쉐도잉 연습: School Didn’t Teach You How to Talk, So I’ll Do It For You - YouTube로 영어 말하기 배우기
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If school actually prepared us for life,
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If school actually prepared us for life,
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this video wouldn't need to exist.
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When I graduated, I thought I was ready for life.
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Drama, I got an A+.
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Science, I got a B+.
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Math, A+.
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Just joking.
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I didn't get that Asian gene,
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so unfortunately it was B+, at best.
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And the communication course?
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Wait, I didn't have a communication course.
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Did you?
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I genuinely thought that I was ready for the real world.
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I could calculate the unknown length of a triangle,
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but I could not for the life of me share my thoughts during a work meeting,
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even if I had a brilliant idea.
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We all left school academically prepared, but socially unprepared.
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School prioritizes memorization, but life rewards masterful communication.
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Think about it just for a moment.
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What are you doing when you're asking for a promotion?
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You're communicating.
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What are you doing when you're navigating difficult conversations with a loved one?
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You're communicating.
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What are you doing when you're in the process of buying a new home?
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You're communicating.
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And the list just goes on and on and on.
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So in this video, I'm going to explain why school failed to prepare you for the real world.
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I'll take you through exactly what I'd teach if I ran a communication fundamentals class in school.
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And finally, I'll deep dive into the real reason why communication matters more than you think it does.
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Most teachers learnt the skill of teaching,
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but they never learnt the skill of communication.
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I'm sure you can name the one boring teacher that always had you dozing five minutes into the class.
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They didn't know how to use their voice.
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They didn't know how to keep you engaged.
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And they didn't know how to speak in a way that motivated and inspired you to be a better student.
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So if most teachers never learned this skill,
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how could they possibly teach it?
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It's not their fault.
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Things like emotional intelligence, connection,
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clarity and confidence, that was not a part of the curriculum.
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You see, communication requires emotion,
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vulnerability, real-time feedback, and practice under pressure.
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Things that schools don't accommodate for.
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And if you lived through the COVID-19 pandemic,
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this universally made the world worse at communication.
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Because you were locked in your own homes and you were isolated from social interaction,
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having meetings through a computer screen without cameras on,
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and sometimes going a full day without talking to anybody.
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And it's not just the working class that was impacted.
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With masks on every teacher and student,
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overnight the kids lost half the data they needed to learn how to communicate well.
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This was the first traceable incident where we saw the impact of just removing one aspect of communication.
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Facial expressions.
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This led to a massive spike in speech and language development issues in children,
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simply because they weren't getting facial cues from their teachers.
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And also, the people who wore the masks,
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they used their facial expressions less.
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Wow, it's hard to talk with this.
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And by the way, this is not the mask that I wear when I change my daughter's diapers.
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It's the mask that my wife wears when she changes the poop diapers.
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Because I wouldn't wear a Helly Kitty one.
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I'd wear an Iron Man one.
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But here's the craziest part.
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Even before COVID, when no one was wearing masks,
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most teachers weren't fully using the full range of their communication anyway.
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No wonder we struggled through school.
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The teachers may as well have been wearing masks.
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And to be fair to the teachers,
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they haven't been taught this skill.
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They never learnt this skill.
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The education system doesn't value communication skills.
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It values the content, it values lesson planning,
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it values their ability to manage the class.
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No emphasis gets placed on communication during a teacher's learning journey.
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In a world increasingly filled with screens,
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social media, and AI slop now,
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we're getting worse at the one thing
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that life tests us on on a daily basis talking to
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real people growing up English was my third language I was
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that kid in class who never raised his hand
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because one I had an accent two I wasn't able to turn my thoughts into words
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and one time when I did Finally have the courage to raise my hand instead of reading the word as public.
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I said pubic I remember thinking,
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wow, this is what dying feels like, man.
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I had potential, but it was trapped by my inability to communicate.
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And for the longest time,
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I thought, I'm stuck with this forever.
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And maybe you've felt the same with your communication.
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But if there's one thing I want you to take away from this video, it's this.
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You're not stuck with the way you communicate.
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The way you speak is just a set of behaviors.
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Your voice is just a set of behaviors.
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And if behaviors can change,
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then so can your voice and the way you speak.
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Over the last 15 years,
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I've rebuilt my communication from scratch,
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learning everything I could about the voice,
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communication and public speaking, from singing to theater to improv to accent reduction classes and so much more.
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And now I've been able to share this knowledge with millions of people as an international keynote speaker,
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a communication skills coach to help people unlock their voice,
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to unlock their potential.
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What I know now, I wish school taught me.
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And if I built my own school of communication,
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these are the five fundamental lessons I teach in every single class.
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Lesson number one, clarity.
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This is how most adults speak when they're put under pressure.
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Does this scenario feel familiar to you?
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Um, okay, so hey guys and girls.
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This is a new guy on the team.
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Sorry, I mean, he's always been a guy.
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Um, I mean, he's our new employee.
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No, no, sorry, he's not our employee.
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He's just a freelancer.
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No, no, no, he's not.
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He's not just a freelancer.
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He's not good because he's actually very good at what he does.
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He's actually very good at everything.
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And I mean, like, oh,
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God, he's not good at everything, obviously, because no one...
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That's what 90% of meetings sound like with people who can't communicate.
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Most people ramble because they have no idea what their actual end goal is,
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what they actually want to get across,
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and the outcome they actually want.
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And they end up speaking out loud their thinking process,
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instead of processing their thinking and then speaking.
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If you want to speak with clarity,
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you need to start with intention.
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And the rule for achieving this is asking yourself this question before every interaction.
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What do I want this person to think, feel, and do?
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If schools just taught this one question,
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we'd save thousands of hours of our lives,
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because meetings would now be like this boys this is eugene
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our new team member think of him as being a mercenary
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here to support us in all of our missions i want
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you all to feel completely comfortable to ask eugene for help
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when you need it he's ready to back us up here's
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what i want you all to do think of one key task eugene can help you with all right is
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that all clear yeah all right hands in everyone hands in
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hey no one oh thank god thank god one of you came back the only one that really cares about me.
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Oh, that's so much better, isn't it?
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Clarity is the key to being an effective communicator.
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And that's lesson number one.
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Lesson number two, emotion.
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People feel you before they hear you.
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Communication is 80% emotional tone.
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That's how you say it.
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Watch me say the same words with a different emotion
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and I want you to notice how it changes the very meaning of the words that I say.
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We need to talk.
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We need to talk.
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
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You got a B plus in math?
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Huh?
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You got the B plus in the math huh?
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You the B Asian or you the Asian?
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Huh?
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You want me to kill you huh?
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I kill you man.
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I get points for the Asian prop too right?
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Pete put this back on set.
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Now that last one
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that I did the example with my mum that's definitely not a repressed childhood memory leaking out through my skits.
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Let's move on.
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Can you see how
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when you change the emotion it changes the meaning of what you say even if you use the exact same words?
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So make sure when you're communicating
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that the tone the tonality of your message matches the emotion of your voice otherwise miscommunication is bound to happen
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and the fastest way to control the emotion in your voice is by you changing and controlling your facial expressions.
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When your face is expressive your voice becomes alive but when your face is dead your voice just flatlines.
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Lesson three structure.
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School gave us essays a damn lot of them but it did not give us real-world structure.
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This is a situation that will happen inevitably all the time in your career.
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You'll be put on the spot with a difficult question
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and without structure you lose your train of thought you start to ramble
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and then you're going to speak in circles
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and then as a result lose credibility the fastest way to speak with structure is by using frameworks
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and let me give you an example of how it works the human brain is crazy you've got
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so many thoughts going on in your mind
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and the moment someone asks you a question
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if you speak immediately then you're speaking from that point and
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that moment of chaos and then you start to speak your thinking and then that destroys your credibility.
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What a framework does is it creates a funnel
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and it allows you to distill a meaningful piece of communication that is clear,
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that is concise, and that's coherent.
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And when you speak in this way,
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it levels up your credibility.
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There are so many different frameworks that you can learn to help you in many different situations.
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And the moment you find yourself in any situation,
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once you know all of these frameworks,
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you can pick the right framework and use it in the right situation to distill a meaningful piece of communication.
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And I've actually filmed and created a free two-hour class focusing on just this one lesson.
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In this training, I'm going to teach you three of the most powerful communication frameworks to help you speak with more clarity,
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more conviction, and impact.
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So you stop rambling when you're feeling nervous and when you're put on the spot.
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If you want to access that,
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just click the link in the description or scan the QR code on screen.
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Lesson number four, presence.
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Ow!
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Not these type of presents, Peter.
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Not these ones.
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I mean presence.
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Think of presence as your whole communication aura.
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It's how you're making people feel when you're delivering the words.
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Again, it's not just what you say.
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It's how you say it.
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It's how you present yourself when you're saying it.
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It's made up of four things.
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Volume, posture,
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melody pauses just look at my communication here um you know um presence is really important
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because
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when you have like you know good presence uh it just
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like radiates magnetism um i just think it's it's it's it's really critical right
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so yeah now i want you to see me with presence,
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shoulders back, breathing in deeply,
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more melody, voice warm and grounded.
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And that's what's going to make you more magnetic when you have more presence.
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Damn, did you see the difference?
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Did you hear the difference?
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Did you feel the difference?
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And as you do this you improve your communication aura
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and the last lesson I wish school spent more time on is lesson number five Connection
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if someone's going through a hard time like a breakup and you walk in like this Hey,
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party, Peter, what's going on?
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You're looking great brother.
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Yeah, give this a blow.
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Let's take a selfie together Yeah,
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in that situation you just basically emotionally punch them in the face.
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If you want to learn how to truly connect with people,
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you need to understand this foundational rule of communication.
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Meet people where they are,
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then lead them to where you want to go.
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School never taught us how to pick up on how someone's really feeling.
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But it's honestly the difference between feeling heard or feeling ignored.
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See, in that scenario, Pete was feeling sad from the breakup.
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And if I wanted to connect with him,
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I'd first have to meet him where he currently is.
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I'd let Peter take an emotional breath.
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And then I'd ask him, how's he feeling?
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I'd even share how I've been in this situation before.
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And I'd let him know that I'm here for him if he wants to talk.
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Now that I've met him where he is,
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I don't want him or I to stay in this energy.
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So now I can lead him to where I want to go.
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A different emotional space.
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When you do this, they're way more receptive to whatever you want to talk to them about.
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Whereas most of us don't do this.
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We just talk about what we want from the very start
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without being aware of what the other person's even feeling in that moment.
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This is the difference between average communicators and masterful communicators.
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They know how to connect with anyone regardless of the situation they're in.
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I want to reiterate why learning these five lessons is more important than you think.
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Firstly, your communication has a direct impact on your income.
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In a 2023 study on interpersonal communication,
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it found that people who had stronger communication skills reported higher work performance and greater professional growth.
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Which, surprise surprise, is directly tied to your pay.
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Number two, your career opportunities.
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You can be a 10 out of 10 with your technical skills.
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But if your communication skills are a 3 out of 10,
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do you think the world
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and the workplace perceives you to be a 10 out of 10 or a 3 out of 10?
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A 3 out of 10.
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The reality is you're only as good as you can communicate.
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There's a reason employers list communication skills as the number one soft skill they look for.
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And let me correct them.
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It's actually not a soft skill.
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It's an essential human skill.
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Number three, relationships.
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A 2020 study on couples showed that communication competence,
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things like empathy, expression, and active listening,
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had a strong positive correlation with relationship satisfaction.
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Whether it's your partner, whether it's your children,
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or your friends, or your co-worker,
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clearer communication creates deeper bonds.
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And the list goes on.
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And again, communication is the one thing school never prepared us for.
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Yet life finds a way to test you on these skills every single day at every point of your career.
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The moment you learn this skill,
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your entire life opens up.
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Your relationships shift.
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Your opportunities start to grow.
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And your confidence, it starts to skyrocket.
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Look, school prepared you for exams, not real life.
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But you're here now.
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and I make these videos on my YouTube channel to teach you the rest.
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And if you wanna go deeper,
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join me for my free two-hour class where I teach you the three frameworks to help you speak with more structure,
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clarity, and confidence.
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And that's it.
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You've just completed your induction class for communication,
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the one you should have had in school.
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That's a gold star for you.
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I can't wait to see you in the next class.
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But before this, you have detention.
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And in detention, you must watch this next video.
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- 의사소통(Communication)
- 사회적 준비(Social readiness)
- 감정 지능(Emotional intelligence)
- 명확성(Clarity)
- 자신감(Confidence)
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- 어려운 대화(Difficult conversations)
- 고립(Isolation)
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