Практика Shadowing: School Didn’t Teach You How to Talk, So I’ll Do It For You - Изучайте разговорный английский с YouTube

If school actually prepared us for life,

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If school actually prepared us for life,

this video wouldn't need to exist.

When I graduated, I thought I was ready for life.

Drama, I got an A+.

Science, I got a B+.

Math, A+.

Just joking.

I didn't get that Asian gene,

so unfortunately it was B+, at best.

And the communication course?

Wait, I didn't have a communication course.

Did you?

I genuinely thought that I was ready for the real world.

I could calculate the unknown length of a triangle,

but I could not for the life of me share my thoughts during a work meeting,

even if I had a brilliant idea.

We all left school academically prepared, but socially unprepared.

School prioritizes memorization, but life rewards masterful communication.

Think about it just for a moment.

What are you doing when you're asking for a promotion?

You're communicating.

What are you doing when you're navigating difficult conversations with a loved one?

You're communicating.

What are you doing when you're in the process of buying a new home?

You're communicating.

And the list just goes on and on and on.

So in this video, I'm going to explain why school failed to prepare you for the real world.

I'll take you through exactly what I'd teach if I ran a communication fundamentals class in school.

And finally, I'll deep dive into the real reason why communication matters more than you think it does.

Most teachers learnt the skill of teaching,

but they never learnt the skill of communication.

I'm sure you can name the one boring teacher that always had you dozing five minutes into the class.

They didn't know how to use their voice.

They didn't know how to keep you engaged.

And they didn't know how to speak in a way that motivated and inspired you to be a better student.

So if most teachers never learned this skill,

how could they possibly teach it?

It's not their fault.

Things like emotional intelligence, connection,

clarity and confidence, that was not a part of the curriculum.

You see, communication requires emotion,

vulnerability, real-time feedback, and practice under pressure.

Things that schools don't accommodate for.

And if you lived through the COVID-19 pandemic,

this universally made the world worse at communication.

Because you were locked in your own homes and you were isolated from social interaction,

having meetings through a computer screen without cameras on,

and sometimes going a full day without talking to anybody.

And it's not just the working class that was impacted.

With masks on every teacher and student,

overnight the kids lost half the data they needed to learn how to communicate well.

This was the first traceable incident where we saw the impact of just removing one aspect of communication.

Facial expressions.

This led to a massive spike in speech and language development issues in children,

simply because they weren't getting facial cues from their teachers.

And also, the people who wore the masks,

they used their facial expressions less.

Wow, it's hard to talk with this.

And by the way, this is not the mask that I wear when I change my daughter's diapers.

It's the mask that my wife wears when she changes the poop diapers.

Because I wouldn't wear a Helly Kitty one.

I'd wear an Iron Man one.

But here's the craziest part.

Even before COVID, when no one was wearing masks,

most teachers weren't fully using the full range of their communication anyway.

No wonder we struggled through school.

The teachers may as well have been wearing masks.

And to be fair to the teachers,

they haven't been taught this skill.

They never learnt this skill.

The education system doesn't value communication skills.

It values the content, it values lesson planning,

it values their ability to manage the class.

No emphasis gets placed on communication during a teacher's learning journey.

In a world increasingly filled with screens,

social media, and AI slop now,

we're getting worse at the one thing

that life tests us on on a daily basis talking to

real people growing up English was my third language I was

that kid in class who never raised his hand

because one I had an accent two I wasn't able to turn my thoughts into words

and one time when I did Finally have the courage to raise my hand instead of reading the word as public.

I said pubic I remember thinking,

wow, this is what dying feels like, man.

I had potential, but it was trapped by my inability to communicate.

And for the longest time,

I thought, I'm stuck with this forever.

And maybe you've felt the same with your communication.

But if there's one thing I want you to take away from this video, it's this.

You're not stuck with the way you communicate.

The way you speak is just a set of behaviors.

Your voice is just a set of behaviors.

And if behaviors can change,

then so can your voice and the way you speak.

Over the last 15 years,

I've rebuilt my communication from scratch,

learning everything I could about the voice,

communication and public speaking, from singing to theater to improv to accent reduction classes and so much more.

And now I've been able to share this knowledge with millions of people as an international keynote speaker,

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a communication skills coach to help people unlock their voice,

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to unlock their potential.

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What I know now, I wish school taught me.

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And if I built my own school of communication,

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these are the five fundamental lessons I teach in every single class.

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Lesson number one, clarity.

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This is how most adults speak when they're put under pressure.

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Does this scenario feel familiar to you?

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Um, okay, so hey guys and girls.

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This is a new guy on the team.

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Sorry, I mean, he's always been a guy.

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Um, I mean, he's our new employee.

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No, no, sorry, he's not our employee.

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He's just a freelancer.

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No, no, no, he's not.

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He's not just a freelancer.

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He's not good because he's actually very good at what he does.

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He's actually very good at everything.

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And I mean, like, oh,

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God, he's not good at everything, obviously, because no one...

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That's what 90% of meetings sound like with people who can't communicate.

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Most people ramble because they have no idea what their actual end goal is,

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what they actually want to get across,

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and the outcome they actually want.

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And they end up speaking out loud their thinking process,

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instead of processing their thinking and then speaking.

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If you want to speak with clarity,

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you need to start with intention.

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And the rule for achieving this is asking yourself this question before every interaction.

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What do I want this person to think, feel, and do?

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If schools just taught this one question,

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we'd save thousands of hours of our lives,

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because meetings would now be like this boys this is eugene

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our new team member think of him as being a mercenary

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here to support us in all of our missions i want

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you all to feel completely comfortable to ask eugene for help

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when you need it he's ready to back us up here's

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what i want you all to do think of one key task eugene can help you with all right is

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that all clear yeah all right hands in everyone hands in

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hey no one oh thank god thank god one of you came back the only one that really cares about me.

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Oh, that's so much better, isn't it?

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Clarity is the key to being an effective communicator.

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And that's lesson number one.

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Lesson number two, emotion.

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People feel you before they hear you.

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Communication is 80% emotional tone.

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That's how you say it.

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Watch me say the same words with a different emotion

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and I want you to notice how it changes the very meaning of the words that I say.

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We need to talk.

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We need to talk.

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I'm so sorry for your loss.

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I'm so sorry for your loss.

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You got a B plus in math?

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Huh?

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You got the B plus in the math huh?

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You the B Asian or you the Asian?

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Huh?

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You want me to kill you huh?

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I kill you man.

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I get points for the Asian prop too right?

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Pete put this back on set.

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Now that last one

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that I did the example with my mum that's definitely not a repressed childhood memory leaking out through my skits.

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Let's move on.

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Can you see how

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when you change the emotion it changes the meaning of what you say even if you use the exact same words?

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So make sure when you're communicating

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that the tone the tonality of your message matches the emotion of your voice otherwise miscommunication is bound to happen

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and the fastest way to control the emotion in your voice is by you changing and controlling your facial expressions.

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When your face is expressive your voice becomes alive but when your face is dead your voice just flatlines.

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Lesson three structure.

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School gave us essays a damn lot of them but it did not give us real-world structure.

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This is a situation that will happen inevitably all the time in your career.

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You'll be put on the spot with a difficult question

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and without structure you lose your train of thought you start to ramble

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and then you're going to speak in circles

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and then as a result lose credibility the fastest way to speak with structure is by using frameworks

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and let me give you an example of how it works the human brain is crazy you've got

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so many thoughts going on in your mind

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and the moment someone asks you a question

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if you speak immediately then you're speaking from that point and

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that moment of chaos and then you start to speak your thinking and then that destroys your credibility.

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What a framework does is it creates a funnel

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and it allows you to distill a meaningful piece of communication that is clear,

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that is concise, and that's coherent.

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And when you speak in this way,

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it levels up your credibility.

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There are so many different frameworks that you can learn to help you in many different situations.

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And the moment you find yourself in any situation,

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once you know all of these frameworks,

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you can pick the right framework and use it in the right situation to distill a meaningful piece of communication.

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And I've actually filmed and created a free two-hour class focusing on just this one lesson.

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In this training, I'm going to teach you three of the most powerful communication frameworks to help you speak with more clarity,

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more conviction, and impact.

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So you stop rambling when you're feeling nervous and when you're put on the spot.

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If you want to access that,

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just click the link in the description or scan the QR code on screen.

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Lesson number four, presence.

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Ow!

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Not these type of presents, Peter.

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Not these ones.

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I mean presence.

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Think of presence as your whole communication aura.

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It's how you're making people feel when you're delivering the words.

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Again, it's not just what you say.

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It's how you say it.

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It's how you present yourself when you're saying it.

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It's made up of four things.

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Volume, posture,

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melody pauses just look at my communication here um you know um presence is really important

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because

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when you have like you know good presence uh it just

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like radiates magnetism um i just think it's it's it's it's really critical right

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so yeah now i want you to see me with presence,

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shoulders back, breathing in deeply,

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more melody, voice warm and grounded.

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And that's what's going to make you more magnetic when you have more presence.

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Damn, did you see the difference?

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Did you hear the difference?

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Did you feel the difference?

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And as you do this you improve your communication aura

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and the last lesson I wish school spent more time on is lesson number five Connection

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if someone's going through a hard time like a breakup and you walk in like this Hey,

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party, Peter, what's going on?

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You're looking great brother.

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Yeah, give this a blow.

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Let's take a selfie together Yeah,

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in that situation you just basically emotionally punch them in the face.

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If you want to learn how to truly connect with people,

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you need to understand this foundational rule of communication.

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Meet people where they are,

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then lead them to where you want to go.

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School never taught us how to pick up on how someone's really feeling.

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But it's honestly the difference between feeling heard or feeling ignored.

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See, in that scenario, Pete was feeling sad from the breakup.

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And if I wanted to connect with him,

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I'd first have to meet him where he currently is.

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I'd let Peter take an emotional breath.

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And then I'd ask him, how's he feeling?

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I'd even share how I've been in this situation before.

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And I'd let him know that I'm here for him if he wants to talk.

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Now that I've met him where he is,

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I don't want him or I to stay in this energy.

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So now I can lead him to where I want to go.

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A different emotional space.

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When you do this, they're way more receptive to whatever you want to talk to them about.

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Whereas most of us don't do this.

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We just talk about what we want from the very start

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without being aware of what the other person's even feeling in that moment.

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This is the difference between average communicators and masterful communicators.

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They know how to connect with anyone regardless of the situation they're in.

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I want to reiterate why learning these five lessons is more important than you think.

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Firstly, your communication has a direct impact on your income.

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In a 2023 study on interpersonal communication,

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it found that people who had stronger communication skills reported higher work performance and greater professional growth.

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Which, surprise surprise, is directly tied to your pay.

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Number two, your career opportunities.

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You can be a 10 out of 10 with your technical skills.

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But if your communication skills are a 3 out of 10,

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do you think the world

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and the workplace perceives you to be a 10 out of 10 or a 3 out of 10?

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A 3 out of 10.

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The reality is you're only as good as you can communicate.

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There's a reason employers list communication skills as the number one soft skill they look for.

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And let me correct them.

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It's actually not a soft skill.

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It's an essential human skill.

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Number three, relationships.

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A 2020 study on couples showed that communication competence,

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things like empathy, expression, and active listening,

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had a strong positive correlation with relationship satisfaction.

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Whether it's your partner, whether it's your children,

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or your friends, or your co-worker,

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clearer communication creates deeper bonds.

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And the list goes on.

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And again, communication is the one thing school never prepared us for.

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Yet life finds a way to test you on these skills every single day at every point of your career.

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The moment you learn this skill,

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your entire life opens up.

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Your relationships shift.

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Your opportunities start to grow.

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And your confidence, it starts to skyrocket.

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Look, school prepared you for exams, not real life.

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But you're here now.

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and I make these videos on my YouTube channel to teach you the rest.

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And if you wanna go deeper,

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join me for my free two-hour class where I teach you the three frameworks to help you speak with more structure,

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clarity, and confidence.

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And that's it.

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You've just completed your induction class for communication,

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the one you should have had in school.

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That's a gold star for you.

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I can't wait to see you in the next class.

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But before this, you have detention.

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And in detention, you must watch this next video.

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