Shadowing Practice: If you never had a girlfriend, this video is for you - Learn English Speaking with YouTube
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I'm 23 years old and I recently got broken up with.
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I'm 23 years old and I recently got broken up with.
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It was pretty unexpected, but understandable, and I'll get into that in a second.
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This recent one was for five months, and before that, I was in a relationship for five years, from 15 to 20 years old, which at the time was a quarter of my life.
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Point is, I've been single, I've gotten into a long-term relationship, went single again, got into another relationship, and now I'm single again.
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So I'm making this video for someone who is not in a relationship and maybe wants to get into one, someone who recently got out of a relationship or someone who is currently in a relationship,
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because these are the five lessons I've learned in order with the last one, probably being the hardest to accept, but it's the one that you should accept.
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The first lesson is be honest with yourself as to what you want.
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You see, companionship is important in our human nature, and we all seek it.
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So you have to ask yourself, why do you want a girlfriend?
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Is it to fill a void?
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Is it because you feel lonely?
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Is it because you strictly want that companionship?
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Because I'll I'll tell you this, a girlfriend or a partner shouldn't be there to fix you.
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They should be there to add to your life.
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I mean, when it comes to getting a girlfriend, you want a partner that aligns with you.
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The better they align with you, the better it'll work out.
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The more happy you'll be in that relationship, the more changes and the more adaptations you have to do, the more it becomes forced and the more work it feels like you have to do.
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The best thing I recommend you do is you grab a journal and you write down 10 things about you, how you are.
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So for example, for me, I am someone that values my space.
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I'm someone that is currently in a stage where I'm focusing on my career and my personal self growth.
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And I need a partner to accept that.
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I'm someone who is active, spontaneous.
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I like to do a lot of different things.
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So write down 10 things about you and who you are, and then flip the page and write 10 things in a potential partner that would best align with you.
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So for example, if I am someone that values my own personal space, I need someone that accepts that, that understands who I am.
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And also is someone ambitious in their own life.
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For example, my recent relationship ended because she wanted more attention from me.
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She wanted me to FaceTime her for hours while she was studying.
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And I told her that I was 23 years old.
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I'm currently focusing on my career.
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I'm trying to balance my life.
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And there's a lot of priorities that I'm focusing on.
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And I can't put one thing first.
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I said, as much as I care about you, as much as I want this to last, I can't give you my full undivided attention all the time.
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I need you to understand that.
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And although I still call you every day, text you throughout the day, hang out and see you three times a week.
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I need you to be okay with me balancing my life across all my priorities it wasn't her fault
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and it wasn't my fault either we simply had different expectations in a relationship
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and couldn't fulfill them for each other that's why lesson two
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is super important be direct with your partner a lot of times you can be blinded by love
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and become a version of yourself that isn't you
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but simply to fulfill them and what they're looking for
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but you have to give them you
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and not who they want you to be my first relationship from 15 to 20 is a five-year relationship.
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This is what I struggled with a lot.
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I felt like I was always walking on eggshells because I never wanted to upset her.
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So I would give in to doing certain things simply because I knew it would please her, although I knew I didn't necessarily want to do that.
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And that's something I learned from one relationship to the other.
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In my first one, I was always walking on eggshells, always making adaptations, always doing things to please her, although I didn't want to do it.
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But for example, in my most recent relationship, when my partner told me she wanted to FaceTime for hours, I was more direct with her.
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And I told her which position I'm currently in my life, where my focus is at, and why I can't do that.
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And if it won't work out, then it won't.
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That was a more direct answer.
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I wasn't walking on eggshells and it ended up being better for both of us.
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Instead of me forcing myself into something I didn't want to do, I made myself clear I was direct and things ended earlier rather than them going on for longer, although they would have been more forced.
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So you have to make sure your partner understands who you are, how you are, and make that clear from the beginning.
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And don't get me wrong, sacrifice to a certain extent is important in a relationship.
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Not everything's going to go your way and you have to make changes and adaptations to make it work.
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But when it comes to the point where you're sacrificing your own happiness for someone else, that's when you know you're doing something wrong.
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And now before I get into any relationship, I always make myself clear as to who I am, what I expect, how I am,
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to make sure everything is directly on the table and they know what to expect.
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I'm not going to be throwing them any curveballs.
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They know how I am and they know how I act and they know where my head is at.
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The third lesson, something that is hard to accept, but you must accept this, is to enjoy your own presence.
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During a relationship, before a relationship, after a relationship, you should always enjoy your own presence.
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After my first five-year relationship, which ended when I was 20 years old, I was single for two years.
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And within that two years, I grew more as a person than I have ever grown in my life.
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I grew my content creation career from zero to millions of followers.
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I started businesses.
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I was seeing my friends more often and building my connection with them, seeing my family and being closer with them.
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Focusing on myself, I got in the best shape of my life, working out every single day, watching my nutrition, journaling, meditating, actively learning, reading books, watching podcasts.
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I was alone, but I wasn't lonely because lonely is not being happy alone.
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And I was enjoying my own presence.
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And as a result of that, it made me a better version of me for my future partner.
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And that's not to say you can't grow when you're in a relationship.
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Actually, when you are in a relationship, what I noticed is that because you have a girlfriend and you're not fixated on trying to get girls, it's actually less of a distraction.
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You tend to focus more on what it is you're doing.
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If you have the right girlfriend, of course, that gives you your space, gives you your time and understands who you are and how you are.
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But it works both ways.
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You have to enjoy your presence, whether you are not in a relationship and use that time wisely.
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And when you are in a relationship where you're not distracted by trying to get girls
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and you're focusing not only on your relationship, but your personal growth, your family, your friends, you just always have to make sure you value yourself.
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You enjoy your own presence and you focus on your continuous growth no matter
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if you're single or no matter if you are in a relationship.
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Lesson number four for anybody who has gotten out of a relationship, got broken up with, got their heart broken, you'll always find someone else.
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You know, the biggest thing people always say is I'll never find anybody like her.
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And that's true.
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You'll never find anyone like her because there is no two people on this earth who are the same.
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It doesn't mean that she's the best for you.
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It just means that you won't find anybody like her, but you might find someone that's better than her for you.
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And it's hard to let go of anyone or anything that is part of your life.
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Even if deep down, you know, it's not meant to be simply because you care for that person.
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However, when things end, you move on.
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You focus on yourself.
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You put your head forward and you continue.
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Life goes on.
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You'll always have an element on your side, which will guarantee that things will get better.
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And that element is something we call time.
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With time, wonderful things can happen.
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With time, you get over people.
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With time, you forget.
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With time, you move on.
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So after you break up, after it's over, you take it on the chin, you appreciate it for what it was, you reflect on it, you learn from it, and you move on.
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And the last lesson, one that is very hard to accept, but many people do need to accept, is that it's okay to be single.
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Especially if you're watching this and you're under 25 years old.
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I know you want that companionship and you'll get it one day, but don't rush it.
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There's no reason to rush it.
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Right now, you have a privilege, which is you get your full undivided attention towards yourself and your personal growth.
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Use that, prioritize that.
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I always think of myself of everything I'm doing right now is for my future family, my future wife, and just being able to provide for the ones around me.
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It's like what I was telling you when I was single for two years, it's where I grew the most with myself and my career.
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But you have to accept that number one, it's okay to be single.
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Number two, you'll eventually find that person.
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Number three, it's the time for you to focus on yourself.
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And also for the people that are in a relationship and want to end it, but are too scared to do it.
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When I was in my first relationship, I was terrified to break up because I thought I would break her heart.
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And after a five-year relationship, we broke up.
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Now, this is about three years later, everything is good.
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I think she has a new boyfriend.
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I'm moving on with my life.
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Time heals.
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Things will be all right.
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So if you are in a relationship and you're scared to break up, but you want to break up, do yourself and do your partner a favor.
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And if you're in a relationship and it's going well, beautiful, I'm happy for you.
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Keep it that way.
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And one of the biggest things when you're single or even
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when you're in a relationship is that you need to know how to speak, socialize, connect with people.
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I mean, that's the only way you'll be able to build a connection with a potential partner and get a girlfriend.
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And when people focus on self-improvement, I think they take it the wrong way because they tend to isolate themselves.
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You might tend to work out, focus on you, journal, learn, et cetera, but you neglect one thing, which is a very important part of self-improvement,
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which is socializing, developing your social skills.
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Because despite everything else, how smart you get, how well you develop your career, how great in shape you get, you need to know how to connect with others, network, meet new people.
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And so my approach to self-improvement has been different.
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It's been a mix of not only focusing on myself, but also focusing on my social skills and how I connect with other people.
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And that's why I just launched my brand new social skills guide in my private community called The S Class.
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This will bring you from someone who is introverted to being aware of why you lack social skills,
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the proper steps to developing them and getting you to the point where you are confident with your social skills to communicate, to connect, to approach people.
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On the community, we do weekly calls as well to track your progress and make adjustments.
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There's the private community so you can connect with like-minded individuals.
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I have all my workout programs there, all my nutrition guides.
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It's a hub where I help you become the best version of yourself, giving you the proper resources and connecting you with the right people.
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If you want to join that, the first 100 people get it at a discount.
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The link is in my description or the link down below.
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Go ahead and join it and I'll see you inside.
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I hope this video taught you something, helped you out.
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It's something I've been contemplating to do for a while.
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And when this relationship, this recent one ended, I decided why not do it?
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But make sure to like, subscribe, and I'll see you in the next video.
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About This Lesson
In this lesson, learners will practice important communication skills in English, focusing on self-awareness and relational dynamics as discussed in the video "If you never had a girlfriend, this video is for you." You'll learn to articulate your own needs and preferences while also understanding the importance of honesty in relationships. By the end of this lesson, you should feel more confident expressing yourself, both in casual conversations and in more serious discussions about relationships.
Key Vocabulary & Phrases
- Companionship - the companionship or friendship that one seeks out in relationships.
- To align - to bring into agreement or harmony, particularly in values or expectations.
- Attention - the act of focusing one’s thoughts and actions on someone or something.
- To fulfill - to meet someone’s expectations or needs.
- To adapt - to change oneself to suit different conditions or environments.
- Expectations - beliefs about what should happen in a relationship or interaction.
- Direct communication - speaking in a straightforward manner to express one’s own thoughts, feelings, and needs.
- Walking on eggshells - being very cautious in order not to upset someone.
Practice Tips
To enhance your speaking skills, utilize the shadowing technique with the video transcript. Try to replicate the speaker’s tone, speed, and emotion, which will help improve your own fluency and expressiveness. Since the video presents relatable and personal content, it's easier to connect with the material as you practice.
Here are some suggestions for effective shadow speech practice:
- Start by listening to a short segment of the video, then pause and repeat what you just heard. This will help you get a feel for the phrasing and rhythm.
- Use a shadowing app or shadowing site that allows you to slow down the playback speed. This will make it easier to capture each word and sentence structure accurately.
- Record yourself after taking the time to shadow the content. Listen to your recording and compare it against the original to identify areas where you can improve.
- Focus on the key vocabulary mentioned above. Make sentences using those terms in your own context to deepen your understanding and use of the language.
- Practice regularly, aiming for consistency in both your speaking practice and your understanding of relationship dynamics.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.
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