शैडोइंग अभ्यास: why crushes are a waste of time - YouTube के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें

hi i might hurt your feelings right now and uh

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hi i might hurt your feelings right now and uh

if i do good um

because i don't want you to waste any more time in

your life having crushes is a waste of your time having crushes on people is a waste of your time

because i was having a conversation with my friend the other day

and we were talking about boys as girls do and

and we got to a specific part of the conversation where

she was talking about oh my god there's this guy at my college

and i think he's really cute

and you know i'd really want to go on a date with him

but like i don't know if he's interested

and i told her i was like why don't you just

walk up to him the next time you see him

and give him your number she's like no i could never do

that that's so bold like girls aren't supposed to give their numbers out like

that like i have to wait for him to come to me

and i was like why like fucking why it's a waste of your time to give someone

so much attention and energy when you don't know whether it's a rejection or an acceptance.

Like you don't know if they're feeling the same kind of connection on the other side.

And it's better to figure out whether it's actually a connection or a rejection as soon as possible because,

and this is the only piece of advice that my ninth grade English teacher gave me that I actually listened to.

I did not like my ninth grade English teacher

because he was the only person on my entire report card

that gave me a B and I had to take AP classes,

AP biology to get my GPA up to a 4.0 so that I could graduate with a 4.0.

So thanks to him, I had to take AP biology.

That's not the, that's not the point.

He told us, he said,

if a romantic partner tells you no,

if someone rejects you, if someone breaks up with you, thank them.

And we were like, the fuck you talking about?

Can we get back to the Odyssey?

And he said, no, no,

no, no, no. Listen to me right now.

Listen to me.

When someone rejects you, they break up with you, thank them.

Because they are not wasting your time stringing you along.

They are giving you a clear and concise answer that they do not want you.

And hey, guess what?

It's one in like eight billion that's going to be your match.

Why do you think that the first person you get into a relationship with is going to be the one, right?

You're going to experience rejection and heartbreak and breakups.

So when someone says no,

it means they're not wasting your time and you're one step closer to the love of your life.

And let me just say that advice applies to crushes as well.

Because what do you mean you're going to sit and build up this idea of this person in your head,

think about them all the time,

have them take up all of this brain space have them take up all this energy

because whether you believe it or not when you think your brain burns calories

and no this isn't anything to do with like weight loss

or anything let me look this up your baseline caloric need is 20 of your

and of your body's total energy

which is roughly 300 to 400 calories per day for the

average person it's 20 of your body's total energy is used within your brain.

So think about how much fucking energy you're wasting thinking about a dumbass boy that doesn't even know you exist.

Crushes are stupid.

They are.

And I've fallen victim to them again and again and again and again.

Crushes are stupid and we've really overcomplicated this idea of connection.

And truly, to overcome crushes,

you have to overcome your fear of rejection.

You have to be okay with people saying no to you.

You have to let go of your people pleasing and your fear of rejection.

And that's how it's going to be easier for you to find the love of your life.

Because think of it this way.

If you feel a connection with a person,

whether it's a friend, a random person you meet on the street,

someone you meet on a dating app,

which by the way, dating apps are crap.

Don't download them.

Just find someone naturally.

My God, go to places and things that you like.

Go to clubs, go to classes.

Find people with similar interests to you and you'll find someone.

Best believe me, there's a billion people on this planet it,

but you don't have to go on Tinder and find some boy who needs mushrooms to feel empathy.

You know, you don't need that, girl.

Come on.

But that's not what I'm trying to say is the second you feel a connection with a person,

give them your number.

Walk up to them.

Start a conversation.

Say, hey, I find you attractive.

Hey, I find you cute.

Do you find me cute?

Do you find me attractive?

And if they say yes, awesome.

Connection formed.

Feel it through till the end,

and you'll either experience heartbreak on the end of it,

which will be okay, or you'll experience the love of your life.

And the reason that we're so scared of just having that conversation,

that initial conversation with a crush of just like,

hey, this is how I'm feeling.

I'm going to lay myself out here and just,

how are you feeling about me as a person?

Like, just tell me your feelings is two reasons.

One, we fear rejection because we think that them rejecting us is them saying that we're a bad person.

Rejection is not them saying that you're a bad person,

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that you're an undateable person,

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that you're the worst, ugliest,

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most disgusting thing in the world.

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No, it just means that they don't feel that way towards you.

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You know, some people don't like olives.

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Some people like pickles.

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Maybe you're a pickle and the boy that you're asking out likes olives.

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Cool.

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Do you want to date someone that likes olives when you're pickle?

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This is a horrible analogy.

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Stay with me here, folks.

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Or do you want to be with someone who loves pickles for who they are?

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You need to find the person that wants you for you.

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And why would you be with someone who doesn't want you?

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And our brain just like jumps to these extremes of if this person rejects me,

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oh God, who am I going to find?

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What's going to happen?

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Like what's going to happen next?

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Because we fear abandonment so deeply that our brain just like vacillates to the extremes

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and also when you let feelings linger for a crush before having

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that conversation of hey do you like me do you not like me you'll build them up in your head

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so large

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that they become like this godlike entity this like incredible person

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you put them on the pedestal oh my god i love them

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so much they're my everything and it's like and it's like bitch you don't even know them

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you know the version of them that you've built up in your head

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but you don't know who they actually are you're feeling an

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initial attraction you're feeling a connection it's best to ask just

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point blank period like hey i'm feeling something are you feeling

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it too you're having a crush for a reason having a crush is a feeling the same way

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that danger is a feeling

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and in my experience every single time i've seen a person

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have a crush on a person they have learned a massive lesson from

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that person whether that lesson was rejection whether

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that lesson was love the same way

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that you're attracted towards a person is the same way

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that you have like cravings for food

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and there was a study cray cray there was oh god i'm gonna violently misquote this

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or the foods we crave our body knows

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that we can get certain nutrients from these foods

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or certain things from these foods so it's craving them specifically

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because it wants that thing i think sometimes we crave specific people

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because our soul knows the lesson we're about to go through

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when we experience this person which is why we have a crush on them

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which is why we feel attraction which is why we're drawn towards them

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and we need to tell them as soon as possible so

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that we can start the ball rolling on whatever lesson we're meant to feel from this person.

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And let me just tell you,

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every crush I've ever had on a boy,

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all of them have just taught me the ways in which I do not want to be loved.

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And I left there being like,

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okay, I don't like this.

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I didn't like this.

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I liked this.

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I didn't like this.

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That was my biggest takeaway from the last couple of guys was just,

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I don't like to be treated this way.

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And like I said, I've never had like a long-term boyfriend or anything like that.

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It's because these boys in the past either just absolutely disappeared and ghosted me,

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or I was just completely rejected, which is awesome.

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And it taught me a lot.

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And it taught me to move on.

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I've watched so many people have so many crushes on people.

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And the second I'm like,

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why don't you just go fucking tell them?

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And don't get me wrong.

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I understand that feeling of just like,

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oh my god, what if they know and ah, you know, that feeling.

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But just fucking do it just fucking say it

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because you're wasting your time that you could be spending in love with either them

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or with someone else you need to hear that yes or

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that no so you can move on or so you can start

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that connection but you need to open the door you need to open the door

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and tell them how you feel and have that courage

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and also if you don't have the courage to say how you feel to

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that person how the hell are you going to have the

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courage to be in a relationship with them that's my take on it because relationships are hard work.

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I know I've never been in a relationship,

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but I know that they're hard work.

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I know that there is a fuck ton of communication

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and compromise and decisions that have to go on within it that if you don't even have the courage to say,

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hey, I have a crush on you,

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why the fuck do you want to be in a relationship with that person?

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I'm just saying the people you love should also give you courage.

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And if you don't feel courageous in the face of telling them how you feel,

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then maybe they're not the one.

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Maybe they're just someone that you find pretty

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but you don't want a relationship with

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but either way it's always better to just open

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that door as soon as possible in my opinion i don't care

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if you're i don't care who you are just fucking say it

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because for all you know you're robbing yourself of the love of your life just

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because you're sitting there ruminating and being like oh my god will they say yes

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or will they reject me just fucking say it just fucking do it what's the worst

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that could happen they say no oh move on then anyway

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that's my two cents having crushes are a waste of time

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you have better things to do girl boss i love you

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