Shadowing Practice: Regrets - Learn English Speaking with Video

Good morning.

Dwayne here, Dry Creek Wrangler School.

Sitting here in a tack shed today and got a fire back in the wood stove.

You'd think it's May 5th.

You'd think those days would be about over, but they're not.

It's chilly out there this morning.

There's a strong wind blowing.

So I'm going to sit in here next to the fire and have me some coffee and have a cigar.

This is a Perdomo lot number 23.

That's the lead Nicaragua.

I've never had one before, but one of the students this week, we just finished up our first week of class for the year, and one of the students brought some cigars and he gave me a couple of these,

and I'm really liking them.

If you were to ask me, Dwayne, name one thing that has helped make you a better horseman?

I would have to say one of the things is regret.

Regret.

Dwayne, what is one of the things that has made you a better human being to your fellow man?

There's a lot of things.

But one of the things I'd have to say is regret.

You know, I look back at horses I had 20, 25 years ago when I didn't know anything and I didn't have the temperament that I have today.

And I look back and I got this horse and I remember where this horse was.

And I remember, however unintentionally,

however non-maliciously, I remember to where I took that horse.

And I look back at that today and there's a tinge of regret.

I did not put that horse on the best path possible.

Not deliberately, but just out of ignorance and youth and impatience.

And I regret that.

The definition of regret is a disappointment or a sadness over something that you've done in the past.

Basically, that's the definition.

I look back over the years.

And, you know, so I just turned 57.

and you know so there's enough years now to look back at

and I look at relationships I've had friends and and a family

and you know everything and and I look at how I responded to this person

and how I reacted to this person and what I did with this person and and I have regrets

I wished I hadn't done that wish that hadn't turned out that way

there's a trend going on at least in this country maybe

in other countries i don't know today with this self-help movement

where people say no regrets no regrets well let me let me tell you okay

if we were sitting out here some of us sitting around

the fire like we do every week at the school and everybody just talking and telling stories and catching up and just,

and you're one of those people you speak up and say, I have no regrets in my life because everything that happened in the past made me who I am today.

I wouldn't say anything.

I wouldn't step in and say anything, but I'm going to just let you know right now, you would be placed in a book inside of me.

Your name would be written down a book of a person

that I will never respect and that I will surely never trust.

Regret is not about us.

Now stop and listen to me, okay?

Regret is not about you.

Regret is a safety mechanism for those around us.

If we feel regret for how we hurt somebody else based on decisions that we made,

we are less likely to hurt them again in the same way.

We are less likely to hurt somebody else in the same way that we hurt that person.

We are less likely to make the same approach to our horse.

We saw it didn't work.

We saw that it didn't put them on a good path.

And we're like, man, I wish I had done that different.

That's regret.

If you go through life with an attitude of no regrets for anything I've done in life,

that is the attitude of a sociopath or a psychopath,

someone who has no empathy for other life around them, be it man or animal.

And so we need, we need to embrace our regrets.

I know that's very against the grain.

That's very swimming upstream against attitudes and philosophies today.

I don't care.

People who say I have no regrets in life,

they end up being the most arrogant people because the regrets that you have are regret for what you

intentionally or unintentionally caused somebody else.

Your regret's not about you.

I regret that I hurt that person.

I was young.

I was ignorant.

I didn't know how to, um, I didn't know how to go through some of this, this new adulting thing.

I didn't know how to handle it.

And so I handled it like this.

And I look back now from a place of experience and a place of maturity and a place of sadness.

And I look back and I say, I wish I had been wiser.

I wish I had been gentler.

I wish I had been more experienced.

I wish I had not hurt that person that way.

However unintentional it was.

We need regrets.

Okay.

And And I'm going to give my, well, this is all my opinion.

I'm going to give my opinion here.

I think a lot of these,

especially men out there who are motivators for young men,

I think they're borderline psychopaths psychopaths.

I think some of them are borderline sociopaths.

And my understanding is the difference between a sociopath and a psychopath.

A sociopath is made that way by society and a psychopath is born that way.

I don't know.

I'm not educated like that.

But people who are, I'm so much about me, I have no empathy for you.

I don't care about you.

And they push this, especially in young men, like you've been hurt, you know,

you've been hurt from your dating life and been hurt by women and hurt by relationships and hurt by jobs.

You need to just think about yourself

and you just need to go through life like a big giant hammer smashing through glass

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and the devil take the hindmost

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and they just will put a bullet in your head

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and let you die like a dog

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because all you're going to become is a snapping dog that's going to snap at anybody.

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You don't know if they're reaching out to pet you or smack you, but you go through life a person that's just snapping, just a snapping dog.

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And you're not fit for society if you become that, if you let them turn you into that.

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I can do whatever I want, and if it makes me better, I have no regrets.

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Well, it's not about you.

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What are you doing to those in your life around you?

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What kind of tailspin are you sending their life into?

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You hate what people have done to you.

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You hate what people have turned you into.

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Are you going to let that hate of them turn you into the same thing?

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someone who has no empathy, someone who has no regret, someone who looks back at poor decisions without any tinge of regret,

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of disappointment in what you accomplished, of sorrow.

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You can't do that.

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A man, a man regrets poor choices.

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A rock doesn't.

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And by rock, I don't mean this metaphor.

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I mean a stinking stone.

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I mean an actual stinking stone on the ground, a block of wood.

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Okay.

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An inanimate, unliving, unthinking, unfeeling object doesn't feel anything, does not feel empathy, does not feel regret.

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It's just this nonsense, this nonsense on the Internet today that's being spewed out,

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that it's all about you.

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I've talked about this before.

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You are an empty, you are an empty, pointless, thoughtless, nothing.

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If your life and your feelings and your view of the past is only seen through the periscope of you,

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of you, And that's where this whole no regrets come in.

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You dang sure better have regrets or you ain't going to be worth a hill of beans as a human being.

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Okay?

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You cannot grow.

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You cannot mature.

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You cannot get better.

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You can't become anything of value to yourself or to anyone else if you shut the door to regrets.

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Now, you don't let regrets drag you down.

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You don't let them destroy you.

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All right, I've talked about this before.

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You don't let the man that you used to be destroy the man

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that you are today or the man that you're trying to be today.

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All right.

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But balanced regret is what helps you become a better man.

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Unbalanced guilt is what destroys you.

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So, unbalanced guilt of who you were and what you were in the past or today destroys you.

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Balanced, open-eyed, thoughtful regret of poor decisions you made in the past is what helps you build

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and become better and become stronger.

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That is that check valve that helps you not make that decision again.

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that helps you not lose your temper of that horse again, that helps you not thoughtlessly,

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cruelly hurt that person again, that helps you not selfishly do whatever, okay?

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Regret, balanced regret is necessary.

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Unbalanced guilt will destroy you.

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That's not what I'm talking about.

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Okay?

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The more, listen, listen, the more you grow,

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the more you mature, the less self-centered you are,

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the more things you will see in the past. that you will regret.

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If you have no regrets, you have no growth.

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You have no growth.

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And you say, Duane, I'm looking back and I'm seeing more and more things in my life that I'm like, man, I'm kind of embarrassed.

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I'm kind of sad.

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I wish I hadn't done it. That means you're growing.

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That means you're seeing more things, that this is not good behavior.

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This is not how a good human being acts.

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This is not how we treat other people.

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This is not how we treat animals.

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This is not how we behave like this.

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And you didn't feel regret about it before because you hadn't grown enough to realize that that was like really cheap,

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really low, very selfish, very arrogant behavior.

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The humbler you get, the humbler you get, The more you understand, the more you understand, the more you regret.

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But at the same time, you keep that balance.

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You're like, man, I wish I hadn't done it.

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I wish I knew better back then.

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That's healthy.

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There's nothing wrong with that. But you keep controlling.

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You say, but I'm not back there now.

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And I'm not going to do that anymore.

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And that's the person I was, but that's not the person who I am today.

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And so you don't let crushing guilt destroy you,

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but you don't let a lack of regret destroy you on the other end of the spectrum.

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Okay.

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So I just, this, this subject,

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this thought has been on my mind for a long time now. and uh

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so i just i felt you know it was time it

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was time to address this okay uh it was time to uh

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kind of sit down

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and say hey let's let's take a look at this this attitude this um this self view

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that so many people are taking up today that is so arrogant and so self-centered and so destructive.

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Okay?

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All right.

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So anyhow, I hope that maybe clarified a little bit, helped you a little bit, opened your eyes a little bit.

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And so, and I hope the wind dies down out here and we can get a little bit done outside.

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So we just finished.

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Today is May 5th, I think.

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Yes, May 5th.

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So this week we finished our very first week of class for this year.

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And today's the 5th.

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It's Sunday.

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tomorrow we have this next week's class.

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They start rolling in and so we begin the second week.

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We're looking forward to it

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and we will keep you guys up to date as we go along with the school

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and then when we get next year, we haven't even started for next year booking or anything,

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but when we get that ferried out and hammered out with schedule and everything, we'll let you know.

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We'll get it up on the website.

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Okay?

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Until then, be logical. Be reasonable. Be safe. Have fun. And be humble. And be humble.

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And we'll talk to you guys next time.

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