쉐도잉 연습: You're not boring, you just lack communication skills - YouTube로 영어 말하기 배우기
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If you struggle to make friends or you feel painfully awkward in every social setting, I want you to listen to this.
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If you struggle to make friends or you feel painfully awkward in every social setting, I want you to listen to this.
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You need to divorce yourself from the idea that being social is hard.
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That's just an excuse you tell yourself because you simply lack friends.
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But being an introvert isn't the problem.
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And thinking that you're just not interesting enough is BS.
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You just never learned real communication skills.
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But it's not your fault because nobody teaches us this.
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So let me take one for the team and I'm gonna show you exactly how to win friends and be social while still being an introvert.
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And you can believe me because I did not start out this way.
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I grew up doing theater on stage and on camera, but surprisingly in real life, I was really shy.
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I always felt awkward in group settings and I felt like I could never make real deep connections with anybody.
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Like I just didn't feel close to people and I didn't know why.
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I thought it was just me or the way that I looked or my voice, but in hindsight, it wasn't because of my personality.
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I just never learned how to be personable.
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And once I became aware of this, my whole perspective changed.
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So for all my fellow introverts watching this, let me break down some of the misconceptions you have about yourself and tell you why they're not true.
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Number one is you're too quiet.
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Here's the truth, though.
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You don't need to be the life of the party to make friends.
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You don't even have to be funny.
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But if you're decent at communication, you can talk to anybody.
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The second misconception is you have to force yourself to be an extrovert.
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And this is a complete lie because you don't have to change yourself to make friends.
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Introverts are actually some of the most thoughtful, observant, and amazing listeners.
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And this is a strength that you can leverage.
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The third misconception is you're just naturally boring.
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Again, being an introvert does not mean you have a stale personality.
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Every introvert I know is a little bit freaky on the inside.
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Don't lie to me.
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So you just need to learn how to leverage your personality to work for you, not against you.
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Now, another quick distinction here, being an introvert just means you recharge your battery alone.
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It does not mean you hate people.
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That is being called antisocial.
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Antisocial people do not want friends.
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So if that's you, I'm gonna politely to ask you to go away.
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This is for introverts who actually want to make more friends, but don't know how to make them.
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So if that's you, then let's talk about it.
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These are the basic communication skills that will help you win friends in any environment.
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Number one is ask better questions.
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The reason why your small talk sucks is because you don't ask the right questions.
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Instead of just asking, what do you do?
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Ask, what's been keeping you busy lately?
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Or instead of asking, what do you like?
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Ask, what are you excited about right now?
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People love it when you are genuinely interested in them And you automatically seem more interesting because you're interested.
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It also takes the pressure off you, especially if you don't like talking that much.
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Allowing the other person to share while still being engaged is the secret weapon to making friends.
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But here's the other thing.
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When people are talking to you, listen.
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Introverts are natural listeners, which is great.
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But here's the catch.
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Don't use listening as a cop-out.
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Listening is more than just hearing the literal words people are saying.
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What you want to do is active listening, which means asking follow-up questions, empathizing, really trying to understand and validate what they're saying and using your body language to show that you're listening.
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Do not be closed off when someone is talking and do not be on your phone.
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That is just so disrespectful.
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Also, you need to make eye contact with people.
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A lot of people had beef with this in one of my other videos, but I'm sorry, that is just basic communication skills.
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You can ask anybody.
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If for some reason you like have a condition where eye contact is not possible, then just let the other person know so that they don't think you're purposely avoiding them.
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It's just all about transparency.
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Number two is put yourself in other people's shoes.
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This is the number one secret to overcoming awkwardness.
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Stop thinking about how awkward you feel and think about how they feel.
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I say this with love, but don't be so self-centered.
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Not everything is about you.
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So instead of overthinking about how your face looks or how you're being perceived, shift your focus on making the other person feel good.
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One of the best books I've read that really helped me understand others is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
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This is probably the most famous book on communication.
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The biggest thing this book talks about is making other people feel valued.
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People want to feel important.
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So if you make an effort to uplift them, they'll have a good impression of you.
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And if you try to reduce someone's importance, they will resent you.
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And this is kind of a universal truth for life.
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Everyone is too focused on themselves to even care.
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Even if you feel awkward inside, 99% of the time, it never comes across like that.
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So the best way to get over your ego and become more social is to focus your attention on how other people feel.
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My mom made me read this book when I was like 10 years old, and I still apply it to every conversation.
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But now that I'm older, I'll be honest, I don't always have time to sit down and read every single book cover to cover.
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So this is why I love using short form.
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They are hands down the best way to learn from every single book you've ever wanted to read, and not just in the surface level way that most apps do.
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While other sites just give you a basic 10 minute summary written by AI, Shortform goes deeper.
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Their team of expert writers creates easy to understand guides with chapter by chapter breakdowns, smart insights, and even connections to other authors and ideas.
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They also include interactive exercises, plus PDF and audio versions so you can learn however you like.
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Since it's been over a decade since I first read this book, I went through the guide on short form and was able to refresh my memory and even pick up on insights I completely missed before.
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And by the way, their collection isn't just personal development.
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They've got genres like career, relationships, psychology, health, and so much more.
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I am such a sucker for anything personal development though, so every book they have is gonna get added to my library.
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And what I think is so cool about Shortform is that they drop new book guides and articles every single week.
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And as a new subscriber, you can even vote on what book they should cover next.
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It's like having your own personal book club.
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So if you've ever wanted to improve your communication skills, level up your mindset, or just stay consistent with learning, Shortform makes it so much easier and definitely more fun.
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The link will be in the description so you can check it out for yourself.
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And by using the link, you'll get a free trial plus three months free off the annual plan.
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Thank you so much to short form for sponsoring this portion of the video.
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The third communication skill you need to have is sharing personal stories.
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Vulnerability is the key to unlocking deeper relationships.
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I heavily respect people who share about themselves, especially the negative or embarrassing stuff.
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So don't hide everything.
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When someone asks, how are you?
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Don't just say, I'm fine.
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Actually, be honest.
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You can say, I tried this new coffee shop and it made my day.
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Or you can say, I failed my math test and it ruined my day.
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In this age, people are dying for the truth.
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So give people those small details they can latch onto.
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And if you can't remember stuff about your life, you can fix that.
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This is why I love journaling and doing self-reflection every day.
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Not only does it take care of my mental health, but it also helps me remember all the stuff I did.
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And this is how I stopped believing that I was boring.
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It wasn't because my life wasn't exciting.
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It was because I couldn't remember anything about it.
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So don't let yourself forget your own stories.
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You have an interesting life.
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You just don't talk about it enough.
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Number four is the yes and trick.
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I actually learned this when I was an actor and it's like the ultimate cheat code for any conversation.
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In acting and especially improv, one of the first things you learn is saying yes and to your partner.
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Okay, let's say you're doing a scene and your partner says, we're on the moon.
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You don't say, no, we're not.
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We're in Chicago.
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That kills the scene because you just put an end to that storyline.
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So instead you say, yeah, I can't believe we're on the moon, but I forgot my helmet.
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Now the scene keeps flowing.
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And this is the whole point of improv.
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You build on each other's imagination to create a seamless story.
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So if you struggle with not knowing what to say during a conversation, the yes and trick is your lifeline.
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So let's use an example.
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If your friend says, I went hiking this weekend, you can say, that's so nice.
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I've been wanting to get outdoors more.
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Where did you go?
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You don't have to come up with something super unique.
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Again, going back to point number one, asking follow-up questions and being genuinely interested in the other person makes them feel good.
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And you don't always have to add on with a question.
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If someone tells you they went to XYZ University, you can say, oh my God, I knew someone that went there.
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What year did you graduate?
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Maybe we have a mutual.
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Obviously don't make something up if it's not true, but try to find points of connection between you and the other person.
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In all honesty, if you think you're boring or you struggle to make friends, nine times out of 10, it's because you're just not making the right friends.
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Instead of making friends just based on shared interests, you need to be making friends based on shared values.
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This is what they don't teach you in school and it's why 90% of your friendships don't last.
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You're getting into relationships that are solely based on things you both like.
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Think of the friendships you had in elementary school.
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You like the same music as me?
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You also like spaghetti and meatballs?
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You live down the street from me?
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Suddenly we're besties.
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But these friendships rarely last.
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What makes friendship strong is not shared interests, but it's shared values.
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What are your beliefs?
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How do you live your life?
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What are the qualities you prioritize?
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These are the questions that can reveal what your or someone else's values are.
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And if you don't know your own values, you're basically just wandering this earth with no moral direction.
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That is not a good thing.
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Shared values are how you build real adult relationships.
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This is what should be most important to you.
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I mean, think about it in a romantic relationship.
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If you wanna have kids, but your partner doesn't, that's a deal breaker because you guys don't value the same things.
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Even if you guys like the same movies, food, et cetera, this will make it hard to continue the relationship.
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So you need to figure out what's most important to you and find other people who value those things too.
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Think about where you stand on honesty, personal growth, kindness, lifestyle, and start building relationships that go deep, not just wide.
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If there is one thing you should take away from this, it's that you are not boring.
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If you're an introvert, that's great.
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You just need to communicate more clearly and practice some simple skills.
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Ask better questions.
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Listen, set expectations so people aren't guessing how you feel.
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And look for friendships based on shared values.
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If you found this helpful, then make sure you subscribe to my channel because I post weekly all about this kind of stuff.
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Self-growth, confidence, and building your dream life.
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As always, I'm so, so proud of you and you're gonna have so many friends you won't even know what to do with yourself.
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All right, I'll see you in the next one.
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Bye.
📱
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