쉐도잉 연습: 5 Habits of *Genuinely* Happy People (no toxic positivity required) - YouTube로 영어 말하기 배우기
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What is it that actually makes someone a genuinely happy person?
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What is it that actually makes someone a genuinely happy person?
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I'm not talking about toxic positivity
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or someone who just posts a lot of cute pictures to Instagram so it looks like their life is happy.
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I'm talking about genuine happiness.
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Now I'm a very observant person and the thing
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that I've noticed is that happy people tend to have similar habits and patterns and many little things in common.
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So let's talk about it.
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What are those?
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What makes happy people different?
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Hey friend, welcome back.
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If you're new here, my name is Jill and I help women step into their power,
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tap into their divine feminine,
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and become their best self, live their best life.
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So if that's something you want to do,
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you should subscribe and stick around.
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And if you want more from me,
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you should get on my newsletter.
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It's called the Dream Life Digest.
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It lands in your inbox for free every Tuesday,
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and it's where I go a little bit deeper.
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So the link for that is down below,
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but let's get into it.
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So you want to know what is the number one habit of happy people that I have noticed,
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it's that they're excited for things.
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They still have excitement in their life and they stay excited about all the little things.
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They get excited for the first day of fall.
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They get excited to try that new little restaurant.
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Christmas isn't just a day, it's a whole season.
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They romanticize their life.
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And it's the super little things too,
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you know, like they're excited about waking up and drinking their morning cup of coffee.
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That excitement and romanticizing everything,
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it brings whimsy into your life and it brings gratitude into your life.
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And I think having excitement for things big or small is really underrated.
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And they've studied this.
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They've actually proved this.
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When you go on vacation,
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the largest happiness boost that you get from that vacation actually happens before you even leave your house,
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before you even go on vacation.
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It's not the actual vacation itself.
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It's the anticipation leading up to said vacation.
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And it's interesting because this is why scrolling can actually be
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so addictive because your brain is constantly chasing and anticipating what's next.
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And that anticipation high, the dopamine you get from that is really, really powerful.
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And so having anticipation for good things is actually a really consistent predictor of wellbeing.
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So happy people stay excited for things.
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Or another way that I like to think of it is they have a low threshold for delight.
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So they let a sunny morning or a yummy snack or a fun weekend brunch date feel exciting.
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And side note, this is also why I love dressing up in cute outfits every day
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because it makes every day feel more exciting.
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Next, I think we all know that sometimes not so great thoughts just pop into your head,
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whether they're weird thoughts or self-deprecating thoughts or anxious thoughts or insecure thoughts.
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And the thing is, is that you can't stop a thought.
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But the next habit of happy people is that they don't believe everything that pops into their head.
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The brain produces over like 6,000 thoughts a day.
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That's a lot of thoughts.
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And most of them are just noise.
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Happy people have negative thoughts too.
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They're not immune to it.
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Like I said, that thought is automatic.
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You can't really stop a thought.
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But believing it, on the other hand, is a choice.
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Taking every single thought that pops into your brain so seriously,
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that is a choice.
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A lot of the suffering that we experience as human beings isn't necessarily about what's happening.
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It's from what our brain is saying about what's happening
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and what you're focusing your attention on
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when you get a negative thought do you grab onto it
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and replay it and build a whole story around it in your head
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or do you try to argue against it in your head
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or do you just let it pass and not take it so seriously
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because happy people do the latter think about it there's a big difference between someone thinking i'm a failure versus
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I'm having the thought that I'm a failure.
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Same sort of thought, but completely different relationship to it.
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One feels massive and like it's gonna ruin your whole life and the other one feels more like an observation
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and observations are easier to let go.
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Now, before we keep going,
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I do want to thank BetterHelp for kindly sponsoring today's video.
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When we talk about happy people,
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most people focus on the external stuff,
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like having friends and hobbies and a full life and yes, that matters.
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But real happiness isn't just what's happening around you,
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it's also what's happening within you.
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Your mindset, your emotional world,
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and the way you relate to your own thoughts.
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And it's really hard to feel genuinely happy
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when your inner critic is loud or when you believe every negative thought that pops into your head.
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That's why having the right support matters,
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whether you're dealing with anxiety or negative thought patterns or self-worth stuff,
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or you're just trying to break habits that aren't serving you anymore.
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Having someone to actually talk to makes a difference.
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Therapy gives you a space to work through what's coming up
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and start shifting that inner dialogue so
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that the happiness you're cultivating on the outside actually matches how you feel on the inside.
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And sometimes just having an outside perspective can help you get out of your own head
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and see things in a new light.
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That's where BetterHelp comes in.
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BetterHelp is an online therapy platform that makes it easy and convenient to get matched with a licensed therapist.
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No waiting rooms, no commuting,
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just professional support from home on your own schedule.
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You just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a therapist within a couple days.
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And if that first match isn't the right fit,
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you can switch to a new therapist at any time at no extra cost.
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If therapy feels like the right next step for you,
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just click the link in the description or go to betterhelp.com slash jills to get 10% off your first month.
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Okay, this next one is huge and a little ironic,
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but happy people are not always trying to be happy.
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It's a bit of a paradox, but it's true.
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Happy people are absorbed in something other than happiness,
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a project that excites them or hobbies that excite them,
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a goal that adds fulfillment to their life or relationships that feel rewarding.
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Happiness is not the focus.
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it's just a byproduct.
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We see this a lot in life.
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You know, the more that you want something,
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the more that that thing evades you.
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It's like trying to fall asleep.
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The harder you try to fall asleep,
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the more awake you become.
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And the only way that you can sleep is by stopping the trying.
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Iris Moss at UC Berkeley actually ran research showing
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that people who explicitly value happiness as a goal actually report being less happy,
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more lonely, and more depressed than people who don't.
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And that basically when happiness becomes the goal,
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you start monitoring for it and chasing it and always thinking about it.
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And that constant monitoring creates a gap between where you are and where you think you should be.
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And that gap is where the suffering lies.
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Viktor Frankl, he's the author of A Man's Search for Meaning.
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It's a good book.
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He said this very well.
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He said, happiness cannot be pursued.
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It must ensue.
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Meaning happiness is not a target.
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You don't aim at it.
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You aim at something worth doing and happiness shows up as a side effect.
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And you see this paradox a lot.
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The person who desperately wants love repels people,
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but the person living their best life and absorbed in something wonderful attracts them.
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Or the second you try to be cool, you're not cool, right?
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Because cool is the absence of trying.
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There are just some things that the more you chase,
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the farther it runs away from you.
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And I think happiness is one of those things.
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Now this next one is actually another sort of paradox that's really interesting.
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It's called the paradox of choice.
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Happy people do not get bogged down by choice and they stay committed to their decisions.
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This one is very counterintuitive, but it's true.
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We think that more options will give us more freedom and therefore more happiness.
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But often it is shown that the exact opposite is true.
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The more options we keep open,
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usually the less happy we are.
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Barry Schwartz, he wrote a book on this called The Paradox of Choice.
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And he did this research where he studied two different types of people, maximizers versus satisficers.
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Maximizers are people who need to find the very best option,
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where satisficers pick good enough and move on.
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And what he found is that maximizers are more depressed,
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more prone to regret, more of a perfectionist,
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not surprisingly, and most importantly, less happy than satisficers.
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The people obsessively optimizing their lives were the ones suffering the most.
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and we see this kind of thing over and over again.
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There was this one study done at Harvard where photography students were told to take a bunch of pictures
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and then they got to pick one and keep that one.
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Half of them were told
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that they could swap their photo anytime in the next few days
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but the other half were told that that choice was final, no take backs.
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And the group that couldn't change their mind ended up significantly happier with their photo whereas the other group,
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the group that could swap,
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they kept second guessing, they kept evaluating,
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and they never came to love the one that they had.
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People predict that they will be happier when they have the freedom to change their minds and all these other options.
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But in fact, the opposite is true.
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It can actually end up being the very thing keeping you from settling into what you have now.
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It's like doom scrolling homes on Zillow in cities you're never going to move to.
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You know, if you keep asking yourself,
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but what if I move?
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But what if I move here?
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What if I move there?
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It means you probably aren't ever fully present or able to enjoy the city you live in now.
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And of course, there's nothing wrong with having options and being thoughtful about what's best for you and your life.
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But I do think there is a balance there and happy people don't constantly renegotiate with their life.
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They don't question everything constantly.
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They pick something, they're living in it.
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They put their energy into actually being there.
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The internet has turned us all into maximizers.
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You know, every time we scroll TikTok,
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it's like one scroll, we're looking at this girl in Dubai who's making a ton of money
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and has all these fancy cars and this big business.
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And then the next scroll is some wonderful lady on a farm with her cows.
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Every life option is visible to us.
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So you can see every city you didn't move to,
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every career path that you didn't pick,
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every body type that you don't have,
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every relationship that you're not in.
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We're being trained all day every day to keep evaluating,
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to never commit, to always wonder.
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I noticed this when I scroll too much.
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I started thinking, oh, well,
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I could do that or I could do that, right?
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Or I can move to Paris or I could have a kid
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or Or maybe I should live on a farm and make my own cheese.
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And you know what?
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All of that stuff does open you up to new possibilities and I think that's good.
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But it also comes to a point where it just starts to make you miserable.
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This is honestly probably one of the biggest reasons why our generation is less happy than previous generations.
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They didn't have the option to constantly compare like we do.
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They committed because there was,
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you know, no infinite menu to keep scrolling.
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Commitment is its own kind of freedom.
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And the longer you have that exit door in your mind,
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the less happy you'll be in that room.
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Now this next one is not as surprising,
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but there's this famous Harvard study.
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You might have heard of it on happiness.
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It's been going for like over 80 years.
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It's the longest study unhappiness that's ever been conducted.
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And the single biggest predictor of long-term happiness,
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more than money, more than success,
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even more than health, the biggest predictor of long-term happiness was the quality of their relationships.
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But I want to point out something.
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It's not just about having relationships and having some people in your life.
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It's about the quality of your relationships.
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That's a big difference.
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And the thing about genuinely happy people is yes,
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they have relationships, but they actually like the people in their life.
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They trust them.
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Quality.
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Do you feel like you can be yourself around the people in your life?
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Do you have people that you can truly rely on?
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Do you feel loved by the people around you?
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In that famous study, people with even just one or two deeply loving,
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trustworthy, safe relationships, they did better health and happiness wise than someone who may have a big social network,
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but that quality was not there.
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And they didn't have anyone that they could feel they could really count on.
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The people in your life affect you more than you think,
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because at the end of the day, we are human beings.
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We are mammals.
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We are community driven.
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It is literally in our biology.
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And honestly, what this comes down to is nervous system regulation.
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We are not designed as community driven beings to regulate our nervous systems alone or to have regulated nervous systems alone.
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We're supposed to regulate in community with one another.
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When you're around people you trust, your body relaxes.
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When you're around people where you feel like you have to perform for them in a way,
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your body stays in this low-grade activated stress state.
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And the flip side of this is true too.
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People in unhappy marriages or people who are chronically lonely have worse health outcomes than people who may be single,
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but have good close friends.
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Loneliness has been measured as the health equivalent to smoking.
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Not metaphorically, literally.
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And of course, when your body is in that kind of chronic stress,
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your happiness suffers along with it because the two aren't separate.
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Let me know if you feel like there's something I missed,
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but in my opinion, I feel like these things are the most important when it comes to happiness.
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But if you have any comments or opinions, feel free to share.
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But you want to know something that probably isn't helping your happiness?
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Doomscrolling.
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And if that's you, you should go watch this video
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because here I break down the real tragedy of doomscrolling
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and how it's simply just a digital pacifier turning us all into losers.
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So I'll see you over there or I'll just see you next time in my next video.
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Thank you so much for watching.
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Love you.
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Bye.
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주요 어휘 및 표현
- genuine happiness - 진정한 행복
- anticipation - 기대감
- romanticize - 로맨틱하게 표현하다
- whimsy - 기발함
- excitement - 흥분, 기대
- delight - 기쁨
- boost - 증가시키다, 향상시키다
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