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hi i might hurt your feelings right now and uh
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hi i might hurt your feelings right now and uh
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if i do good um
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because i don't want you to waste any more time in
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your life having crushes is a waste of your time having crushes on people is a waste of your time
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because i was having a conversation with my friend the other day
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and we were talking about boys as girls do and
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and we got to a specific part of the conversation where
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she was talking about oh my god there's this guy at my college
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and i think he's really cute
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and you know i'd really want to go on a date with him
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but like i don't know if he's interested
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and i told her i was like why don't you just
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walk up to him the next time you see him
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and give him your number she's like no i could never do
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that that's so bold like girls aren't supposed to give their numbers out like
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that like i have to wait for him to come to me
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and i was like why like fucking why it's a waste of your time to give someone
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so much attention and energy when you don't know whether it's a rejection or an acceptance.
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Like you don't know if they're feeling the same kind of connection on the other side.
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And it's better to figure out whether it's actually a connection or a rejection as soon as possible because,
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and this is the only piece of advice that my ninth grade English teacher gave me that I actually listened to.
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I did not like my ninth grade English teacher
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because he was the only person on my entire report card
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that gave me a B and I had to take AP classes,
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AP biology to get my GPA up to a 4.0 so that I could graduate with a 4.0.
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So thanks to him, I had to take AP biology.
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That's not the, that's not the point.
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He told us, he said,
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if a romantic partner tells you no,
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if someone rejects you, if someone breaks up with you, thank them.
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And we were like, the fuck you talking about?
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Can we get back to the Odyssey?
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And he said, no, no,
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no, no, no. Listen to me right now.
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Listen to me.
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When someone rejects you, they break up with you, thank them.
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Because they are not wasting your time stringing you along.
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They are giving you a clear and concise answer that they do not want you.
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And hey, guess what?
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It's one in like eight billion that's going to be your match.
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Why do you think that the first person you get into a relationship with is going to be the one, right?
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You're going to experience rejection and heartbreak and breakups.
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So when someone says no,
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it means they're not wasting your time and you're one step closer to the love of your life.
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And let me just say that advice applies to crushes as well.
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Because what do you mean you're going to sit and build up this idea of this person in your head,
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think about them all the time,
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have them take up all of this brain space have them take up all this energy
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because whether you believe it or not when you think your brain burns calories
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and no this isn't anything to do with like weight loss
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or anything let me look this up your baseline caloric need is 20 of your
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and of your body's total energy
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which is roughly 300 to 400 calories per day for the
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average person it's 20 of your body's total energy is used within your brain.
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So think about how much fucking energy you're wasting thinking about a dumbass boy that doesn't even know you exist.
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Crushes are stupid.
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They are.
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And I've fallen victim to them again and again and again and again.
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Crushes are stupid and we've really overcomplicated this idea of connection.
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And truly, to overcome crushes,
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you have to overcome your fear of rejection.
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You have to be okay with people saying no to you.
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You have to let go of your people pleasing and your fear of rejection.
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And that's how it's going to be easier for you to find the love of your life.
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Because think of it this way.
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If you feel a connection with a person,
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whether it's a friend, a random person you meet on the street,
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someone you meet on a dating app,
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which by the way, dating apps are crap.
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Don't download them.
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Just find someone naturally.
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My God, go to places and things that you like.
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Go to clubs, go to classes.
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Find people with similar interests to you and you'll find someone.
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Best believe me, there's a billion people on this planet it,
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but you don't have to go on Tinder and find some boy who needs mushrooms to feel empathy.
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You know, you don't need that, girl.
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Come on.
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But that's not what I'm trying to say is the second you feel a connection with a person,
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give them your number.
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Walk up to them.
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Start a conversation.
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Say, hey, I find you attractive.
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Hey, I find you cute.
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Do you find me cute?
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Do you find me attractive?
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And if they say yes, awesome.
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Connection formed.
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Feel it through till the end,
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and you'll either experience heartbreak on the end of it,
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which will be okay, or you'll experience the love of your life.
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And the reason that we're so scared of just having that conversation,
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that initial conversation with a crush of just like,
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hey, this is how I'm feeling.
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I'm going to lay myself out here and just,
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how are you feeling about me as a person?
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Like, just tell me your feelings is two reasons.
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One, we fear rejection because we think that them rejecting us is them saying that we're a bad person.
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Rejection is not them saying that you're a bad person,
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that you're an undateable person,
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that you're the worst, ugliest,
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most disgusting thing in the world.
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No, it just means that they don't feel that way towards you.
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You know, some people don't like olives.
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Some people like pickles.
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Maybe you're a pickle and the boy that you're asking out likes olives.
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Cool.
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Do you want to date someone that likes olives when you're pickle?
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This is a horrible analogy.
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Stay with me here, folks.
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Or do you want to be with someone who loves pickles for who they are?
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You need to find the person that wants you for you.
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And why would you be with someone who doesn't want you?
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And our brain just like jumps to these extremes of if this person rejects me,
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oh God, who am I going to find?
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What's going to happen?
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Like what's going to happen next?
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Because we fear abandonment so deeply that our brain just like vacillates to the extremes
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and also when you let feelings linger for a crush before having
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that conversation of hey do you like me do you not like me you'll build them up in your head
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so large
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that they become like this godlike entity this like incredible person
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you put them on the pedestal oh my god i love them
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so much they're my everything and it's like and it's like bitch you don't even know them
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you know the version of them that you've built up in your head
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but you don't know who they actually are you're feeling an
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initial attraction you're feeling a connection it's best to ask just
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point blank period like hey i'm feeling something are you feeling
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it too you're having a crush for a reason having a crush is a feeling the same way
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that danger is a feeling
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and in my experience every single time i've seen a person
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have a crush on a person they have learned a massive lesson from
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that person whether that lesson was rejection whether
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that lesson was love the same way
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that you're attracted towards a person is the same way
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that you have like cravings for food
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and there was a study cray cray there was oh god i'm gonna violently misquote this
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or the foods we crave our body knows
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that we can get certain nutrients from these foods
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or certain things from these foods so it's craving them specifically
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because it wants that thing i think sometimes we crave specific people
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because our soul knows the lesson we're about to go through
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when we experience this person which is why we have a crush on them
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which is why we feel attraction which is why we're drawn towards them
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and we need to tell them as soon as possible so
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that we can start the ball rolling on whatever lesson we're meant to feel from this person.
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And let me just tell you,
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every crush I've ever had on a boy,
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all of them have just taught me the ways in which I do not want to be loved.
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And I left there being like,
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okay, I don't like this.
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I didn't like this.
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I liked this.
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I didn't like this.
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That was my biggest takeaway from the last couple of guys was just,
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I don't like to be treated this way.
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And like I said, I've never had like a long-term boyfriend or anything like that.
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It's because these boys in the past either just absolutely disappeared and ghosted me,
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or I was just completely rejected, which is awesome.
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And it taught me a lot.
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And it taught me to move on.
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I've watched so many people have so many crushes on people.
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And the second I'm like,
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why don't you just go fucking tell them?
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And don't get me wrong.
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I understand that feeling of just like,
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oh my god, what if they know and ah, you know, that feeling.
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But just fucking do it just fucking say it
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because you're wasting your time that you could be spending in love with either them
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or with someone else you need to hear that yes or
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that no so you can move on or so you can start
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that connection but you need to open the door you need to open the door
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and tell them how you feel and have that courage
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and also if you don't have the courage to say how you feel to
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that person how the hell are you going to have the
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courage to be in a relationship with them that's my take on it because relationships are hard work.
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I know I've never been in a relationship,
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but I know that they're hard work.
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I know that there is a fuck ton of communication
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and compromise and decisions that have to go on within it that if you don't even have the courage to say,
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hey, I have a crush on you,
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why the fuck do you want to be in a relationship with that person?
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I'm just saying the people you love should also give you courage.
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And if you don't feel courageous in the face of telling them how you feel,
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then maybe they're not the one.
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Maybe they're just someone that you find pretty
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but you don't want a relationship with
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but either way it's always better to just open
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that door as soon as possible in my opinion i don't care
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if you're i don't care who you are just fucking say it
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because for all you know you're robbing yourself of the love of your life just
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because you're sitting there ruminating and being like oh my god will they say yes
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or will they reject me just fucking say it just fucking do it what's the worst
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that could happen they say no oh move on then anyway
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that's my two cents having crushes are a waste of time
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you have better things to do girl boss i love you
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