쉐도잉 연습: How to have a healthy relationship | Jillian Turecki | TEDxNashville - YouTube로 영어 말하기 배우기

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When I tell you that a relationship and being in a relationship will not make you happy, what happens inside of you?
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When I tell you that a relationship and being in a relationship will not make you happy, what happens inside of you?
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Because it's a deeply unsettling statement.
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Why would we ever be in a relationship if it wasn't going to make us happy?
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And yet never before have we put so much pressure on a romantic relationship to not only be a source of happiness, but the ultimate pathway to transcendent joy.
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We're told if you meet the right person, if you are with your soulmate, you will watch all your insecurities, your anxieties, your trauma just evaporate.
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And that with the right person, you will feel complete.
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One are the days where we partner for survival, where we partner for family alliances or duty.
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Today what we want in a partner is a best friend, the best sex we've ever had in our life, our spiritual mentor or guru, and maybe even our parent wrapped up into one super hot package.
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And even more than that, what people crave is someone who is more evolved than them.
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Like we want this super evolved, angelic being who is more mature than us, has more emotional intelligence than us, because then we think when we meet this person, we can finally relax because the little child that lives inside of us can finally feel safe, seen, understood.
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I met a girl recently, young woman, 28, 29, somewhere in her 20s.
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And she told me that she was trying to manifest her soulmate.
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And so I said, okay, how do you plan on doing that?
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And she said, well, I have a list of everything that I want in a partner and everything that I want to feel in this relationship.
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I said, okay, give me the list.
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I need to look at this list.
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And there was like 60 to 70 things on this list.
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No, this is not an exaggeration, literally.
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But what's so interesting is that this list is among thousands, thousands of lists that I have seen throughout the years from clients, from people who've messaged me on social media, from people who've emailed me, from friends.
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I've even written lists like this before.
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And every single list I have ever looked at has had a few words in common.
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Peace.
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Safety.
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Joy.
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Fun.
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Adventure.
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And when I think about what all those feelings and words represent, What they really represent is a feeling of aliveness.
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And in my view, that's what joy is.
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It's feeling that thing that we feel way too little when we are completely unburdened by all our stress, all our family drama, all our childhood crap.
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We feel more like who we really are.
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And we think that when we're with this person, that that's what they're giving us.
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And that's what we want from a relationship is to feel that aliveness.
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And yet, there are two lessons that I've learned about relationships after working with people in some capacity for two decades.
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And these are the two, like, most life-changing lessons I've ever learned.
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The first one is, a relationship's job is not to make us happy.
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It is our job to make the relationship happy.
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In other words, the quality of a relationship is directly proportional to the quality of energy and emotions both people consistently bring to the relationship.
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Meaning a relationship, particularly a romantic one, is a mirror.
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And it is always reflecting back the internal states of both people.
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This can be fairly difficult to digest because we're not always gonna be in a good mood.
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And life can be very hard.
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And sometimes we're just, like I said, we're going to wake up on the wrong side of the bed and just be negative.
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That's a good day sometimes.
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On the other end of the spectrum, we are going to go through loss and heartbreak and struggle with our mental health.
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And when we are in a relationship with someone over the long term, you're going to go through seasons where you're not going to be as connected.
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You might have money problems.
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You might lose your home.
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You might deal with illness.
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Someone you love, like your parents, they're going to die.
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And so I'm not saying that you have to be, like, happy and free and alive and joyful and, like, that's your responsibility all the time.
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And what I am saying is the quality of a relationship is the quality of the two people inside of it.
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In the beginning of a relationship, we are exciting, we are fun, we are loving, we are joyful, we are free.
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Because falling in love is really easy.
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It demands nothing of us.
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All the hormones will do that for us.
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And then we meet this person and there's so much hope.
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and then as the months go by and certainly as the years go by we become comfortable and when we become comfortable we fall back into familiar emotional patterns that if we were really honest with ourselves we had long before we ever met the person we were with And so, you know, we bring some exhaustion, negativity.
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We start to complain.
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We're like, not just once in a while in a bad mood, we're kind of always in a bad mood or we're just bringing all that home.
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And then we wake up one day and we think, huh, I wonder where the spark went.
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And then we start to think, you're not as amazing as I had thought.
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And, you know, we get a little resentful, and that resentment turns into resistance.
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And the next thing you know, we don't even want this person near us, let alone to touch us.
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And that's because we forgot that we have to bring joy to the relationship.
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That a relationship, we can't just expect to extract happiness from a relationship.
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we actually have to be a source of happiness for the relationship.
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The second lesson, which is similar to the first, is a relationship will also always reflect your relationship with yourself.
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I have a friend.
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I've been friends with her for many, many years, and she's been married for like, I don't know, 15, 16, 17 years, something like that.
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And for the first several years of their relationship, she would call me up very agitated and worried because she was questioning her marriage and questioning whether or not she was with the right person.
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And she was questioning him even before she got married.
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She had a year of just dealing with that.
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And this was happening like twice a year.
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and every time I would either sit with her or talk on the phone with her to help her process and I really wanted to help her process because I knew without a shadow of a doubt that they were right for each other so I wanted to help her understand where all this ambivalence was coming from.
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And what we discovered after many times going through this process together of talking about it was that there was a pattern.
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Every single time this suffering came up in her where she felt where she was struggling with whether or not she should be with this person with this man there was something going on with her she felt i don't know untethered to herself she was unfulfilled at work or she was burning the candle from both ends and just absolutely exhausted.
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Or she was like having some fight with her mom or her dad or her sister.
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She was just like, there was just these layers of suffering, discontent, these things.
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It's part of the human experience.
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Sometimes we have these sort of existential crises where we're just not happy and we're questioning everything.
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And then she projected that onto her relationship when it had absolutely nothing to do with her husband or her marriage.
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She thought that the reason why she was feeling this, that it must have been her relationship, when the truth was it was something going on between her and her.
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It was needs that she had to learn how to meet for herself.
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It was not her man's responsibility.
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It was not the relationship's responsibility.
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And then when she started to address that and just realized when she was getting that restlessness, instead of immediately turning to, I don't know if I'm in the right relationship, she immediately then started to turn to, oh, what's going on with me?
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Because when we are going through a hard time, when we are feeling disconnected, if work's not going well, if we're feeling sort of unfulfilled, feeling sort of negative, down about life, down about our future, the lens through which we see the world and everyone in it will be distorted and so the ultimate form of self-awareness is to understand and to identify when you are in that state and to realize you cannot trust what's going on up here it's really too messy and that your relationship with yourself always needs your attention.
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And that fulfillment is an inside job.
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Your partner's job is not to fulfill you.
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Should they add value to your life?
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Absolutely.
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But it's not their job to fulfill you.
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Not the job.
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It's not their job to make you feel joy or alive.
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But there was something else about their marriage that was very interesting that taught me a lot and that is we actually have to create the conditions for joy in order to experience joy the falling in love stage we don't have to do anything again we're flooded with all these hormones there's novelty there's newness there's all this physical attraction and like all this stuff is happening but individually and also in a relationship if if we're feeling kind of down, we have to do the things that actually bring us joy to remind us of who we are, whatever that is.
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Sometimes it's just listening to music and dancing.
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So they started to recognize that whenever they were like starting to feel like, you know, stuck in routine, like we all do.
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We get stuck in routine, especially marriages, marriages with children, everything gets focused on, you know, getting things done.
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The focus is the partnership of the relationship rather than the passion of the relationship.
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And so they started to notice that when they were starting to get restless and then they would start to bicker, that they actually had to create the conditions for joy.
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These two people become electric and so bonded when they travel.
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That's like, that's their glue.
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And so now they realize that when they're kind of like getting that icky feeling and they're taking it out on each other and they're bickering, whatever, they're feeling disconnected.
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That's when they take a trip, even if it's just like a two day adventure somewhere, it doesn't have to be, it's not extravagant.
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And that's when they just rediscover not only their own joy, but their joy as a couple.
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So we have to create the conditions for joy.
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The relationship is not just going to sustain itself, we have to sustain it.
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And look, relationships, they end for lots of different reasons.
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Sometimes there's a betrayal.
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Sometimes we're just with the wrong person, always have been, and we finally are just realizing it and taking the courageous step to leave the relationship.
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Sometimes we grow apart.
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but a lot of times what happens is that both people are not taking responsibility for being a source of happiness for the relationship and so they get so incredibly comfortable until one day they feel like roommates and they've gotten to the point of no return there are a lot of things that we need to work on in order to make a relationship healthy and thriving communication how to repair after conflict that's huge working on whatever childhood stuff is making its way creeping its way into the relationship We got to work on ourselves.
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We have to work on ourselves.
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But I promise you, I really truly promise you that no amount of communication and no amount of understanding your attachment style can ever make up for a lack of responsibility when it comes to bringing aliveness to your relationship.
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Thank you.
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맥락 및 배경

본 TEDx 강연에서 Jillian Turecki는 건강한 관계에 대한 깊은 통찰을 제공합니다. 그녀는 많은 사람들이 연애 관계가 행복의 원천이 될 것이라고 믿고 있다는 점을 지적하며, 실제로는 관계의 품질이 개인의 감정과 에너지에 따라 달라진다고 말합니다. 이 강연은 우리에게 감정적으로 더 진화된 존재가 되기를 바랍니다. 이는 많은 영어 학습자들이 외국어 회화에서 자신감을 갖기 위해 원활한 상호작용을 통해 얻고자 하는 목표와 일맥상통합니다. 특히, 영어 회화를 연습하면서 좋은 관계를 맺는 것이 얼마나 중요한지 이해하는 것이 필요합니다.

일상 대화를 위한 5가지 주요 구문

  • “나는 당신과 함께 있을 때 더 나은 기분이 들어요.” – 관계의 긍정적인 영향을 강조합니다.
  • “우리가 함께하는 시간은 내게 소중해요.” – 소중한 순간을 공유하는 것이 중요하다는 것을 전달합니다.
  • “우리는 서로를 위해 최선을 다해야 해요.” – 건강한 관계의 참여를 독려하는 메시지입니다.
  • “관계는 서로의 거울입니다.” – 자기 반성을 위한 필수적 구문입니다.
  • “우리는 아픔과 기쁨을 공유해야 해요.” – 서로의 감정을 나누는 것의 중요성을 강조합니다.

단계별 쉐도잉 가이드

이 강연에서 다루는 주제의 복잡성을 극복하기 위해, 영어 발음 교정과 함께 영어 쉐도잉을 통해 효과적으로 연습할 수 있습니다. 다음은 단계별 가이드입니다:

  1. 첫걸음: 비디오를 여러 번 시청하면서 내용의 전반적인 흐름을 이해합니다. 이 과정에서 중요한 구문과 어휘를 메모합니다.
  2. 둘째 걸음: 비디오의 각 문장을 반복하며 소리 내어 말해보세요. 이때 자신의 발음과 억양을 주의 깊게 들으세요.
  3. 셋째 걸음: 각 문장의 의미를 깊이 고민하며, 이를 해석해보는 시간을 가집니다. 이런 과정을 통해 당신의 영어 회화 연습이 더욱 풍부해질 것입니다.
  4. 넷째 걸음: 필요하다면 원어민 발음을 참조하여 자신의 발음을 교정합니다. 유튜브 영어 공부를 활용하여 더 많은 자료를 접하세요.

이와 같은 방법을 통해 관계의 깊은 이해를 영어로 표현하고, 효과적인 의사소통 스킬을 개선할 수 있습니다. 즐거운 학습 되세요!

쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법

쉐도잉(Shadowing)은 원래 전문 통역사 훈련을 위해 개발된 언어 학습 기법으로, 다언어 학자인 Dr. Alexander Arguelles에 의해 대중화된 방법입니다. 핵심 원리는 간단하지만 매우 강력합니다: 원어민의 영어를 들으면서 1~2초의 짧은 지연으로 즉시 소리 내어 따라 말하는 것——마치 '그림자(shadow)'처럼 화자를 따라가는 것입니다. 문법 공부나 수동적인 청취와 달리, 쉐도잉은 뇌와 입 근육이 동시에 실시간으로 영어를 처리하고 재현하도록 훈련합니다. 연구에 따르면 이 방법은 발음 정확도, 억양, 리듬, 연음, 청취력, 말하기 유창성을 크게 향상시킵니다. IELTS 스피킹 준비와 자연스러운 영어 소통을 원하는 분들에게 특히 효과적입니다.

ShadowingEnglish에서 효과적으로 학습하는 방법

  1. 영상 선택: 자연스럽고 명확한 영어가 사용된 YouTube 영상을 선택하세요. TED Talks, BBC 뉴스, 영화 장면, 팟캐스트, IELTS 모범 답변 영상이 좋습니다. URL을 복사해서 검색창에 붙여넣으세요. 짧은 영상(5분 이내)과 실제로 관심 있는 주제부터 시작하는 것이 동기 유지에 효과적입니다.
  2. 먼저 듣고 내용 이해하기: 처음에는 1배속으로 그냥 듣기만 하세요. 아직 따라 말할 필요는 없습니다. 문장의 의미를 파악하고, 화자가 어떻게 단어를 강조하고, 소리를 연결하고, 쉬어 가는지 주목하세요. 내용을 이해한 후 쉐도잉 연습을 하면 효과가 훨씬 좋아집니다.
  3. 쉐도잉 모드 설정:
    • Wait Mode (대기 모드): +3s 또는 +5s를 선택하면 한 문장이 재생된 후 자동으로 잠시 멈춰서 따라 말할 시간을 줍니다. 직접 컨트롤하고 싶다면 Manual을 선택해서 Next를 눌러 진행하세요.
    • Sub Sync (자막 동기화): YouTube 자막이 오디오와 맞지 않을 수 있습니다. ±100ms로 조정해서 정확한 타이밍에 따라갈 수 있도록 맞추세요.
  4. 소리 내어 쉐도잉하기 (핵심 연습): 이것이 연습의 핵심입니다. 문장이 재생되는 순간——또는 일시정지 중에——크고 자신감 있게 소리 내어 따라 하세요. 단순히 단어를 읽는 것이 아니라, 화자의 리듬, 강세, 음의 높낮이, 연음 방식을 그대로 흉내 내는 것이 중요합니다. 목표는 화자의 '그림자'처럼 들리는 것입니다. Repeat 기능으로 같은 문장을 여러 번 반복해서 자연스럽게 입에 붙을 때까지 연습하세요.
  5. 난이도 높이며 꾸준히 연습: 한 구절이 편해지면 더 도전적인 수준으로 올리세요. 속도를 <code>1.25x</code> 또는 <code>1.5x</code>로 높여 빠른 언어 반사 신경을 훈련하세요. Wait Mode를 <code>Off</code>로 설정해서 연속 쉐도잉을 하는 것이 가장 고급스럽고 효과적인 모드입니다. 매일 15~30분씩 꾸준히 연습하면 몇 주 안에 눈에 띄는 변화를 느낄 수 있습니다.

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