Shadowing Practice: How to Stop Being Awkward & Actually Be Confident: Even if You’re Shy, Quiet, & Overthink Everything - Learn English Speaking with Video

There's a reason why you clicked on this episode.

Maybe it's because you are cripplingly shy.

Maybe you are so helplessly awkward

that every social interaction you have leads to your body entering fight or flight mode and your palms are sweaty.

You're so nervous or you are cringing at every word

that comes out of your mouth or afterwards you are playing back the situation over

and over and over again and being so self-critical on every single word that you said

or maybe your social anxiety just drives you absolutely insane because it feels like you will never break free from it.

But don't worry because I'm here to tell you

that I have been in the exact same position and there is a way out.

So if you want to learn how to detach from your social anxiety, from your anxiousness, from your awkwardness and your shyness

that has held you captive your whole life and learn to level up to the hottest, highest, and healthiest version of yourself, this is the podcast for you.

Welcome to today's episode of Hot and Unbothered.

Hello beautiful people and welcome back to my podcast.

If you're new here, my name is Brianna Gomez

or you can call me Bri and I am your host of Hot and Unbothered, the ultimate podcast for leveling up,

unlocking your dream life, and becoming your dream version of yourself.

If you're not new here, welcome back.

I am so, so happy to see you guys.

I hope you're all doing well.

You guys were requesting a very specific episode.

When I released my back to school episode, I realized that so many of you guys struggle with either social anxiety, awkwardness, shyness, everywhere in between.

And I want you guys to know that you are not alone.

This is so, so common, especially I feel like in this generation and in this society,

there's something that maybe social media did it to us or the constant comparison that we're exposed to did it to us,

it makes us so awkward or shy or insecure and overall just extremely anxious.

And I am here to not only tell you how to break free from this mindset and way of thinking, but actual actionable ways to implement anti-shy,

anti-awkward habits to grow from it.

And also just remind you that I was in the exact same position.

For over 75% of my life, I struggled with severe social anxiety, crippling shyness and awkwardness.

I did not want to talk.

I did not want to look at anybody.

I had to have my twin sister speak for me growing up.

I would be palm sweaty, voice shaking if I had to speak in front of a class, looking down, hoping that no one would look at me or notice me.

It was so bad.

I would run from boys at school.

That's unrelated, but it was just to that point.

I did not have confidence.

I did not want to socialize.

I was so shy.

And now from the opposite end of things, I can confidently tell you that there is so much that you are missing out on.

Not because you can have all this attention and all this popularity, but living with that pit in your stomach of anxiety anytime

that you are faced in a social interaction

or on your way to some outing or event or that

that nervousness almost

that you feel anytime you know you're gonna have to speak there's just a way outside of

that and there is so much more

that life has to offer once you're no longer afraid of having to speak

or having to interact with other people and also being

so self-critical after every single social interaction that you have

and beating yourself up about it thinking of all the things

that you could have said differently or cringing at yourself

because you just don't think that this person would have liked what you said or found it funny or found it interesting, cut it right now.

Today is the last way that we are letting you think

that way because there is another way and it is so freeing and just take this as reassurance,

the fact that I was the cripplingly shy girl,

cripplingly anxious and awkward and now I am here on year two nearly of my podcast Hot

and unbothered with you guys where I talk to millions of people who listen to these episodes

and I feel like you guys are all my best friends.

So there is absolutely another way and another reality in

which you do not have to be held captive to these ties that are anxiety and awkwardness and shyness.

So I'm going to teach you guys how to break free from that today, give you all the tips and tricks, and we're going to find the real root of it

and learn how to rewire your perspective in order to set yourself free from these things

but before we dive in you guys know I love to

share a podcast review today we have one from someone's initials who are AA

and they said OMG Bri I love your video so much

and I hope you know how much of a difference it

has made in my life I'm always the shy girl who gets picked on is bullied for the randomest things

and always insecure about everything

but your videos help me feel like I fit in like I mean something to this world

So thank you so much for these videos.

I'm going to high school next year and I'm so scared, but because of you, I feel more confident.

Also, you're amazing and so sweet.

So thank you and keep being amazing.

That is so sweet, you guys.

And I am so proud of you for just your growth

and the fact that you took the time to listen to this episode.

And you are just dedicated to becoming the best version of yourself.

And that is so inspiring to me.

So if you guys have anyone who struggles or has struggled with anything similar with social interaction of any kind,

do them a favor and send this to them.

Share it with someone you love who you want to help out.

But without further ado, let's jump in to today's episode.

Super important also, don't forget that you can shop my sustainable size inclusive clothing line.

We have the cutest pieces loungewear for summertime with built-in bra, little dainty lace shorts, fold-over flare pants in all different colors.

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I will link it in the description below for you

and it ships Internationally in which I know you guys have been asking for it, but it's so comfortable made to be versatile

So it's a mix of athletic wear sleepwear lounge where you

can wear it to run your errands in I took yoga and it Pilates in it.

You can do anything in it So I highly recommend you guys check it out

and it would mean the world to me

if you supported my sustainable clothing line The biggest thing

that I need you to know is

that your awkwardness is not personality based you are not stuck

or defined as awkward this is the biggest misconception

and it becomes an identity thing your awkwardness or your shyness

or your anxiety is not your identity yet the second your

face in a social interaction anything else about you disappears

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and the only adjective you see yourself as is awkward so right now I want you guys to imagine the word

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anxious or awkward

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or shy whatever you view yourself as attached to you by a string hanging off your head

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or your shoulder and now I need you to envision physically grabbing a pair of scissors

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and cutting that tie cutting that string because the thing is

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when you step out into the world one thing is

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that no one knows no one knows that you're awkward no one knows that you're shy no one knows that you're anxious.

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So the only person who is truly instilling that reality is you.

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We keep ourselves stuck in viewing ourselves under a certain light because of the way we let our anxiety,

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awkwardness, and shyness define us.

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But now think of it this way.

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Would you describe your friend that way?

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I know we all have a friend who's a little socially anxious or awkward, but you know so much about them.

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You know that there's so many more interesting things about them, so much deeper than what meets the eye, you wouldn't go off and describe them as awkward.

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So don't do that to yourself either.

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So number one step is to re-describe yourself.

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Think of all the different ways that you can describe yourself other than anxious, awkward, socially challenged.

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There are so many different words and if you need to, write it out, put it in your notes app, look in the mirror and talk to yourself,

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but you are so many more things than anxious.

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So that's the first step in

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rewiring your mind rewriting the narrative because

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that is not you it does not define you and remember this

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that people are not born awkward or shy

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or anxious in the same way that they're not just born confident

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or loud or extroverted our environment and the things

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that we feed our brain truly do impact the way

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that we are and the way that we act

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and interact with other people and so I don't want you to carry this weight around with you of, oh, I'm so shy.

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I'm so anxious.

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I'm so awkward.

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I can't talk to people.

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Social interaction makes me terrified when that is not what needs to define you.

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And I know that sometimes it's not that easy to just snap your fingers and rewrite the narrative.

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And also let me preface this by saying I am no professional

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and I know that social anxiety can sometimes be

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so deeply penetrated into your soul that it feels like it's something you can't break free from.

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So therapy and talking to someone does truly make all the difference, but these are just easy, actionable tips that you can give a try.

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But a huge change that you need to make is to stop comparing yourself to the people who are so confident, to the people who seem like they just have it all

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and they're not nervous about anything because they were not born that way.

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It's not a matter of fact that they were dealt some cards of confidence and extroversion that you weren't.

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It's that they rewired their brain in some way or were raised in some environment that made them more confident.

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And that should not be discouraging to you.

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Oh, they're so confident I'll never be that way.

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It should be encouraging to you like, wow, look at how carefree that person is.

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Look at how confident they are within themselves.

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And if they can achieve that, I can achieve that too.

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So if awkwardness isn't inherited, where does it come from?

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It's quite literally a nervous system regulation

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when you are faced in a social interaction and your body enters a fight or flight mode.

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And this kicks in when you feel socially unsafe in any way.

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So that's why you'll notice when you're with your family or really close friends, maybe you don't feel as anxious.

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But when you're entering a new environment of unfamiliarity, that's when it kicks in.

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And use this as proof that shyness is adaptive.

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It's not permanent.

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It alters based off of situations.

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So you should use this as proof that you aren't stuck with it and that it is something that is trainable.

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You can rewire your shyness to occur a little bit less.

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And I'm not saying instantly, but it is something that you can retrain over time because it comes from your brain

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perceiving social interactions as almost a potential risk.

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But if you can rewire your perspective and realize that it's actually not that scary, you will notice that this fight or flight mode gets triggered much less.

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And there's a psychologist named Dr. Hendrickson who once said that confidence isn't just being extroverted, it's being comfortable being seen.

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Meaning you don't have to rewrite your entire narrative and change yourself from an introvert to an extrovert.

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And yes, there are shy or socially anxious extroverts.

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Those do not mean the same thing.

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Just because someone talks a lot does not mean that they are not awkward and they're not anxious,

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but it just means that you can regulate your nervous system in these specific interactions that once made you very, very nervous.

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You can regulate or kind of gentle parent almost exposure therapy,

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micro exposure, your nervous system into being less afraid of being seen or interacting with others.

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And so it's important for you to know that you are not stuck awkward.

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Your body is just entering a state of protection mode

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and we are going to shift that into connection mode is what I call it.

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Connection mode is something that changed my entire existence realizing that when you step out into the world with intention,

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things become so much less scary.

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It's actually insane what a difference this makes in your daily life anxiety levels and nervous system regulation.

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I truly believe that the more your intention and connection levels go up, the more your anxiety levels start to lower and decrease.

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Because when I am stepping out into the world, any interaction that I have, I look at it with intention.

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I look at it as an opportunity to learn something new about a person, learn something new about myself, learn something new about life.

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Just look at each interaction with intention of opportunity and it becomes

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so much less scary even if it is a learning experience

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or even if you do leave being like okay I don't know what

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that was I don't know what I possibly could have gained

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or learned from

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that stepping into the world with the mindset of I'm gonna

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learn something right now I'm gonna make a new friend meet a new person it completely changes your perspective

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because if you live a socially anxious life chances are that

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when you do step out into a social interaction you're very

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nervous you are dreading it you are overthinking it before it

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even happens before you even are on the car ride there you are replaying it in your mind over

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and over again of course if you're dreading an interaction before it even happens

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odds are you are going to struggle

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so deeply with being present in the actual moment once you

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are there you are going to struggle trying to actually connect with this person on a deeper level

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because you are so hyper fixated on what they think of you, what they're going to tell their friends about it, or saying the right things, being perceived a certain way,

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when all of that does not matter.

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One thing I need you guys to know is that everyone else is so focused on themselves.

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Odds are they are also anxious, awkward, or shy in some way, or have struggled with it, or known someone who's struggled with it,

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and they are so focused on themselves and what they are saying that they're not even noticing what you say.

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If you mess up, if you say something incorrectly, they do not care.

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They are not gonna go home at night and be like, wow, that Brie girl was really weird and I don't like her.

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Girl, no. The barista at your favorite coffee shop is not gonna be like, wow, that girl whose order I took was so socially awkward.

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She was so nervous.

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I'm embarrassed for her.

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Guys, no one cares.

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And that's the beautiful thing about life is once you realize that no one's watching and no one cares, it is so freeing.

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So I need you guys to dive deep into the detachment from outcome, detachment of perception.

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I have two episodes

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that I highly recommend for you is how to be truly unbothered in mastering the law of detachment

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and then also the people-pleasing one because chances are if you struggle with anxiousness, you probably also struggle with people-pleasing.

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I feel like they do go hand in hand.

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Those ones are just so big on releasing the control of things you cannot control

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and focusing on what you can

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which is what you do how you choose to operate in situations instead of focusing

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so badly on how the other person is going to react

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or respond to you you can't control that and you trying to control

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that and worrying about controlling that is actually making it worse do you follow

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and a way that this is literally proven is the fact

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that things are only awkward if you make them awkward

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and my friends and I used to say this growing up in high school

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when we would be going to a new social interaction with

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maybe I don't know boys for the first time something silly like

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that and we would tell ourselves it's only awkward

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if you make it awkward meaning awkwardness is so perceptive

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and people feed off of each other's energy

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and you get more of what you focus on which has been proven in so many different ways,

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you truly do attract more of the energy that you are channeling out into this world.

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Whatever energy you give out, you will receive right back and that is a guarantee.

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So when you are giving this anxious, awkward, questionable energy that you are unsure of what you're saying, that you're insecure of what the other person will think of you,

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they can pick up on that.

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And this is a topic that I want to introduce to you guys called self-concept

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and if you've listened to any of my past confidence episodes you've heard this before

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and it is crucial to understand self-concept is the idea

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that however you view yourself is how others will view you as well meaning

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if you view yourself as anxious other people can pick up on those signals

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because energy is quite literally transferable so they will pick up on your body's signals

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and your energy and your aura and they know that girl is anxious, that girl is nervous, she is shy, she doesn't know what to say or what she's doing here.

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On the other hand, the parallel is that

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if you view yourself as someone who is so confident or so valuable or so beautiful or so worthy, whatever the adjective you are going for is,

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that then translates into reality because if you fully believe that you are her, that you are that girl,

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people pick up on that energy as well.

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Energy is so contagious.

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In the same way, if someone's having a bad day and it rubs off on you, that energy is contagious.

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Or someone's having a really positive day, they're great energy, great vibes, that makes your day better.

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And so in the exact same way, when you are just channeling this anxious, nervous, dreadful energy.

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Everyone can tell.

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And this part is going to be tricky for some of you, but I have exact ways and plans on how we are going to do it.

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But I need you to rewire and strengthen your self-concept to no longer believe that you have to be the shy girl, the anxious girl, the awkward girl,

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but you are an it girl.

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You are her.

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And there is a variety of ways to do this, but just remembering that nobody knows that you are anxious.

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Nobody has to know, but you are outing yourself essentially when before you even enter a social interaction, you're telling yourself that it's going to go terribly.

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And so this negative self-talk, the reason why it's not actually just between you and yourself is because when you are feeding yourself these negative thoughts,

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yes, it might just be in your head, but everyone else can pick up on it.

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So I need you to cut out the self-diagnosing of, oh my gosh, I'm the most anxious person ever.

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I'm the most awkward person ever.

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And I need you to cut out the negative self-talk like, oh my gosh, Bri, why would you say that?

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You're so dumb.

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I'm so embarrassed.

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They're not going to like me.

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Cut it out.

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I'm done.

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And we are going to replace this with confidence, positivity, and self-sureness, self-awareness.

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And I know what you're thinking, Bri, this anxiety is so crippling.

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I am so unbelievably anxious and awkward.

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There's just no way I can flip the switch like that.

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Well, funny enough, it actually starts way beforehand.

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No, I don't expect you to just show up at school tomorrow

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and be the most confident person in the whole entire world, although that would be great and I know you're totally capable of it.

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Self-confidence actually starts with the body before it starts with your mouth.

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So yes, it starts with your mind, which I hope I've made very clear your self-concept and the way

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that you view yourself is crucial

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and I need you to desensitize yourself from these social interactions

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because you need to know

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that everyone else is most likely just as nervous as you are

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and they aren't noticing every little mistake and flaw that you make or have because they're too focused on themselves.

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Something that really helps me with this is viewing humans as big babies.

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We're all just big babies.

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Isn't that crazy?

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We are quite literally toddlers trapped in a human body.

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Everyone is living life here on earth for their first time so they don't expect you to be perfect.

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Take out that pressure.

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Take out that need to exceed or meet everyone's expectations of you, don't go into conversations being like, I hope I'm good enough.

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Go into it being like, I hope they're good enough.

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Not I hope they like me, but I hope I like them.

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I hope I gain something from this conversation.

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Because you know that you are valuable and your time is valuable and the other person,

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they are in the exact same boat as you.

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You don't owe anyone anything.

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I think that is such a crucial thing

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and I tell this to my friends who are going on dates for the first time.

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I always tell them, remember, they are trying to impress you.

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It's not your job to impress them.

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They are trying to get your validation.

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It's not your job to get validation from them.

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They are the ones who should be wooing you.

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They are the ones who should be proving themselves worthy to you.

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So why are you so anxious?

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Just go up and be yourself because the worst thing that can happen is that it's not a vibe.

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And then what happens?

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The world is not going to self-destruct tomorrow.

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The sun will rise again and we'll move on.

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And also remember that every social situation that you have, don't be hard on yourself because each one is growth.

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They're reps.

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Maybe today you had a really awkward encounter, but tomorrow you're gonna slay that one.

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You are going to and I know it.

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So let's get back to how we are going to work up to just absolutely demolishing this anxiety in our social situations.

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Again, like I was saying, the confidence starts from within.

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And so what will really help is

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if you spend time regulating your nervous system leading up to whatever this social interaction is,

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if you're anticipating it, even if it's a day at school

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or a day at work instead of being

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so incredibly anxious leading up i know for me personally

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if i have a big event coming up

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or first day of school for example i'm spending the day before panicking staying up super late

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because i'm anxious trying to get every single last detail together

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and then of course the next day you feel like absolute trash

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because you spent all night up worrying and freaking yourself out over nothing

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And then you don't feel well during the day because you are hyper fixating on every single little detail.

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So the best thing you can do is practice nervous system regulation leading up to things that make you anxious.

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And this is going to be different for everybody.

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One thing I really recommend is breathing exercises, you guys.

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And there's different variations.

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I like 4, 7, 8.

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So it's inhaling for 4 seconds, holding for 7 seconds, and exhaling for 8 seconds.

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Anytime you feel yourself getting nervous getting anxious feeling shy like

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it's something that's gonna be totally impossible for you to do

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Just take a breather for a little bit doing this the night before

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or even hour 30 minutes five minutes before in your car Before you walk into a party anything helps

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but just regulating your nervous system because again Within your body is where this tension

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and anxiety is held but really spending mindful time with yourself before entering a social situation that makes you really anxious.

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For me personally, like I was saying, I feel like I'm always rushing out the door at the last second

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or doing something like that when I'm stressed about an event

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or an interaction because I want it to be perfect

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and I'm so hyper fixated on how I'm going to appear

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or how I'm going to operate at this event where I realize I spent zero time regulating my nervous system

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or kind of hyping myself up.

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Sometimes guys, it's as simple as hyping yourself up.

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You often are your own biggest critic and your worst bully and so you are talking down on yourself,

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you are telling yourself self-limiting beliefs that you are so awkward, that you are so shy that no one wants to talk to you,

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that you are absolutely self-sabotaging your social interactions when that is so far from the truth.

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What you actually need Is a friend imagine if your friend said those things to you for one.

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That's terrible So hype yourself up.

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So you know what?

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I got this.

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You know what?

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It's okay Because I like me and that's enough

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and I don't care what anyone else thinks of me

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So just finding slow time throughout the day to check in with yourself To hype yourself up

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and to do the opposite of what you have been doing

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which is beating yourself up over social interactions But actually work yourself up to it and encourage yourself

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That is the kind of thing

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that is going to make you want to keep trying

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and motivated to keep going Now let's talk about the actionable little things we are going to implement

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and that you can start today to Practice being less awkward

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or less anxious Number one thing is a little micro exposure therapy confidence is truly a combination of self-trust

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and exposure and just getting used to that in reps

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and reps and this is intentionally doing tiny baby steps because baby steps are what really count and every rep matters

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baby steps of just introducing

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or practicing acts of confidence daily maybe that's raising your hand in class

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or complimenting a stranger or texting an old friend

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and wishing them to have a good day the littlest littlest things

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and this is something that completely changed me is i never ever let a nice thoughts be kept to myself.

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If I think something nice about someone, I have to say it.

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It's a rule and I challenge all of you to implement that rule.

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If you see someone and you're like, dang, that girl is so pretty or her nails are so cute or I love her style or her smile, say it.

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You are officially, starting now, not allowed to keep a nice thought to yourself.

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Otherwise, you lose the challenge and I challenge you.

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And something that also really helps is, again, looking at everyone as just God's children or babies

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or creation and realizing that he made everyone so intentionally

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and purely and they're just all little babies guys and

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when you view everyone like that it becomes so much less scary and remember

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that it's their first time living too they're just as nervous as you are they are learning the same things

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that you are in their own ways, it's so much less scary.

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So micro exposure therapy is huge and just doing these self-trust reps will build up to make you so much stronger.

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And before you know it, you'll be dishing compliments and starting up conversation with strangers left and right.

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And the fact that you will see how good you become at this, this also builds an aspect of self-trust, an aspect of inner stability,

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which then translates into external contagious confidence.

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And so I have three.

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Just three specific challenges for you guys to start out.

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These are basic beginner level.

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Number one, I need you guys to smile and greet and maybe even compliment, if you're feeling crazy, at least one person a day.

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This could be your barista at your coffee shop.

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You can smile at a person who's crossing the street when you're in your car.

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A cashier, a classmate, I don't care who it is, smile at someone, say hi to them, ask them how their day is, give them a compliment.

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It's so easy and you also never know who is going through it.

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That's something that made me feel

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so much better about just being open of greeting people

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and smiling at them because you truly don't know who needs it

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and you'd be surprised how many people haven't heard a compliment in a really long time

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or really needed to hear one today.

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And then I want you to journal or self-reflect how did that make you feel and what did you

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Accomplished today that took courage because I have a feeling you will feel

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so Happy with yourself the more that you start to spread this positivity

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So not only are you flexing that confidence and social muscle

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But you are also just spreading love in the world and how could you not want to do that?

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And the third one

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and I know this one is going to be really hard for you guys

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if you are anything like I was in the past But it's holding eye contact.

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Oh, I know some of you don't like it Some of you don't like it, but body language is huge and we're going to ease into that.

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Eye contact is everything.

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I literally, and some of you guys joke about this if you watch the video episodes,

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I look at my viewfinder because I have to make eye contact with myself.

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I have to make eye contact with somebody when I am talking.

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So sometimes people will comment and be like, are you looking above us?

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I feel like you're not looking at the camera and I'm not because I can't just stare at a camera.

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I have to look at a person now

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and I have to look into their eyes

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So I look into my own eyes because i've gotten

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so used to eye contact and just how Connecting it is

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that sounds so crazy Not me saying that I make eye contact with myself

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when I record my podcast episodes

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But I do I need to make eye contact with someone at all times

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and you will realize

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That not only does it make you feel more confident it makes you feel more powerful

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and more connected And authentic or genuine with the person that you are talking to On the topic of eye contact,

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body language is huge, meaning when you walk into a room, if you are looking down, arms crossed, what energy is that giving off?

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Our body sends signals.

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When your arms are crossed, that means no. That means I'm closed off.

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That means I'm not enjoying my time with you.

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Same thing with avoiding eye contact or looking away.

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Same thing with mumbling or uttering words under your breath or just seeming like you're not paying attention to someone.

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I always feel so bad when someone's talking and no one's looking at them.

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It makes me so sad.

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But keeping your head up and channeling positive energy, posture, open shoulders, chin up, walking into a room like you own it,

423

that is the energy of someone who is open to opportunities and experiences and welcoming whatever the world has waiting for them.

424

But when you are closed off like that, you are not going to meet new people.

425

You are not going to have new interactions.

426

There's just no way.

427

And so now the big question, how are we going to go about actually executing these into conversations and actually successfully having a conversation,

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holding it, and doing it with intention?

429

The number one thing I think that you should know is it's not your job to make the conversation interesting.

430

A good conversation is not about being interesting.

431

It's about being interested, meaning it's not your job to step into a conversation

432

and spit out a bunch of information or facts about yourself and hope that the other person thinks it's entertaining.

433

It's about stepping into it with intention, which is exactly what I was saying earlier.

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And living life with intention already has changed my entire reality

435

but especially on a level

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when it comes to connecting with others it just unlocks a whole new realm of connection

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that you didn't even think was possible when you are living with social anxiety

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or shyness and instead of dreading every moment

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or anticipating the next thing that's going to be said focus on being present in the conversation It does wonders.

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So yes Stop anticipating what the next person is going to say

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or what you're going to say next or what they're thinking of you Or oh my gosh, this eye contact so intense or oh my gosh, they're looking at my teeth Do I have something in my teeth?

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Whatever be present and be intentional and be there To actually want to learn

443

or have a meaningful conversation with this person again Every conversation

444

that you will ever have is an opportunity It is a door opened

445

and you never know where it will lead

446

and you are holding yourself back from having those meaningful deep conversations

447

when you are living a life with constant anxiousness

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or making it awkward because you're too hyper fixated on how they're perceiving you.

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The reason why being interested instead of being interesting works so well is because one, it creates a genuine atmosphere because you are interested in this person

450

and you actually want to learn about them and people love talking about themselves, especially boys I feel Like, I don't know.

451

People love talking about themselves.

452

And so don't just be like, what's your favorite animal?

453

Ask them, what's your favorite animal?

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Oh my gosh, that's so cool.

455

Follow up with, wow, I once had a dog.

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Or what makes you like ponies as your favorite animal?

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Little silly things, but just spark interest.

458

And you know, again, everyone is in the same boat.

459

So if you're gonna have a conversation with everybody, might as well dig a little deeper, make it more interesting for you and them.

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It is such an attractive quality to be curious about life, to be intentional with your time and energy, and to be living in the present moment.

461

Especially with this society.

462

People suck at holding a genuine conversation.

463

And I'm not saying I'm perfect.

464

I have had many awkward moments throughout my life, and I'm sure recently, but the things to recognize are one, my growth and the fact that yes,

465

I have these awkward conversations.

466

Do I let it define me as an overall awkward person?

467

No, I'm sure many people have had awkward conversations with me or silly times,

468

but the thing that differentiates it is that I don't say, oh my gosh, I had one awkward conversation.

469

Wow, I'm officially the most awkward person on the planet and I'll never have a non-awkward conversation again.

470

That was so cringy, X, Y, Z.

471

But if I have an awkward conversation, it's just funny.

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It's just a quirk.

473

It was just a silly moment.

474

It was just a silly vibe.

475

Conversation, maybe it didn't land.

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And that's another thing to remember is that

477

not all conversations have to be winners and I hate

478

that we beat ourselves up over awkward interactions because so many awkward things happen in a day.

479

Do you guys know how many awkward interactions happen in a day?

480

We wouldn't even be able to find a statistic for that because everyone perceives awkwardness differently.

481

You might be absolutely soul crushed after a social interaction with someone like, oh my goodness, that was so awkward.

482

I'm never going to recover.

483

I am going and hiding, changing my name, moving to Mexico.

484

And then the person who you have that conversation with is sleeping peacefully at night, not thinking once about it ever again for the rest of their life.

485

Yeah, you are letting it eat you alive.

486

So learning to hyperfixate and practice detachment is huge.

487

Again, detachment, releasing control over the things you cannot control.

488

What can you control?

489

How you react to a situation.

490

What can't you control?

491

How someone else reacts to a situation, yet we hyper fixate on worrying about how someone else is perceiving or reacting to a situation.

492

It's just a vicious cycle.

493

Set yourself free by saying, you know what, I don't care.

494

Frankly, I don't care.

495

Maybe that conversation was awkward, maybe it wasn't.

496

Good news is it doesn't matter.

497

And it's also crucial to recognize that a conversation is a two-way street, so if you have an awkward interaction with somebody, that doesn't automatically mean that you are awkward.

498

Maybe they're awkward.

499

Did you ever think that?

500

Maybe they're the one making it awkward.

501

But there's a few key components I need you guys to promise me you will stop doing

502

and I'm still working on some of these as well.

503

Number one though is to stop apologizing for simply existing or for being awkward or for saying the wrong thing.

504

Apologizing makes it more awkward first of all.

505

Obviously if you do something wrong then you apologize if you genuinely hurt somebody, Step on their toe.

506

I don't know say sorry But if you for example say something

507

that was awkward or uninteresting didn't quite land Didn't really make the conversation any better.

508

Don't say sorry for saying it Own it own it whatever you say just own it.

509

Of course if you say something Untrue or rude or anything like that obviously take it back

510

But what I mean is don't apologize for saying something just because the other person doesn't agree or being like, sorry, if this is dumb, sorry to bother you.

511

Sorry for talking so much.

512

Oh, guys.

513

Yes, of course.

514

Never apologize for speaking one because your presence is so valid and so needed and so important.

515

But of course, you don't have to over explain yourself either.

516

So if someone asks you something, what's your favorite artist?

517

and mine say it's taylor swift oh my gosh well i like taylor swift

518

but the only reason i like her is

519

because i started getting into her when i was really young

520

and it's not really me who likes her it's my twin sister who likes her

521

and it kind of just kind of imprinted onto me

522

and my dad really played her a lot growing up

523

and i know a lot of people don't like her right now

524

but i know all my friends like her and

525

if i don't like taylor swift anymore then no one's gonna like me anymore be my friend anymore

526

and blah blah blah omg you don't have to explain girl

527

if you like taylor swift like taylor swift also let's talk

528

about how fast i just talked i'm impressive someone play that back and see if it actually made sense.

529

You owe not a single explanation in this world.

530

If you don't want to explain yourself, you don't have to.

531

Of course, if you want to talk about all the reasons why you like Taylor Swift, say it.

532

But don't say it in a way where you need justification or validation or permission to say something.

533

And another thing that's huge, and it's so awkward.

534

It's so awkward.

535

It makes me cringe.

536

But I did this so often.

537

And I remember in middle school vividly and I'm sure throughout high school and I'm sure I even do it now.

538

It might slip up, but I actively try not to do this because it is so awkward.

539

But stop being self-deprecating or negative in order to fill the silence.

540

Oh, oh, it's crazy.

541

I used to say, I'm so hungry or I'm so exhausted or I hate this class or I hate that girl.

542

I never said that quite literally just to fill silence

543

or to be relatable when that is just not me at all

544

And so you do not have to shrink yourself down to connect with others

545

and a huge component that I feel causes awkward situations Is trying to be someone you're not

546

when you are authentically and confidently yourself and just owning who you are 100%

547

That is when you radiate confidence and people think it's the other way around

548

that if they try to act cooler Or try to appear a certain way.

549

That's when they seem confident.

550

That's when they seem sure of themselves That's when they seem less awkward Girl, we can read you like a book.

551

We can tell that you are uncomfortable We can tell that that is not who you are at your core

552

Think of how magnetic and powerful you would actually be

553

if you just let whoever you are on the inside shine

554

Instead of confining them in putting yourself in this box That's why you're

555

so uncomfortable and I need you to be socially selective as well Know

556

that not everyone has to like you I feel like I oftentimes had a lot of awkward social situations

557

because I was trying so hard to Connect with a certain person

558

or make them like me or appear a certain way But not clicking with everyone isn't rejection to you.

559

It's actually protection.

560

But learning to be socially selective with who you give your time and energy to is self-care.

561

And it will be so valuable.

562

And that also contributes to the overall energy of self-love and self-respect.

563

So I want you guys to reflect and focus on the kind of people that you want to be around.

564

The energy that makes you feel safe.

565

And also I challenge you to just be so intentional when you are going out into the world.

566

Again, try to learn something new about somebody.

567

Look for something that you love or admire in even strangers.

568

Compliment a stranger.

569

It becomes almost infectious and almost addicting once you practice it.

570

And you can see those micro habits and challenges that you are giving yourself translate into your daily life.

571

And when you feel your body getting nervous or entering that fight or flight mode, ask yourself, you know, why am I feeling this?

572

And learn how to self-regulate.

573

What can you do to calm yourself down?

574

What can you tell yourself that will reassure yourself or self-soothe?

575

But at the same time, you don't need to have your confidence turned on 24-7.

576

That's also a misconception that being not awkward or being not shy means being the center of attention,

577

confidence-seeking superstar at all times either.

578

You aren't expected to be just one or the other.

579

I fully recommend having alone time, having time to yourself where it's okay to say no to plans.

580

It's okay to choose quiet time.

581

Sit with yourself because yes, confidence is so beautiful and it's so valuable and it opens so many doors for you.

582

But at the same time, that confidence comes from within.

583

and it comes from a place of self-love.

584

If you want others to love you, you have to love yourself just the same, if not even more.

585

And so it is totally okay to take breaks and take this time to reflect what gave me energy today, what drained me today.

586

Use all of these things to kind of gauge what are your intentions?

587

Who are the people that fuel you?

588

What do you need more of in your life?

589

What do you need less of in your life?

590

And, you know, be okay with accepting the fact that maybe not every interaction or person you come across is for you,

591

but that has nothing to do with you.

592

Okay?

593

If you gave it your best shot, if you entered the conversation with intention and it still didn't click, that's okay.

594

That doesn't mean you guys have to be arch nemeses.

595

Nemesis?

596

Nemesis?

597

I? Nemesis.

598

What is the plural of nemesis?

599

Nemesis is.

600

It's not that.

601

But Regardless, it's not about being loud or extroverted.

602

It's about being secure and sure of yourself

603

and overall loving who you are and staying true to yourself at all times and not changing

604

because you are so focused on what others think of you.

605

Remind yourself that it is okay to take up space.

606

You don't need to shrink yourself down.

607

You don't need to apologize for talking too much or over explaining or for being awkward.

608

You don't need to take back every little word

609

that you say You have a place in this world

610

and there is room for you Take up the space Don't shrink yourself down to leave room for others

611

Because your light deserves to shine just as brightly as everyone else's And I know that you have it in you Alright,

612

I hope you guys enjoyed this episode I just want to again remind you

613

that social anxiety is something that I struggled with so deeply

614

And I know that it can be so much deeper than the tips

615

that I implemented in this video So if it is something

616

that has become just so unbearable for you guys

617

and you try all these tips

618

and it still doesn't make a difference for you Please do not hesitate to reach out to a professional for help.

619

I am no professional I'm just sharing things that help in my personal experience and perspective But again,

620

there are so many great resources out there for you as well I hope you guys know how loved

621

and necessary you are for this world

622

and I would not be here without you I also have our podcast community for the Hot and Unbothered Besties.

623

It's a community that you can join if you're seeking support or like-minded girlies.

624

And we have group calls every week, live chat 24-7.

625

I do customized article posts based off things that you guys need guidance for, daily check-ins, amazing things like that.

626

You can also follow the podcast on Instagram at Hot Unbothered and TikTok as well.

627

Follow me on all my socials at Brianna Gomez with two Bs.

628

You can join our broadcast channel.

629

And of course, my clothing line, you guys.

630

Don't forget that you can shop that.

631

I'll link it in the show notes below.

632

We have so much cute, sustainable, size, inclusive fashion for you to shop.

633

You are so loved.

634

You are so perfect.

635

You matter.

636

And I love you.

637

I will see you next free day.

638

Bye.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing Practice: How to Stop Being Awkward & Actually Be Confident: Even if You’re Shy, Quiet, & Overthink Everything - Learn English Speaking with Video

Understanding Social Anxiety and Confidence Building

Key Phrases for Daily Communication

Step-by-Step Shadowing Guide for This Video

What is the Shadowing Technique?