Shadowing Practice: which attachment style do you have? - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creando lección...
1
Today I want to talk about attachment
2
but not just attachment styles whether they're good or bad
3
but more about what could cause them
4
and what could lead us to have one attachment versus the other and how that can play out in our life.
5
And if you want more information specifically about attachment I have a video that I've done that I'll link in the description.
6
Even the term attachment didn't exist until the late 1960s when John Bowlby created what is called attachment theory.
7
Now he theorize that the way we attach to our early childhood caregivers, like our mom, our dad,
8
grandmother, stuff like that, will then determine how we attach and form emotional bonds throughout the rest of our lives.
9
Now, the main issue that I have with John Bowlby is
10
that he believed a lot of attachment stuff was kind of black and white, like either you had one style of attachment or you didn't, you couldn't like have your hands in both buckets.
11
And we've learned through more current research
12
that with the right therapeutic support we can heal
13
and change our attachment style
14
and learn to engage with the world around us from a secure attachment viewpoint
15
so kind of cool now the four main styles of attachment
16
are number one secure now people with this kind of attachment
17
have trust in their long -term relationships they show empathy for other people
18
and they seek out connection with others
19
and also most importantly they have little to no trouble expressing their emotions wants
20
or needs sounds nice right number two is insecure ambivalent
21
or what a lot of people call anxious attachment
22
and people with this kind of attachment struggle with letting people get too emotionally close to them
23
or they can fawn or people please as a way to soothe our inner worry
24
that we aren't enough and we can struggle with perfectionism and even be clingy at times.
25
The third style is insecure avoidant.
26
Now, people with this type of attachment are highly independent in order to protect themselves from hurt or potential abandonment.
27
And this can mean that we don't allow for deep connections or close relationships.
28
We can struggle to ask for help.
29
We can take a long time to trust new people
30
and keep most of our relationships at a distance and very surface level.
31
The fourth style is disorganized.
32
And people with this attachment style can switch between anxious and avoidant attachment styles.
33
We can be inconsistent, meaning we can be clingy one moment and then dismissive and rejecting the next,
34
which obviously can make it really difficult for healthy and deep relationships.
35
when we're working to determine what attachment style we have it's
36
actually easier to see than it is to kind of prescribe
37
or try to divvy it up
38
so much research around attachment works with what we can see is present in the room
39
when there is a secure attachment and any deviation from
40
that secure attachment will show us kind of
41
which direction is it more anxious or avoidant
42
or is it more disorganized i hope that makes sense
43
but i'll tell you the four things that we see
44
when there's a secure attachment and how the deviations from
45
that could lead us into another attachment style okay i hope
46
you're following now the first is what they call proximity maintenance
47
and this is the desire to be near the people
48
that we are attached to this means that
49
if i'm a baby let's say i'm like a little toddler
50
and my mom comes in the room i'm going to want
51
to run directly to her i'm going to want to be close to her right
52
and even as an adult if sean is around
53
and we're let's say at an event periodically through the night
54
i'm gonna work my way towards him check in see how
55
he's doing i want to be close to him i'm attached to him the second
56
that we look at is called safe haven
57
and what this really means is that we return to the attachment figure meaning like
58
that mom or dad
59
or i was talking about how i'm attached to sean right we return to
60
that attachment figure for comfort and safety when we face a fear or a threat.
61
So if something's happening where I feel threatened, maybe I go into fight flight, right?
62
As quickly as I can or as quickly as I'm able, I'm going to go towards the person that I'm attached to, in my case at this age, it's Sean, right?
63
I'm going to turn to him for comfort.
64
I'm going to turn to him to help soothe my system.
65
And if someone's doing that, that means they have a secure attachment.
66
The third is known as secure base.
67
Now this is when the attachment figure acts as a base of security from which the child can explore the surrounding environment,
68
meaning that they're almost like a safe foundation, right?
69
I can go out, I can explore and learn, and then I can come back to my secure base.
70
Then I feel soothed, I feel okay, they're still there, I go back out.
71
And so it's kind of like this bouncing back and forth from our secure base out into the environment.
72
And if any of you have been following me for any amount of time, I've talked about how important attachment is for that very reason.
73
because children who don't form secure attachments don't feel safe to explore the world on their own because when they come back, they don't know what they're going to get, right?
74
Maybe their caregiver isn't there.
75
Maybe they're not emotionally available.
76
Maybe sometimes when they come back, they get in trouble, right?
77
And so all of that can play into us feeling safe and secure enough to go explore, to learn about our world and to return.
78
And the fourth and final thing that we see within a secure attachment is known as separation distress.
79
And this is the anxiety that occurs in the absence of an attachment figure,
80
which I remember when my mom first dropped me off at daycare, I cried horribly.
81
And then I was able to soothe.
82
I was okay.
83
But that distress, me being separated from my primary caregiver, my attachment figure, oh, it caused me so much distress.
84
But But again, I was able to calm, I was able to move on, but that distress at the beginning shows that I did have attachment to that person.
85
I would prefer them to be around, but in their absence, I can self -soothe.
86
I do have the tools.
87
I believe that she will come back.
88
Then we'll dig into that a little bit more, but just know that separation distress and how long it lasts or how intense it is, is something that we look at when we are trying to identify our attachment style.
89
Along with those four things that we can observe
90
when we watch a child engage with their caregiver it's also
91
important to look at how caregivers interact with their children
92
and a lot of you know psychologists and other mental health professionals believe
93
that that is also a key pillar of attachment
94
and what could contribute to our attachment style and one of those pillars
95
or one of those things they believe is important to watch
96
is emotion regulation now caregivers who model healthy emotional regulation
97
and engage with their children in a healthy way is thought to be one of those things
98
that helps us form a healthy attachment.
99
And this could mean that when we're upset, we felt free to be upset.
100
And our caregiver offered us, you know, soothing support and comfort.
101
On the flip side, if we grew up in a home where emotions were off limits, or maybe when we were upset, we were yelled at or told to go to our room, then as we get older,
102
we can struggle to accept our emotions and prefer to ignore them completely.
103
Another thing we want to look at is what's known as attunement.
104
Now, attunement is our caregiver's ability to be aware of and respond to our needs.
105
For example, if we are crying and our mom realizes that we're hungry, then she's going to feed us and take care of that need.
106
Knowing our needs will be attended to is key in developing a healthy emotional attachment to our parents.
107
And this can be difficult
108
if we don't communicate affection in the same way as our parents
109
or or needing something from them that they aren't able to give us
110
and this could come into play if one of us has asd
111
or autism spectrum disorder or
112
if our parents are struggling with their own attachment issues from childhood it can get kind of complicated
113
and cause us to have
114
maybe a different type of attachment like insecure avoidant
115
or disorganized another thing we want to look at is comfort
116
and soothing meaning how did our parents respond when we were in pain or upset that they try to dismiss our pain.
117
Maybe they were unintentionally invalidating to us or, you know, they're afraid of our negative emotions, feeling like they're too much, or maybe they even just ignore them altogether.
118
This can really go either way, but if our parents don't allow for what, you know, maybe they think are quote -unquote negative emotions,
119
maybe they tell us to go to our room if we're expressing any of those emotions or stop making so much noise, being so sensitive, et cetera,
120
this can you know cause us to struggle with attachment
121
that doesn't really allow for a secure attachment to form
122
and this can also occur in like the opposite version meaning
123
helicopter parents we can feel like we don't have the space we need to process our emotions
124
if someone's constantly looking over us telling us what to do
125
or to look out don't do that that could be dangerous right
126
and we can feel smothered by their protection or their hyper vigilance and
127
that honestly in the future without getting into it too much
128
can even lead to us having those behaviors of like hyper vigilance
129
and not trusting our gut when it comes to things
130
and not feeling safe again to go out into the environment
131
and come back all of that's really important
132
so you can see it can kind of go either way
133
almost done we also want to look at their response to
134
our failures as well as our successes it's important for our
135
caregivers to give us a place to come back to when we've failed and take the time to celebrate when we succeed.
136
Like they should let us know that we can practice more
137
and get it next time or that they're proud of us and how well we did.
138
It's important that we don't feel like our parents' love is conditional.
139
And I mean, even just that sentence, you can see how that would affect our attachment and why that's so important.
140
oh well hello are you overly attached baby girl i know
141
i'm almost done almost done let's not claw up my okay
142
and the final thing we want to look at is enjoyment
143
and valuing of us meaning did we get positive attention from our parents were we seen did we feel seen
144
or did we feel like they enjoyed spending time with us
145
and valued that time this can be really hard
146
when parents work away from home a lot we can struggle to attach healthfully to
147
that parent because we don't really feel like they ever see us
148
or enjoy spending time with us because frankly we don't really see them
149
and we don't really spend that much time and
150
when we're younger this can be the one -on -one time we get with a parent that's really important especially
151
if we have multiple children in a family children still need
152
to feel like they are personally independently important it could also be getting goofy with your mom
153
or dad i remember my dad was always the goofy one
154
and he would like wrestle on the floor with us
155
and tickle fights and stuff like that until i couldn't take it anymore
156
and you need to have that kind of play with your parents as well it's not all seriousness obviously
157
and so overall the time
158
that we spend where we feel like our parents are really enjoying being around us
159
and they give us their undivided attention consistently is another important
160
component in the development of our attachment style as you can see there's
161
so much that goes into our attachment styles
162
and why it can shift over time and different experiences can affect it
163
and so hopefully this helped you better understand your own
164
but what was one surprising thing you learned in this video
165
or maybe something that you know about attachment
166
that was helpful for you in your healing process please share those in the comments down below thank you
167
so much for watching, and I will see you next time.
168
And a lot of the...
169
Hmm?
170
It's not a script, so I'm not...
171
No, I did.
172
She cried, or...
173
Maybe they...
174
Unintentionally.
175
It's also important to...
📺 Mismo canal
✨ Recomendar Video
B21
12 oraciones
7k
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2236 oraciones
Human Design 2/5 Profile Explained (Hermit / Heretic)
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C11
164 oraciones
The Neuroscience of Confidence: How to Rewire Your Brain
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C14
176 oraciones
What Actually Drives Attraction (According to Psychology)
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C12
70 oraciones
The Attachment Theory: How Childhood Affects Life
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B23
177 oraciones
ADHD Focus Skills That Actually Work| Things I learned in Therapy
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C12
225 oraciones
The Psychology of People Who Are Too Aware
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
253 oraciones
Social Skills Everyone Should Know
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C12
19 oraciones
Use Identity Shifting To Fix Your Past Traumas
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B25
32 oraciones
Brené Brown on Empathy vs Sympathy
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
487 oraciones
how to stop being jealous & comparing yourself to others and become obsessed with yourself instead.
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B2107 oraciones
How To Identify Your Core Values: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
Vocabulario y notas de pronunciación para esta lección
Este vídeo tiene 175 frases y 2239 palabras para practicar shadowing. La parte hablada dura 12:01. El hablante habla rápido, unas 186 palabras por minuto, así que espera sonidos enlazados y reducidos. El 85 % de las palabras está entre las 3.000 más comunes del inglés; conviene repasar el resto antes de empezar.
Vocabulario clave de este vídeo
15 palabras del vídeo que vale la pena aprender, con su pronunciación y significado:
| Palabra | Pronunciación | Significado |
|---|---|---|
| attachment sustantivo | /əˈtæt͡ʃmənt/ | prensión |
| emotion sustantivo | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | afecto, emoción |
| attach verbo | /əˈtæt͡ʃ/ | adjuntar, atachar |
| distress sustantivo | /dɪˈstɹɛs/ | distrés, distress |
| comfort sustantivo | /ˈkʌm.fət/ | comodidad, confort |
| explore verbo | /ɪkˈsploɹ/ | explorar |
| engage verbo | /ɪnˈɡeɪd͡ʒ/ | embebecer, embelesar |
| anxious adjetivo | /ˈæŋkʃəs/ | incómodo |
| insecure adjetivo | /ɪnsəˈkjʊɹ/ | inseguro, en globo |
| ignore verbo | /ɪɡˈnɔː/ | ignorar, desoír |
| occur verbo | /əˈkɜː/ | ocurrir |
| regulation sustantivo | /ˌɹɛɡjʊˈleɪʃən/ | reglamento |
| absence sustantivo | /ˈæb.s(ə)n̩s/ | ausencia, absencia (disused) |
| separation sustantivo | /ˌsɛp.əˈɹeɪ.ʃən/ | separación |
| heal verbo | /ˈhiːl/ | curar, sanar |
Phrasal verbs que vas a escuchar
| Palabra | Significado |
|---|---|
| go out verbo | salir |
| look out verbo | mirar a, dar a |
| look over verbo | revisar |
Gramática en este vídeo
Las estructuras que más usa el hablante, con las palabras exactas del vídeo:
| Estructura | En el vídeo |
|---|---|
| Voz pasiva be + participio pasado — importa lo que ocurre, no quién lo hace | is called · is disorganized · are attached |
| Present perfect have/has + participio pasado — una acción pasada que sigue importando ahora | I've done · we've learned · I've talked |
Pronunciación a tener en cuenta
El hablante usa 57 contracciones y formas reducidas, como I'm, don't, they're. Dilas en su forma corta, tal como las oyes.
- Los sonidos de “th”: grandmother /ˈɡɹæn(d)ˌmʌðɚ/, altogether /ɔl.tuˈɡɛð.ɚ/, threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/, therapeutic /ˌθɛɹ.əˈpjuː.tɪk/, empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/
- Los sonidos de “sh” y “zh”: emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/, regulation /ˌɹɛɡjʊˈleɪʃən/, separation /ˌsɛp.əˈɹeɪ.ʃən/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/
- Palabras largas — cuida el acento: regulation /ˌɹɛɡjʊˈleɪʃən/, separation /ˌsɛp.əˈɹeɪ.ʃən/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/, complicated /ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/
Cómo practicar con este vídeo
- Escucha el vídeo entero una vez sin hablar y anota las palabras que no conoces.
- Empieza a velocidad 0,75×, haz shadowing frase por frase y vuelve a la velocidad normal cuando te resulte fácil.
- Grábate y compara con el original, prestando atención a palabras como attachment, emotion, attach.
¿Qué es la Técnica de Shadowing?
Shadowing es una técnica de aprendizaje de idiomas respaldada por la ciencia, desarrollada originalmente para la formación de intérpretes profesionales y popularizada por el políglota Dr. Alexander Arguelles. El método es simple pero poderoso: escuchas audio en inglés nativo y lo repites en voz alta de inmediato, como una sombra que sigue al hablante con solo 1-2 segundos de retraso. A diferencia de la escucha pasiva o los ejercicios de gramática, el shadowing obliga a tu cerebro y músculos de la boca a procesar y reproducir simultáneamente patrones de habla reales. Las investigaciones muestran que mejora significativamente la precisión de la pronunciación, la entonación, el ritmo, el habla conectada, la comprensión auditiva y la fluidez al hablar, convirtiéndola en una de las metodologías más efectivas para la preparación del IELTS Speaking y la comunicación en inglés en el mundo real.