ฝึกพูดภาษาอังกฤษด้วยเทคนิค Shadowing จากวิดีโอ: Is He My Boyfriend or Just a Friend With Benefits?

I kind of dipped my toe into the dating pool about six months ago using an app, which was good and bad.

And it was an incredible six months, and I feel like I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I grew a lot, but I found that when we had our times together, we shared weekends together, It was incredible.

It was peaceful.

There was great conversation, all of that.

But then the in-between times, he would go completely silent.

And I know you talk a lot about behavior being a language, and it just got to the place where after 30 days of not hearing it all from him, I decided to call it.

and that was very hard, and I'm about a week out grieving all of that, but I just am struggling with a woman at my age.

I feel great where I am in my own life, but I want to share life with someone, and it's not easy to know how to do that.

Yeah.

So, wait a minute, Lee.

You said you dipped your toe in it sounded like you went all into it it was pretty great okay

so what was it like being with somebody new after being with somebody for 27 years

well totally different than what i was used to um he smelled

so good and i know that sounds weird but he did.

I was married to a star guy.

And so just, yeah, he's a totally different personality.

He's very calm and secure in his life.

He was 12 years older than me, which was also kind of weird. So he's still married?

The guy that I dated?

No. What was he doing during the week?

He had been divorced also.

Where he wanted to avoid you?

I don't know.

I really don't.

We lived about 45 minutes apart.

So he's a monitor on a school bus just as a

way to hang on to benefits until he can retire from a very good job.

He was very secure financially.

Everything's paid for and he has a good retirement account.

So it was everything that you know, on paper you look for, especially later in life.

And, but I don't know.

I don't know why he went quiet.

It could be that I was too much for him.

It could be that he wasn't really ready to commit to anything.

I don't know.

He committed to some pretty wild weekends with you.

little tea but yes um yeah i mean all we ever did was just kind of hang out together

and watch tv and

and enjoy each other emotionally and physically but um

i know that was healing for me though

because i honestly thought i was broken for a really long i know i know i know

so um let me circle all the way back what what's

your what's your what's your question i guess i struggle with um i know it sounds weird

but i struggle with putting myself out there i i love people

and i love meeting people um

and i have no problem on a on a casual level

just like the girls at my coffee shop they all know me and i know them and and all that but

to take it to another level other than using the dating app.

I really would like to try something different.

And I just don't know where to do that.

I think...

Wait, go ahead.

I feel childish even just asking the questions.

Okay, why?

I guess probably because I grew up in a religious culture

that you did not date unless you absolutely planned on getting married.

And you didn't do that until you were at least were out of high school.

Okay, you're 50.

Let's just call that.

I know.

Let's just call it.

Okay, you're free.

Yeah.

You're free. And...

But I don't know how.

I know you don't know how.

And in a oversexed dating culture that's just gone insane, you're going to get yourself hurt.

And you know that.

Yes.

and so there's a balance between like some guy has to call your dad

and court you or whatever that wildness is and whatever right

and has to come over to your house in a covered wagon with a staff

and be like i knock three times for four goats

or what i don't know what happens like there's that

and then there's like 50 year old lee like out here

on broadway in nashville in a pedal tavern all by yourself in boots

and like short jean shorts just going i'm fabulous at 50

and you're just rocking it onto the break of dawn there's a balance there too right yes

and so i think

and can we just can i like be super direct yes you kind of just got your heart broken

i did you did and so trying to fab 50 over

that that sucks yeah you had a picture of i'm gonna be careful this time

and i know what i'm looking for and i'm gonna date carefully

and he ended up hooking up with dan the the bus driver

and you became a weekend booty call

and you're like no we're he has a retirement account yeah

and then he just ghosted you all week until he wanted some weakened, would you call it emotional and physical?

He smelled nice.

Right?

Okay.

So here's the thing.

Here's what I want you to do.

A, don't pretend that your way of navigating the world,

which is kindness, laughter, and what's the right word?

Bubbliness.

that is both your way of navigating the world

and that's both your way of protecting yourself from the world fair yes you smile

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and things away right yeah i have a tendency to put everyone else's needs first that's right

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and that's why i would love to hang out with you

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because you're awesome and i would leave feeling better about myself which is cool

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right it's both and so i don't want you to pretend

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that your outgoingness and your kindness

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and your fun with the people at the coffee shop is

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the same thing as letting your heart get trampled by some guy for a quarter of a century

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and then you decide to put yourself back out there those

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are two different things okay okay i want you to hand

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i want you to protect your heart with the the seriousness that it deserves.

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And how do we do that?

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We're gonna start with what are non-negotiables for me?

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And burning down your childhood will not give you peace.

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No, and I recognize that, yeah.

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Looking at your childhood and saying this, some of the stuff was nonsensical, some of the stuff was idiotic, and some of the stuff I actually buy into now i agree with it

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and so saying here's going to be my rules about sex here's going to be my rules about dating

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if you don't call me in three days i'm moving on

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and i get to move on

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because i've been in in unsafe relationships for a long time

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and i'm not doing that again and i get to have my heart broken

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and i get to be sad and and and does

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that make sense it does it does and i've i've I recognized a lot of that.

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I really kind of deconstructed the way that I was phrased

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and brought it down to kind of the foundations of what I wanna hold onto and what I wanna let go of.

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Perfect, perfect.

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And then I guess one big thing I've heard at least, I wish it wasn't this way, but it still is, is that like the rules are all different now.

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Oh man, they are.

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They're just all different.

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And so it might be that you gotta ask somebody out if you see them and like them.

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I love, love, love that you're getting off the apps.

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I think they're catastrophic.

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I think they're such a disaster.

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But also, then you're like, okay, what am I supposed to do?

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Just ask a stranger out in the coffee shop?

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Yes.

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Or where do you work?

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Do you work, Lee?

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I do.

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I've been a massage therapist for the last 16 years.

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Okay, don't ask anybody out at work at all.

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No, no, no, no. It's unethical.

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Now I'm the director of education for a massage school.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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So is there a possibility to meet somebody at work?

145

No. Not at all?

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Not at this school.

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Okay.

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Not at this school.

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You answered that quickly, so I trust you.

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It's putting yourself in positions, whether it's at a local church, whether it's at the YMCA, whether it's at your local coffee shop, whether it's at your office.

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It places where you can meet people and you can have joint interest and you can say, hey, let's go get coffee.

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and I've been looking at things like cooking classes and and

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and different things

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that I think would be a lot of fun I just

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I'm a little limited in my area it's pretty small town

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so go do it all yeah

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and don't do it for do it for Lee don't do

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it for some perceived ROI yeah the most the greatest dating advice I'm hearing on the streets these days

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is don't hit the streets looking for the right person.

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Hit the streets to make yourself the absolute best version of yourself possible.

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Otherwise, you end up squashing, you end up selling out, you end up compromising in ways that you don't like,

162

you end up trying to become something you're not because your end goal is try to catch somebody.

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Yeah.

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The other side of that is knowing, dude, I am lovable as I am.

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I am marriable as, and I'm going to make myself the best version of myself.

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What does that mean?

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I always want to take cooking classes.

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I'm going.

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I always want to take karate classes.

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I'm going.

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I always wanted, I'm going to start volunteering at the library and reading to little kids because I love watching them laugh.

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You see what I'm saying?

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And it's going to feel like there's not an ROI on that.

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And when you're in those environments and you see somebody and y'all double take each other, one of you has to have the courage to say, hey, I think you're handsome.

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Will you go get coffee with me?

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Yeah.

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oh that's a little daunting of course it is of course

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it is it can't be it cannot be more daunting than making out with a bus driver well you know

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dude i used to drive a bus so i'm just i'm just joking but that

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that wasn't his profession i know i'm just playing i used

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to drive a bus for extra money i have high high respect for bus drivers But here's the thing,

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a hundred percent of your next steps are going to be awkward and they're going to be full of risk, period.

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Yeah.

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All of them.

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So do you wanna risk, what I'm about to say is gonna sound harsh, okay?

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And I know that.

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I'm kind of being provocative,

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but do you wanna risk being 70 and alone with a story that I didn't,

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I just didn't wanna be awkward?

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Or do you wanna take a shot at having some adventures with the cooking class

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and starting a mowing lawn mowing business and

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i'm just making stuff up

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but like i don't know it'd be hilarious to be the massage massage

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and lawns so whatever um but like like do you want to get out there

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and live this wild fun life because you only get one shot

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and i'm gonna put myself out there i'm gonna ask you out and i'd rather

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be 70 be like dude i asked that everybody

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and they all said no i hate men then i would join you in

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that but my my belief is

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if you're putting yourself in these situations at 50 you don't

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have any kids you can go do stuff on weekends you

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can go have some fun you can go have these amazing things um

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amazing life-giving moments that that's where you're going to meet make make eye contact with somebody

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and that's when one of you has to have the courage

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and at this point it's probably going to be you yeah i wish

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that wasn't the case but i think that's going to be the way it is

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well and i want that i want to be able to grow that way i've spent the last two years really

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exploring my own boundaries in living i guess you could say absolutely

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and enjoyed broadening my my horizons and everything it's

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that one one still makes me pretty nervous yes let

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that nerve look you there would be something weird with you

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if you weren't nervous i'm nervous for you like i'm cheering for you

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so hard but i'm nervous too like oh gosh hope she doesn't ask somebody out

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and he's mean to her like i'm nervous for you too yeah but but

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but what what are you more nervous about it's just choose your heart it's really hard to be 50

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and want to have a companion just ride or die

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and to not have one that's really hard and it's really hard

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to go take a cooking class by yourself and sign up for hot yoga by yourself and to see somebody and say, hey, would you like to go get a drink?

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That's hard too.

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Both of those paths are hard.

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The question is, which heart are you going to choose?

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Yeah.

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And the hardest of all these things is really saying, this is who I want to be in my back half of my life, values-wise.

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And I'm not going to budge from these.

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and then hear some of my beliefs and I would love to have them challenged by somebody new and exciting. Does that make sense?

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It does.

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Can I tell you I'm rooting for you so, so much.

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Thank you.

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Oh my gosh, Lee, I'm rooting for you.

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You have to, have to call us.

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You have to call us when you get some magic date.

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I can't wait.

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I'm excited for you.

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but write down those things that you believe in those things that you value

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take a woodshop class I don't know or pottery remember ghost Kelly is always singing that song

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we're like Kelly we get it we get actually you've never sang that song

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no but she does walk around be like you guys want to make Oh my gosh.

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Lee, you're my hero, dude.

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I love you.

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