Shadowing Practice: Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation | TED - Learn English Speaking with YouTube

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All right, I want to see a show of hands: how many of you have unfriended someone on Facebook because they said something offensive about politics or religion, childcare, food?
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All right, I want to see a show of hands: how many of you have unfriended someone on Facebook because they said something offensive about politics or religion, childcare, food?
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(Laughter) And how many of you know at least one person that you avoid because you just don't want to talk to them?
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(Laughter) You know, it used to be that in order to have a polite conversation, we just had to follow the advice of Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady": Stick to the weather and your health.
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But these days, with climate change and anti-vaxxing, those subjects -- (Laughter) are not safe either.
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So this world that we live in, this world in which every conversation has the potential to devolve into an argument, where our politicians can't speak to one another and where even the most trivial of issues have someone fighting both passionately for it and against it, it's not normal.
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Pew Research did a study of 10,000 American adults, and they found that at this moment, we are more polarized, we are more divided, than we ever have been in history.
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We're less likely to compromise, which means we're not listening to each other.
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And we make decisions about where to live, who to marry and even who our friends are going to be, based on what we already believe.
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Again, that means we're not listening to each other.
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A conversation requires a balance between talking and listening, and somewhere along the way, we lost that balance.
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Now, part of that is due to technology.
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The smartphones that you all either have in your hands or close enough that you could grab them really quickly.
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According to Pew Research, about a third of American teenagers send more than a hundred texts a day.
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And many of them, almost most of them, are more likely to text their friends than they are to talk to them face to face.
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There's this great piece in The Atlantic.
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It was written by a high school teacher named Paul Barnwell.
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And he gave his kids a communication project.
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He wanted to teach them how to speak on a specific subject without using notes.
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And he said this: “I came to realize...” (Laughter) "I came to realize that conversational competence might be the single most overlooked skill we fail to teach.
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Kids spend hours each day engaging with ideas and each other through screens, but rarely do they have an opportunity to hone their interpersonal communications skills.
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It might sound like a funny question, but we have to ask ourselves: Is there any 21st-century skill more important than being able to sustain coherent, confident conversation?" Now, I make my living talking to people: Nobel Prize winners, truck drivers, billionaires, kindergarten teachers, heads of state, plumbers.
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I talk to people that I like. I talk to people that I don’t like.
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I talk to some people that I disagree with deeply on a personal level.
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But I still have a great conversation with them.
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So I'd like to spend the next 10 minutes or so teaching you how to talk and how to listen.
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Many of you have already heard a lot of advice on this, things like look the person in the eye, think of interesting topics to discuss in advance, look, nod and smile to show that you're paying attention, repeat back what you just heard or summarize it.
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So I want you to forget all of that.
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It is crap.
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(Laughter) There is no reason to learn how to show you're paying attention if you are in fact paying attention.
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(Laughter) (Applause) Now, I actually use the exact same skills as a professional interviewer that I do in regular life.
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So, I'm going to teach you how to interview people, and that's actually going to help you learn how to be better conversationalists.
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Learn to have a conversation without wasting your time, without getting bored, and, please God, without offending anybody.
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We've all had really great conversations.
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We've had them before. We know what it's like.
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The kind of conversation where you walk away feeling engaged and inspired, or where you feel like you've made a real connection or you've been perfectly understood.
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There is no reason why most of your interactions can't be like that.
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So I have 10 basic rules. I'm going to walk you through all of them, but honestly, if you just choose one of them and master it, you'll already enjoy better conversations.
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Number one: Don't multitask.
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And I don't mean just set down your cell phone or your tablet or your car keys or whatever is in your hand.
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I mean, be present.
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Be in that moment.
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Don't think about your argument you had with your boss.
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Don't think about what you're going to have for dinner.
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If you want to get out of the conversation, get out of the conversation, but don't be half in it and half out of it.
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Number two: Don't pontificate.
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If you want to state your opinion without any opportunity for response or argument or pushback or growth, write a blog.
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(Laughter) Now, there's a really good reason why I don't allow pundits on my show: Because they're really boring.
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If they're conservative, they're going to hate Obama and food stamps and abortion.
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If they're liberal, they're going to hate big banks and oil corporations and Dick Cheney.
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Totally predictable.
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And you don't want to be like that.
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You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn.
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The famed therapist M. Scott Peck said that true listening requires a setting aside of oneself.
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And sometimes that means setting aside your personal opinion.
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He said that sensing this acceptance, the speaker will become less and less vulnerable and more and more likely to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind to the listener.
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Again, assume that you have something to learn.
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Bill Nye: "Everyone you will ever meet knows something that you don't." I put it this way: Everybody is an expert in something.
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Number three: Use open-ended questions.
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In this case, take a cue from journalists.
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Start your questions with who, what, when, where, why or how.
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If you put in a complicated question, you're going to get a simple answer out.
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If I ask you, "Were you terrified?" you're going to respond to the most powerful word in that sentence, which is "terrified," and the answer is "Yes, I was" or "No, I wasn't." "Were you angry?" "Yes, I was very angry." Let them describe it. They're the ones that know.
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Try asking them things like, "What was that like?" "How did that feel?" Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you're going to get a much more interesting response.
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Number four: Go with the flow.
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That means thoughts will come into your mind and you need to let them go out of your mind.
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We've heard interviews often in which a guest is talking for several minutes and then the host comes back in and asks a question which seems like it comes out of nowhere, or it's already been answered.
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That means the host probably stopped listening two minutes ago because he thought of this really clever question, and he was just bound and determined to say that.
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And we do the exact same thing.
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We're sitting there having a conversation with someone, and then we remember that time that we met Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop.
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(Laughter) And we stop listening.
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Stories and ideas are going to come to you.
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You need to let them come and let them go.
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Number five: If you don't know, say that you don't know.
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Now, people on the radio, especially on NPR, are much more aware that they're going on the record, and so they're more careful about what they claim to be an expert in and what they claim to know for sure.
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Do that. Err on the side of caution.
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Talk should not be cheap.
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Number six: Don't equate your experience with theirs.
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If they're talking about having lost a family member, don't start talking about the time you lost a family member.
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If they're talking about the trouble they're having at work, don't tell them about how much you hate your job.
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It's not the same. It is never the same.
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All experiences are individual.
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And, more importantly, it is not about you.
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You don't need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you've suffered.
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Somebody asked Stephen Hawking once what his IQ was, and he said, "I have no idea. People who brag about their IQs are losers." (Laughter) Conversations are not a promotional opportunity.
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Number seven: Try not to repeat yourself.
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It's condescending, and it's really boring, and we tend to do it a lot.
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Especially in work conversations or in conversations with our kids, we have a point to make, so we just keep rephrasing it over and over.
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Don't do that.
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Number eight: Stay out of the weeds.
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Frankly, people don't care about the years, the names, the dates, all those details that you're struggling to come up with in your mind.
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They don't care. What they care about is you.
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They care about what you're like, what you have in common.
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So forget the details. Leave them out.
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Number nine: This is not the last one, but it is the most important one.
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Listen. I cannot tell you how many really important people have said that listening is perhaps the most, the number one most important skill that you could develop.
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Buddha said, and I'm paraphrasing, "If your mouth is open, you're not learning." And Calvin Coolidge said, "No man ever listened his way out of a job." (Laughter) Why do we not listen to each other?
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Number one, we'd rather talk.
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When I'm talking, I'm in control.
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I don't have to hear anything I'm not interested in.
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I'm the center of attention.
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I can bolster my own identity.
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But there's another reason: We get distracted.
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The average person talks at about 225 word per minute, but we can listen at up to 500 words per minute.
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So our minds are filling in those other 275 words.
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And look, I know, it takes effort and energy to actually pay attention to someone, but if you can't do that, you're not in a conversation.
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You're just two people shouting out barely related sentences in the same place.
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(Laughter) You have to listen to one another.
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Stephen Covey said it very beautifully.
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He said, "Most of us don't listen with the intent to understand.
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We listen with the intent to reply." One more rule, number 10, and it’s this one: Be brief.
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Be interested in other people.
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You know, I grew up with a very famous grandfather, and there was kind of a ritual in my home.
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People would come over to talk to my grandparents, and after they would leave, my mother would come over to us, and she’d say, “Do you know who that was?
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She was the runner-up to Miss America.
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He was the mayor of Sacramento.
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She won a Pulitzer Prize. He's a Russian ballet dancer." And I kind of grew up assuming everyone has some hidden, amazing thing about them.
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And honestly, I think it's what makes me a better host.
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I keep my mouth shut as often as I possibly can.
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I keep my mind open.
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And I’m always prepared to be amazed, and I'm never disappointed.
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You do the same thing.
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Go out, talk to people, listen to people, and, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed.
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Thanks. (Applause)
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About This Lesson

In this lesson, you will practice essential conversational skills based on insights shared by Celeste Headlee in her TED talk. You will learn how to improve your communication effectiveness by focusing on listening and engaging in meaningful exchanges. By incorporating strategies such as being present and avoiding multitasking, you can foster deeper connections in your conversations. This lesson will not only help you speak confidently but will also enhance your shadowing practice, allowing you to mimic natural dialogue and improve your English speaking abilities.

Key Vocabulary & Phrases

  • Unfriend: To remove someone from your list of friends on social media.
  • Polarized: Divided into sharply contrasting groups, especially in beliefs or opinions.
  • Conversational competence: The ability to engage in effective and meaningful conversations.
  • Pontificate: To express one's opinions in a way that is pompous or dogmatic.
  • Multitask: To engage in more than one task simultaneously, often at the expense of focus and quality.
  • Coherent: Logical and consistent; able to be understood clearly.
  • Engage: To participate or become involved in a discussion actively.

Practice Tips

To enhance your learning experience, consider using a shadowing app or participating in a shadowing site to practice your speaking skills. When shadowing Celeste Headlee’s talk, focus on the following:

  • Listen and Repeat: Play the video at a slow speed, focusing on repeating her phrases. Pay attention to intonation and emotion, which are essential for natural speech.
  • Engage with Emotion: Notice how Headlee delivers her points with humor and seriousness. Practicing these tones through shadow speech will improve your ability to connect with audiences.
  • Avoid Interruptions: While shadowing, minimize distractions. Try to find a quiet space where you can fully immerse yourself in the content without interruptions.
  • Record Yourself: After shadow speaking, record your responses. Compare your delivery with Headlee’s to identify areas for improvement, focusing on clarity and engagement.
  • Harness Feedback: If possible, practice with a partner who can provide constructive feedback on your conversational skills, emphasizing listening and response techniques.

By applying these strategies, you will not only enhance your English speaking skills but also learn to navigate conversations with more confidence and clarity.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

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