Shadowing Practice: you’re not boring, you just lack social skills - Learn English Speaking with Video

Highly sociable people do things differently.

They act differently, talk differently, go to parties differently, make plans differently.

And I know because I've been both.

I've had a four -year transformation being the very shy, insecure girl who would go into every room feeling like no one ever wanted to talk to me.

To the highly confident person, content creator, student doctor, who literally strikes up conversations with strangers every single day.

I used to ask myself things like, why does no one ever want to talk to me?

Why do people ignore me in group situations?

Why do people never ask about me when I ask about them?

bubble scared to step out

and be my true self now I feel like I'm my

true self like all the time like no one can stop me along the way I've learned a few things

that highly sociable and confident people do differently and I'm going to share every single one of them in this video

hey if you're new i'm christine

and i make videos of people who are feeling lonely

if you're a people pleaser overachiever over thinker over anything up you're in the right place

when it comes to becoming a highly sociable confident person

if you want to make friends counter intuitive

but bear with me stop saying yes and start saying no yes exudes insecurity when it

situations that's such a tongue -tifter stop saying yes

and start saying no

when it comes to meeting up with someone who you don't really want to

but you feel obliged to it applies to helping someone who

only ever reaches out whenever they want to take from you they never actually help you yourself

and it applies to like that relative

that whenever you meet up you always feel like you have to agree to keep the peace and just make face

I'm sorry, but screw the piece.

It is not worth being a shell of a person if you can't speak up.

Stop saying yes and start saying no is so powerful because chances are you think to make more friends, be more sociable, you need to meet more people.

That is a lie.

The number one thing you need in terms of to be more sociable

and to make more friends isn't meeting more people, it's confidence.

You can be an insecure person and meet 20 new people in 20 days, or you can be a confident person and meet five people in five days.

Trust me, as someone who's been both of those people, you can be the confident person and make more meaningful connections with five people

because you're just so much more willing to go there, to say things, to be counterintuitive and to stop saying yes and start saying no. You're more confident in the situation.

You're more confident being yourself, saying things and opening up, being vulnerable, sharing a funny story, Saying a joke that could be offensive,

it could be stepping it too far, but you're just confident.

Versus the insecure person who is probably going to, first of all, they're going to be scared to say hi.

They're going to be scared to say hi, they might meet a new person and all they want to do is they're literally praying in their minds, crossing their fingers that the other person is going to say hi first.

Then when it comes to talking, they're going to be scared to even go deep in the conversation, they're not going to know where to start.

"Oh you know, I'm shy at first, but once you get to know me, then I'm amazing, then I'm crazy, then I literally won't shut up." But how at surface level.

I started off with this because it's the most it's one of the most powerful ones.

You have to start saying no. It's counterintuitive because you think if I say yes to people, yes I'll go out even though I don't want to, even though I'm exhausted.

Yes I'll help you with your project, even though you never helped me with anything.

Yes I'll just keep nodding along, I'll just say yes to everything.

That is not the sort of person that a lot of people want to be friends with.

It's harsh but it's true and sometimes the harsh truth is what you want to hear

if you really want to make a massive transformation.

So that's rule number one of being a highly sociable person.

Rule number themselves.

No one is more annoying than a person in the conversation that is only ever talking about themselves.

They're just yapping on and on and on, talking about themselves, talking about their family, what they're having for lunch, what they're doing in the afternoon, in the evening plans, what they're going on holiday.

Like, you haven't asked about me, like, once.

I might be preaching to the converted because I'm sure if you clicked on this video, you're the sort of person that does ask people about themselves.

But don't take it too far.

I had this massive problem in the past where I'd ask people about themselves constantly.

Keep asking them questions.

I've got so and talk about me.

And that is a problem.

You can take this too far on the extreme end.

You cannot ask people about themselves enough or you can ask people about themselves too much.

You definitely want to have a balance.

Yesterday is the perfect example of this.

So I'm a student doctor.

I'm a medical student.

I was on the ward yesterday with a nurse.

I was shadowing her and she was talking to me about a family in -law problem.

Essentially someone in the family has sadly passed away.

She actually didn't know this person so it's a bit like she's a bit removed from the situation.

And she was telling me all the family drama and gossip about how who's in the will, who's not in

is taking all the money and this like it just it was

so chaotic and problematic it was such a personal problem like literally someone's passed away

and they're literally talking about the will but because i was

so like willing to listen to her

and i was asking about her she was telling me all this information she was asking me about my degree

and how i'm doing and how i'm graduating soon

and how i'm feeling about it and i'm telling her about my mom

and how i'm really close to my mom and just just

so much stuff it was such a back and forth

and i feel like the perfect conversation is

when you have a balance between person to person you're asking each other equally and no one's gatekeeping information about themselves.

The other person isn't like word vomiting and just only ever talking about them.

Tell people what you're going through.

I have this very deep and genuine connection with one of my friends.

It's actually weird.

Like we are so weirdly honest with each other.

We bonded two years ago.

We were both very lonely.

At my university where you're a medical student on placement, you can be placed miles away.

We were placed in this very small town with a few other people.

We were kind of like a tight -knit group, all like isolated from the city centre where we all were before.

our friends behind, left our like flats behind, our apartment behind, like we felt like just so lonely and isolated but none of us would really open up about it.

Me and this person in particular met up one day, I think we went for like a coffee or something

and literally one of the first things that we both said was just how lonely we felt.

We both opened up and wondered on the fact that we were going through like such a tough time, we didn't have any of our friends close by us, we felt like we were just so lonely, we didn't really enjoy what we were learning about as well.

It was one of those rare moments where you open up to someone

and you just are so lucky that they feel the exact same

And I could have done what insecure Christina would have done.

I could have just like been like, oh yeah, I'm fine.

Like I'd put a mask up.

100

I'd put my walls up.

101

I'd lie and be like, yeah, I'm okay.

102

I'm fine.

103

I'd just keep it all very like neutral and not say anything about how I feel.

104

But me and this person was so lucky in the sense that we both felt exactly the same.

105

Like we both opened up.

106

We both were vulnerable.

107

We both stepped out of our comfort zone and said like, I am feeling lonely.

108

I do feel a bit lost.

109

I do feel like I don't want to be here.

110

I don't want to be miles away from my friends and like just in the middle of nowhere in this place, but in this weird dingy hospital, like we both opened love and we both felt the same

111

and what's crazy about this friendship is i don't even see this person

112

that often i probably see them like once every like two months yet our bond is

113

so deep and like

114

if i met up with this person tomorrow i know we would both be like

115

so equally connected

116

and like we would both like resonate with each other we'd both like pick up where we left off

117

because our connection is just so deep

118

if you want to go from being the insecure person

119

that has lots of surface level friendship and acquaintances to the person who has maybe a good few friends and just

120

once every two months, you just are connected and you guys will pick up where you left off.

121

You have to start opening up and telling people what you're going through.

122

I know it's scary because I've been there.

123

I've been that person that's scared to talk about how I feel.

124

I've been the person that's scared to talk about my mental health.

125

But if you want those deep friendships and those deep connections, you just have to go there.

126

Maybe you'll be lucky and they feel the same way.

127

Maybe you'll be unlucky and they don't feel the same way.

128

All that matters is just that you opened up.

129

You are not trying to get a certain response.

130

You are not doing it so that they agree with you or they

131

connecting with people online some of the moments where i felt most seen and understood

132

and i've literally had tears in my eyes as i'm sending

133

like dm messages with someone i've been with someone that's thousands

134

of miles away don't limit your social interactions with people

135

that you just see day to day or people in person there is

136

so much connection to be had online i do this thing currently

137

which i highly recommend to you guys where currently on linkedin i know linkedin isn't everyone's favorite

138

but i've tried to curate my linkedin feed so it's actually like really

139

I will reach out or comment

140

or DM someone who I just find like they shared a post where I really resonate with their experience.

141

A lot of my LinkedIn now is people sharing their failures.

142

I think because the more you engage with something, the more it shows you more.

143

My LinkedIn feed now is very like relatable, very inspiring, very like people who are just sharing experiences.

144

And what I've started doing is I'll just send a DM to someone being like, hi, I saw your post.

145

I really resonate with what you said.

146

I feel like no one ever talks about this.

147

Like, I'm so glad I've seen your profile.

148

Okay and I do not expect anything.

149

I'm not, I'm not trying to get anything from it.

150

Like my goal is just to send the DM and just spread like, spread a little bit of positivity to say that like this post that you've shared, oh my God, thank you for sharing it.

151

And I have been blown away by the amount of times that someone, like the person has replied saying like, like, oh my God, like I literally had a really long in -depth conversation with

152

someone the other day where they were sending like paragraphs

153

and paragraphs about their experiences and we were just going back and forth.

154

I was literally sending voice notes to a woman that I followed for months.

155

I've loved her sent a DM.

156

I did not expect anything from it.

157

Five, stop taking things personally.

158

No, I'm not free.

159

Sorry, I can't hang out tonight.

160

Sorry.

161

Sorry, I promised my sister I'd pick her up from work.

162

I can't do like next week.

163

Sorry.

164

No, I can't do Saturday.

165

I could probably do another time though.

166

If you're the sort of person that messages someone to hang out

167

or spend time together and they say no and you take it personally, we have a lot of work to do.

168

Insecure people think that the world revolves around them.

169

And as someone who's previously insecure, I know you might be thinking like, no, I don't.

170

Like, no, I don't think the world revolves around me.

171

Like, no, no, no, it doesn't.

172

they've got some sort of reason

173

and you like you're now thinking oh they don't actually like me like they're just saying

174

that like no they don't want to hang out with me

175

i knew they didn't like me i knew i knew

176

that they wanted an excuse you're thinking about yourself

177

so much you don't even realize it

178

but you're actually being a bit like self -absorbed you think

179

that everything revolves around you like they have a whole entire

180

schedule whole entire personal life hobbies work life university outside of you there's a time

181

and a place for where maybe where someone's making genuinely doesn't actually want to spend time with you.

182

But don't overthink it, just go with your gut.

183

Do not spend days and days and days and weeks like going back and forth between does this person like you, does this person not.

184

If you have a gut feeling, trust that and honestly just move on.

185

Do not prolong like a weak friendship that's being strung along and just like being prolonged for no reason.

186

Like don't waste your own time, cut people off when you get a bad gut feeling.

187

But on the other hand, if you're taking things personally and thinking that people saying no is about you, everything that they're saying means something about you, that is a problem.

188

And you'll understand what I mean you're a really busy person sometimes i think

189

when you're insecure maybe you just need to get a hobby

190

and you need you need to actually like have a bit

191

of a busy calendar have a busy schedule have things you're doing after work after university after classes

192

when someone then says no you'll understand like oh yeah like

193

you're busy i totally get i i'm like super busy too

194

like i you don't take it personally sometimes i think

195

if you are taking it personally as well someone says no

196

and you're actually like a little bit offended and a little bit upset you might be looking for validation a yes, I want to hang out.

197

And you get like excited and happy that like, they want to hang out with me.

198

Like I'm valuable now.

199

I am finally someone people want to be friends with.

200

I'm a good person now.

201

If you're taking it personally to mean something about you, it just might be a sign that you are looking for validation.

202

And that's not a bad thing.

203

I spoke about this more in my video where it's all about, you're not looking for friends, you're looking for validation.

204

I'm going to link it up here if you want to watch that one.

205

It's such a common thing when you're insecure.

206

Like you don't actually want the friend, you kind of just want the validation that like

207

but back to my main point stop taking no personally then saying no doesn't mean anything about you

208

if you apply my rule number one

209

which is stop saying yes start saying no

210

when you start saying no you're okay with other people saying no

211

if other people say no to you

212

and it's a problem it's just a sign

213

that maybe you lack boundaries a little bit again totally okay

214

i've been there i like trust me i know what it's

215

like you probably need to work on more saying no to other people stop saying yes

216

and start saying no get a hobby or get a side hustle if someone has interesting or just like really cool

217

to be friends with them.

218

You have to ask yourself, like if you're the sort of person that jokes, like, oh yeah, all I do, all I do is scroll on TikTok, like, ha, like, I have no, I have no social life, like, ask yourself, like, ask yourself genuinely,

219

like, would you want to be friends with yourself?

220

and like there's no shame there's no shame like would would you want to be friends with someone

221

that like only ever scrolls on instagram reels we all do it from time to time

222

but like if you have no other hobby

223

or passion like you have to ask yourself would you want to be friends with you the biggest mistake

224

when it comes to hobbies or getting a side hustle

225

that people make i think is just spending

226

so much time focusing on like is this the right one

227

is this the correct one will this one make me money

228

is this the best thing to do people spend way more

229

time thinking about the side hustle than actually like doing it and getting started there was a relationship expert that said

230

like she had a really cool way of describing this.

231

She's called Dr. Karen Gurney.

232

She said that people in relationships, but I think it applies to side horses as well, have a rare and crucial attitude to relationships.

233

They think it's a rare opportunity to get into a relationship.

234

It's crucial.

235

They need to make sure this is the right partner.

236

They'll spend like ages digging and like being an FBI agent, finding out everything about them.

237

And it's crucial.

238

Rather than a trivial and often approach, like I'll meet people all the time.

239

It doesn't matter if this guy is the one, like we'll just see where it goes.

240

Like it's way more important in a lot of things

241

approach rather than a rare

242

and crucial approach with your side hustle don't spend too much time worrying about

243

if it's the right one if this hobby will make me seem cool

244

and seem interesting like it's trivial it's not

245

that important it doesn't matter like just do what feels good for you

246

and the last habit of highly sociable people is follow up

247

so imagine this i just started university insecure girl i was

248

18 19 i was super shy literally going into a room

249

would like make me super anxious i'd have to hike myself up

250

and there were moments where i'd wait for like a group to come in and i'd

251

too scared to enter a room like on my own

252

so somehow somewhere i don't know how it happened i clicked

253

with like two girls we met up i think we bonded over r &b music

254

and it just so happened that one of them worked at an r &b club

255

so i was like oh my god like let's go to

256

like an r &b club let's have a night out we

257

had a night out we went out i think we had

258

a good time it was it was it was cool it was fun i can't remember

259

because it was so many years ago

260

but i think we kind of like we had a good time it was fine

261

and i didn't i didn't follow up i didn't message them

262

they didn't message me i didn't hear back from them and then nothing happened like literally nothing happened

263

quite a long night together we got ready did our hair

264

and makeup we were out like i was in her dorm

265

room i was bonding with her other friend it was the

266

three of us we all got along we were talking about heels like you should wear

267

that dress you should like you know i mean like i spent a solid six hours with these girls

268

and we bonded over like our love of music we had a good night out

269

but i never met up with them again and it's all

270

because i didn't follow up they didn't follow up also

271

so i can't blame it all on myself there's an element

272

of like it goes two ways don't leave things up to chance

273

if you click with someone and you have a good time don't leave it up to chance that like

274

I'm just gonna leave it.

275

Like if you really want to see them again, you have to follow up.

276

A friendship is only as good as your ability to follow up.

277

If you don't follow up, you can't make friends.

278

Following up can look like a simple text like, oh, hey, like I had a really good time.

279

I'd love to meet up again.

280

Like, are you free Saturday?

281

Following up can look like just replying to their story.

282

Nothing too, nothing too intense.

283

Don't overthink it.

284

It's trivial.

285

It's often just send a message.

286

Following up can be like when you when you see them again in real life, like saying hi.

287

And I don't mean like hi from a distance, like like you're on the other end of the lecture page and you're saying hi, like, go up to then make the effort

288

because effort goes a long way and just say hi face to face because

289

if there's one lesson I've learned from university like don't leave

290

things up to chance your friendship is going to depend on the fact

291

that you follow up even when it comes to like being an actual adult

292

and having like a real life job it's harder to maintain friendship

293

because you're not seeing us you're not seeing friends all the time at university

294

or in classes you have to be

295

so active at the process of following up something

296

that I've learned being like a really insecure person navigating friendships

297

and kind of evolving and becoming more extroverted and more outgoing is that you you think that

298

loneliness in the way that you feel but it really won't.

299

I made a video talking about this in a lot more depth

300

and I think if you enjoyed this video you'll really enjoy

301

that one but I hope you enjoyed thank you

302

so much for watching this video and I'll see you in the next one.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing Practice: you’re not boring, you just lack social skills - Learn English Speaking with Video

About This Lesson

Key Vocabulary & Phrases

Practice Tips

What is the Shadowing Technique?