Shadowing-Übung: Ask Matt Anything: Authenticity, Anxiety, and Answering Well - Englisch Sprechen Lernen mit Video

Let's flip the script.

Instead of asking questions, today I'm going to answer some.

I'm Matt Abrahams, and I teach strategic communication at Stanford Graduate School of Business.

Welcome to this QuickThinks Ask Matt Anything episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, the podcast.

One of the many, many things I love about our Think Fast, Talk Smart learning community is interacting with our members.

I do this through posts, comments, and discussions, along with our author talks and AMAs, Ask Matt Anythings.

Today, I'm sharing a portion of our recent learning community, AMA.

Listen in to learn about authenticity, anxiety management, and answering questions well.

And consider joining the learning community at fastersmarter.io slash learning to ask your questions live.

So let's jump right in.

Chris, what's your question, please?

Question, Matt.

So I do a lot of email correspondence And the nature of my job is people are trying to sell me things all the time.

And there's one introduction that people often use to an email that I just don't like it.

And I really try to avoid it.

It's people saying, I hope you're doing well.

I know you understand what I'm talking about, but I understand why it's there.

But it's soft language.

It's an empty gesture because it doesn't matter.

And so I found myself when I compose an email, I just skip anything like that and go straight to business.

What are your thoughts on that and your experience with that?

It's funny that you bring that up, Chris.

So Glenn Cremond, who was one of our early guests, he is a colleague of mine at the business school.

He teaches a course on writing.

He is an editor at the New York Times.

He has exactly the same pet peeve.

He does not like the superfluous nature of that.

And I agree.

It's trite now that people do it.

However, I do like the notion of trying to connect first before jumping into an ask.

I think in some cases it can be a little off-putting if you just jump in straight away and say, I need this.

I think other modes of communication are more for that type of transactional get to the point.

I'm thinking of Slack or even texting.

Email to me feels slightly more formal.

And that's where I like to start with some kind of connection.

I'll perhaps say hello.

I might comment on the day.

I might say, I hope that your Tuesday is going well.

I might comment on something.

I know that the person has done.

If I have some connection with them, I might say, you know, how was your kid's basketball game?

I know the last time we spoke, you mentioned it.

So for me personally, it's a little hard on email to jump right in with the ask.

That said, I totally appreciate your point and using something trite, I think can be difficult.

Do you use it?

Chris, I'm going to put a question to you.

Do you use any kind of affectation or do you just jump straight in?

I think I usually just say, I'd like to share this with you or I was thinking of you and this is what I would like to share with you.

Excellent.

Yeah.

So you do connect a little bit.

I mean, we have a lot of research.

We have a lot of research that says connect first really helps.

It builds some warmth and relationship.

In an email, I think just as I would say if a phone call or a remote call like this, there is some time that I think should be reserved for connecting first.

but something trite such as hope you are well is a bit much.

Other questions that you might have.

Hi, I'm Jofun.

I'm from Germany.

Welcome to India.

Whenever I try to speak something impromptu, it just seems like I'm speaking too fast.

And then there is this mess in my head that I'm trying to string it through.

So do you have any suggestions or any helpful tips that I can follow?

So thank you for the question.

So Joffin, you're asking when speaking, your brain is working really fast.

You're thinking of a lot of things.

And sometimes when you end up speaking, then you end up speaking fast.

And how are there ways to slow that down?

So there's several things to do.

First, we feel this intense pressure in the moment, as you mentioned, to respond right away.

And we don't have to.

You can take a pause.

You can actually ask for it.

You can say, let me think about that for a moment.

Or perhaps you could ask a follow on question to get the other person responding so you can collect your thoughts.

Or any of you who've listened to the show know that I am a huge fan of paraphrasing, extracting a key essence.

All three of those buy you a little bit of time so that you can collect your thoughts so you don't feel as rushed.

Because when we feel rushed, we begin to think faster.

We get a little nervous and anxious.

So that's just giving yourself time.

Second, slowing yourself down, taking a deep breath.

When we get very anxious, we breathe shallow.

We start thinking quickly and we speak quickly.

So taking a deep breath slows down the autonomic nervous system, slows down your breath rate.

So you'll speak more slowly and it can actually slow down your thought process because you're calming yourself down.

Mentally, what I encourage you to do when you get in those moments is to think to yourself, what's the bottom line of what I want to say?

Anchor yourself.

A lot of us in those moments, we think a lot of thoughts all at once and it can get jumbled and that jumbled nature makes us think quicker because we're trying to figure things out.

Just say to yourself, what's the bottom line of my response?

What's the bottom line of my thought or feeling?

ground yourself there and then build your response from that point.

And as you know, I'm a big fan of structure.

This might be where what, so what, now what then comes in once I bottom line.

When you are saying to slow down while speaking.

So I believe I am a fast speaker and probably it's for the good or maybe for the worst, but I feel comfortable when I'm speaking fast.

So do you have any ideas or suggestions how I can really improve to slow down speaking or am I really fighting against my instinct?

Many of us speak faster than we want to, or in some cases should.

Speaking quickly boils down to breath.

100

Your voice is a wind instrument, just like a flute, a clarinet, a saxophone.

101

So breath is really critical.

102

So there are three things I recommend to people to help slow down.

103

First, breathe more deeply.

104

When you breathe deeply, you are actually slowing down your speaking rate because it just takes longer to do.

105

When I breathe shallow, I speak really quickly because I'm breathing fast.

106

So when I take a deep breath, I slow down.

107

So first, if you know you're going into an interaction where you're likely to speak quickly and you want to speak slower, take a deep belly breath.

108

Second, gesture more slowly.

109

I bet you gesture quickly.

110

Most people who speak fast gesture fast.

111

We sync up our gesture rate and our speaking rate.

112

So another thing you can do to slow yourself down is to gesture more slowly.

113

The slower I gesture, the slower I speak.

114

So low, slow breathing, slower gestures.

115

And then the final bit of advice is a mental idea, which is imagine that everyone you are speaking to is non-native to the language you are speaking.

116

So if I believe everybody I'm talking to is newer to the language that I'm speaking, in my case, English, by nature, we tend to slow down.

117

So breathe more slowly, deeper, gesture more slowly, and remind yourself that everybody you're speaking to is new to the language you're speaking.

118

And those three things in some combination will help slow down your speaking rate.

119

Hopefully that was helpful.

120

Yulia, I'd love to hear your question, please.

121

Thank you so much for having me here.

122

First, I'd like to thank you so much, Matt, for the wisdom that you are sharing.

123

And my question is the following.

124

All of us have, by nature, we have specific kind of way how we communicate.

125

Some of us are more self-spoken, some of us are more direct.

126

I believe that all communicators, all good communicators have to have a wide repertoire or like a tool that can be applied in different occasions and with different people.

127

So how can we develop this ability to adapt to different people who may not necessarily appreciate our nature the way we are?

128

What I hear in your question, Yulia, is really talking about authenticity, who we really are in our approach and thinking about the expectations that others have.

129

I will always argue that we should be true to ourselves.

130

being disingenuous, faking it.

131

That's not how we want to come off.

132

It doesn't feel good, and often it can get us in trouble.

133

That said, there are certain expectations in certain communication situations where we might have to adjust and adapt.

134

So some of you for your work, for example, have to speak in a very formal way, giving presentations or in meetings, and that might not be comfortable or what is typical in your more conversational approach.

135

So certainly our authenticity has to meet reality.

136

I am not saying to again, be disingenuous, but we have to be responsive.

137

Our goal is to serve the audiences that we speak to.

138

The single best thing you can do to help understand and be authentic is to take the time to really reflect on what's important for you and where your strengths are and your areas to strengthen.

139

Every night before I go to bed, I journal.

140

And part of that journaling is to reflect on something that went well that day in my communication and something that I'd like to improve from that day.

141

And every Sunday, I come back and look at what I've written for the previous week and make a plan for the subsequent week.

142

And I've been doing that for decades.

143

And that helps me to really not only develop my skills, but to really best understand what's important to me in communication and how I can lean into those things.

144

Be authentic, understand what's important to you and how you want to show up so that you feel comfortable in yourself doing that.

145

But at the same time, think about the expectations of the situation and what would help.

146

So for example, part of who I am is I'm very curious.

147

So I like to ask lots of questions.

148

You all have heard me ask lots of questions.

149

But sometimes there are situations where asking questions is not what the circumstance or context demands.

150

And I need to adjust and adapt while still staying true to my curiosity and who I am.

151

So it's first about discovering what's important to you.

152

The reflection activity I do every evening might help as part of that.

153

And then it's being aware of what's expected in the situation in the context.

154

Thank you.

155

I appreciate it, Matt.

156

Other questions that some of you might have.

157

Would love to take one or two more questions before I wrap things up.

158

I'm giving a talk for the Alzheimer's Association, which I do as a volunteer, and it's scripted.

159

It has these speaker notes and it's specific information that they kind of stand by.

160

So I'm just kind of struggling with like these speaker notes that are, you know, it's like I'm either reading it and so I'm kind of struggling with, do I just stand in front of of these people and read it.

161

There are times when all of us have to communicate where we are expected to say certain things.

162

Think of a company executive who, because of the media, because of investors, needs to say something exactly the right way because they can get in trouble.

163

I don't think your situation is that defined, but they do want you to get certain information across.

164

So I would, as best I could, if I were in your shoes, find a way to integrate that information into a way that's true and authentic for me, that's comfortable.

165

So maybe I don't use every word that they say, but I get the general idea across.

166

And if you can embed that in a truth for you, a story that's relevant to you, an experience that you've had, that makes it easier.

167

So a way that I coach executives to deal with the problem that you're having.

168

So let's say their legal department sends the paragraph, you have to say this.

169

I will have them read it a couple times so they're familiar with what it says.

170

And then I'll say, put the paragraph aside and just speak what you remember of it.

171

And as they're doing that, we're recording it.

172

And we do it a couple times and we begin to see their natural way of saying it.

173

So they're not memorizing it.

174

They're just saying, here's the way they've internalized it.

175

And then they share it.

176

And then what we do from that is we create bullet points.

177

So it's not a paragraph, but we create a few bullet points that are enough to trigger them to help.

178

What I do personally, what works for me, and this might work for you, Elizabeth, is I turn things into questions.

179

For some reason, my brain is better able to remember content when I remind myself that I'm answering a question rather than relaying information, even if the information is the same.

180

So instead of saying, I want to cover these two points, I say, I'm going to answer these two questions.

181

and I frame it as a question that I am answering, it takes some of the pressure off.

182

And for some reason, I am able to get the information across in a more clear, concise, and accurate way.

183

So my two bits of advice to you in your situation is to speak it out loud a couple times reading it and then record yourself saying it without looking at the manuscript.

184

See where you land and then create an outline from that.

185

And maybe also think if somebody asked me the question, what does this organization do or how can you support this organization?

186

Just to answer those questions and see how close you come to the manuscript they gave you.

187

My hunch, if you're like me, is you'll come pretty close when you frame it as a question.

188

I hope there was something in there that could be helpful.

189

Yeah, absolutely.

190

Thanks.

191

Excellent.

192

I had a question, something that you did there with concluding and saying like any questions.

193

I feel like that's oftentimes sort of a panic stage of a presentation where my mind starts racing about if there are no questions, how I'm going to kind of ad lib to fill up the awkward silence and then also fight off concerns like, okay, not questions because either I delivered something completely nonsensical or it was so dull that it didn't prompt any questions.

194

And then I think also the start of presentations are the places where I feel like I struggle the most.

195

And of course, with the start, it sort of sets the tone for the rest of things to follow.

196

So I'm curious about if you have tips on that.

197

Many of us are most nervous when we start a communication, be it a meeting, a presentation, even a social interaction.

198

So the advice I give to people, one is to get present and collect your thoughts, deep breathing, focusing on your goal.

199

But I also like to have people distract their audiences, get them doing something so their attention isn't just focused on you.

200

How do you do that?

201

Well, you don't want the distraction to be off topic.

202

Do something that gets them engaged.

203

So for example, take a poll.

204

If you're in front of a large group, how many of you have?

205

Show a video clip.

206

I work with a very senior leader at a company you all know.

207

He's very nervous when he speaks, especially at the beginning.

208

So all he does is say, good morning, everyone.

209

Let's watch this video.

210

And he has a video clip that's very brief.

211

And then when the video's over, he just asks people to comment on it.

212

So when you take a poll, when you show a video, when you put up a provocative image, slide, whatever, you take people's attention away from you.

213

And if you immediately ask a question on the response, then you are in a different role.

214

You are now a facilitator, not a presenter.

215

And for many of us, we are much more comfortable in that situation.

216

So I challenge all of you to think about how can I start in a way that invites people to engage so their attention is not just on me, it's on the activity, whatever that was.

217

So that's how I recommend you start in a way that can reduce some of that awkwardness and nervousness.

218

Now, on the other side of the equation, when you go to call for questions and there are no questions, first you have to wait.

219

Pausing is appropriate.

220

There are lots of reasons people don't ask questions right away.

221

Maybe they're nervous and they're trying to muster their courage.

222

Maybe they're thinking of their answer or their question first.

223

Maybe they're just trying to see what types of questions get asked.

224

So you have to pause.

225

And then if no questions come in, ask yourself a question.

226

I am a big fan of what I call a back pocket question.

227

So if nobody asks a question, I might say a question I'm often asked is.

228

So you see, I'm about to ask myself a question.

229

Now, obviously I should know the answer to my question.

230

That could really be helpful to making sure that the dead air is filled.

231

And you'd be amazed that when you answer that question, how easily you get the second question.

232

So it's all about getting your audience engaged in some activity upfront.

233

So it changes your role for presenter to facilitator.

234

And in the end, you have to pause when you call for questions.

235

And then if no questions come in, ask yourself a question.

236

And just by knowing that you have those tools, it reduces your anxiety because you know you can handle both of those situations.

237

So I encourage all of you to try one or both of those in a lower stakes situation, not a super high stakes one to see the value.

238

And that'll build your confidence even farther.

239

Thank you for joining us for this Quick Thinks Ask Matt Anything episode.

240

To join our next AMA Live, sign up for our Think Fast, Talk Smart Learning community at fastersmarter.io slash learning.

241

This episode was produced by Katherine Reed, Ryan Campos, and me, Matt Abrahams.

242

Our music is from Floyd Wonder with thanks to Podium Podcast Company.

243

Please find us on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts.

244

Be sure to subscribe and rate us.

245

Also follow us on LinkedIn, TikTok, and Instagram.

246

And check out faster smarter.io for deep dive videos, English language learning content, and our newsletter.

247

Please consider our premium offering for extended Deep Thinks episodes and much more at faster smarter.io slash premium.

248

You'll also find value by joining our think fast talk smart learning community at faster smarter.io slash learning.

249

You'll find video lessons, learning quests, discussion boards, an AI coach, and book club opportunities.

250

Again, that's faster smarter.io slash learning to become part of our ThinkFast TalkSmart learning community.

Was ist die Shadowing-Technik?

Shadowing ist eine wissenschaftlich fundierte Sprachlerntechnik, die ursprünglich für die professionelle Dolmetscherausbildung entwickelt und durch den Polyglotten Dr. Alexander Arguelles populär gemacht wurde. Die Methode ist einfach aber wirkungsvoll: Du hörst englisches Audio von Muttersprachlern und wiederholst es sofort laut — wie ein Schatten, der dem Sprecher mit nur 1–2 Sekunden Verzögerung folgt. Anders als passives Hören oder Grammatikübungen zwingt Shadowing dein Gehirn und deine Mundmuskulatur, gleichzeitig echte Sprachmuster zu verarbeiten und zu reproduzieren. Studien zeigen, dass es Aussprachegenauigkeit, Intonation, Rhythmus, verbundene Sprache, Hörverständnis und Sprechflüssigkeit signifikant verbessert — was es zu einer der effektivsten Methoden für die IELTS Speaking-Vorbereitung und reale englische Kommunikation macht.

Shadowing-Übung: Ask Matt Anything: Authenticity, Anxiety, and Answering Well - Englisch Sprechen Lernen mit Video

Warum sollte man mit diesem Video sprechen üben?

Grammatik & Ausdrücke im Kontext

Häufige Aussprachefallen

Was ist die Shadowing-Technik?