쉐도잉 연습: Seriously, I'm Begging You to Focus on Your Self Before It's Too Late - 영상으로 영어 말하기 배우기

If you've spent your whole life focused on everyone else, their feelings, their needs, their problems,

while putting yourself last, I'm begging you to stop.

Your narcissistic family trained you to neglect yourself, and if you don't start focusing on you,

the consequences will only get worse.

First, I'll show you what happens when you don't focus on yourself.

so you can finally see the damage it's causing.

Then I'll give you practical self-differentiation tips to help you start putting yourself first and break free from this pattern.

Hi, I'm Jerry Wise, and for over 45 years, I've helped hundreds of thousands of people heal and get their families out of them by practicing self-differentiation,

the process of becoming your true self

and releasing the false self you were trained to be in your family of origin so you can finally experience clarity,

peace, and lasting freedom.

Number one, when you don't focus on yourself, you keep giving to everyone while neglecting your own needs.

Your narcissistic family made you the emotional caretaker.

They taught you that your job was to manage everyone's feelings and fix their problems, while your own needs were treated as selfish.

You learned that your value came from what you gave, not who you were.

What do I mean when I say narcissistic family?

People have asked me this, and they say, are you saying everybody in the family is narcissistic?

There are some families where everybody in the family is narcissistic.

But generally, a narcissistic family is a family in which not everyone is narcissistic,

but there is a narcissist who is a parent or a leader of the family or caretaker in the family,

a parent, and that the whole family organizes itself around that illness.

no different than the illness of alcoholism or drug addiction

or bipolar or depression or because a family gets organizes itself around these types of problems

and so that's what i mean by a narcissistic family a family who has a narcissist

and again the family organizes itself around the narcissist here's what happens

when you don't focus on yourself you keep giving until there's nothing left.

You pour your energy into everyone around you, your partner, your kids, your job, your friends, but you never pour into yourself.

This is what I call loaning self, overgiving at the expense of your real self.

And the longer you keep pouring out without pouring in, the more disconnected from yourself you become.

Number two, when you don't focus on yourself, you forget who you really are.

In your narcissistic family, you weren't allowed to develop your own identity.

When you expressed an opinion, it was dismissed.

When you wanted something for yourself, you were told you were selfish.

You were shaped into who they needed you to be.

and over time you lost touch with your authentic self because there was never space for it to exist, to grow, to develop.

Now look at your adult life.

If someone asks you what you want or what makes you happy, you may go blank.

I remember that.

Well, what would you like to do, Jerry?

I have no idea.

What would you all like to do?

Where would you like to go eat?

I don't know.

What would be your choice or favorite?

Oh, I don't care.

Anything's fine.

You've spent so long focusing on everyone else that you don't even know who you are anymore.

Your identity got buried under the years of other-focused living,

focusing on others, other-focused, constantly monitoring others while neglecting yourself.

And the longer you wait to focus on yourself, the harder it becomes to find your way back to who you really are.

Number three, when you don't focus on yourself, you keep ending up in the same toxic relationships and same toxic patterns.

Your narcissistic family was your first relationship model.

They taught you what love looks like, even if that love was conditional, manipulative, and emotionally abusive.

You learned to tolerate dysfunction because dysfunction was all you knew.

Chaos felt familiar.

Drama felt normal.

This childhood programming affects your adult relationships.

You keep choosing people who treat you the way your family did.

Toxic feels like home, and healthy feels suspicious.

Their kindness must be a trap.

You're not bad at picking partners.

Your system is calibrated to your childhood.

Until you focus on yourself and get your family's programming out of you, you'll keep repeating the same patterns with different people.

Number four, when you don't focus on yourself, you live the life your narcissistic family programmed, not your own.

Your narcissistic family didn't just raise you, they programmed you.

They instilled beliefs about who you are, what you deserve, and what your life should look like.

Every decision you make runs through the filter of their expectations and their version of you.

This is what I call the family super self.

The self your family needed you to be, not the real self.

And this family super self, all of the family partakes of this super self.

And it's probably about five generations old as well.

and we're plugged into that like an umbilical cord.

Now look at your adult life.

If you don't focus on yourself, you'll still spend your life living someone else's script, your career and your relationships.

None of it will truly be yours.

You'll wake up one day and realize that the life you built was never for you.

How many people I have talked to as clients end up in careers, marriages, friendships, organizations, and they go,

how did I even get here?

I don't even want to be here.

Whether it be the neurologist who studied all of his life to be a prominent neurologist and who goes,

I'm not even sure this is really even what I want to do or wanted to do.

This is what my family wanted me to do.

And waking up from those times is very significant,

no different than my own life and the different paths I have taken and coming to realize that's not really me.

This isn't really me.

That's not really me.

Getting your narcissistic family out of you is the only way to finally live as who you really are.

Number five, when you don't focus on yourself, you spend your life chasing approval that never satisfies.

In your narcissistic family, love and approval were conditional.

You had to earn it through performance and obedience.

And even when you got it, it was fleeting.

The goalposts always moved.

You learned that approval was something you had to chase endlessly.

Now in your adult life, you're still chasing.

You seek validation from bosses, partners and friends or authority figures, anyone who might finally make you feel good enough, or maybe those rich friends of yours,

maybe those who have nicer cars and clothes and houses than you, trying to get their approval.

Watch what happens.

No amount of external approval ever fills the void.

You get the praise, and within hours, you need more.

100

It becomes a drug.

101

The validation you've been searching for has to come from within,

102

and it never will until you stop looking outside and start looking in.

103

Number six.

104

When you don't focus on yourself, you keep tolerating treatment you would never except for someone you love.

105

Your narcissistic family taught you that your boundaries didn't matter.

106

They crossed them constantly, emotionally and mentally.

107

When you tried to say no, you were punished and made to feel guilty.

108

You were trained to accept mistreatment as normal,

109

to minimize your pain and to prioritize their comfort over your own well-being.

110

In adulthood, you tolerate things from others that you would never let someone do to a friend or a child you love.

111

You accept disrespect and dismissal, and you make excuses for it.

112

You feel hurt by it.

113

When you don't focus on yourself, you keep allowing your boundaries to be violated over and over.

114

You protect everyone except you.

115

and you deserve the same fierce protection you so freely give to others.

116

Number seven, when you don't focus on yourself, years pass and nothing changes.

117

Your narcissistic family kept you stuck in survival mode.

118

You were so focused on managing their dysfunction, their moods, their chaos, their emotional explosions,

119

that you never had time to focus on your own growth.

120

You learned to get through the day, not to build a life.

121

Your energy went to surviving, not thriving.

122

And now years are passing.

123

You look back and realize you've been running in place.

124

Same pattern, same struggles, same emptiness, different year.

125

When you don't focus on yourself, time keeps moving, but we stay stuck.

126

One day you'll look up and wonder where the years went and why nothing has changed.

127

The time to focus on yourself isn't someday, it's right now.

128

8. When you don't focus on yourself, you repeat the same dysfunction with your own children.

129

Your narcissistic family passed their dysfunction down to you, not because they meant to, but because unhealed patterns just repeat themselves.

130

And positive patterns repeat themselves.

131

You absorb their emotional reactivity, their boundary violations, and their conditional love.

132

Without conscious work, those patterns don't disappear.

133

They become your patterns.

134

They live in how you respond to stress and how you show love.

135

This is what most people don't realize.

136

When you don't focus on yourself, you risk passing the same dysfunction to your children.

137

Not because you're a bad parent, but because what's unhealed in you gets transmitted unintentionally.

138

Your children absorb your emotional Wi-Fi just like you absorbed your family.

139

the best thing you can do for them is to heal yourself.

140

Breaking the generational cycle starts with you focusing on you.

141

And so many times people go, well, I don't want my children to end up like me

142

or to suffer the struggles and problems and patterns that I had growing up.

143

So now I'll over-focus on the kids.

144

Don't over-focus on the kids.

145

That was one of the patterns that was already a problem when you were growing up.

146

What you want to do is focus on you, and the balance will be appropriate in terms of what you focus on the kids.

147

Number nine, when you don't focus on yourself, your narcissistic family still controls you, even from a distance and even from long ago.

148

Even if you moved away, 2,000 miles away, or you've gone no contact or low contact, or again, cut them completely out of your life,

149

your narcissistic family can still live inside of you.

150

Their voices still run through your head.

151

Their rules still dictate your choices.

152

Physical distance doesn't disconnect you emotionally.

153

It may give you more space to realize things and to lower the temperature and the anxiety.

154

That it may do, but that's not equal to the healing.

155

It may be a healing component that we may need.

156

For some people, they definitely need that component.

157

Here's what happens when you don't focus on yourself.

158

They still control how you think, how you feel, and who you become.

159

You might have left the house, but you haven't left the system, the emotional field and the emotional system.

160

You react to their rules even when they're not in the room.

161

Getting them out of your life isn't enough.

162

You have to get them out of you.

163

And that only happens when you finally fully focus on yourself and work on self-differentiation.

164

Let me give you a couple self-differentiation tips.

165

Firstly, you can focus more on yourself by engaging thinking over feeling when interacting with others,

166

particularly others who are problematic or family members.

167

Focus on what's going on up here, not what's going on down here.

168

There's a time to deal with feelings, but that needs to be done in a safe, neutral, supportive environment.

169

Number two, you can focus more on yourself by taking up the important challenge of choosing to love yourself today.

170

Choosing to love yourself.

171

And that must start today.

172

C. Number three, you can focus more on yourself by reducing and grieving the toxic relationships in your life.

173

This makes room for more healthy relationships.

174

We may have to do some weeding of the garden.

175

I certainly had to years ago and then even years after that.

176

There's stages of doing that weeding of the garden.

177

If you're ready to finally break free and start living with clarity, peace and a grounded connection to your true self, then join my Road to Self program.

178

Many who have joined say it was the missing piece in their healing journey, the step that finally helped them get the family out of them and stand strong as their true self.

179

If you're not sure if the Road to Self program is for you, at least not right now, then at least start with my free 84-minute self-differentiation training.

180

Over 30,000 people have joined the free training as their first step.

181

Click the links in the description to get started.

182

Don't forget to subscribe and hit the bell icon so you'll never miss a new video.

183

I do want to thank you for watching and thank you for commenting.

184

I read many of the comments that all of you put up.

185

Have a great day and be wise.

쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법

쉐도잉(Shadowing)은 원래 전문 통역사 훈련을 위해 개발된 언어 학습 기법으로, 다언어 학자인 Dr. Alexander Arguelles에 의해 대중화된 방법입니다. 핵심 원리는 간단하지만 매우 강력합니다: 원어민의 영어를 들으면서 1~2초의 짧은 지연으로 즉시 소리 내어 따라 말하는 것——마치 '그림자(shadow)'처럼 화자를 따라가는 것입니다. 문법 공부나 수동적인 청취와 달리, 쉐도잉은 뇌와 입 근육이 동시에 실시간으로 영어를 처리하고 재현하도록 훈련합니다. 연구에 따르면 이 방법은 발음 정확도, 억양, 리듬, 연음, 청취력, 말하기 유창성을 크게 향상시킵니다. IELTS 스피킹 준비와 자연스러운 영어 소통을 원하는 분들에게 특히 효과적입니다.

쉐도잉 연습: Seriously, I'm Begging You to Focus on Your Self Before It's Too Late - 영상으로 영어 말하기 배우기

이 수업에 대해

주요 어휘 및 구문

연습 팁

쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법