Shadowing Practice: Think Faster, Talk Smarter with Matt Abrahams - Learn English Speaking with Video
Elige un modo de práctica
Cada modo abre una sala de práctica a pantalla completa.
686 oraciones
Si las oraciones son demasiado cortas o largas, haz clic en Editar para ajustarlas.
1
Raise your hand if you have recently had to introduce yourself or make small talk.
2
Yes, that is what today is all about.
3
How to speak better in the moment.
4
My hunch is, for many of you, introducing yourselves and making small talk, at some points, was challenging.
5
It's awkward.
6
It can be uncomfortable.
7
So today I want to talk about how we can think faster
8
and talk smarter in those moments where we're put on the spot to think and act quickly.
9
We all know that speaking in planned situations, presentations, pitches, meetings with agendas, can be hard.
10
But it can be much harder to speak in the moment.
11
And if you think about it, most of our communication happens in the moment.
12
It's things like making a toast, answering questions, giving feedback, introducing yourself, answering questions.
13
These are the things that can be very challenging for us.
14
So today I'd like to walk you through a methodology
15
that I developed in service of needs of our students here at Stanford.
16
Many years ago, the deans came to me and said, we have a problem.
17
The problem is this, our very bright Stanford MBA students are struggling to answer those cold call questions from their professors.
18
You remember back here when people would say, what do you think?
19
And you had to respond.
20
So I did a deep dive into research in psychology, anthropology, sociology, improvisation, neuroscience, and came up with a methodology now
21
that all Stanford MBAs within the first three weeks of their time here have an opportunity to take.
22
And it turns out it helps them feel more comfortable and confident not just answering questions, but in standing up in class and giving a position
23
and many other situations that they find themselves in when they leave here, interviewing for jobs, giving feedback to employees, et cetera.
24
So today is going to be not just listening to me, but it's going to be participative.
25
And we're going to start.
26
It's not hard.
27
Some of you are looking at each other going, oh no, what's he going to make me do?
28
Pretty simple.
29
read this sentence.
30
And what's more important to me than the meaning of the
31
sentence is I'd like for you to count the number of Fs, the letter F.
32
How many Fs do you find?
33
I'll give you three or four seconds to do it.
34
Keep the answer quiet to yourself.
35
How many Fs?
36
I wish my MBA students were as quiet and thoughtful as you are right now.
37
All right.
38
All right, raise your hand if you found three Fs.
39
How many found three?
40
Excellent, very good.
41
Anybody find four?
42
Ah, anybody find five?
43
How about six?
44
There are six Fs.
45
What two-letter word ending in F did many of us miss?
46
So why do I do this activity?
47
I have done this in every workshop, every keynote I ever deliver.
48
Why?
49
Because this is an exact analogy of what we're going to be doing here today.
50
Many of us miss little things that make a big difference in our communication.
51
Now, the other reason I do this is 14 years ago, when I first saw this, I found three.
52
I felt really stupid, and I like to pass that.
53
No, no.
54
So we're going to identify little things that make a big difference to make us more effective in our spontaneous speaking.
55
So I want to introduce you to a six-step methodology that we can use to become better at speaking in the moment.
56
And the six steps divide into two categories, mindset and messaging.
57
The first step has to do with managing anxiety, taming the anxiety beast.
58
Most people get nervous speaking in spontaneous situations.
59
In fact, most people get nervous speaking in any high stakes situation.
60
We have some research that says upwards of 85% of people feel nervous in high stakes situations, and I think the other 15% are lying.
61
So let me ask you this.
62
How do you feel when you watch a nervous speaker present?
63
Now I know a few of you probably like watching people suffer, but most of us don't.
64
How does it feel?
65
Just shut out.
66
How do you feel when you see a nervous speaker present?
67
OK, so uncomfortable, empathetic, and I heard some people say, I actually feel anxious myself.
68
I call that secondhand anxiety.
69
So if for no other reason we should learn to manage our anxiety
70
so our audience can focus on us and not be distracted.
71
So when it comes to managing anxiety, we have to take a two-pronged approach.
72
We have to manage both symptoms and sources.
73
Symptoms are the things that we physiologically experience, what goes on in our body.
74
And sources are the things that initiate or exacerbate that anxiety.
75
So I'd like to hear from some of you, what happens for you when you get nervous when you're put on the spot?
76
I'll start.
77
I blush and I perspire.
78
What happens for some of you?
79
My mouth goes dry.
80
Mouth goes dry.
81
I call this plumbing reversal.
82
What's normally dry gets wet, and what's normally wet gets dry.
83
So you get sweaty palms but dry mouth.
84
Really weird, right?
85
What else happens?
86
Yeah, you freeze.
87
You can't remember what to say.
88
What else happens?
89
Please.
90
Yeah, you feel your heart pounding.
91
Right?
92
Some of us get shaky.
93
These are normal and natural responses to anxiety.
94
Your body sees speaking in the moment as being under threat, and it invokes the fight or flight response.
95
And these are normal and natural responses, but there are things we can do to address these.
96
Now, allow me to share a few with you.
97
The first and best thing you can probably do is to take a deep belly breath.
98
The kind of breath you would take if you've ever done yoga or tai chi or qigong, a deep belly breath.
99
So what's interesting is it's the exhale that's more important than the inhale.
100
So my rule of thumb, or shall I say my rule of lung, is you want your exhale to be twice as long as your inhale.
101
And if you take two or three of these deep belly breaths, you'll actually reduce the rapid heart rate,
102
the rapid breathing that causes you to speak faster, and you'll feel calmer.
103
So before you walk into a room where you think you might be asked for feedback or you know questions are coming, or before you unmute on that Zoom,
104
take this deep belly breath and it will help.
105
Now if you get dry mouth
106
and you know you're going into a situation where you might have to speak in the moment, drink some warm water, suck on a lozenge, or chew some gum.
107
Obviously you don't want to do that while you're in the midst of speaking, but that will help reactivate those salivary glands.
108
If you're like me and you blush and you perspire, hold something cold in the palms of your hand.
109
The palms of your hand are thermoregulators for your body.
110
Just like your forehead or the back of your neck, if you've ever had a fever and you put a cold compress on your head to cool down.
111
Because your heart rate is going up, because your body tenses when you're stressed, you have more blood going through tighter tubes, your blood pressure goes up.
112
And that causes you to get hotter.
113
It's like you're exercising.
114
So we can reduce the sweating and the blushing by cooling ourselves down.
115
In fact, before I started speaking today, I was holding a cold bottle of water to help.
116
So these are some of the things we can do to manage our symptoms of anxiety.
117
If I didn't talk about a symptom you have, there are resources I'll share at the end of the talk that can help you find ways to manage your anxiety.
118
Now there's another side too.
119
We have to think about sources.
120
Those are the things that initiate or exacerbate our anxiety.
121
There are many.
122
Let me talk about one.
123
Many of us are made nervous by the goal of what we're trying to achieve when we communicate.
124
My students want to get a good grade.
125
The entrepreneurs I coach want to get funding.
126
You might want to get a new job, or you might want to get your project supported.
127
So what makes you nervous is the fact that you might not achieve that goal.
128
In other words, what's making you nervous is a potential negative future outcome.
129
So how do we short circuit that?
130
We become very present oriented.
131
Because if you're in the moment, by definition, you're not worried about the future.
132
So how do we get present oriented?
133
One way is to do something physical.
134
Walk around the building before you go in for that job interview.
135
Another way is to listen to a song or a playlist, just like athletes do.
136
You can do what I do present oriented by talking to people.
137
Before I got up here on stage, I was talking with many of you.
138
That helps me get present oriented.
139
I can't engage in a conversation and be thinking about what might go wrong in my presentation or Q&A session.
140
Start at 100 and count backwards by 17s.
141
That'll get you present oriented.
142
I know I'm in front of a crowd that's trying.
143
The first one's easy, 83, the next one's hard.
144
My favorite way to get present oriented is is to say tongue twisters.
145
You can't say a tongue twister right and not be in the present moment.
146
Some of you are going, uh-oh, that's right, I'm going to ask you to say my favorite tongue twister.
147
I said this tongue twister right before I walked out here.
148
It warms me up and it gets me present oriented.
149
Many of us assume that we can just go from silence to brilliance without warming up our voices.
150
But you know if you've ever played a sport or exercised or played a musical instrument, you should warm up first. So let's try it.
151
My favorite, tongue twister, takes five seconds to say, has three phrases.
152
And if you say one of the phrases wrong, you'll say a naughty word.
153
So I'm listening to here.
154
Okay, let's try it.
155
Repeat after me.
156
I slit a sheet.
157
A sheet I slit.
158
And on that slitted sheet I sit.
159
Excellent.
160
Nobody said that naughty word, and I'm sure you all know what it is.
161
So by managing our anxiety, both symptoms and sources, we prepare ourselves to be better when we speak in the moment.
162
The second step in our process has to do with maximizing mediocrity.
163
We get in our own way.
164
I have the audacity in front of my Stanford MBA students on the first day of class to say, maximize mediocrity.
165
Their jaws drop.
166
They've never been told to be mediocre.
167
But why do I recommend this?
168
It boils down to this.
169
We are the biggest impediment to our ability to speak spontaneously in the moment.
170
We get in our own way.
171
And we do it through all the judging and evaluating that we do of the material that we're thinking about saying.
172
We get in our head.
173
Here's why this is problematic.
174
Think of your brain as a computer.
175
This is not a perfect analogy, but for this point it works.
176
You know on your laptops or your phones when you have a lot of apps and windows open,
177
how the performance of each one of those is a little less good because the others are open?
178
That's because the bandwidth is less.
179
The same is true with your brain.
180
When I am evaluating and judging everything I'm saying as I'm saying it, I have less cognitive bandwidth to focus on what I'm actually saying.
181
So when we are evaluating ourselves as we're speaking, we're doing ourselves a disservice.
182
Now, be very clear, I am not saying you should never judge or evaluate your speaking, you should.
183
But we can turn the volume down a little bit to give us more resources
184
so we can be more present and be more effective in what we're saying.
185
So the true sentence that I tell my students at the end, I start with maximize mediocrity,
186
and then I end the class by saying maximize mediocrity so you can achieve greatness.
187
If you give yourself permission just to answer the question, just to give the feedback, just to have the small talk,
188
then you put yourself in a position to do it very well.
189
But when I say to myself, I have to give the right answer, the best feedback, I need to be the most interesting in small talk, it reduces the likelihood that you'll do those well.
190
So step one is manage anxiety.
191
Step two is turn down that volume on that mental observation and evaluation we're doing, and that puts you in a position to be more present and more engaged.
192
The third step of the methodology has to do with the fact
193
that many of us see speaking in the moment and in general as threatening and challenging.
194
If I were to tell any of you at the end of the meeting you're running
195
that you're going to get some questions from your audience, many of you aren't like, oh, that's great, I can't wait.
196
You say, oh, no, I better do a good job.
197
I'm afraid they're going to see what I said is wrong.
198
They're going to challenge me.
199
Many of us see these situations as threatening and challenging.
200
And when we do so, it impacts not just what we say, but how we say it.
201
We tend to retreat.
202
We make ourselves small.
203
Our answers are curt.
204
Our tone is harsh because we feel we have to defend.
205
There's another way to approach this.
206
And before I share with you that way and give you some tools, I want you to actually have an experience of it.
207
So I'm going to ask you to play a very simple improvisation game with me.
208
It's called give a gift.
209
All of us in our lives have had the experience of giving a gift and getting a gift.
210
So you know how to play this game.
211
But we're going to practice.
212
I'd like everybody to take out an imaginary box.
213
Will you do this with me, please?
214
Here's your imaginary box.
215
On the count of three, I'd like you to just practice giving it.
216
To give the gift, you just extend your arms.
217
Everybody ready?
218
One, two, three, give a gift.
219
Perfect.
220
Very good.
221
Now when you receive a gift, you do it in reverse.
222
Ready?
223
One, two, three, you've received a gift.
224
Perfect.
225
So here's what we're going to do.
226
In a moment, I'm going to ask you to find somebody sitting near you.
227
You're simply going to introduce yourself if you don't know, and you're going to play the give a gift game.
228
One of you will give a gift to your partner.
229
Your partner will take the imaginary gift, open the box, look inside, look at the partner, and say,
230
thank you for the, and you're going to say the first thing that pops into your head.
231
So you might say, thank you for the car, thank you for the pen, thank you for the airplane.
232
It doesn't even have to fit in the box.
233
Your partner who gave you the imaginary gift upon hearing it
234
is going to explain to you why they gave it to you.
235
Do you see how there are two acts of spontaneity that happen in this activity?
236
And then you'll switch.
237
So again, when it's your turn to give, you give the gift, your partner receives the gift, they open up the box, they look inside and they thank you for the first thing that comes to mind.
238
By show of hands, how many of you already know what's in your box?
239
Aha, over half of you raised your hands.
240
Yes, remember what I said in the previous step, how we want to do well, and we want to make sure we're right.
241
So you go, OK, I know there's going to be a dog bone in my box.
242
That's perfect.
243
I'm done.
244
I want you literally, when you open up the box, to say the first thing that comes to your mind.
245
I have to tell my MBA students to keep it clean and keep it legal.
246
I'm sure I don't have to tell you that here.
247
But I want you to name it.
248
And then your partner, upon hearing it, is immediately going to explain.
249
And then you're going to switch.
250
This activity should take two minutes.
251
I will ask you to come back in about two minutes.
252
So find somebody sitting next to you, introduce yourself.
253
The person who woke up earliest this morning goes first.
254
I've learned a long time ago as a teacher, if you don't say who goes first, everybody argues on it.
255
All right, find a person.
256
Thank you, by the way, for doing this activity.
257
I saw lots of smiles.
258
Looks like you were having fun.
259
I am simply going to move my arm across the audience.
260
And as my hand points in your general direction, Will you just call out what you found in your box?
261
I love hearing what people gave themselves.
262
Just start shouting out what you gave yourselves.
263
Kleenex.
264
Tires.
265
OK.
266
Catnip, I heard.
267
Yes.
268
Pumpkin.
269
Notes.
270
Did I hear broccoli?
271
Yes.
272
Dogs.
273
Poop.
274
OK.
275
Yes.
276
Sweater.
277
Excellent.
278
You guys gave yourself wonderful gifts.
279
It's a bit of a Rorschach test too.
280
It tells us a little bit about you, but we won't go there.
281
Let me ask you this.
282
How did it feel when you gave the gift and you were waiting to hear what you gave?
283
Many of you looked excited.
284
I see many of you smile.
285
What did I give?
286
What did I give?
287
And then all of you embraced a rule that comes from improvisation.
288
I am a huge fan of improv.
289
And I have had wonderful improv teachers here on this campus.
290
Patricia Ryan Madsen, Adam Tobin, Dan Klein.
291
These are improv experts who've taught me the value of improv.
292
And all of you just executed the number one rule of improv, yes and.
293
You didn't say, I did not give you a dog bone.
294
No, you said, of course I did, and here's why.
295
You embraced it right away.
296
What if, what if, when somebody asked you a question or asked you for feedback, you saw it as an opportunity,
297
just like you saw this activity as an opportunity?
298
Now, I am not naive.
299
I know sometimes people, when they ask us questions or ask us for feedback, they're really putting us on the spot.
300
They want to challenge us.
301
They're coming after us.
302
But even in those moments, if I can see it as an opportunity to connect,
303
to learn, to find some area of commonality, it can change everything.
304
I will step in.
305
I will be bigger in my response.
306
My tone will be more collaborative.
307
My answers will be more detailed.
308
By seeing spontaneous communication as an opportunity, as a gift, not a threat, it changes our entire approach.
309
So how do we do this?
310
How do we execute on it?
311
On the new book I wrote, Thinking Faster, or Talking Smarter, I introduce several tools we can use to see things as opportunities.
312
The first comes from this notion of growth mindset, which Carol Dweck on this campus helped to develop and champions.
313
It's wonderful and her work is fantastic.
314
One area of her work in growth mindset, which really essentially says that when we are faced with a challenge that doesn't go necessarily the way we want it to,
315
we can learn and grow and begin to get better at that, versus a fixed mindset which says, that's just how we're built,
316
that's just the way it is.
317
A growth mindset, again, opens to opportunity.
318
And one aspect of it that I really resonate with is this notion of not yet.
319
Just because something didn't go the way you want to doesn't mean it never will go the way you want.
320
It just means not yet.
321
Maybe you don't have the skills, you don't have the practice, but it means you can get there.
322
So by adopting a not yet mindset, it helps us see things as opportunities, opportunities to learn, opportunities to grow.
323
So when you meet with a frustration in your life, especially around communication, say to yourself, not yet.
324
We've already talked about yes and.
325
Yes and is where we see the possibility of connection.
326
So even if you're in disagreement, in a negotiation that's happening in the moment, you can look for those areas of commonality.
327
Where is it that we agree?
328
Where is the yes?
329
And from there, build.
330
The third of these comes from the world of basketball.
331
Many of you are familiar with Mike Krzyzewski, former basketball coach, Coach K.
332
One of the things he is credited with instilling in his players, but in all of sport, is this notion of next play.
333
If you're an athlete, say a basketball player, and you miss a shot, instead of ruminating and getting frustrated with yourself, move on to the next play.
334
Because the reality is, if I miss my shot and I sit there thinking about how bad it was, how I should have made it, the play is already ensuing.
335
And the other team might be scoring a shot.
336
I have to move to next play.
337
And the same is true when you're in the midst of a conversation, small talk, feedback situation.
338
If something happens that doesn't go exactly the way you want it to, next play, keep moving.
339
Now, while rumination in the moment is bad, reflection after the fact is very good.
340
So I'd love for you in the moment to move to the next play, but later that day reflect what worked and what didn't.
341
Many of us treat our communication as that definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
342
If you don't reflect and learn and think about it, you're not going to change.
343
So in the moment, next play.
344
Later in the day, reflection.
345
And then the final of these steps has us reframing the way we think about mistakes.
346
Many of us try to avoid mistakes.
347
We feel a mistake is a bad thing.
348
Now, if you think about it, we learn through mistakes.
349
If you watch kids, as they develop, they make lots of mistakes.
350
And that's how they learn.
351
We can take benefit from that as well.
352
But we have to look at them differently.
353
Rather than mistakes, I'd like you to think of them as missed takes.
354
You know in television and film, directors will have their actors do multiple takes of the same scene.
355
You've seen that clapboard that says take one, take two.
356
No one scene is wrong.
357
They're just trying to optimize and try different things.
358
So when you do something that doesn't go the way you want, think to yourself, take two.
359
I'm just going to do it again differently.
360
It wasn't bad.
361
It wasn't wrong.
362
I'm just going to try it differently.
363
And if you take that approach to your actions and the things that don't go the way you want, one, it keeps you in a much more positive frame of reference,
364
and it encourages you to think and learn from what just happened.
365
So these four tools, not yet, yes and, next play, and missed takes,
366
are the ways in which we can look at our communication in the moment as opportunities and not threats.
367
So we get out of our own way, after we manage anxiety, we see things as being opportunities,
368
not threats, and then our fourth step has to do with listening.
369
Most of us are not good listeners.
370
We listen just enough to get the gist of what somebody is saying and then start thinking, judging, evaluating, rehearsing what we want to say.
371
We don't listen deeply.
372
And if you don't listen deeply when you're communicating in the moment, you can make some errors.
373
Imagine this.
374
We walk out of a meeting together.
375
You turn to me and you say, how do you think that went?
376
I hear feedback and I start listing all the things that we did wrong, all the things that you could have done better, how we can make sure that we don't make the same errors next time.
377
But had I really listened in that moment, I might have noticed you came out the back door, not the front door.
378
You were looking down and talking more quietly than you usually do.
379
In that moment, what you wanted was not feedback, but you wanted support.
380
And by virtue of giving you all this constructive feedback, I actually did you a disservice and might have damaged the relationship we have.
381
So we need to listen in a very different way
382
when we have to speak spontaneously so we really understand what's needed in the moment.
383
So I'd like to give you some advice about how to listen better.
384
And I have to caveat this, that my wife gets really upset when I teach listening because she says I'm still a work in progress.
385
So listen to what I say, not necessarily what I do.
386
First, when you are listening, you need to listen intently.
387
I heard a professor at another university say, he was, he was, he taught music and he was talking about jazz.
388
And he had a jazz teacher, and I have to look this guy up to get his name, but he said, we need to listen until you sweat.
389
And I love that approach.
390
We, listening is hard work.
391
So the first thing we need to do is when somebody's speaking, we have to listen to what's the bottom line of what they're saying.
392
What's the crux of what they're trying to get across?
393
And then second, we need to employ a strategy that I learned from a colleague here.
394
His name is Collins Dobbs.
395
And Collins teaches critical and crucial conversations here at the business school.
396
And he has a methodology to help do that.
397
And that methodology applies beautifully to listening.
398
It's three things.
399
Pace, space, grace.
400
To listen well, you have to give yourself a little bit of each of those.
401
We have to slow things down.
402
The world moves very quickly.
403
We've got a lot going on.
404
If I slow down, I can listen better.
405
So the first step is to slow things down.
406
Second, you have to give yourself space.
407
Sometimes it's physical space.
408
Move to a location where you can actually hear better.
409
As I get older, everything is louder in the ambient sound.
410
Move to a place where you can actually hear.
411
But also mental space.
412
Give yourself permission to be present-oriented in this moment listening to this person. And then finally, grace.
413
And grace is to give yourself permission to pay attention to what's going on in the environment, how the person says what they say, not just what they say.
414
And grace refers to listening to your own intuition.
415
We have heard lots of things.
416
We have seen lots of things in our lives
417
and we get intuitions that come to us based on what we hear and respect those as well.
418
We often think listening is only what's coming in, but you can also listen to what's happening inside you.
419
So, but with a little bit of pace, space, and grace, and focusing on the crux of what somebody is saying, you can listen better.
420
One of the best tools we can use to listen better is to ask either clarifying questions or to paraphrase.
421
We have this notion that we have to respond in the moment right away.
422
If I don't respond right away, it means I'm not confident, it means I don't know my stuff,
423
and yet we can pause a bit to actually reflect on what we're listening to before we respond.
424
So I can literally just take a pause.
425
Some of us feel pausing is bad, but pausing can be great.
426
I can ask a clarifying question, that gives me a little bit of time, or I can paraphrase, which is where I take something you've said,
427
synthesize it, and present it back to you in a way that's distilled down.
428
So it's not like what a five-year-old does who just parrots back what you say, that's annoying.
429
But you look for the key idea and you repeat it back.
430
The thing with asking follow-up questions and paraphrasing is these are lower order cognitive skills.
431
In other words, I can be thinking about what I want to say next while I'm doing those.
432
So we're going to do a paraphrasing activity.
433
It's very quick, very similar to what we did with Give a Gift.
434
In a moment, I'm going to ask you to find a different partner in the room, and I'm going to ask you to share a story of your name.
435
And it can be anything related to your name you want.
436
It can be very deep and meaningful.
437
It can be fun.
438
For 30 seconds, you're going to tell a story of your name.
439
This activity is not about storytelling.
440
This activity is about paraphrasing, because the person you're telling it to is going to paraphrase what you said.
441
And then they're going to ask a question, because paraphrasing never happens by itself.
442
It's always followed by something, maybe your answer, maybe connecting to the agenda, maybe asking a question.
443
So let me give you an example of what this is like.
444
So I'm going to tell you a story about my name for 30 seconds.
445
I'm going to ask for a volunteer, if you'd like, to paraphrase what I said, and then another volunteer to ask a question.
446
Now you do not need to answer the question.
447
By training yourself to ask a question immediately after paraphrasing, you're training yourself to keep the conversation moving.
448
Paraphrasing is never something you do in and of itself.
449
You always use it to move on.
450
So here's the story of my name.
451
My name is Matt.
452
All through my childhood, I was teased mercilessly because Matt rhymes with everything.
453
Lazy as a doormat, silly as a cat, you're fat.
454
I was teased all the time.
455
When my wife and I started our family, it was very important to me that our children not be named something that was easily teasable.
456
As a teacher, I have a built-in focus group.
457
So I went into my classroom, I wrote the three names that my wife and I were willing to call our kids, and I gave my students five minutes to come up with the most heinous,
458
mean, bad rhymes and everything they could.
459
And we named my children the names that had the shortest lists.
460
So that's the story of my name.
461
Is there somebody here who would be willing to just paraphrase my story?
462
Again a paraphrase gets to the crux of it.
463
I see your hand here, sir.
464
Yes.
465
Excellent.
466
Great paraphrase.
467
Essentially what he said, for those of you who couldn't hear, is you stress tested your kids' names.
468
Right?
469
That's a great paraphrase.
470
What is a reasonable question that you might ask?
471
Yes.
472
What are the kids' names?
473
Yes, I'm not going to tell you because they would be very upset.
474
But I'll tell you that my kids are not teased because of their names.
475
Now, they're teased for lots of other things, but not their names.
476
Do you see how paraphrasing can actually help you listen more intently?
477
So here's what I'm going to ask you to do.
478
Find somebody else sitting around you.
479
Introduce yourself.
480
and the person in your partnership who had to travel the farthest to get to campus for the event,
481
not this morning, if you're not local, you're staying in a hotel that's close by, but where you came from, whoever traveled the farthest will go first.
482
You'll tell a 30 second story about your name, your partner will immediately paraphrase and ask a question, you need not answer it, and then you'll switch.
483
This should take us two minutes to do.
484
Find a partner, tell a story of your name.
485
How did it feel to have your story paraphrased?
486
It feels good, doesn't it?
487
It feels good to have your story paraphrased.
488
It feels good to be listened to.
489
Now, we're not virtual in this room, so we don't have some of those cool features that you have on tools like Zoom and Teams and Meet.
490
So we're going to do it the old-fashioned way.
491
Okay, well everybody put your fist out like this.
492
This is a yes, thumbs up yes, thumbs down no, no middle fingers.
493
Did your partner paraphrase well your story of your name?
494
I am seeing almost exclusively thumbs up.
495
I see one sideways and we might have one thumbs down, but there's always one in every crowd.
496
How did it feel, how did it feel to listen to paraphrase?
497
How did it feel to do this?
498
Hard, right?
499
I see thumbs up, but it was hard, right?
500
You had to listen in a different way.
501
When I looked at all of you doing this, you were leaning in.
502
You were nodding.
503
It was clear that you were listening with intensity.
504
We have the capability to listen well, but we have to encourage ourselves to do it do it.
505
And when we speak spontaneously, it is critical to listen well.
506
So we've now completed the first four steps of the process.
507
Manage anxiety, get out of our own way, see it as an opportunity, listen well.
508
All of this has to do with mindset.
509
We haven't actually responded in the moment yet.
510
So that's the next part.
511
And that's messaging.
512
And messaging has two components.
513
First, It has to do with structure.
514
Structure is critical.
515
How you put your messages together matters.
516
Most of us just ramble and give lists of information when we're put on the spot.
517
And your brain is not wired for lists.
518
It's very hard for us to remember just ramblings.
519
Our brains are actually wired for structure, for story.
520
A story to me, a structure, is nothing more than a logical connection of ideas that has a beginning,
521
a middle, I learned the power of story and the power of structure when I was an undergraduate here at Stanford many,
522
many years ago.
523
I was a tour guide on this campus.
524
To this day, I can still walk backwards in a straight line while speaking.
525
They trained us back then for 12 weeks.
526
The most important thing they taught us, they said, above all else, to be a good tour guide on this campus,
527
you must never, ever lose your tour group.
528
You are a bad tour guide if you get people lost.
529
The same is true with us as spontaneous speakers.
530
Never lose the audience you're talking to.
531
How do we keep people together?
532
We structure our responses.
533
Structure helps us orient people and set expectations.
534
If I showed up and I said, hi, I'm Matt.
535
I'm your tour guide.
536
Let's go.
537
How many of you would go with me?
538
A few because you're adventurous, but the rest of you'd be like, heck no, where are we going?
539
Do I have the right shoes on?
540
Should I go to the bathroom first?
541
A good tour guide, just like a good spontaneous speaker, sets expectations up front so you can pay attention to what's happening and not wonder what's coming next.
542
Structure also helps connect ideas together.
543
The biggest place, or the most frequent place, you will lose people as a tour guide is when you move from one place to the next.
544
People just wander off.
545
The same is true in our communication.
546
If you are using words like so, next, second, third as your transitions, then you are missing opportunities to keep people together.
547
So structure is really important.
548
Let me give you an example of a structure just so you can get your arms around it.
549
Most of us are familiar with a very persuasive structure of problem, solution, benefit.
550
If you've ever pitched an idea, if you've ever watched an advertisement, this is how they go.
551
Problem, solution, benefit.
552
Here's an issue, here's how we solve it, and here's the benefit.
553
That's a structure.
554
Beginning, middle, and an end.
555
Now my favorite structure in the whole world is three simple questions.
556
What? So what?
557
Now what?
558
The what is your idea, your belief, your position, your product, your service, your feedback.
559
The so what is why is it important to the person you're speaking to?
560
And then now what is what comes next?
561
Maybe I'll take your questions, let's set another meeting, let me show you a demonstration.
562
What, so what, now what?
563
Is a great way to package up information.
564
When you're meeting with your friends this weekend and somebody says, what are you up to?
565
It's a great structure to update.
566
Here's what I'm doing, here's why I think it's important, here's what I'm planning to do next.
567
When you're giving feedback, you can give feedback in this structure.
568
The feedback is what I saw or what I didn't see.
569
The so what is why it's important, and the now what is what I'd like you to do differently.
570
So imagine we come out of a meeting together and you say, Matt, how'd that go?
571
I say, well, I thought it went really well, except when you were talking about the implementation plan.
572
You spoke quickly and didn't give as much detail as you did elsewhere.
573
When you speak quickly without a lot of detail, people might think you're nervous and aren't aren't as prepared.
574
Next time, slow down and use these two additional examples.
575
Do you see how in the moment, just by following this structure, it gives me a good response?
576
Structure is a tool.
577
It's like a recipe.
578
I am a lousy cook, but I have a much better chance of cooking well if I follow a recipe.
579
So by having a recipe, all I have to do is put the ingredients into it.
580
I know how I'm going to give you my feedback.
581
I just have to think about what I say in the feedback.
582
So structure helps you not only package up information for your audience, but it helps you prioritize what to say.
583
And because the information is packaged well, your audience can take that information and share it elsewhere.
584
Think of a job interview.
585
When you're being interviewed, not only are you trying to communicate your skills and how you could benefit the company, but you're trying to equip your interviewer with the information
586
that they can then take to the others involved in the hiring decision and represent you.
587
And if you package up that information easily, they can tell your story really well.
588
If you just give them a whole list of information, they're likely not to remember it.
589
So structure is incredibly helpful in spontaneous communication.
590
In the new book, the whole second half of it is specific spontaneous situations, making small talk, apologizing, giving feedback, introducing yourself, answering questions.
591
And with each one, I assign or give a structure that you can use.
592
This is not the final step, though.
593
The final step is the F word of communication.
594
And it's not that naughty one some of you are thinking about.
595
It's focus.
596
Many of us, when we speak in the moment, take our audiences on the journey of our discovery of what it is we want to say as we're saying it.
597
In other words, we say more than we need to.
598
We need to be focused and concise.
599
My mother has a saying that I love.
600
I know she didn't create it, but it's, tell me the time, don't build me the clock.
601
Many of us, when we are spontaneously speaking, build clocks.
602
One, because we're discovering what we want to say.
603
Two, because we want people to think we're really smart.
604
And three, we want everybody to see how hard we've worked to get to what we're saying.
605
It is much better to be compact and concise in what you're saying.
606
So how do you do that?
607
Well, one we've already talked about, relevance.
608
If I think about what's really relevant for the audience, then I hinge everything I'm saying on that relevance.
609
Second, you should have a goal whenever you speak, be it spontaneous or planned.
610
A goal to me has three parts, information, emotion, and action.
611
What do I want the audience to know?
612
How do I want them to feel?
613
And what do I want them to do?
614
So if I'm walking into a room where I expect that I will be asked questions, or asked to give feedback, or even making small talk,
615
I think to myself, what do I want people to know?
616
How do I want them to feel, and what do I want them to do?
617
And that helps me focus and prioritize what I'm saying.
618
So it's not enough to just have a structured message.
619
You have to focus that message to help people remember it, and to not be seen as rambling and giving too much information.
620
There's another structure I want to introduce you to that is incredibly focused and concise.
621
This is a structure for pitching.
622
I'm often asked by people, what happens if somebody asks me to pitch an idea in the moment?
623
So you're getting on an elevator and your boss's boss steps in and they look at you and say, oh, what are you working on?
624
I'm about to go speak with the board.
625
Maybe I can help you.
626
You got to respond.
627
Four sentence starters.
628
just finish these sentences.
629
What if you could, so that, for example, and that's not all.
630
What if you could, so that, for example, and that's not all.
631
Let me show you how this works by taking a suggestion from you all, and I'll put it in this structure, and then together as a group we're going to use this for something.
632
Can somebody think of a product or service that you would like to hear a pitch for?
633
What would you like to hear me give a pitch for?
634
Somebody suggest one.
635
Your book.
636
My book?
637
Well, look at that.
638
Well, thank you.
639
All right.
640
I appreciate that.
641
So my new book is all about how to speak more effectively in the moment.
642
What if you could feel more comfortable and confident when put on the spot so that you could answer questions well
643
or give appropriate feedback.
644
For example, imagine an upcoming job interview that you nail, that you get all of your points across in a way that really represents who you are.
645
And that's not all.
646
You can apply these principles to small talk, to apologizing, and to even introducing yourself.
647
Do you see how just answering those sentences gets you to a tight, clear pitch?
648
So here's what we're going to do for all of you to practice and thank you for that opportunity.
649
Okay?
650
All of us are here for our Stanford reunion.
651
Let's imagine for your next reunion, you volunteer to help recruit people to come back to campus for reunion.
652
So you're going to make a pitch.
653
Let's go through each of these four together as a group.
654
Somebody give me the end of this sentence.
655
What if you could?
656
What if you could see old friends so
657
that you can walk down memory lane and experience the things that you enjoyed about being on campus.
658
For example, somebody give me an example of a memory or an exciting thing you'd like to share with an old friend.
659
For example, hear the band play and sing some of the old songs.
660
and that's not all.
661
And that's not all you, what?
662
You can go to a great lecture on communicating in the moment.
663
I love it.
664
Do you see how easy that was?
665
Do you see how the structure helps you?
666
And it made it very concise.
667
So by focusing on these two messaging elements, structure and focus, you can actually be much better at speaking in the moment.
668
So some resources for you to continue learning these concepts and others.
669
I host a podcast for the business school, it's called Think Fast, Talk Smart.
670
It's all about communication skills.
671
I get to interview experts from around campus and around the world on how to be better communicators.
672
Lots of your favorite faculty have been guests on the show.
673
And this show, I'm proud to say has won many prestigious awards,
674
including best dog walking podcast and best commute podcast because our episodes are very concise and short, 20 minutes.
675
We've done some other ones as well.
676
And there's a picture of the book, Think Faster, Talk Smarter.
677
If you take a shot of this QR code, it'll take you to a whole bunch of resources that I make available to our students here and elsewhere.
678
I encourage all of you to think about how you can be a better in the moment speaker.
679
It takes time and it takes practice.
680
The only way you get better at communication, planned or spontaneous, is three things.
681
Repetition, reflection, and feedback.
682
Repetition, reflection, and feedback.
683
You have to practice.
684
You have to think about what's working and what's not working.
685
And you have to seek out advice and guidance from teachers, from colleagues, from mentors to help.
686
That's how we get better.
Descargar app
Todo lo que necesitas para hablar con fluidez
Pronunciación con IAEvalúa cada oración
Práctica de IPADomina cada sonido
VocabularioConstruye tu banco de palabras
Juego de vocabularioAprende mientras juegas
Mismo canal
FOR YOU
Recomendar Video
C138
888 oraciones
Think Fast, Talk Smart: Communication Techniques
Business EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation
B2635
38 oraciones
Stop introducing yourself like this.
Business EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation
B21
248 oraciones
How to Talk to Anyone with Ease and Confidence
Business EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation
B25
77 oraciones
Tell Me About Yourself (The BEST Way to Answer this Interview Question)
American AccentBusiness EnglishInterview EnglishUniversity Students
B223
295 oraciones
Learn How to Introduce Yourself Confidently in English | Easy English Podcast Conversation
Business EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation
B27
512 oraciones
become ARTICULATE and SPEAK SMARTLY - effective communication 101
Business EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation
B21
435 oraciones
Don't Lose the Room: How to Make Ideas Stick
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
241 oraciones
Quick Thinks: How to Have Better Conversations About Aging
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
139 oraciones
How to Get Good at Small Talk, and Even Enjoy It
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
66 oraciones
Want to Lead? Be Well Spoken and Well Dressed | Sylvia Ann Hewlett | Big Think
Business EnglishInterview EnglishUniversity Students
B14
87 oraciones
Watch THIS If You Can Understand English but Can't Speak
British AccentBusiness EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation
B22
74 oraciones
Improve Your Speaking
Business EnglishInterview EnglishUniversity Students
Vocabulario y notas de pronunciación para esta lección
Esta lección de conversación de nivel B2 se basa en el vídeo “Think Faster, Talk Smarter with Matt Abrahams”. Este vídeo tiene 686 frases y 7715 palabras para practicar shadowing. La parte hablada dura 44:08. El hablante habla a un ritmo natural de unas 175 palabras por minuto, cercano a una conversación cotidiana. El 86 % de las palabras está entre las 3.000 más comunes del inglés; conviene repasar el resto antes de empezar.
Vocabulario clave de este vídeo
Las 15 palabras más avanzadas del vídeo, con su pronunciación y significado:
| Palabra | Pronunciación | Significado |
|---|---|---|
| paraphrase verbo | /ˈpæɹəfɹeɪz/ | parafrasear |
| spontaneous adjetivo | /spɑnˈteɪ.ni.əs/ | espontáneo |
| orient verbo | /ˈɔɹ.iˌɛnt/ | orientar |
| mindset sustantivo | /ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/ | mentalidad, actitud |
| methodology sustantivo | /ˌmɛθ.əˈdɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/ | metodología |
| concise adjetivo | /kənˈsaɪs/ | conciso, breve |
| thumb sustantivo | /ˈθʌm/ | pulgar, pólice |
| mediocrity sustantivo | /mi.dɪˈɑk.ɹɪ.ti/ | mediocridad, medianía |
| spontaneously adverbio | /spɑnˈteɪ.ni.əs.li/ | espontáneamente |
| tease verbo | /tiːz/ | cardar, peinar |
| symptom sustantivo | /ˈsɪm(p)təm/ | síntoma |
| imaginary adjetivo | /ɪˈmæd͡ʒɪˌn(ɛ)ɹi/ | imaginario |
| pause sustantivo | /pɔːz/ | pausa |
| evaluate verbo | /ɪˈvaljʊeɪt/ | evaluar |
| belly sustantivo | /ˈbɛli/ | barriga, panza |
Phrasal verbs que vas a escuchar
| Palabra | Pronunciación | Significado |
|---|---|---|
| come up with verbo | ingeniar, ingeniarse | |
| get out of verbo | salirse de, ponerse fuera de | |
| go through verbo | atravesar | |
| go up verbo | subir | |
| slow down verbo | desacelerar, decelerar | |
| call out verbo | especificar | |
| come out verbo | /ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/ | revelarse, salir a la luz |
| cool down verbo | /kuːl ˈdaʊn/ | enfriarse |
Frases que vale la pena repetir
Frases cortas y completas del vídeo que puedes reutilizar en la conversación diaria:
- What happens for some of you?
- Will you do this with me, please?
- How do we execute on it?
- Where is it that we agree?
- What is a reasonable question that you might ask?
Gramática en este vídeo
Las estructuras que más usa el hablante, con las palabras exactas del vídeo:
| Estructura | En el vídeo |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + participio pasado — una acción pasada que sigue importando ahora | have done · you've ever done · you've ever had |
| Voz pasiva be + participio pasado — importa lo que ocurre, no quién lo hace | be distracted · might be asked · are made |
| Oraciones de relativo who / which + oración — información extra sobre una persona o cosa | person who woke · paraphrase, which is |
Pronunciación a tener en cuenta
El hablante usa 191 contracciones y formas reducidas, como you're, I'm, we're. Dilas en su forma corta, tal como las oyes.
- Los sonidos de “th”: methodology /ˌmɛθ.əˈdɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/, thumb /ˈθʌm/, bandwidth /ˈbændwɪdθ/, threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/, athlete /ˈæθ.liːt/
- Los sonidos de “sh” y “zh”: reflection /ɹɪˈflɛkʃən/, notion /ˈnoʊʃən/, improvisation /ɪmˌpɹɑvəˈzeɪʃən/, repetition /ˌɹɛp.əˈtɪʃ.ən/, blush /ˈblʌʃ/
- Palabras largas — cuida el acento: spontaneous /spɑnˈteɪ.ni.əs/, methodology /ˌmɛθ.əˈdɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/, mediocrity /mi.dɪˈɑk.ɹɪ.ti/, spontaneously /spɑnˈteɪ.ni.əs.li/, imaginary /ɪˈmæd͡ʒɪˌn(ɛ)ɹi/
Sonidos difíciles para hispanohablantes:
- s + consonante al inicio — sin añadir una “e” delante: spontaneous /spɑnˈteɪ.ni.əs/, spontaneously /spɑnˈteɪ.ni.əs.li/, stake /steɪk/, sweat /swɛt/
- /v/ — no es /b/: los dientes tocan el labio inferior: improv /ˈɪmpɹɑv/, evaluate /ɪˈvaljʊeɪt/, improvisation /ɪmˌpɹɑvəˈzeɪʃən/, disservice /dɪ(s)ˈsɝvɪs/, relevance /ˈɹɛl.ɪ.vən(t)s/
- /z/ — sonora, no /s/: paraphrase /ˈpæɹəfɹeɪz/, tease /tiːz/, pause /pɔːz/, improvisation /ɪmˌpɹɑvəˈzeɪʃən/, maximize /ˈmæksəmaɪz/
Cómo practicar con este vídeo
- Escucha el vídeo entero una vez sin hablar y anota las palabras que no conoces.
- Empieza a velocidad 0,75×, haz shadowing frase por frase y vuelve a la velocidad normal cuando te resulte fácil.
- Grábate y compara con el original, prestando atención a palabras como paraphrase, spontaneous, orient.
¿Qué es la Técnica de Shadowing?
Shadowing es una técnica de aprendizaje de idiomas respaldada por la ciencia, desarrollada originalmente para la formación de intérpretes profesionales y popularizada por el políglota Dr. Alexander Arguelles. El método es simple pero poderoso: escuchas audio en inglés nativo y lo repites en voz alta de inmediato, como una sombra que sigue al hablante con solo 1-2 segundos de retraso. A diferencia de la escucha pasiva o los ejercicios de gramática, el shadowing obliga a tu cerebro y músculos de la boca a procesar y reproducir simultáneamente patrones de habla reales. Las investigaciones muestran que mejora significativamente la precisión de la pronunciación, la entonación, el ritmo, el habla conectada, la comprensión auditiva y la fluidez al hablar, convirtiéndola en una de las metodologías más efectivas para la preparación del IELTS Speaking y la comunicación en inglés en el mundo real.