ฝึกพูดภาษาอังกฤษด้วยเทคนิค Shadowing จากวิดีโอ: The ONE Skill Every High Performer Needs To Master

71% of CEOs have imposter syndrome.

The most powerful people in the world secretly feel like they're frauds, which means everything we know about confidence is backwards.

I have spent years in boardrooms where billion-dollar decisions are made, and one thing I notice all the time is that most people never learn to eliminate self-doubt at its core.

We're never taught the subtle behaviors that actually build confidence.

So I'm gonna show you how to build frameworks that can change your mindset about confidence deeply.

I know this can terrify some people.

Confidence often looks strongest exactly where it's weakest.

We're systematically fooled by confidence.

Justin Kruger and David Dunning ran a study at Cornell University, and they found a surprising contradiction.

Experts dramatically underestimate their ability and people with limited knowledge dramatically overestimate theirs.

It's a double burden for them.

When you are unskilled, you're also unaware that you are unskilled.

This is known as the Dunning-Kruger effect.

Now, recently, many researchers have questioned the precise science behind the study, but the core observation still holds.

Ignorance often feels like confidence.

And there is a second study that makes it even worse.

Researchers at UC Berkeley found that overconfident people gain higher status in groups, which means that if you sound confident, people think that you are confident.

And even after the group discovers that you were bluffing, your higher status in their mind stays intact.

Two things.

First, incompetent people project more confidence, Dunning-Kruger.

And second, the room rewards them for it.

So you have to wonder, is the takeaway just as simple as fake it till you make it?

Not at all, because that confidence is rented.

And it only works in the short term, but you have to return the car.

And if you are in the situation when the room knows more than you do, then the whole structure collapses.

The higher you climb based on borrowed certainty, the faster you crash.

It's the wrong kind of confidence.

What is the right kind?

And how do you actually build it?

That's where we go next.

Most people think they only have two choices with confidence.

Either you're born with it or you fake it.

Both are wrong.

When it comes to confidence, there are actually three kinds.

I think of confidence as a three ring model.

Think of it as bullseye.

The outermost ring is the rented confidence.

We just talked about it.

It comes from performance, like your posture and your voice projection and the way you can dominate the room.

Politicians know these tricks.

They tell you what you want to hear.

They react to the room.

The moment the room shifts, they shift.

Now the middle ring is earned confidence.

Albert Bandura at Sanford University called it self-efficacy.

You believe that you can do a specific task really well.

That's the source of your confidence.

The middle ring is stronger and deeper than the outer ring, but it is specific to that narrow domain.

So for example, a surgeon could be very confident in her operating room, but she may be uncomfortable delivering bad news to a patient.

Earned confidence is real, but it's local.

The innermost core ring is owned confidence.

It doesn't need recognition from others or a proven track record.

And this confidence is not driven by a feeling that things will work out.

It's your capacity to function when they don't.

So those are the three rings, rented, earned, owned.

Now, most of us think that we have to feel confident first and then act.

But studies after studies and stories after stories show us the only thing that actually helps.

You have to act first a lot so the brain can slowly update its picture, its model of who you are.

That's the only way to build the core ring of confidence.

So here are the three things you can do this week.

One for each ring.

For the outer ring, before your next hard conversation or presentation, stand tall, take up space, breathe deeply, even if it's for 15 seconds, not to perform for the room, but to prepare yourself.

For the middle ring, write down one specific skill in your domain where you feel less confident.

I was in the middle of my career and knew that corporate finance was a huge gap for me.

So I started learning it on my own.

I got so fascinated with it that I changed my career path for a little bit and applied to investment banks and ended up working on Wall Street for a few years.

Now, you don't have to go that far, but learn that one skill that fills your gap and rounds you out.

And now what about the third action item for the core confidence that you want to build?

Well, for that, you have to wait until you have some success or rejection in the coming weeks, in the coming months, because when that happens, write one sentence down.

My actions succeeded or failed.

I didn't succeed or fail.

Not me.

Because you're not your actions alone, right?

You're way more than what you do and what you own.

So those are the three action items.

The next question is about specific behaviors that actually build your innermost confidence.

Let's go there next.

You know, the self-help industry never tells you this.

Confidence is about action.

Confidence is not about positive thinking.

When Sarah Blakely was growing up, every evening her father would ask one question at the dinner table.

Not what did you achieve or what did you do today, but what did you fail at?

If she had nothing, he would be disappointed.

Those questions changed the way she was thinking.

After she graduated from college she spent years selling fax machines door to door she would get rejected.

She'd sit in the car.

Sometimes she would cry.

But then she got out of the car, went back and knocked on the next door just to get humiliated again and rejected again.

And the cycle continued.

But years later, her company, Spanx, became a billion dollar brand.

And that company wasn't even about fax machines, But her confidence was built on years of rejection.

And she had trained her mind to not take that personally.

Same for Fred Smith, who founded FedEx, Howard Schultz, who started Starbucks, Serena Williams, J.K.

Rowling.

None of them were spared rejection and failure.

But all of them kept going.

When your nervous system is not trained to handle failure, you're not suppressing confidence.

You're blocking it completely.

And no positive thinking is going to break through that wall.

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You act, you fall, your brain survives it, and it slowly updates its model of who you are.

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Every rep, every risk, every rough landing teaches your brain that you can survive more than you think.

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That's what builds your core confidence.

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So, action items, take one small risk this week.

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Not a giant leap, don't leave your job or anything, but just a small step.

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Maybe that conversation that you wanted to have with your spouse that you never had.

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Maybe that idea you haven't said out loud.

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Maybe that office room that you haven't walked into.

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Confidence is not about readiness.

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It's about recovery.

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Learn to recover from rejection and get back in the game.

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That's where your core confidence is.

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But what if you haven't built those calluses yet?

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The core idea is pretty simple.

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Behavior shapes identity.

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Change the behavior first and your self-perception begins to follow.

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So the real tactic is way simpler than we think.

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Rehearse the behavior before the moment arrives.

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That's it.

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About a month ago, I was walking into one of the most important meetings of my life.

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You know, the kind of meeting that could change the direction of everything.

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Before I got there, I didn't try to psych myself up with fake confidence.

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I rehearsed in my head.

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I pictured the room.

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I knew what the first two or three minutes would look like, who was sitting where, what I wanted to say.

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In the elevator when I was going up, I gave myself simple instructions.

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On the way up, I slowed down my breathing, settled in my body, and walked in ready.

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The meeting unfolded almost exactly the way I had rehearsed it.

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That's why every major band and rock star still do sound checks before every show.

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They might be on a tour and playing day after day, same set, same stage, same team, same songs they played last night, but they still rehearse the moment again every day.

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The show can still fall apart.

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My meeting could have gone really badly.

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But that's not the point.

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That's not in our hands.

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We can't control the show, but we can control the rehearsal.

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So that's what people misunderstand about faking it.

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It's not pretending.

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it's the rehearsal.

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You're practicing the behavior before it feels natural.

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That's how every skill in your life is built anyway.

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The behavior comes first, the identity follows.

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It's not fake it till you make it, it's act till you become it.

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But what if you were an introvert or a quiet person?

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How would confidence work in your life?

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That's where we go next.

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Real confidence is often quiet.

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Jim Collins studied over 1,400 large companies over five years to find the ones that went from good to great.

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11 actually did.

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And every one of them was led by what he called a level five leader.

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Not the loudest person, not the most educated or decorated, but someone with extreme personal humility and fierce professional will.

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Think about that.

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1400 companies, 11 leaders, every one of them was quiet.

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So the quietest leaders were winning the most.

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So you could be an extrovert or an introvert, confidence shows up in different ways.

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Now here's what makes this even stranger.

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There was a study from MIT Sloan, the employees with the most frequent imposter thoughts were the ones receiving highest performance reviews from their supervisors.

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So the people who felt least confident We're performing best.

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Your doubt is not destroying your performance.

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It may be driving it.

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And here's the takeaway.

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When your confidence depends on outcomes, you're building on sand.

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It holds while things go well.

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The moment they don't, the whole construct falls apart.

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Kristin Neff at the University of Texas found that the most powerful source of producing durable confidence is self-compassion.

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I was surprised too.

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People who treat themselves with less harshness, especially when the things are not going their way, can take harder challenges and have less fear of trying again.

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That's where confidence gets built.

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Confidence shows up only when we are kind to ourselves.

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So fascinating.

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Here's an action item that I'd invite you to try.

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The next time something goes wrong, write a letter.

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Write it the way you would write to your closest friend who's going through the same trouble that you're going through.

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The same exact thing.

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How would you build them back up?

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How would you ask them to forgive themselves and move forward?

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Those are the golden words that you need for yourself.

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Self-compassion.

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Nothing in the world looks softer than water.

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And yet, if you stand at the Grand Canyon, you're looking at proof that water can cut through rocks and carve a canyon.

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That is real confidence.

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Not towering over others, just moving through life with quiet strength.

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If you like this video, please subscribe and also check out my latest video on how hobbies can give you confidence and meaning.

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Thank you and I love you.

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