跟读练习: What Makes a Good Life? Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness | Robert Waldinger | TED - 通过YouTube学习英语口语

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Reviewer Gopalco
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What keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life?
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If you were going to invest now in your future best self,
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where would you put your time and your energy?
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There was a recent survey of millennials asking them what their most important life goals were.
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And over 80 percent said that a major life goal for them was to get rich.
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And another 50 percent of those same young adults said that another major life goal was to become famous.
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And we're constantly told to lean in to work,
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to push harder, and achieve more,
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we're given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after in order to have a good life.
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Pictures of entire lives, of the choices that people make and how those choices work out for them,
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those pictures are almost impossible to get.
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Most of what we know about human life,
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we know from asking people to remember the past.
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And as we know, hindsight is anything but 20-20.
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We forget vast amounts of what happens to us in life,
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and sometimes memory is downright creative.
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But what if we could watch entire lives as they unfold through time?
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What if we could study people from the time
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that they were teenagers all the way into old age to see what really keeps people happy and healthy?
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We did that.
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The Harvard study of adult development may be the longest study of adult life that's ever been done.
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For 75 years, we've tracked the lives of 724 men.
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Year after year, asking about their work,
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their home lives, their health,
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and of course asking all along the way without knowing how their life stories were going to turn out.
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Studies like this are exceedingly rare.
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Almost all projects of this kind fall apart within a decade because too many people drop out of the study,
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or funding for the research dries up,
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or the researchers get distracted or they die,
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and nobody moves the ball further down the field.
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But through a combination of luck and the persistence of several generations of researchers,
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of researchers, this study has survived.
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About 60 of our original 724 men are still alive,
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still participating in the study,
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most of them in their 90s.
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And we are now beginning to study the more than 2,000 children of these men.
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And I'm the fourth director of the study.
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Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two groups of men.
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The first group started in the study when they were sophomores at Harvard College.
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They all finished college during World War II,
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and then most went off to serve in the war.
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And the second group that we followed was a group of boys from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,
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boys who were chosen for the study specifically
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because they were from some of the most troubled and disadvantaged families in the Boston of the 1930s.
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Most lived in tenements, many without hot and cold running water.
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When they entered the study,
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all of these teenagers were interviewed,
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they were given medical exams.
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We went to their homes and we interviewed their parents.
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And then these teenagers grew up into adults who entered all walks of life.
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They became factory workers and lawyers and bricklayers and doctors,
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one president of the United States.
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Some developed alcoholism, a few developed schizophrenia.
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Some climbed the social ladder from the bottom all the way to the very top,
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And some made that journey in the opposite direction.
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The founders of this study would never in their wildest dreams have imagined that I would be standing here today,
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75 years later, telling you that the study still continues.
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Every two years, our patient and dedicated research staff calls up our men
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and asks them if we can send them yet one more set of questions about their lives.
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Many of the inner-city Boston men ask us,
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why do you keep wanting to study me?
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My life just isn't that interesting.
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The Harvard men never ask that question.
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To get the clearest picture of these lives,
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we don't just send them questionnaires.
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We interview them in their living rooms.
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We get their medical records from their doctors.
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We draw their blood.
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We scan their brains.
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We talk to their children.
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We videotape them talking with their wives about their deepest concerns.
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And when, about a decade ago,
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we finally asked the wives if they would join us as members of the study,
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many of the women said,
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you know, it's about time.
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So what have we learned?
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What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages of information that we've generated on these lives?
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Well, the lessons aren't about wealth or fame or working harder and harder.
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The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this.
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Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.
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Period.
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We've learned three big lessons about relationships.
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The first is that social connections are really good for us and that loneliness kills.
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It turns out that people who are more socially connected to family,
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to friends, to community, are happier,
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they're physically healthier, and they live longer than people who are less well-connected.
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and the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic,
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people who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy,
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their health declines earlier in midlife,
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their brain functioning declines sooner,
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and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely.
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And the sad fact is that at any given time,
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more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely.
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And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd and you can be lonely in a marriage.
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So the second big lesson that we learned is that it's not just the number of friends you have
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and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship,
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but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters.
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It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health.
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High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection turn out to be very bad for our health,
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perhaps worse than getting divorced.
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And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.
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Once we had followed our men all the way into their 80s,
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we wanted to look back at them at midlife
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and to see if we could predict who was going to grow into a happy,
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healthy octogenarian and who wasn't.
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And when we gathered together,
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everything we knew about them at age 50,
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it wasn't their middle-aged cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old.
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It was how satisfied they were in their relationships.
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The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80.
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And good, close relationships seem to buffer us from some of the slings and arrows of getting old.
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Our most happily partnered men and women reported in their 80s that on the days when they had more physical pain,
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their moods stayed just as happy.
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But the people who were in unhappy relationships,
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on the days when they reported more physical pain,
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it was magnified by more emotional pain.
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And the third big lesson that we learn about relationships and our health is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies,
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They protect our brains.
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It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship to another person in your 80s is protective,
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that the people who are in relationships where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need,
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those people's memories stay sharper longer.
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And the people in relationships where they feel they really can't count on the other one,
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those are the people who experience earlier memory decline.
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And those good relationships, they don't have to be smooth all the time.
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Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other day in and day out.
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But as long as they felt that they could really count on the other when the going got tough,
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those arguments didn't take a toll on their memories.
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So this message that good,
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close relationships are good for our health and well-being,
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this is wisdom that's as old as the hills.
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Why is this so hard to get and so easy to ignore?
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Well, we're human.
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What we'd really like is a quick fix,
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something we can get that'll make our lives good and keep them that way.
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Relationships are messy and they're complicated,
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and they're complicated, and the hard work of tending to family and friends,
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that's not sexy or glamorous.
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It's also lifelong.
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It never ends.
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The people in our 75-year study who were the happiest in
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retirement were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates.
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Just like the millennials in that recent survey,
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many of our men, when they were starting out as young adults,
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really believed that fame and wealth and high achievement were what they needed to go after to have a good life.
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But over and over, over these 75 years,
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our study has shown that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned into relationships with family,
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with friends, with community.
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So what about you?
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Let's say you're 25 or you're 40 or you're 60.
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What might leaning into relationships even look like?
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Well, the possibilities are practically endless.
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It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time,
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or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together,
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long walks or date nights,
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or reaching out to that family member who you haven't spoken to in years,
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because those all-too-common family feuds take a terrible toll on the people who hold the grudges.
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I'd like to close with a quote from Mark Twain.
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More than a century ago,
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he was looking back on his life, and he wrote this.
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There isn't time, so brief is life,
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for bickerings, apologies, heart-burnings, callings to account.
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There is only time for loving,
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and but an instant, so to speak, for that.
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The good life is built with good relationships.
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Thank you.

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