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That'll be $3.85.

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That'll be $3.85.

What do you mean?

Yesterday you said I was too pretty to pay for stuff.

It's just I can't because my manager said that I...

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday, dear Annie.

Amy.

Happy birthday to you.

Hey.

Hey, that's weird.

Today's my birthday too.

Yeah, not in here it isn't.

Happy birthday to you.

You're paying for that.

No, no, it's her birthday.

You've sung happy birthday to 20 different women today.

But it really...

You are no longer authorized to distribute birthday muffins.

Damn it.

Oh, what's the matter?

Well, you know that psychic I see?

Yeah.

Well, she told me that I'm gonna die this week, so I'm kind of bummed about that.

What?

Yeah, and I know you guys don't know a lot about psychic readings, but that one is pretty much the worst one you can get.

Phoebe, that's crazy.

I can't believe she would say that to you.

Yeah, honey, you don't believe her, do you?

I don't, she, you know, said that I'd have triplets.

But she also said one of them would be black.

Oh.

Just out of curiosity, did she tell you how you're gonna go?

No, cause she didn't tell me I was gonna die till the very end of the session.

And I was not going to waste a whole other hour there.

I mean, I've only got a week left, you know?

I've really got to start living now.

Hey.

Hey, Pheebs, you're still alive.

How are you feeling?

Oh, it's so exhausting waiting for death.

Oh, by the way, do you think you...

Uh...

Pheebs, what are you doing?

I was preparing you for my death.

Didn't you think I was dead?

Did that not come off?

No, yeah, scared the hell out of me.

I thought we'd lost you forever.

Babes, you want to lie down?

Yeah, thanks.

And listen, can you do me a favor?

Could you just wake me up in a couple hours?

You know, if you can.

Hey!

Listen to this.

My reading was wrong.

I'm not going to die.

Really?

How do you know?

Because my psychic is dead.

She must have read the cards wrong.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Eh, better her than me.

Hey, let's make cookies!

I want to talk to you about that girl that you're dancing with.

Oh, she's nice, huh?

I think I almost brought my wife to this.

Yeah.

Okay.

Look, buddy.

I came with that girl, okay?

I had this plan to kiss her at the New Year's countdown.

I'm trying to win her over, you know?

So I was wondering, I don't think so.

Oh, come on, man.

You can dance with my partner.

She's real mellow.

Look, you, uh, you dating this girl you came with?

Well, I was hoping after tonight that maybe I could, you know...

Nah, nah, she's fair game if you ask me.

Sorry, buddy.

All right.

Hey, you know, fair is fair.

I mean, you know, when you're right, you're right.

What can I say, but...

Hey, oh, no!

What, are you in the second grade?

Hey, man, you're the one who wet his pants.

Hey!

If you do look in the kitchen, I will look in the back closet.

I can save you time, ladies.

I'm right here.

Yeah.

Chandler, why don't you take a walk?

This doesn't concern you.

100

We are looking for our Christmas presents for Monica.

101

What?

102

That's terrible.

103

No, no, we do it every year.

104

Oh, well, that makes it not terrible.

105

No, yeah, we never find them.

106

She's always bested us, that wily...

107

minx.

108

Yeah, don't worry.

109

We're just gonna search here for an hour, and then we're gonna go over to Joey's and search, okay?

110

No, not okay.

111

You can't look for Monica's presence.

112

Oh, no, we have to.

113

No, you don't have to, and you can't, because I live here, too.

114

Well, then you should look with us.

115

Why?

116

Chandler, aren't you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas?

117

No, I have a great idea for a present for her.

118

Oh, that's it?

119

A great idea?

120

Okay.

121

Chandler, that's not enough.

122

I mean, what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and then a bunch of little presents, and you've just gotten her one great present?

123

I mean, that's just gonna make her feel bad.

124

Why would you do that to her, Chandler?

125

Why?

126

Why?

127

If I helped, we could find him faster.

128

That's right.

129

This is Patrick.

130

Oh, hi.

131

Hi.

132

This is the guy I was telling you about.

133

Yeah.

134

Yeah, and believe me, this suit does not do justice to what's underneath it.

135

Oh, okay.

136

But, Thieves, I'm just sort of in the middle of something.

137

Oh, okay.

138

Yeah, that's okay.

139

Have a seat.

140

You can't do that.

141

Maybe I should go.

142

You better sit down.

143

We're winning.

144

Okay, you know what?

145

Maybe I should go.

146

No, no, no, no. Have a seat.

147

You have a seat.

148

Rachel.

149

Rachel, you haven't touched Eldot's hair.

150

It's the softest hair.

151

Touch it.

152

I'm good.

153

Rachel, Patrick is really rich.

154

Give her some money.

155

You know what, Phoebe?

156

This isn't really worth the free massage.

157

That's right, Patrick.

158

Bye-bye.

159

Elgin is much more cooperative, and he can dance.

160

You dance her, Rachel.

161

No, no, no. Don't dance for me, please.

162

Don't dance.

163

What does the matter with you guys?

164

Okay, let's talk it out.

165

I...

166

Am I the only one that this is embarrassing for?

167

I'm a little embarrassed.

168

Shh, shh, shh.

169

I'll tell you who should be embarrassed.

170

It's you guys.

171

Come on, this is ridiculous.

172

Thank you very much, but I do not need you to give me a date.

173

Then why did she ask us to have a...

174

I am still talking!

175

And then you chased away the one guy that I actually liked.

176

I mean, no offense to you guys, really.

177

I mean, congratulations on all the cash.

178

And, you know, you really...

179

Well, you do have very soft hair, but I would much rather go to the ball all by myself than go through any more of this.

180

Goodbye.

181

Now, do you use some sort of special conditioner on that hair?

182

Yes, papaya extract.

183

Thank you.

184

Rachel's not going to pick your stupid guy.

185

Oh, yeah?

186

Yeah.

187

My guy is a lawyer who does volunteer work.

188

And he has one of these.

189

A face ass?

190

A chin dimple.

191

Well, you know, our guy works with Chandler, and he's really nice and smart, and he's a great dresser.

192

Have you seen your guy's body?

193

No, our guy is just a floating head.

194

Well, my guy is spectacular, okay?

195

He's a massage client.

196

And one time, when he was on the table, I looked at it, and I mean all of it.

197

You're not supposed to look?

198

Oh, yeah, like they're police for that.

199

But you look, you massage me.

200

I know.

201

All right, fine.

202

Your guy may have a great body, but our guy is really funny.

203

Oh, Chandler funny?

204

Our guy's a great dancer.

205

My guy's well-read.

206

Our guy has great hair.

207

My guy has great teeth.

208

Our guy smells incredible.

209

Do you want our guy to be your guy?

210

Hi.

211

Hey.

212

So, uh, Estelle, line up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow, and I'll have my health insurance back in no time.

213

That's great, but...

214

Shouldn't you be on the toilet right now?

215

What?

216

What's wrong with you?

217

Nothing.

218

Well, I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, and then I passed out, and I haven't been able to stand up since.

219

But I don't think it's anything serious.

220

This sounds like a hernia.

221

You have to go to the doctor.

222

No way.

223

Okay, look, if I'm gonna go to the doctor for anything, It's gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach.

224

That's a hernia.

225

I'm gonna have to start working out again.

226

Damn you 15s!

227

Why is everybody using these tiny little lights nowadays?

228

I remember when people used to use big lights.

229

That's a good story, Grandpa.

230

Hey.

231

Hey.

232

Hey!

233

Wow.

234

Monica's letting other people help decorate her tree?

235

Did someone get her drunk again, or...?

236

Having a perfectly decorated tree is not what Christmas is about.

237

It's about being with the people that you love.

238

That is nice.

239

And we're done.

240

Ta-da!

241

I don't know what it is.

242

It just doesn't quite feel like Christmas to me.

243

Oh, yeah.

244

See, now it feels like Christmas.

245

Oh, here it is.

246

Oh, Joey, why did you sign it, son of a bitch?

247

I didn't do that.

248

Who would have done that?

249

Son of a bitch!

250

Okay, maybe ask this guy.

251

You, get out of my shop!

252

What did he do?

253

He went out with my wife!

254

Joey?

255

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

256

Hey, I did not go out with your wife, okay?

257

I went out with her!

258

That's my wife!

259

Get out!

260

Get out!

261

Well, we should go.

262

Yeah.

263

Okay.

264

Now, listen, I'm gonna be moving out, so you are gonna be in charge of paying the rent.

265

Right.

266

And when does that do?

267

First of the month.

268

That's every month?

269

No, just the months you actually want to live here.

270

Okay, here's the phone bill.

271

Oh, my God!

272

That's our phone number.

273

Now, look, I know I kind of sprung this whole me moving out on you thing, so why don't I just cover you for a while?

274

No, no, no way.

275

Joey Tribbiani does not take charity.

276

Anymore.

277

It's not charity, Joe.

278

I don't know.

279

Forget it.

280

Okay?

281

I mean, thanks, but I'm done taking money from you.

282

All right, I can take care of myself.

283

Now, what's next?

284

Come on.

285

Okay, here's the electric fill.

286

This is how much we pay for electric?

287

Well, yeah.

288

Yeah.

289

Yeah.

290

So we'll do the rest of the bills later, then?

291

I'm doing okay.

292

I think it's going well.

293

Do you think they're having fun?

294

Am I talking too fast?

295

Nope.

296

Sound like me.

297

You're just going great.

298

Look at Chandler with little baby girl Chandler.

299

Little baby girl Chandler.

300

Where have I heard that before?

301

Oh, right, Coach Rubin.

302

You know what, Pheebs?

303

When you're done over there, we've got a kind of situation over here, too.

304

Nuh-uh.

305

No, we are all responsible for our own babies.

306

See, that's where I think that you're wrong.

307

We've been playing these babies man-to-man.

308

We should really be playing a zone defense.

309

What do you mean?

310

I just think things will go a lot smoother if we each have our own zone, you know?

311

Phoebe, you can be in charge of wiping.

312

And, you know, Mon, you can be in charge of diapering.

313

And I can be in charge of looking out cute there when they put their hands around them.

314

That sounds really great, but maybe you should be in charge of wiping.

315

Okay, I'm a rookie.

316

I should not be in the end zone.

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