers used to go out with cameras,

hidden cameras, trying to understand in like bars and nicobs and stuff,

how did people actually find each other and start to connect.

Like what signals were they sending?

And what they found, a lot of the earliest signals were signals of safety.

They were saying, "I am not threatening." We might feel stranger anxiety around people we don't know.

but most other people do too.

And if we send enough warmth signals initially, it helps people calm down and feel safe.

We're not going to attack or criticize them.

People need to feel safe enough in order to be sharing more vulnerable things with you.

or to move physically closer to you.

And that is literally attraction.

So the reason that kindness is literally attractive is because it makes us feel safe to be vulnerable with somebody.

That is a reason why this is such a strong predictor of satisfaction when we do get into relationships.

So, we meet someone early on, we are signaling Hey, not only are we easy to connect with now, we'll be good to be in a relationship with in the future.

So I remember taking a...

psychology, sort of like a personality test when I was younger.

where they would list what your strengths were.

- And one of mine was kindness.

And I remember at the time being like, that's my strength.

That's a lame strength.

No one cares about that.

Anyways, I then learned because I went through relationships.

And so I got to experience how painful it is to connect with people that aren't kind.

As a result, kindness became my number one personality psychology trait that I was looking for.

And I understood why in so much of the research

that shows up as being the number one most important trait for people.

Talking things like kindness, generosity, caring, thoughtfulness.

This gets a bit of a bad reputation where people think of it as being nice and that nice is somehow unattractive.

And that is not because warmth itself is unattractive, it's not, it's very attractive.

But it is because it's not being mixed with assertiveness or self fidelity.

So if we are being warm in a way that is giving up ourselves,

where we are losing our own boundaries or we're giving too much, then that can be problematic.

The next driver of attraction is self -disclosure.

Revealing more of who we are.

So showing and telling people who we are.

This is In some ways, literally the process of connecting.

So when we don't know somebody, we're really far away.

The act of self -disclosure is where we share more about who we are.

We share our stories, we share our opinions, we start to show our emotions, like our feelings.

The more that we reveal, we take these steps closer.

And when we do that, the act of self -disclosing...

The other person finds us more attractive.

I see this in therapy all the time where People protect themselves too much and then don't reveal enough,

which means the other person doesn't really have a chance to get to know them and it stops that attraction connection process.

The more that we reveal of who we are, the more potential connection points we give people.

And what also tends to happen?

If we self -disclose more, it triggers the other person to feel safe enough that they can also self -disclose as well.

As long as we balance out, Both sides of this, people really like self -disclosure.

They really like...

Us paying attention when they talk about themselves, but they also like to know us.

Really the biggest factors in in people's happiness within a connection is how responsive the other person is to them.

Meaning, If they are talking about what's going on with them...

Are we there with them?

Like are we paying attention?

Are we getting it?

Are we responding and we're reacting?

If someone's mood shifts, Do we notice it?

Do we care?

Do we know the person really is what this is getting into?

One of the biggest predictors of happiness with a connection.

is feeling known.

It also predicts attraction and then desire as well the more we feel that kind of connection, it actually increases our attraction to somebody.

If you see them not really react or underreact or they're on their phone and they sort of half respond, you get that like feels bad.

It's disconnecting.

It's unattractive. So, one really attractive.

part of who we are, is we may well be responsive We may be good.

at listening and trying to understand what somebody's talking about.

When we convey we're really listening and we especially to the level of where we get the person.

It's really attractive.

If you have warmth...

And if you're responsive to people, They feel good around you and then they want to be around you more often.

Communication quality in general increases our attraction and desire for somebody.

- And this is particularly true for women, but I think it's true for men too.

If you wanna work on your ability

to connect with confidence in dating scenarios than I'm going to do a workshop with Hope in the coming months.

And if you join the newsletter in the link below, I will keep you up to date.

100

And I'll also give you some information on just generally optimizing your social and psychological health.

101

The next attraction driver I want to get into is honesty.

102

And I mean that in a particular way.

103

Okay, we know from research lying decreases Attraction?

104

And honesty increases attraction.

105

When somebody is honest, we feel safe around them.

106

because we believe what they're telling us, and we believe that maybe they'll be safe to be around over the long term.

107

When someone is honest, it's also a way of being courageous.

108

We, a lot of times, will have to be honest, and say things that people aren't going to like A lot.

109

When we choose to do that rather than keep it to ourself or like

110

sacrifice or tell people what they want to hear.

111

We are communicating both a belief in ourselves...

112

A belief that we should be truthful and also the trust the other person can handle it.

113

What we're trying to do here, we are trying to...

114

Own who we are and express that

115

so the person can actually know who we are

116

and they can actually make a decision on whether they want to connect to us.

117

We're saying, I think this, I believe this, but I don't need you to also think and believe that.

118

And if we combine that with an interest in the other person... Where do they stand?

119

What do they believe?

120

And we can accept their position as well as accepting our position.

121

That is very attractive and appealing.

122

People feel connected to that.

123

Another benefit of being honest, like knowing what you stand for, and being expressive about it.

124

is that you will be drawing people to you who that is a good fit for.

125

they will filter themselves in.

126

And by being more expressive about it, you'll be repelling the people who don't agree with you.

127

Matching up on values and worldviews is really important.

128

The more we're clear about who we are, the better it's going to work out.

129

The next driver of attraction I want to get into is reliability.

130

This is not a flashy one.

131

Do you do what you say you're going to do?

132

If you're reliable, then I can rely on you. And that is appealing.

133

That draws me closer.

134

If you are reliable, then in the research, we find you are less likely to cheat in your relationships.

135

You are assumed to be less likely to cheat, but you also are less likely to cheat.

136

If you're reliable, that actually is related to long -term satisfaction.

137

And it looks like the reason why is If there are problems, this is problems in the relationship.

138

if you figure them out, you will put them into action.

139

Right?

140

So people that are more reliable and do what they say, they tend to learn from mistakes They tend to learn from resolving conflicts.

141

And Learn in such a way that the things don't keep happening again and again.

142

That is a really valuable trait.

143

That's very attractive.

144

If you were going to have a child with somebody which is a lot of the marker of what's attractive.

145

then you probably want one that is reliable.

146

The next driver of attraction I want to mention is a growth mindset.

147

We are drawn to people who...

148

Believe that they can grow.

149

It doesn't matter so much where we are as where we have the potential to be

150

and this comes out even in a specifically relationship growth beliefs.

151

By this I mean...

152

- When you meet somebody, do you have a sense of like, oh, we're either gonna work or we're not gonna work?

153

Or do you have this belief that we can learn more about each other over time, we can learn how to adapt,

154

we can build our relationship into something that works really well.

155

If you have a growth mindset about relationships,

156

then that predicts you will have better relationships and you will be happier longer with people.

157

Makes sense, right?

158

Because if you believe that you can learn and grow, you'll want to learn more about the other person.

159

You want to figure out how can I work on this so that they are happier and I'm happier.

160

If we have an interaction and a connection, where there is honesty, there's trust,

161

there's expressiveness, there's warmth, where We are ourselves, the other person feels safe to be themselves.

162

then that is attraction in action.

163

That is connection being fostered.

164

Even if it doesn't look flashy and eye -catching and the way we traditionally think about attractiveness.

165

and look for whether you have any of these traits going for you, or these behaviors that we talked about today.

166

You'll notice that a lot of the things we talked about are things that we can choose to do

167

when we're around other people.

168

That means we have some power

169

and control over this what I find interesting about all this we're talking about attraction and how these traits

170

are attractive because they really encourage the process of connection.

171

- But what is interesting about the human brain is that when we are assessing looks,

172

we're not just basing that on visual information.

173

who somebody is how they behave, who they reveal themselves to be,

174

That also influences our perceptions of how physically good looking they are.

175

not just how much we like them, how physically good looking they are.

176

If you want to learn more about this and see if maybe you are better looking than you realize, Watch this next video.

📺 同频道

Master The Art Of Conversation (Using Psychology)

Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students

20 Years of Anxiety Treatment in 15 Minutes

Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults

✨ 推荐视频

89 句

The Most Common English Questions (And Perfect Answers) | 30-Minute Real English Podcast (B1-B2)

Daily ConversationWorking Adults

背景与语境

在这段视频中，心理学家Dr. Thomas探讨了吸引力的因素，强调了外貌并不是唯一的决定因素。尽管外表在吸引力中扮演着角色，但真正维持吸引力的是心理和情感方面的联系。他认为，建立这种联系的基础是温暖、善良和关怀。当人们在社会场合中互动时，拥有这些特质可以让交流更加顺畅。接下来，他分享了一些心理学研究发现的关键因素，帮助我们理解什么样的特质可以提升吸引力。

日常交流中必备的五个短语

“你看起来很友善。” - 这是一个简单但有效的赞美，可以帮助对方感到安全。
“我很高兴能和你谈话。” - 表达对互动的积极态度，有助于增进连接。
“谢谢你的分享。” - 对他人心声的认可以及感激，能建立起信任感。
“如果你需要帮助，请告诉我。” - 传达关怀与支持的态度，有助于深化关系。
“我了解你的感受。” - 同理心是建立情感联系的重要工具。

以上短语在日常英语交流中极具实用性，适合用于提升与他人之间的联系感，也是提升英语发音和口语能力的好方法，在进行雅思口语练习时更是不可或缺。

逐步跟读指导

在跟读视频内容时，可以利用以下步骤帮助你掌握及提高英语发音：

初步理解：先观看视频，确保理解内容的总体意思，这对后续的跟读非常重要。
分段聆听：对视频进行分段播放，集中精力聆听其中一个片段，尝试跟着模仿说出每一句话。
重复练习：通过多次重复跟读，逐步提高你的发音质量。可以考虑使用“英语影子跟读”的技巧，默默地在旁模仿而不是直接跟读。
注意语气与节奏：观察说话者的语气和节奏，尽量在自己说的时候保持一致，这能提升你的口语效果。
自我反馈：录下自己的朗读并和视频进行对比，找出差异并逐步改进。

通过这种“shadow speak”技术，你不仅能提高英语发音，还能培养出更自然流畅的英语表达能力，更好地应对实际交流场景。

视频中的语法

说话人最常用的结构，并附上视频中的原话：

结构	视频中的用法
条件句 if + 从句，will/would + 动词 — 条件及其结果	if you figure them out, you will put
被动语态 be + 过去分词 — 强调发生了什么，而不是谁做的	are assumed · are drawn · being fostered
定语从句 who / which + 从句 — 补充说明人或事物	people who we · people who don · somebody which is

什么是跟读法？

跟读法 (Shadowing) 是一种有科学依据的语言学习技巧，最初开发用于专业口译员的培训，并由多语言者Alexander Arguelles博士普及。这个方法简单而强大：您在听英语母语原声的同时立即大声重复——就像是一个延迟1-2秒紧跟说话者的影子。与被动听力或语法练习不同，跟读法强迫您的大脑和口腔肌肉同时处理并模仿真实的讲话模式。研究表明它能显着提高发音准确性，语调，节奏，连读，听力理解和口语流利度——使其成为雅思口语备考和真实英语交流最有效的方法之一。

影子跟读法: 阅读完整分步指南 →

跟读练习: What Actually Drives Attraction (According to Psychology) - 通过视频学习英语口语

Master The Art Of Conversation (Using Psychology)

20 Years of Anxiety Treatment in 15 Minutes

The Science Behind An "Attractive Personality"

Sexuality Professor Answers Dating Questions | Tech Support | WIRED

Why You Should Talk To Strangers | Kio Stark | English Subtitles

Communication Has An INVISIBLE Layer And It Is Hiding In Plain Sight!

why do some things just look so cute?

Why You Can't Stay Consistent (The Psychology Behind It)

Penn Badgley on Falling in Love

7 Reasons Why Introverts Are So Attractive

Learn to Talk to Men Differently (the Neuroscience of Attraction)

Why Some Men Never Chase Women | The Psychology Behind It

How To Know If Someone Is Actually Right For You