Shadowing Practice: The Desire to Not Exist - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creando lección...
1
It's likely that millions, perhaps even billions of people, have at one point or another felt the desire to not exist.
2
Now when I say not exist, I'm not talking about the way some people wish they had never been born or even somebody's self-destructive fantasies.
3
No, the desire to not exist is the yearning to magically disappear, preferably in a way that doesn't require any sadness, violence or death.
4
You may know it as the wish to fall asleep and never wake up again.
5
As often as this desire is felt, it's mysteriously rarely discussed.
6
What I found surrounding why we sometimes feel this way says a lot about the nature of our existence, desires, and how we interpret the existence of others.
7
In one of the most memorable scenes from Dostoevsky's novel, The Brothers Karamazov, a monk and an atheist walk into a bar.
8
They're brothers, Karamazov to be exact.
9
What ensues is a debate about the existence of God, albeit an unconventional one.
10
In our world, nobody escapes the torture of daily pains and disappointment.
11
Even children suffer in horrific extremes.
12
Thus, God, the elder of the two brothers maintains, must be evil to have introduced us to such a world.
13
Any promises of paradise after this life are just taunts.
14
Life is but a cruel angel's thesis.
15
It's not that I don't accept God, I just most respectfully return him the ticket," he says.
16
Ivan Karamazov rejects all notions of God's goodness, but even further than that, we can interpret that for Ivan it is not so important to contemplate whether or not God exists.
17
The question that must be asked is whether or not we want to exist in a world like this one.
18
This idea would be repeated by Albert Camus, who famously made the remark that in deciding Whether or not one should kill oneself, one answers the fundamental question of philosophy.
19
When we think of the desire to not exist, we usually imagine something akin to this kind of thinking.
20
The idea that life is meaningless and insufferable is a popular one.
21
However, when compared to these outlooks, the desire to not exist is unique.
22
What these individuals desire is not death, but to experience non-experience.
23
The desire is not a logical set of beliefs about the characteristics of life, but a complex psychological wish.
24
Furthermore, not everyone who longs for nothingness thinks existence is entirely unbearable.
25
To not want to die, but also wanting to simply not exist, implies a contradictory hope that one might continue to go on living.
26
I think the most tempting way to explain this is to bring up what is called cognitive dissonance.
27
When a person has two contradictory beliefs, but can only embody one of them, they will pick the one that is easier to exhibit.
28
In this case, it's easy to suggest
29
that the people who would like to not exist continue to live their lives because death is much too messy and final.
30
It takes a certain dedication to accept death.
31
Of course, there is something to be said for this idea.
32
After all, most people would hesitate to see death as a solution to their problems, but this outlook of cognitive dissonance ignores the intense feeling these individuals still experience.
33
Not to mention the ways they'll still attempt to replicate nothingness in their own lives.
34
One way of reading this contradiction is that it is prohibition that leads to fantasy.
35
We desire that which we cannot have.
36
Not only is nothingness impossible, we're told that we must not achieve it.
37
We might therefore desire nothingness simply as a way to exert our freedom.
38
The impossible is desired all the more for its impossibility.
39
One of the best references to the desire to not exist can be found in the philosopher Soren Kierkegaard's book, The Sickness Unto Death.
40
Kierkegaard's argument is that the torment of the desire to not exist is the hopelessness of not even being able to die.
41
Death means an end to life, a perceived nothingness.
42
Though not a sickness that will literally end in death.
43
Once a more horrifying reality than death is encountered, one will wish they could die.
44
When even this last respite is taken from them, the desire to disappear will consume them in an act that Kierkegaard calls despair.
45
But as we've already discussed, those that suffer from the desire to not exist don't exactly want to die.
46
Kierkegaard, a deeply religious thinker, thought of despair as a response to the eternity that lies after death.
47
By replacing his mentions of death with the idea of nothingness, we lose something from his writings, but even if we disassemble this part of his argument, the most fascinating portion still remains.
48
There exist, even in life, simulated perceptions of eternity.
49
When time is slowed to a crawl and every monotonous day bleeds out in unity, we are held a hostage of eternity.
50
Boredom, depression, and nostalgia all linger here, but some of the less familiar residents of non-time also deserve a mention.
51
The delirious ache of desire is felt here, and it is also in the silence of eternity that we catch our glimpse of nothingness.
52
Eternity is important to Kierkegaard's argument because it preserves everything he says a despairing person wishes they could be freed from.
53
It's in eternity that the self remains immutable, and that's exactly what can be so dreadful about it.
54
A self is a heavy burden.
55
During the total ceasefire of time, the inability to escape from ourselves grows ever more prominent.
56
Under the right conditions, that can be its own form of suffering. At a first glance,
57
the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion appears to be about angsty teens
58
piloting giant robots as they fight otherworldly entities referred to as angels.
59
But in reality, the show is about one 14 year old boy's fight with his desire to not exist.
60
Of course, spoilers ahead.
61
Each of the main characters suffers from an intense existential loneliness.
62
However, it's in Shinji, a character modeled after the anime's creator, that we find the show's depiction of this desire.
63
Episode 16 is even titled The Sickness Unto Death, in reference to Kierkegaard.
64
Eva isn't shy about naming its philosophical influences.
65
By explicitly using philosophy, Neon Genesis Evangelion presents us with an interesting existential argument.
66
In order to understand that argument, we need to take a look at the ideas of the philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, another one of the anime's major influences.
67
In his book The World as Will and Representation, Schopenhauer describes the way individuality can cause suffering.
68
He argues that the world is made up of will and representation, while the total universe is in fact one thing, operating in unity, human beings each have their own will,
69
distinct from that of the universe and each other.
70
Furthermore, each person only experiences a limited sample of the total universe, causing them to have their own unique perspectives, longings, and pains.
71
To Schopenhauer, as long as human beings exist separately from one another, there will be suffering.
72
This dilemma is portrayed countless times in Evangelion, as the main cast of characters repeatedly struggle to deal with
73
the pain inherent to the process of becoming close to another person.
74
Ava doesn't just stop here, though.
75
The shadowy organization ZILA seeks the literal unification of all human life through what is called the Human Instrumentality Project.
76
The project is intended to destroy the boundaries of our egos
77
and allow for total harmony as each person's consciousness is merged into one total unit.
78
This apocalyptic event will unite all minds, hearts, and bodies as one.
79
In the movie End of Evangelion, after the human instrumentality project is unwittingly put into motion by Shinji,
80
we're presented with a surreal commentary on the psychology of those who desire nothingness.
81
The psychoanalyst and philosopher Jacques Lacan suggested that our desires form in response to our separation from one another.
82
Lacan often discussed the existence of something called the Other.
83
We can understand his mentions of the Other in two ways.
84
First as someone who is not you.
85
Second as the Big Other, a more enigmatic character.
86
The Big Other's essential feature is that we struggle to know what it desires despite our persistent efforts to find out.
87
The Big Other is not a person, par se.
88
It is a symbol, a category.
89
All desire forms in response to some lack in our lives.
90
All desire fundamentally presupposes other desires.
91
And all desire craves recognition.
92
Lacan's argument is that your desire comes from your best guess as to what the big other lacks or desires.
93
The big other is always present in the mind.
94
Its imagined presence leading you to wonder if your desire is acceptable, and more importantly, you, as you define yourself, are a desirable person.
95
Schopenhauer saw the individual will of the self as a pointless striving with no end.
96
To him, only suffering arises from our wants, because our wants can only stem from an initial dissatisfaction.
97
This also applies to what Lacan is saying here about desire.
98
There are many ways one's desire might repel others, and it is always a fact that we never truly comprehend what the other desires from us.
99
The burden of desire easily finds itself implicated alongside pain.
100
Evangelion makes the very important point that obsessing over the desire of the other can introduce feelings of shame, ending in the desire to not exist.
101
Shame is a deep disappointment with oneself for not being desired, a feeling that the whole self is invalid.
102
Yet it can only be felt before something of an audience, even if it's an imagined one.
103
In Shame, we view ourselves from an exterior perspective, that of the Big Other.
104
The desire of the Big Other isn't as simple a matter as merely doing what other people want from us, it's about wanting the thing other people want.
105
Shinji is afraid that he has no desirable qualities other than being the pilot of his Eva, and to be fair, he's not so far off.
106
He's let demands of other people dominate him, demands that stem from their own unresolved issues.
107
Risato wants Shinji to be what she could never be, Asuka wants him to be less apologetic in pursuing her, and by the end of it all,
108
it's still not really clear what his father desires of him.
109
Notorious is a dynamic that plays out as a result.
110
Shinji thrashes about in indecision, hesitant to pilot his Eva knowing the pain it will cause him, but nonetheless wanting to please others.
111
He's told to only do it if he wants to, which is really just a more severe way of being told to do it and enjoy it.
112
presentation of a choice here is really an illusion.
113
All of this culminates into the conflict of Shinji's own desires as they bite
114
and cower at the desire of the Big Other.
115
In certain scenes and through certain responses, we see that Shinji is ashamed that his desires are not those of the others.
116
One can think life is full of good and still not want to fully take part in it.
117
Rebelling against all existence, he thinks he has acquired evidence against existence, against its goodness.
118
The despairer thinks that he himself is this evidence.
119
Acting against what we desire or feeling disgust at what we desire both lead to shame.
120
Both involve a sensitivity to the big other.
121
Desire always plays some sort of a role in shame
122
because the true nature of our wants constitutes a fundamental part of the self.
123
Despair over something, such as rejection, really is despair over having a self, writes Kierkegaard.
124
I believe the desire to not exist can be understood as an expression of frustration at one's individual existence.
125
Despair rages in each of us as we acknowledge the truth that we are not one, but rejection especially bruises those who desperately want to be desired.
126
These persons who suffer from the desire to not exist really want to have no desires,
127
to experience the freedom and peace of a complete dissolution of the self as it is known.
128
We will never be one, but after I cease all striving forward, perhaps I can numb the pain inflicted on me by my neglected desires.
129
Everything that matters to me matters in this world.
130
And that's the precise reason I find it all so tiring.
131
The cold anesthesia of nothingness is the nuclear option for desire.
132
This attitude of distance is fully displayed in the behaviors tied to the desire to not exist.
133
There's just one more thing I wanted to understand.
134
What's the solution?
135
In order to figure that out, I first thought it necessary to get as close as possible to actually experiencing nothingness myself.
136
Deprivation tanks are pods of salt water that work to eliminate each of the five senses.
137
In them, there's no light, sound, or gravity.
138
In order to experience what nothing this is like, I decided to jump into one of these things.
139
After setting up an appointment at a place that offered these, I step in and begin to float.
140
The lights turn off, and slowly my world is ending.
141
Finally, only I remain.
142
There is nothing, only warm primordial blackness.
143
My body is sleek from the salt.
144
The water feels as if it expands out infinitely.
145
My limbs grow heavy.
146
In the darkness, my eyes project forth the afterimages of meaningless shapes
147
and colors that I spend some time assembling into coherent objects.
148
My time in that pod felt both instantaneous and infinite, almost like a dream.
149
When it did end, stepping out of the darkness, I felt as if I was emerging from an imaginary space deep within myself.
150
And yet, I found that the peace I experienced there did not make me hate existence.
151
I rather felt content with it.
152
In episode 20 of Evangelion, Shinji is dissolved into a primordial soup inside of his mecha with only his consciousness remaining.
153
Kind of like me here.
154
Kind of.
155
Given the choice to remain in this state of nothingness, or to return to the physical world, he contemplates his self-worth.
156
We're again introduced here to the fact that Shinji determines the value of his existence through how desirable he is to others.
157
We are to understand however the solution that is proposed here, as it is this that ultimately influences Shinji's desire to return to the real world.
158
Thought philosophy is in some way an interpretation of the philosopher's own experiences.
159
Sensory deprivation, although not as surreal an experience as to what Shinji goes through here, helped me to understand that there is yet another way to imagine ourselves returning life the ticket.
160
We do not need to allow the immediacy of our existence to define us.
161
We can learn to create out of the void that we yearn to return to.
162
We all have the ability to go from feeling a mixture of pleasure
163
and guilt in our desire to feeling secure in the thing that propels our desire.
164
I believe that part of this process is learning to decide for ourselves how we feel about our desires
165
and what causes them, instead of presenting ourselves to be judged by a jury of our own conjuring.
166
We must understand that everything in this life is in a constant state of becoming.
167
All people will continue to grow closer and farther from each other in an endless variety of ways.
168
In our simulated eternities, we fear that we will always be prone to repeat the same mistakes,
169
desire the same things, and to always be the disgusting person we are now.
170
If we trust in the idea that even the absurd is possible, we can instead push forward to carve out opportunities for our acceptance.
171
Shame arises when we trust in the big other to decide what is acceptable for us.
172
But the actual people in our lives, while they might not always agree with what we desire, still have the chance to accept us if we trust them.
173
will always exist between what they want and what we want.
174
Accept that, and you can take the risk to be accepted yourself.
175
In taking that risk, in accepting the potential pains of desire, you'll already have made steps towards accepting yourself,
176
and moved beyond the desire to not exist.
177
If you enjoyed this video, you'll absolutely love my video on the game with a perfect portrayal of trauma.
📺 Mismo canal
✨ Recomendar Video
C12
55 oraciones
the desire to simply not exist
University StudentsWorking Adults
C13
138 oraciones
Does God exist? | J. Krishnamurti
University StudentsWorking Adults
C139
29 oraciones
Shakespeare: Hamlet
British AccentIELTS PrepTOEFL PrepCambridge Exam Prep
C11
190 oraciones
Most People Waste Their Life Without Realizing It | Naval Ravikant
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C14
232 oraciones
Why the Universe Sends You Someone You Can't Be With | Carl Jung Psychology
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C1117 oraciones
La rebeldía, según Albert Camus
University StudentsWorking Adults
C11
128 oraciones
The Terrible Paradox of Self-Awareness | Fernando Pessoa
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C11
238 oraciones
Cosmic Insignificance Theory: A Simple Idea That Will Change Your Life Forever
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C13
130 oraciones
On Suicide
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C11
399 oraciones
The Psychology of People Who Never Feel Good Enough
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C17
26 oraciones
a dream about being a person...
University StudentsWorking Adults
B25
63 oraciones
Why WANT something when you already HAVE EVERYTHING?
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
Vocabulario y notas de pronunciación para esta lección
Esta lección de conversación de nivel C1 se basa en el vídeo “The Desire to Not Exist”. Las palabras que más se repiten: desire, exist, nothingness, existence. Este vídeo tiene 177 frases y 2765 palabras para practicar shadowing. La parte hablada dura 16:35. El hablante habla a un ritmo natural de unas 167 palabras por minuto, cercano a una conversación cotidiana. Solo el 81 % de las palabras está entre las 3.000 más comunes del inglés, por lo que el vocabulario es exigente.
Vocabulario clave de este vídeo
Las 15 palabras más avanzadas del vídeo, con su pronunciación y significado:
| Palabra | Pronunciación | Significado |
|---|---|---|
| nothingness sustantivo | nihilidad | |
| eternity sustantivo | /əˈtɜɹnəti/ | eternidad |
| despair sustantivo | /dɪˈspɛə(ɹ)/ | desespero |
| philosopher sustantivo | /fəˈlɑsəfɚ/ | filósofo, filósofa |
| sickness sustantivo | /ˈsɪknɪs/ | enfermedad, dolencia |
| desirable adjetivo | /dɪˈzaɪəɹəbəl/ | deseable, conveniente |
| contradictory adjetivo | /ˌkɑntɹəˈdɪktəɹi/ | contradictorio |
| deprivation sustantivo | /ˌdɛp.ɹɪˈveɪʃən/ | privación |
| dissonance sustantivo | /ˈdɪsənəns/ | disonancia |
| existential adjetivo | /ˌɛɡzɪˈstɛnʃl̩/ | existencial |
| primordial adjetivo | /pɹaɪˈmɔɹ.di.əl/ | primordial |
| simulate verbo | /ˈsɪm.jə.lət/ | simular |
| surreal adjetivo | /səˈɹiː(.ə)l/ | surreal |
| meaningless adjetivo | /ˈmiː.nɪŋ.ləs/ | sin significado, insignificativo |
| strive verbo | /ˈstɹaɪv/ | esforzarse por, afanar |
Phrasal verbs que vas a escuchar
| Palabra | Pronunciación | Significado |
|---|---|---|
| bring up verbo | levantar, alzar | |
| find out verbo | averiguar, anoticiarse | |
| go through verbo | atravesar | |
| play out verbo | discurrir | |
| turn off verbo | apagar | |
| wake up verbo | /ˌweɪk ˈʌp/ | despertarse, recordar |
Gramática en este vídeo
Las estructuras que más usa el hablante, con las palabras exactas del vídeo:
| Estructura | En el vídeo |
|---|---|
| Voz pasiva be + participio pasado — importa lo que ocurre, no quién lo hace | been born · is felt · must be asked |
| Oraciones de relativo who / which + oración — información extra sobre una persona o cosa | everyone who longs · people who would · those who desire |
| Present perfect have/has + participio pasado — una acción pasada que sigue importando ahora | we've already discussed · has acquired · have made |
Pronunciación a tener en cuenta
El hablante usa 15 contracciones y formas reducidas, como we're, doesn't, don't. Dilas en su forma corta, tal como las oyes.
- Los sonidos de “th”: nonetheless /ˌnʌnðəˈlɛs/, thesis /ˈθisɪs/
- Los sonidos de “sh” y “zh”: deprivation /ˌdɛp.ɹɪˈveɪʃən/, existential /ˌɛɡzɪˈstɛnʃl̩/, rejection /ɹɪˈd͡ʒɛkʃən/, prohibition /ˌpɹoʊ(h)ɪˈbɪʃən/, illusion /ɪˈl(j)uːʒ(ə)n/
- Palabras largas — cuida el acento: eternity /əˈtɜɹnəti/, philosopher /fəˈlɑsəfɚ/, desirable /dɪˈzaɪəɹəbəl/, contradictory /ˌkɑntɹəˈdɪktəɹi/, deprivation /ˌdɛp.ɹɪˈveɪʃən/
Sonidos difíciles para hispanohablantes:
- /v/ — no es /b/: los dientes tocan el labio inferior: deprivation /ˌdɛp.ɹɪˈveɪʃən/, strive /ˈstɹaɪv/, dissolve /dɪˈzɑlv/, perceive /pɚˈsiv/, destructive /dɪˈstɹʌktɪv/
- /z/ — sonora, no /s/: desirable /dɪˈzaɪəɹəbəl/, existential /ˌɛɡzɪˈstɛnʃl̩/, arise /əˈɹaɪz/, dissolve /dɪˈzɑlv/, hesitate /ˈhɛz.ə.teɪt/
- /dʒ/ — no es la “y” ni la “ch”: rejection /ɹɪˈd͡ʒɛkʃən/, imaginary /ɪˈmæd͡ʒɪˌn(ɛ)ɹi/, emerge /ɪˈmɝd͡ʒ/, hostage /ˈhɑs.tɪd͡ʒ/
Cómo practicar con este vídeo
- Escucha el vídeo entero una vez sin hablar y anota las palabras que no conoces.
- Empieza a velocidad 0,75×, haz shadowing frase por frase y vuelve a la velocidad normal cuando te resulte fácil.
- Grábate y compara con el original, prestando atención a palabras como nothingness, eternity, despair.
¿Qué es la Técnica de Shadowing?
Shadowing es una técnica de aprendizaje de idiomas respaldada por la ciencia, desarrollada originalmente para la formación de intérpretes profesionales y popularizada por el políglota Dr. Alexander Arguelles. El método es simple pero poderoso: escuchas audio en inglés nativo y lo repites en voz alta de inmediato, como una sombra que sigue al hablante con solo 1-2 segundos de retraso. A diferencia de la escucha pasiva o los ejercicios de gramática, el shadowing obliga a tu cerebro y músculos de la boca a procesar y reproducir simultáneamente patrones de habla reales. Las investigaciones muestran que mejora significativamente la precisión de la pronunciación, la entonación, el ritmo, el habla conectada, la comprensión auditiva y la fluidez al hablar, convirtiéndola en una de las metodologías más efectivas para la preparación del IELTS Speaking y la comunicación en inglés en el mundo real.