Shadowing Practice: You're not boring, you just lack communication skills - Learn English Speaking with YouTube

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If you struggle to make friends or you feel painfully awkward in every social setting, I want you to listen to this.
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If you struggle to make friends or you feel painfully awkward in every social setting, I want you to listen to this.
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You need to divorce yourself from the idea that being social is hard.
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That's just an excuse you tell yourself because you simply lack friends.
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But being an introvert isn't the problem.
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And thinking that you're just not interesting enough is BS.
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You just never learned real communication skills.
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But it's not your fault because nobody teaches us this.
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So let me take one for the team and I'm gonna show you exactly how to win friends and be social while still being an introvert.
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And you can believe me because I did not start out this way.
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I grew up doing theater on stage and on camera, but surprisingly in real life, I was really shy.
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I always felt awkward in group settings and I felt like I could never make real deep connections with anybody.
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Like I just didn't feel close to people and I didn't know why.
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I thought it was just me or the way that I looked or my voice, but in hindsight, it wasn't because of my personality.
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I just never learned how to be personable.
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And once I became aware of this, my whole perspective changed.
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So for all my fellow introverts watching this, let me break down some of the misconceptions you have about yourself and tell you why they're not true.
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Number one is you're too quiet.
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Here's the truth, though.
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You don't need to be the life of the party to make friends.
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You don't even have to be funny.
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But if you're decent at communication, you can talk to anybody.
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The second misconception is you have to force yourself to be an extrovert.
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And this is a complete lie because you don't have to change yourself to make friends.
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Introverts are actually some of the most thoughtful, observant, and amazing listeners.
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And this is a strength that you can leverage.
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The third misconception is you're just naturally boring.
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Again, being an introvert does not mean you have a stale personality.
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Every introvert I know is a little bit freaky on the inside.
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Don't lie to me.
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So you just need to learn how to leverage your personality to work for you, not against you.
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Now, another quick distinction here, being an introvert just means you recharge your battery alone.
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It does not mean you hate people.
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That is being called antisocial.
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Antisocial people do not want friends.
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So if that's you, I'm gonna politely to ask you to go away.
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This is for introverts who actually want to make more friends, but don't know how to make them.
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So if that's you, then let's talk about it.
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These are the basic communication skills that will help you win friends in any environment.
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Number one is ask better questions.
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The reason why your small talk sucks is because you don't ask the right questions.
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Instead of just asking, what do you do?
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Ask, what's been keeping you busy lately?
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Or instead of asking, what do you like?
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Ask, what are you excited about right now?
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People love it when you are genuinely interested in them And you automatically seem more interesting because you're interested.
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It also takes the pressure off you, especially if you don't like talking that much.
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Allowing the other person to share while still being engaged is the secret weapon to making friends.
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But here's the other thing.
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When people are talking to you, listen.
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Introverts are natural listeners, which is great.
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But here's the catch.
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Don't use listening as a cop-out.
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Listening is more than just hearing the literal words people are saying.
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What you want to do is active listening, which means asking follow-up questions, empathizing, really trying to understand and validate what they're saying and using your body language to show that you're listening.
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Do not be closed off when someone is talking and do not be on your phone.
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That is just so disrespectful.
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Also, you need to make eye contact with people.
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A lot of people had beef with this in one of my other videos, but I'm sorry, that is just basic communication skills.
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You can ask anybody.
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If for some reason you like have a condition where eye contact is not possible, then just let the other person know so that they don't think you're purposely avoiding them.
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It's just all about transparency.
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Number two is put yourself in other people's shoes.
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This is the number one secret to overcoming awkwardness.
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Stop thinking about how awkward you feel and think about how they feel.
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I say this with love, but don't be so self-centered.
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Not everything is about you.
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So instead of overthinking about how your face looks or how you're being perceived, shift your focus on making the other person feel good.
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One of the best books I've read that really helped me understand others is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
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This is probably the most famous book on communication.
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The biggest thing this book talks about is making other people feel valued.
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People want to feel important.
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So if you make an effort to uplift them, they'll have a good impression of you.
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And if you try to reduce someone's importance, they will resent you.
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And this is kind of a universal truth for life.
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Everyone is too focused on themselves to even care.
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Even if you feel awkward inside, 99% of the time, it never comes across like that.
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So the best way to get over your ego and become more social is to focus your attention on how other people feel.
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My mom made me read this book when I was like 10 years old, and I still apply it to every conversation.
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But now that I'm older, I'll be honest, I don't always have time to sit down and read every single book cover to cover.
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So this is why I love using short form.
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They are hands down the best way to learn from every single book you've ever wanted to read, and not just in the surface level way that most apps do.
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While other sites just give you a basic 10 minute summary written by AI, Shortform goes deeper.
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Their team of expert writers creates easy to understand guides with chapter by chapter breakdowns, smart insights, and even connections to other authors and ideas.
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They also include interactive exercises, plus PDF and audio versions so you can learn however you like.
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Since it's been over a decade since I first read this book, I went through the guide on short form and was able to refresh my memory and even pick up on insights I completely missed before.
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And by the way, their collection isn't just personal development.
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They've got genres like career, relationships, psychology, health, and so much more.
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I am such a sucker for anything personal development though, so every book they have is gonna get added to my library.
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And what I think is so cool about Shortform is that they drop new book guides and articles every single week.
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And as a new subscriber, you can even vote on what book they should cover next.
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It's like having your own personal book club.
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So if you've ever wanted to improve your communication skills, level up your mindset, or just stay consistent with learning, Shortform makes it so much easier and definitely more fun.
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The link will be in the description so you can check it out for yourself.
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And by using the link, you'll get a free trial plus three months free off the annual plan.
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Thank you so much to short form for sponsoring this portion of the video.
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The third communication skill you need to have is sharing personal stories.
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Vulnerability is the key to unlocking deeper relationships.
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I heavily respect people who share about themselves, especially the negative or embarrassing stuff.
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So don't hide everything.
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When someone asks, how are you?
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Don't just say, I'm fine.
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Actually, be honest.
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You can say, I tried this new coffee shop and it made my day.
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Or you can say, I failed my math test and it ruined my day.
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In this age, people are dying for the truth.
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So give people those small details they can latch onto.
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And if you can't remember stuff about your life, you can fix that.
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This is why I love journaling and doing self-reflection every day.
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Not only does it take care of my mental health, but it also helps me remember all the stuff I did.
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And this is how I stopped believing that I was boring.
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It wasn't because my life wasn't exciting.
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It was because I couldn't remember anything about it.
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So don't let yourself forget your own stories.
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You have an interesting life.
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You just don't talk about it enough.
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Number four is the yes and trick.
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I actually learned this when I was an actor and it's like the ultimate cheat code for any conversation.
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In acting and especially improv, one of the first things you learn is saying yes and to your partner.
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Okay, let's say you're doing a scene and your partner says, we're on the moon.
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You don't say, no, we're not.
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We're in Chicago.
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That kills the scene because you just put an end to that storyline.
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So instead you say, yeah, I can't believe we're on the moon, but I forgot my helmet.
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Now the scene keeps flowing.
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And this is the whole point of improv.
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You build on each other's imagination to create a seamless story.
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So if you struggle with not knowing what to say during a conversation, the yes and trick is your lifeline.
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So let's use an example.
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If your friend says, I went hiking this weekend, you can say, that's so nice.
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I've been wanting to get outdoors more.
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Where did you go?
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You don't have to come up with something super unique.
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Again, going back to point number one, asking follow-up questions and being genuinely interested in the other person makes them feel good.
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And you don't always have to add on with a question.
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If someone tells you they went to XYZ University, you can say, oh my God, I knew someone that went there.
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What year did you graduate?
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Maybe we have a mutual.
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Obviously don't make something up if it's not true, but try to find points of connection between you and the other person.
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In all honesty, if you think you're boring or you struggle to make friends, nine times out of 10, it's because you're just not making the right friends.
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Instead of making friends just based on shared interests, you need to be making friends based on shared values.
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This is what they don't teach you in school and it's why 90% of your friendships don't last.
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You're getting into relationships that are solely based on things you both like.
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Think of the friendships you had in elementary school.
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You like the same music as me?
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You also like spaghetti and meatballs?
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You live down the street from me?
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Suddenly we're besties.
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But these friendships rarely last.
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What makes friendship strong is not shared interests, but it's shared values.
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What are your beliefs?
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How do you live your life?
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What are the qualities you prioritize?
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These are the questions that can reveal what your or someone else's values are.
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And if you don't know your own values, you're basically just wandering this earth with no moral direction.
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That is not a good thing.
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Shared values are how you build real adult relationships.
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This is what should be most important to you.
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I mean, think about it in a romantic relationship.
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If you wanna have kids, but your partner doesn't, that's a deal breaker because you guys don't value the same things.
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Even if you guys like the same movies, food, et cetera, this will make it hard to continue the relationship.
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So you need to figure out what's most important to you and find other people who value those things too.
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Think about where you stand on honesty, personal growth, kindness, lifestyle, and start building relationships that go deep, not just wide.
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If there is one thing you should take away from this, it's that you are not boring.
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If you're an introvert, that's great.
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You just need to communicate more clearly and practice some simple skills.
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Ask better questions.
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Listen, set expectations so people aren't guessing how you feel.
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And look for friendships based on shared values.
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If you found this helpful, then make sure you subscribe to my channel because I post weekly all about this kind of stuff.
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Self-growth, confidence, and building your dream life.
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As always, I'm so, so proud of you and you're gonna have so many friends you won't even know what to do with yourself.
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All right, I'll see you in the next one.
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Bye.
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Context & Background

The video "You're not boring, you just lack communication skills" offers valuable insights for those who feel introverted or struggle in social situations. The speaker shares personal experiences of overcoming shyness and highlights that many individuals perceive themselves as less interesting due to a lack of effective communication skills. This session aims to debunk common misconceptions about being an introvert while providing practical advice for enhancing communication skills. Whether you're preparing for IELTS speaking practice or simply want to improve your conversational abilities, embracing these insights can help foster deeper connections and friendships.

Top 5 Phrases for Daily Communication

  • "What's been keeping you busy lately?" - A more engaging way to initiate conversation beyond small talk.
  • "What are you excited about right now?" - Encourages others to share their passions and interests.
  • "I’d love to hear more about that." - Signal your genuine interest in the other person’s thoughts.
  • "Can you share your experience with that?" - Invites storytelling, leading to deeper connections.
  • "What’s your favorite thing about [topic]?" - A light yet meaningful way to explore shared interests.

Step-by-step Shadowing Guide

To effectively improve your English speaking practice using the insights from this video, follow these steps leveraging the shadowing technique.

  1. Listen Actively: Start by watching the video multiple times, focusing on the speaker’s tone and pacing. Pay particular attention to how they ask questions and engage with their audience.
  2. Repeat & Imitate: Try to repeat phrases aloud after the speaker. Use the shadowspeak technique by mimicking their intonation and emotion to build your confidence and fluency.
  3. Engage in Self-Reflection: Reflect on your own communication style. Consider what phrases resonate with you and how you can adapt them. Identify situations in which you can practice asking better questions.
  4. Practice in Real Situations: Incorporate the top phrases into your daily conversations, both in casual settings and more structured environments, such as during your IELTS speaking practice.
  5. Record Yourself: After practicing, record your responses to gauge improvement. Analyze your pauses, clarity, and engagement to refine your technique further.

By embracing these strategies, you can expand your ability to connect with others. Remember, effective communication goes beyond just speaking; it's about creating meaningful interactions that resonate with both you and those around you.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

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