쉐도잉 연습: The Psychology of Effortless Seduction! | Robert Greene - YouTube로 영어 말하기 배우기
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Some people are good seducers.
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Some people are good seducers.
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They're very calm.
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They know how to tell a good story.
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They have charisma.
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They have energy.
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But there are people who do the opposite.
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They just think they're being natural and they offend a lot of people.
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Act like a king to be treated like a king.
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Recreate yourself.
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Your appearance is what people are judging you by.
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You have to keep people on their heels.
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They can't know everything about you.
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So you have to create mystery.
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If you become an astute observer,
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the game will be much easier to manage.
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Everything people do is a sign.
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If they're showing up late or they're not returning your phone calls,
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they're telling you something about themselves indirectly.
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So you may not realize it,
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but you sense that something is wrong about this person that you've just met.
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Sometimes if people are clever,
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you're not going to realize it.
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Like if people are really good at the manipulation game,
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you won't realize it until it's too late.
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And you're not necessarily understanding because you're a good person.
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When bad things happen to you in life,
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you have two choices you can do.
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You know how some people are good seducers.
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And it can be not just for sex,
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it can be socially or politically.
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They're very calm.
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They know how to tell a good story.
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They have charisma.
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They have energy.
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their face lights up they know how to say the right things
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and they attract you right
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so a seductive person is self-aware they're self-aware of their body language you know the clothes
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that they wear of how they talk okay
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but there are people who do the opposite they say the
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wrong things they do the wrong things they dress the wrong way they take you to the wrong places they repel you.
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They are anti-seductive.
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Nobody wants to be around them, right?
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And so what are the qualities that make a person anti-seductive?
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So one of them are people who talk too much,
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who are always bragging, who always have a story to tell.
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People who moralize, who tell you you're wrong.
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This is what you need to do.
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This is what's good.
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This is what's bad.
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The anti-seductive person has no self-awareness.
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They enter life.
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They don't look in a mirror.
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They don't think about what they're saying.
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They just think they're being natural and they offend a lot of people.
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You have to keep people on their heels.
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They can't know everything about you.
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And what I said is,
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disappear for a couple weeks.
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Make people talk about you.
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Make people wonder, why is she not posting as much?
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Why are we not seeing what she's wearing in the morning and having for breakfast and all these other things?
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If they know everything about you,
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it's human nature that you become too familiar
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and they're not interested in you anymore it's a certain point
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so you have to create mystery you think of doing something
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that's going to surprise the other person now nobody knows you
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completely your husband doesn't know every single thing about you he
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didn't know you before you got married he didn't know all your previous boyfriends
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and everything so if you give him a sense of you show him something that he didn't know about before He goes,
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wow, I was taking her for granted.
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I wasn't, you know, I think I knew everything about her.
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She showed me something that surprised me.
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Maybe the surprise isn't something good,
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but at least it like keeps him on his heels.
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It makes him think about you.
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Because in a relationship, people will take you for granted after a couple of months, right?
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They were so interested in you in the beginning,
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and now it's kind of dwindling.
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They take you for granted because they think they know everything about you.
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if you surprise them, if you say something different,
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if you take them to a place where they never thought that you would take them to,
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if you dress a certain way that seems a little bit out of character,
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not completely out of character,
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go, wow, you need to do that in a relationship constantly.
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Otherwise, it's just going to fizzle.
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All the energy is going to go out of it.
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The most important skill that you can have
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is knowing how to observe people and not be
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so wrapped up in yourself and be outer directed so
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when you're in a situation like you've entered a job for
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the first time your tendency is to be all insecure
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and think did I say the wrong thing am I doing am I dressing correctly am I fitting in?
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And you're not observing.
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You're thinking about yourself, right?
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And the whole game is to be observing.
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It's like you're observing the world,
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the different games that are going on,
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what people are doing, what they're like,
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what their tastes are like,
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what the boss is like.
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There are all these levels of power going on.
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You want to get outside of yourself and simply observe, right?
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And not be thinking about yourself as much.
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If you become an astute observer of the people around you,
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the game will be much easier to manage, right?
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You will know this is a person who is insecure.
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I cannot offend them.
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I cannot say the wrong thing to them.
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This is a person who's strong and secure.
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I want to be with them.
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I want them to mentor me.
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You want to be able to take criticism from other people.
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In other words, be less insecure and be more kind of outer motivated and paying attention to the people around you.
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Everything people do is a sign.
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So if they're showing up late at meetings or they're not returning your phone calls,
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it's not some innocent event.
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It means something.
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It's coming from some place within them.
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They're telling you something about themselves indirectly.
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If their desk is a mess,
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right, they can't organize their desk.
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It's a sign of something else going on inside them.
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You can sense people's tone,
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not just in what they say,
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but in how they write something right there's a lack there's
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not this usual kind of polite tone there's a little bit of a sharpness there's a word
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or two that indicates that they're upset they're angry every little thing
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that people do is a sign you're not paranoid
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because it's actually a lot of fun and you're decoding what's going on
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because people wear masks they smile
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and they say i love your ideas cody you're brilliant you're wonderful
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but inside they're thinking something else and you have to be able to pick up all of these signs.
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Nonverbal communication and it's extremely important skill to develop and what
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that means is people can say anything they want to with words.
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In fact they generally do they never really exactly say what's
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on their mind that's how it is in the social world
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because if you said what was exactly on your mind you would be offending a lot of people right.
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So we
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don't ever really say exactly what we feel
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but our body language does not lie it's very difficult to
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lie with your body language even the finest actors in the
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world find it very difficult to lie with their voice
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because the voice reveals people's feelings right it's like watching a movie
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and observing people and understanding them we're very good at picking these kind of cues up so
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you may not realize it but you sense that something is wrong about this person that you've just met
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this is something
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that in the i talk a lot about in the art
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of seduction i've dealt with with women who've written me back they had a gut feeling
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that this man
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that they met was wrong there was something bad about him they got a bad feeling from it
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but what happens is you don't trust that feeling and then
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because you're not as you say in our culture it's not something that we value And then we go on,
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we have a relationship, and then we find the hard way out that our original gut instinct was the correct one.
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So you want to trust these feelings.
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They're very valuable.
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We are animals.
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We think we're all so intellectual.
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We've got our frontal cortex that governs everything.
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But inside, we operate on emotions,
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on instincts, on feelings, on sensations.
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It's a nonverbal form of communication.
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It comes out in people's gestures and how they move, how they stand.
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You're talking to them, but their feet are pointing in a different direction.
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They're not so interested in you.
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Their eyes reveal if they're really listening to you or not.
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You can understand exactly what people are thinking.
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But you have to do this to be able to reach this kind of level of understanding.
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You have to shut off your own mind.
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You have to shut off all your internal chatter.
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and you have to observe and you have to see,
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you know, exactly what, try and read and detect what that particular sign means.
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And you won't believe how often you are very accurate with it.
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You can detect people's resentment, people's envy.
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It's just that you're not paying attention and you don't value this form because we're so verbal.
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We think everything has to do with words, but it doesn't.
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Sometimes if people are clever,
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you're not going to realize it.
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Like if people are really good at the manipulation game,
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if they know how to seduce you,
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how to wrap their words and make you seem like they're just wonderful,
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that they're out for your best interest.
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If they're really good at it,
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you won't realize it until it's too late.
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You need to identify these people before they enter your life or before you start listening to them.
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You need to be able to identify the manipulative types before they start charming,
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before they start enchanting, before they start wrapping you up in their dramas.
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Because if you don't, if you fall into that trap,
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it's going to probably be too late.
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Most people aren't such good manipulators.
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And you can sense it, right?
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They're very passive-aggressive.
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They say things that they want to get from you,
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but there's a subtext involved, right?
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And a lot of the bad manipulators, you can feel it.
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You have an intuitive sense.
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You can understand that something in their body language,
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something in how they speak.
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It doesn't seem sincere.
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But the main thing is to be able to sense people's character,
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to be able to identify the types of people out there.
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So your task is to be able to see through these people.
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Appearances matter so much in this power game how you present yourself,
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how people see you, you know,
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act like a king to be treated like a king, right?
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Recreate yourself.
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Your appearances is what people are judging you by.
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So at the same time,
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you have to control your appearances so people see you as powerful,
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but you have to see like a laser through other people's masks,
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through other people's games that they're playing,
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through the appearances they're trying to create.
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So the great manipulators out there,
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right, they have signs, they're not perfect.
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They give little clues, little crumbs that reveal that they're trying to play this kind of game on you.
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Because most of the master manipulators are toxic narcissists,
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and you have to be able to identify them before they enter your life.
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The people who are really,
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really nasty and evil at the game of power.
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They've been learning this from a very early age.
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They probably had troubled childhood.
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They've been wounded in their childhood, right?
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And they learn from the age of six or seven or eight.
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This is how you get people.
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This is how you string people along.
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This is how you get attention.
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This is how you be dramatic.
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This is what you say.
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This is how you get mommy and daddy to pay attention to me.
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This is how, you know,
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you get the teacher to like me.
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They've learned this step by step at an early age by the time they enter the work world in 22.
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They've been dealing doing this in high school they've been doing that at college or wherever
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they're getting better and better at it.
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All of the books are so sweet
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and sugary telling you self-help books you know just cooperate this is how to be a good human being
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and you enter the work world and nobody prepared you for the slap
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that you have from people being so nasty and political
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and ego-ridden nobody taught me this how do you defend yourself
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in a world where some people are willing to do things
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that you would never consider doing right well you have to become strategic
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and you have to understand
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that you don't have to do you don't have to be evil you You don't have to lower yourself to the level.
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You don't have to play fire to hit fire with fire.
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You can do different things to upset them,
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to be strategic, to deter them from hurting you,
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etc. But the fact that there are asymmetries of it,
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there are people who are willing to do things that you're not willing to do,
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is the source of a lot of problems and pain in your life and suffering.
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And you're going to suffer throughout your life because of that.
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You know those toxic narcissists?
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And so, you know, you're constantly being hit by things and you're not necessarily understanding because you're a good person.
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You don't necessarily register all the dark things that they're doing until it's too late.
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There's a difference between narcissism and true self-love.
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So if you learned at an early age,
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three or four or five years old,
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that you're actually a good person,
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that you're worthy of love and affection from other people,
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you know, that you have skills and abilities as you get older that are actually worthwhile,
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that will contribute, right?
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Then you have an anchor in your life.
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You have a degree of love of yourself, a confidence.
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So every time later in life where you have blows,
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where people hit you with doubts,
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but they try and sabotage you.
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They try and insinuate that maybe you're not so good,
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or they play these games that we're talking about.
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You're going to get this blow,
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and it's going to depress you,
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and it's going to lower you down.
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But what happens is if you have that level of self-love that you developed at an early age,
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you will rise back up.
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You'll start going, no, it's not true that I'm this way.
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It's not true what they're trying to tell me.
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You know, I'm actually worthy.
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And I know it because I've done things in my life.
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I've accomplished this.
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I've helped this other person.
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It raises you back up.
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It's like a thermostat that you have inside of yourself.
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Okay.
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So the degree that you have,
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that love will bounce you back up.
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And you'll be able to tell yourself at first their doubts kind of hit you because we're all human.
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But then you go, no, it's crap.
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They're playing a game.
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I'm not going to fall for that.
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But if you were wounded very early on and you never developed
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that self-love and you have a lot of doubts about yourself already
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and you're insecure and you're riddled with like bullet holes
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and wounds inside of yourself where things can leak through and people tell you those things,
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it's going to bring you down and you're going to not rise back up.
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You rise back up a little bit,
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then another person will hit you.
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You keep going down, down, down.
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You get depressed and you'll find it very difficult to rise back up.
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So the way you have to handle it in life,
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if you're in your 20s or 30s or 40s or even in your 50s,
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you have to develop it.
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You have to go back and go,
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I'm beating up on myself.
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I have all these insecurities.
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They're effective.
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These people are effectively manipulating them because I'm allowing them to manipulate me.
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So when bad things happen to you in life,
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you have two choices you can do, right?
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This is probably the most important thing I can tell everybody out there.
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You have two ways you can go.
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You can blame other people.
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You can say, oh, that evil person out there,
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he's manipulating, she's manipulating me.
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They're doing this, that, and the other.
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Oh, woe is me.
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I'm being the victim, blah, blah, blah they're evil, they're bad.
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Okay, you do that in life,
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you're never going to get anywhere, right?
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You're going to always be looking for things to blame,
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looking at external things.
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You're never going to grow,
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you're never going to develop.
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The other thing is every time something bad happens,
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you look inside of yourself and you go,
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that person manipulated me, that narcissist got into my life and did all kinds of damage.
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What is it about me that allowed them into my life?
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What is it about me that was so innocent,
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that was so stupid, that that believed the things that were saying?
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Okay.
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So if you're able to learn and grow from these events and look at yourself and go,
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why was I allowing them to hit me and hurt me and instill these doubts?
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And why didn't they affect me?
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What's wrong with me?
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Well, maybe I don't love myself enough.
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Maybe I don't have enough confidence in myself.
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How do I build that up?
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Well, I have to go back to my childhood.
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I have to think about the things that I've actually accomplished.
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I have to build it up slowly, slowly, slowly.
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And that's how you handle things.
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주요 어휘 및 구문
- 매력적인 (seductive)
- 자기 인식 (self-aware)
- 비매력적인 (anti-seductive)
- 신비로움 (mystery)
- 사교적 (socially)
- 이끌다 (attract)
- 관찰자 (observer)
- 상징 (sign)
연습 팁
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