Shadowing Practice: 7k - Learn English Speaking with Video

Let's get very real about detachment because  I think that when you hear you have to detach from something or someone. It can often feel like  you are being asked to lose control of something.

You have to give up something or that you have  to shut off all your feelings and emotions. But today I want to talk about detachment in a way  that I hope makes you feel empowered because I actually really believe that detachment allows you  to care more not less. When you are able to detach from an outcome, that's when you are most powerful  and you will get the thing that you want faster.

Detachment or non-attachment is really the common  denominator between all the core philosophies. If you really think about it, whether it's stoicism,  Buddhism, howism, even you know the Bhagavad Gita in Hindu tradition, if you really boil it down and  think about what it is that all these teachings are really trying to express, detachment is one  of the common denominators. Completely agnostic of culture and time period. The most common  comment I see from people is this. What is the point of life if I have to live it unbothered,  cold, like a game that I have to play in order to get something? I actually agree with that. But  the way I look at detachment is this. It's energy management and energy efficiency. Because when you  are so attached to something, when you desperately need something to happen in order for you to feel  okay, you are actually expending so much energy on things that are outside of your control. when  you could be spending energy on things that are within your control. And so I look at detachment  as caring so much about things that I can control that I don't have any more energy to spend on  things that I don't control. And when I say energy, I mean literal energy because fun fact,  your brain only comprises 2% of your body mass.

However, your brain uses up 20% of your body's  total energy. So when you're spending so much energy being attached to something, being anxious,  being worried, worrying about the outcome, you're actually saying here brain, please do more work  for me. Please work overtime for me. The biggest misconception that people have about this idea of  manifestation is that you're trying to control the outside world. You guys have to understand that  manifestation is not about trying to control the outside world with your affirmations. That's  not how this works. The only thing you control is yourself. Your inner world. How you react, how  you engage with the world, how you react with what is happening right now. And ironically, that's  how you see your world start to shift. You're not trying to change what is happening. You're just  changing your relationship to what is happening.

Do you see the difference? And again, that is  actually the basis to a lot of core philosophies.

Stoicism, right? controlling your emotions,  emotional regulation, controlling what is going on in the inside, not trying to control what's out  there. Buddhism, non-attachment, actually a lot of these core philosophies are very related to new  age thinking as well. It's just using different words and different lenses to see the same thing.  I think people hear about detachment and they automatically think, well, the most successful  people in the world, the greatest business people, leaders, they were successful because they had a  raging desire for something. They were obsessed with something and that's how they made it happen,  which is the opposite of detachment. And you're probably right about that intensity and obsession.  However, I think that the thing that led to their success was the obsession and the attachment  to the work itself. They were obsessed with the creating, the building, the problem solving, the  decision-making. They poured all of that energy into the process. What they probably weren't  doing as much was spending half their energy just thinking about whether this would work or  not, getting paralyzed by this fear of failure, which again takes up a lot of energy. I know we  all have things in our lives that we desperately want to happen. But for me, some of the best  things in my life came when I was completely detached. It came when I finally was able to  detach. Not because I stopped caring about the outcome, but because I stopped channeling so much  of my energy into anxiety, worrying, doubt, being in survival mode. Honestly, like when your brain  is so hinged on one particular outcome happening, you actually push it into survival mode. I won't  be able to survive unless I get this thing. Your brain is always asking, what could go wrong? How  do I protect myself from this? And then you start operating from a place of fear and scarcity rather  than from a place of fulfillment and just peace. I always think that stories stick the most. So, I'm  going to give you guys a very personal example of this. So growing up in a very Asian uh household,  obviously education was very important. Getting into a top university was incredibly important.  And at the time when I was 16, 17, I had a dream school that I wanted to get into. And I honestly  felt like if I didn't get into that school, like the world would just end. That's literally  how I felt. I was so deeply attached to this idea that I had to go there and I put it on this giant  pedestal. And looking back when I was writing all of the applications and even the act of writing  the essays came from this place of deep insecurity and like survival mode and I didn't understand  anything about the nervous system at the time, but it definitely felt like I was being chased  by a bear because I was so afraid of failing.

And when you're 16 and 17 years old, okay, and I  don't want to project because maybe you're like a very mature 16, 17 year old, but for me at least,  I had no emotional resilience because I had not gone through any real challenges in my life at the  time. And so everything just felt more important than it actually was. And after I finished all  my applications, I still had a few days before the deadline. And there was this one school that  I had not applied to yet. And quite honestly, I didn't think I was going to get in, but I was  like, I have some time. I'll give it a shot. So, I looked at the essay questions. And the essay  questions were very different from the usual ones, which are like, why do you want to come to this  school? What do you think you can contribute to campus life? Tell us about a challenge that  you went through in life. But the questions for this school were not like that. They  were a lot more creative. And so I was like, I guess I cannot reuse and copy and paste anything  that I've just written in the past few months. And because of that, I was like, all right, well,  I'm just going to write from the heart then, as cliche as that sounds, whatever happens  happens. I was completely detached. And I just remember I ended up writing all of the  essays within like 2 hours because I ended up just slipping into this flow state because I was  not attached to the outcome. I was able to produce something that really felt like my authentic self  and not from a place of like how can I say words to feel and appear more impressive, you know? And  through that writing process, I was like, wait, this is actually kind of fun and I could actually  see myself being a really good fit at the school.

Whereas for all of the other schools, I spent  hours and hours just writing and rewriting, editing, and it just felt so forced. Like it was a  very different energy that probably gave off this energy of lack of desperation of how do I look  better than I actually think I am. The ending of the story is this. I did not end up getting into  the supposed dream school that I had at the time, but I did end up getting into the school that took  me a fraction of the time and energy and stress to apply for and I ended up going to it and had the  best four years of my life there. The reason I gave that example was I know there's something in  your life right now that you desperately want to happen. probably can't think of any other outcome  as desirable other than this one. And I want that for you, too. But I also want you to know that no  matter what happens, you are going to be okay. No matter what happens, you are going to be okay  no matter what. Because even if you don't get the thing that you thought you wanted, it's  just part of the bridge of events to get you to something that is better for you. I know it's  so cliche, but rejection really is redirection.

a lot of times and you don't have to believe  me but when you experience it it just feels so powerful and it just feels like so much clarity.  Think of everything that is happening right now as a bridge of incidence to something that is  so aligned with you and something that is so right for you. Something that needs to happen in  order for you to get to where you are even if it may not look like it in the moment. The other  point of that story is when you are less in survival mode and operating more from a regulated  nervous system, you become more in flow state and that makes you more productive and creative. Flow  state is one of the most powerful states to be in.

It's when you are so engrossed in something that  you lose track of all time and you're just in the present and you're focused on creating. basically  like freeing up resistant energy for creative energy. And so that's why a lot of times the work  you produce when you are detached from outcome can be a lot better than the work you produce  when you're attached to the outcome. Let's say you're creating content for example, right? The  energy that comes from how do I provide more value to people is so different from the energy that  comes from how do I protect myself from failure?

How do I not make myself look bad? Or when you're  interviewing for a job, right? The answers you give in an interview when you keep thinking, how  do I not look stupid in front of this person is so different from the energy you're exuding when  you're thinking, "How do I treat this as a two-way conversation?" I used the word creativity a couple  times. I want you to know that creativity is not just about making art or making music. We as  humans are creative beings by default. Think of anything that you do as a creative act. It can  be reinventing yourself, planning your life goals, moving to a new country, or it can be something  small like organizing an event for your friends or putting together an outfit or like having a deep  meaningful conversation with someone. All of these things are creative acts. So take a step back and  regulate your nervous system first. Take a deep breath and ask yourself, what am I resisting right  now? What energy am I approaching this situation with? Is this energy creative and expansive?  Or is this energy fearful and resistant? And even if you realize that you're stuck in  that fearful resistant state, that's okay.

Just be aware of it because being aware of it is  already a very big step. it is already like half the battle. You don't have to flip a switch and  just be zen all of a sudden. But I promise you, there is a way to approach the situation with a  more relaxed, with a more playful state, without forcing things to happen, but allowing things to  happen. And if it doesn't work out, rejection is redirection. I promise you. Look up the story of  the Chinese farmer. It will change your life. That is probably my favorite story of of human history.  As always, thank you for being here. Thank you for filling my cup. And let me know in the  comments what resonated with you in this video.