تدريب Shadowing: I'm 52. If you're in your 30s or 40s watch this. - تعلم التحدث بالإنجليزية مع YouTube

I'm 52 and if you're in your 30s

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I'm 52 and if you're in your 30s

or 40s I want to share something with you that I didn't fully grasp until recently.

Not because I wasn't trying,

I was doing all the right things,

building a career, raising kids,

checking off boxes, chasing goals.

I had the spreadsheets, the meal plans,

the five year plans, oh the plans.

But looking back I can see exactly where I went off track and I don't want that for you.

This video is for anyone who feels like time is slipping away,

like you should be further ahead by now.

Or maybe you've built a life that looks good on paper but doesn't feel right when you're actually living it.

Because here's the truth, there's something no one tells you about this stage of life.

And once you see it, you can't unsee it.

So today I'm going to walk you through the three biggest things

that I wish that I had known earlier and the powerful reframe

that helped me to course correct in the second half of my life.

Think of this as a bit of time travel.

I'm sending a message back to my 30 something

and 40 something self and hopefully it lands for you before you get to my age

and have that oh wow I wasted a decade moment.

All right let's get into it.

Here's the first thing that I wish I had understood earlier.

Stop living on autopilot.

In my 30s and 40s,

I was the queen of autopilot.

I had my routines, my to-do lists,

my color-coded calendar, and on the surface,

it looked like I was winning at life.

I was checking all the boxes.

Good job raising kids, paying the mortgage,

even remembering to bring cupcakes to the school bake sale

but here's the thing when you live like

that for years you can wake up one day

and realize you've built a life

that doesn't even feel like yours it's like following the recipe perfectly

and then realizing you don't even like the dish

and this isn't just me being dramatic research shows

that the average person spends more than two

and a half hours a day on social media add in

commuting errands scrolling emails we don't even want to read it's no wonder

so many of us are living on autopilot we're busy all day long

but we're not necessarily awake to what we're actually building psychologists call this the hedonic treadmill

that constant cycle of chasing the next thing adapting

and then chasing again we keep running faster

but we're not actually moving forward

and it's exhausting for me the wake-up call came in my 40s

when i realized i had been

so focused on hitting the next milestone i hadn't stopped to

ask myself whose life am i actually creating here mine

or the one i thought i was supposed to live

and that's the reframe

that i want to give you instead of racing through the checklist try hitting pause ask do i even like this?

Do I even want this?

Because the earlier you start questioning the path,

the sooner you can pivot if it's not the right one.

And let me just say,

pivoting doesn't have to be dramatic.

You don't have to sell everything and start a goat farm in Tuscany tomorrow,

unless you want to, in which case send me an invite.

But small conscious course corrections in your 30s or 40s can save you from waking up at 52 going,

wow, I just spent 20 years climbing the wrong mountain.

So that's lesson one.

Don't sleepwalk through it.

Audit your life.

Decide what's yours to keep and what's just noise.

Now this next one might ruffle some feathers because it goes against everything that we were taught about goal setting.

Before we go to lesson number two though,

I want to mention that

if you are realizing you have been on autopilot like I've been talking about and you're ready to break out of it,

I've put together a free five-day challenge called The Reset.

It's designed to get your energy and focus back on track in just a few minutes a day.

I will leave the link below if you want to grab it.

Now the second thing that I wish that I had learned much earlier,

your identity is more important than your goals.

Let me explain.

For years, I set goals like everyone else.

Run a 10k, start a business,

lose the baby weight, hit a revenue target, you name it.

I had it written down somewhere in a planner.

And yes, sometimes I hit those goals.

But here's what happened.

I was still the same person on the other side.

I'd run the race and then stop running.

I'd hit the target it and then slide back.

The goals weren't sticking because my identity hadn't changed.

The turning point for me was when I realized that I was still clinging to an identity that didn't fit anymore.

For me, it was my identity as a doctor.

That label had shaped every decision that I made for decades,

but eventually I had to admit to myself it wasn't who I wanted to be anymore.

And I can tell you that was terrifying.

It felt like stepping off a cliff without a parachute.

But here's the science that helped me to make sense of it.

James Clear in Atomic Habits says

that every action you take is a vote for the type of person that you believe you are.

And over time, those votes add up.

At a certain point, the balance tips and you simply become that person.

There's even a fascinating study around voter turnout.

When researchers asked people to be a voter instead of just go vote,

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turnout at the polls went up by as much as 15%.

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Same action, but the difference was identity.

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People are more likely to follow through when it feels like part of who they are,

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not just something on their to-do list.

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And that's the power of identity,

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and it's why New Year's resolutions so often fail.

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We're still trying to show up as the old version of ourselves,

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just with a fancier planner and a more expensive water bottle.

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So here's the reframe.

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Stop asking, what goal should I chase?

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And start asking, who do I want to become?

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Instead of saying, I want to lose 10 pounds,

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try, I'm someone who prioritizes health.

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Instead of saying, I want to save money,

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try, I'm someone who's financially intentional.

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That shift is subtle, but it's everything.

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Now, this goes completely against what most of us were taught about goals.

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Remember smart goals?

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Specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound.

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We've all been drilled on that.

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And sure, there is nothing wrong with being clear and specific.

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But here's the real question.

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After decades of trying to make everything specific and measurable,

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is it actually working?

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because the truth is you can set the smartest smart goals in the world

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but

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if they don't connect to who you believe you are they

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don't stick instead of saying I want to read 20 books

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this year try I'm someone who makes time for reading the shift is subtle

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but it's everything one is just a task on a checklist the other rewires your identity

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and when your identity changes your habits naturally follow

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when you anchor to identity your daily choices line up naturally

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you don't have to drag yourself through willpower it's just who you are

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so if you're in your 30s

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or 40s this is the perfect moment to start asking who am i becoming

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because that answer will carry you a lot further than a list of short-term goals.

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Now, even once you start shifting your identity,

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there is one more piece that changes everything.

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And it's the one that we tend to avoid thinking about,

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but it's also the most motivating truth.

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The third thing that I wish I had understood earlier is this.

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Time isn't running out, but it is slipping away if you don't act.

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When I turned 50, I had this moment of realization that felt like a punch in the gut.

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Wow, I am already at the halfway mark of my life, if I'm lucky.

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It wasn't that I suddenly felt old,

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but I did suddenly feel aware.

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I could look back and see decades that had flown by in a blur of busyness,

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and I thought, if I don't make some changes now,

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the next two decades are going to disappear just as fast.

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And here's the good news.

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Research shows that happiness actually follows a U-shaped curve.

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People often hit a dip in life satisfaction in their 40s,

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but after 50, it tends to rise again,

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which means midlife isn't the beginning of decline.

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It can be the beginning of something better, if you're intentional.

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But here's the sobering side.

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The average person gets about 4,000 weeks of life.

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If you're in your 40s,

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you've already used up around 2,000 of them.

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And those weeks go fast.

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When you think of it like that,

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it's not about panicking, but it is about getting clear.

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Because drifting, that's the real enemy.

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Time doesn't run out all at once.

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It drips away in little increments while we're scrolling or over committing or saying maybe next year.

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So here's the reframe.

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It's not too late.

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You are not too old.

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But it is too late to keep drifting.

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If you're in your 30s,

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you've got time to course correct before you hit that midlife dip.

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If you're in your 40s,

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this is your invitation to stop postponing and start designing.

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And if you're like me in your 50s,

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you know the urgency is real,

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but so is the possibility.

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And listen, I have to laugh a little when people in their 30s say, I'm so old.

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You're not old.

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You're just out of the tutorial level.

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You finally got enough life experience to know what matters.

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Now the question is, what are you going to do with it?

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So those are the three things that I wish I had known sooner.

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And here's the surprising part.

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None of them are about working harder.

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They're about seeing your life differently.

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Let me tie it together with the one reframe

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that helped me to course correct in my 50s the three things

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that i wish i had known earlier are simple

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but they are everything first stop living on autopilot second identity is more powerful than goals

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and third time isn't running out but it is slipping away

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if you don't act

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but here's the big reframe you're not behind you don't need

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to overhaul your whole life overnight you just need to start making choices that line up with who you want to become.

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For me, the most powerful shift was realizing

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that I didn't need a new goal or a new planner or a new habit.

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I needed a new identity.

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And once I started to change that,

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the rest started to fall into place.

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So if you're in your 30s or 40s,

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take this as your reminder.

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You're not too late, but don't wait.

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The best time to reinvent your life is now.

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And I would love to hear from you.

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Which of these lessons hit home for you the most right now?

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Tell me in the comments because I love reading your stories.

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And if this video spoke to you,

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I think that you will really like my video called I started over at 47 and it changed everything.

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I will link it on the next screen.

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And if you're ready to actually reset your energy and your focus,

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I would love to have you join me in my free five day challenge called the reset.

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It's short, powerful, and it'll help you get unstuck and moving.

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Again, I will drop the link in the description below.

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All right, thank you for spending this time with me.

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I will see you in the next one.

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Psychologists call this the hedonic treadmill, that constant cycle of...

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Did I say hedonic treadmill?

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Hedonic treadmill.

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Okay, let me do that again.

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Let me tie together...

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Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

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What am I trying to say?

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Mouths.

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Okay, let me...

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Okay, great.

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Thank you.

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