ฝึกพูดภาษาอังกฤษด้วยเทคนิค Shadowing จากวิดีโอ: you’re not boring, you just lack social skills

Highly sociable people do things differently.

They act differently, talk differently, go to parties differently, make plans differently.

And I know because I've been both.

I've had a four -year transformation being the very shy, insecure girl who would go into every room feeling like no one ever wanted to talk to me.

To the highly confident person, content creator, student doctor, who literally strikes up conversations with strangers every single day.

I used to ask myself things like, why does no one ever want to talk to me?

Why do people ignore me in group situations?

Why do people never ask about me when I ask about them?

bubble scared to step out

and be my true self now I feel like I'm my

true self like all the time like no one can stop me along the way I've learned a few things

that highly sociable and confident people do differently and I'm going to share every single one of them in this video

hey if you're new i'm christine

and i make videos of people who are feeling lonely

if you're a people pleaser overachiever over thinker over anything up you're in the right place

when it comes to becoming a highly sociable confident person

if you want to make friends counter intuitive

but bear with me stop saying yes and start saying no yes exudes insecurity when it

situations that's such a tongue -tifter stop saying yes

and start saying no

when it comes to meeting up with someone who you don't really want to

but you feel obliged to it applies to helping someone who

only ever reaches out whenever they want to take from you they never actually help you yourself

and it applies to like that relative

that whenever you meet up you always feel like you have to agree to keep the peace and just make face

I'm sorry, but screw the piece.

It is not worth being a shell of a person if you can't speak up.

Stop saying yes and start saying no is so powerful because chances are you think to make more friends, be more sociable, you need to meet more people.

That is a lie.

The number one thing you need in terms of to be more sociable

and to make more friends isn't meeting more people, it's confidence.

You can be an insecure person and meet 20 new people in 20 days, or you can be a confident person and meet five people in five days.

Trust me, as someone who's been both of those people, you can be the confident person and make more meaningful connections with five people

because you're just so much more willing to go there, to say things, to be counterintuitive and to stop saying yes and start saying no. You're more confident in the situation.

You're more confident being yourself, saying things and opening up, being vulnerable, sharing a funny story, Saying a joke that could be offensive,

it could be stepping it too far, but you're just confident.

Versus the insecure person who is probably going to, first of all, they're going to be scared to say hi.

They're going to be scared to say hi, they might meet a new person and all they want to do is they're literally praying in their minds, crossing their fingers that the other person is going to say hi first.

Then when it comes to talking, they're going to be scared to even go deep in the conversation, they're not going to know where to start.

"Oh you know, I'm shy at first, but once you get to know me, then I'm amazing, then I'm crazy, then I literally won't shut up." But how at surface level.

I started off with this because it's the most it's one of the most powerful ones.

You have to start saying no. It's counterintuitive because you think if I say yes to people, yes I'll go out even though I don't want to, even though I'm exhausted.

Yes I'll help you with your project, even though you never helped me with anything.

Yes I'll just keep nodding along, I'll just say yes to everything.

That is not the sort of person that a lot of people want to be friends with.

It's harsh but it's true and sometimes the harsh truth is what you want to hear

if you really want to make a massive transformation.

So that's rule number one of being a highly sociable person.

Rule number themselves.

No one is more annoying than a person in the conversation that is only ever talking about themselves.

They're just yapping on and on and on, talking about themselves, talking about their family, what they're having for lunch, what they're doing in the afternoon, in the evening plans, what they're going on holiday.

Like, you haven't asked about me, like, once.

I might be preaching to the converted because I'm sure if you clicked on this video, you're the sort of person that does ask people about themselves.

But don't take it too far.

I had this massive problem in the past where I'd ask people about themselves constantly.

Keep asking them questions.

I've got so and talk about me.

And that is a problem.

You can take this too far on the extreme end.

You cannot ask people about themselves enough or you can ask people about themselves too much.

You definitely want to have a balance.

Yesterday is the perfect example of this.

So I'm a student doctor.

I'm a medical student.

I was on the ward yesterday with a nurse.

I was shadowing her and she was talking to me about a family in -law problem.

Essentially someone in the family has sadly passed away.

She actually didn't know this person so it's a bit like she's a bit removed from the situation.

And she was telling me all the family drama and gossip about how who's in the will, who's not in

is taking all the money and this like it just it was

so chaotic and problematic it was such a personal problem like literally someone's passed away

and they're literally talking about the will but because i was

so like willing to listen to her

and i was asking about her she was telling me all this information she was asking me about my degree

and how i'm doing and how i'm graduating soon

and how i'm feeling about it and i'm telling her about my mom

and how i'm really close to my mom and just just

so much stuff it was such a back and forth

and i feel like the perfect conversation is

when you have a balance between person to person you're asking each other equally and no one's gatekeeping information about themselves.

The other person isn't like word vomiting and just only ever talking about them.

Tell people what you're going through.

I have this very deep and genuine connection with one of my friends.

It's actually weird.

Like we are so weirdly honest with each other.

We bonded two years ago.

We were both very lonely.

At my university where you're a medical student on placement, you can be placed miles away.

We were placed in this very small town with a few other people.

We were kind of like a tight -knit group, all like isolated from the city centre where we all were before.

our friends behind, left our like flats behind, our apartment behind, like we felt like just so lonely and isolated but none of us would really open up about it.

Me and this person in particular met up one day, I think we went for like a coffee or something

and literally one of the first things that we both said was just how lonely we felt.

We both opened up and wondered on the fact that we were going through like such a tough time, we didn't have any of our friends close by us, we felt like we were just so lonely, we didn't really enjoy what we were learning about as well.

It was one of those rare moments where you open up to someone

and you just are so lucky that they feel the exact same

And I could have done what insecure Christina would have done.

I could have just like been like, oh yeah, I'm fine.

Like I'd put a mask up.

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I'd put my walls up.

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I'd lie and be like, yeah, I'm okay.

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I'm fine.

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I'd just keep it all very like neutral and not say anything about how I feel.

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But me and this person was so lucky in the sense that we both felt exactly the same.

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Like we both opened up.

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We both were vulnerable.

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We both stepped out of our comfort zone and said like, I am feeling lonely.

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I do feel a bit lost.

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I do feel like I don't want to be here.

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I don't want to be miles away from my friends and like just in the middle of nowhere in this place, but in this weird dingy hospital, like we both opened love and we both felt the same

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and what's crazy about this friendship is i don't even see this person

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that often i probably see them like once every like two months yet our bond is

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so deep and like

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if i met up with this person tomorrow i know we would both be like

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so equally connected

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and like we would both like resonate with each other we'd both like pick up where we left off

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because our connection is just so deep

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if you want to go from being the insecure person

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that has lots of surface level friendship and acquaintances to the person who has maybe a good few friends and just

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once every two months, you just are connected and you guys will pick up where you left off.

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You have to start opening up and telling people what you're going through.

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I know it's scary because I've been there.

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I've been that person that's scared to talk about how I feel.

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I've been the person that's scared to talk about my mental health.

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But if you want those deep friendships and those deep connections, you just have to go there.

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Maybe you'll be lucky and they feel the same way.

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Maybe you'll be unlucky and they don't feel the same way.

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All that matters is just that you opened up.

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You are not trying to get a certain response.

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You are not doing it so that they agree with you or they

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connecting with people online some of the moments where i felt most seen and understood

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and i've literally had tears in my eyes as i'm sending

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like dm messages with someone i've been with someone that's thousands

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of miles away don't limit your social interactions with people

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that you just see day to day or people in person there is

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so much connection to be had online i do this thing currently

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which i highly recommend to you guys where currently on linkedin i know linkedin isn't everyone's favorite

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but i've tried to curate my linkedin feed so it's actually like really

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I will reach out or comment

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or DM someone who I just find like they shared a post where I really resonate with their experience.

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A lot of my LinkedIn now is people sharing their failures.

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I think because the more you engage with something, the more it shows you more.

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My LinkedIn feed now is very like relatable, very inspiring, very like people who are just sharing experiences.

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And what I've started doing is I'll just send a DM to someone being like, hi, I saw your post.

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I really resonate with what you said.

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I feel like no one ever talks about this.

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Like, I'm so glad I've seen your profile.

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Okay and I do not expect anything.

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I'm not, I'm not trying to get anything from it.

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Like my goal is just to send the DM and just spread like, spread a little bit of positivity to say that like this post that you've shared, oh my God, thank you for sharing it.

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And I have been blown away by the amount of times that someone, like the person has replied saying like, like, oh my God, like I literally had a really long in -depth conversation with

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someone the other day where they were sending like paragraphs

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and paragraphs about their experiences and we were just going back and forth.

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I was literally sending voice notes to a woman that I followed for months.

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I've loved her sent a DM.

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I did not expect anything from it.

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Five, stop taking things personally.

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No, I'm not free.

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Sorry, I can't hang out tonight.

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Sorry.

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Sorry, I promised my sister I'd pick her up from work.

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I can't do like next week.

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Sorry.

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No, I can't do Saturday.

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I could probably do another time though.

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If you're the sort of person that messages someone to hang out

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or spend time together and they say no and you take it personally, we have a lot of work to do.

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Insecure people think that the world revolves around them.

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And as someone who's previously insecure, I know you might be thinking like, no, I don't.

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Like, no, I don't think the world revolves around me.

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Like, no, no, no, it doesn't.

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they've got some sort of reason

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and you like you're now thinking oh they don't actually like me like they're just saying

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that like no they don't want to hang out with me

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i knew they didn't like me i knew i knew

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that they wanted an excuse you're thinking about yourself

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so much you don't even realize it

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but you're actually being a bit like self -absorbed you think

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that everything revolves around you like they have a whole entire

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schedule whole entire personal life hobbies work life university outside of you there's a time

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and a place for where maybe where someone's making genuinely doesn't actually want to spend time with you.

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But don't overthink it, just go with your gut.

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Do not spend days and days and days and weeks like going back and forth between does this person like you, does this person not.

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If you have a gut feeling, trust that and honestly just move on.

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Do not prolong like a weak friendship that's being strung along and just like being prolonged for no reason.

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Like don't waste your own time, cut people off when you get a bad gut feeling.

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But on the other hand, if you're taking things personally and thinking that people saying no is about you, everything that they're saying means something about you, that is a problem.

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And you'll understand what I mean you're a really busy person sometimes i think

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when you're insecure maybe you just need to get a hobby

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and you need you need to actually like have a bit

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of a busy calendar have a busy schedule have things you're doing after work after university after classes

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when someone then says no you'll understand like oh yeah like

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you're busy i totally get i i'm like super busy too

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like i you don't take it personally sometimes i think

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if you are taking it personally as well someone says no

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and you're actually like a little bit offended and a little bit upset you might be looking for validation a yes, I want to hang out.

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And you get like excited and happy that like, they want to hang out with me.

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Like I'm valuable now.

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I am finally someone people want to be friends with.

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I'm a good person now.

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If you're taking it personally to mean something about you, it just might be a sign that you are looking for validation.

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And that's not a bad thing.

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I spoke about this more in my video where it's all about, you're not looking for friends, you're looking for validation.

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I'm going to link it up here if you want to watch that one.

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It's such a common thing when you're insecure.

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Like you don't actually want the friend, you kind of just want the validation that like

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but back to my main point stop taking no personally then saying no doesn't mean anything about you

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if you apply my rule number one

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which is stop saying yes start saying no

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when you start saying no you're okay with other people saying no

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if other people say no to you

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and it's a problem it's just a sign

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that maybe you lack boundaries a little bit again totally okay

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i've been there i like trust me i know what it's

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like you probably need to work on more saying no to other people stop saying yes

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and start saying no get a hobby or get a side hustle if someone has interesting or just like really cool

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to be friends with them.

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You have to ask yourself, like if you're the sort of person that jokes, like, oh yeah, all I do, all I do is scroll on TikTok, like, ha, like, I have no, I have no social life, like, ask yourself, like, ask yourself genuinely,

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like, would you want to be friends with yourself?

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and like there's no shame there's no shame like would would you want to be friends with someone

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that like only ever scrolls on instagram reels we all do it from time to time

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but like if you have no other hobby

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or passion like you have to ask yourself would you want to be friends with you the biggest mistake

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when it comes to hobbies or getting a side hustle

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that people make i think is just spending

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so much time focusing on like is this the right one

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is this the correct one will this one make me money

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is this the best thing to do people spend way more

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time thinking about the side hustle than actually like doing it and getting started there was a relationship expert that said

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like she had a really cool way of describing this.

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She's called Dr. Karen Gurney.

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She said that people in relationships, but I think it applies to side horses as well, have a rare and crucial attitude to relationships.

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They think it's a rare opportunity to get into a relationship.

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It's crucial.

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They need to make sure this is the right partner.

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They'll spend like ages digging and like being an FBI agent, finding out everything about them.

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And it's crucial.

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Rather than a trivial and often approach, like I'll meet people all the time.

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It doesn't matter if this guy is the one, like we'll just see where it goes.

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Like it's way more important in a lot of things

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approach rather than a rare

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and crucial approach with your side hustle don't spend too much time worrying about

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if it's the right one if this hobby will make me seem cool

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and seem interesting like it's trivial it's not

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that important it doesn't matter like just do what feels good for you

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and the last habit of highly sociable people is follow up

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so imagine this i just started university insecure girl i was

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18 19 i was super shy literally going into a room

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would like make me super anxious i'd have to hike myself up

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and there were moments where i'd wait for like a group to come in and i'd

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too scared to enter a room like on my own

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so somehow somewhere i don't know how it happened i clicked

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with like two girls we met up i think we bonded over r &b music

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and it just so happened that one of them worked at an r &b club

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so i was like oh my god like let's go to

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like an r &b club let's have a night out we

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had a night out we went out i think we had

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a good time it was it was it was cool it was fun i can't remember

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because it was so many years ago

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but i think we kind of like we had a good time it was fine

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and i didn't i didn't follow up i didn't message them

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they didn't message me i didn't hear back from them and then nothing happened like literally nothing happened

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quite a long night together we got ready did our hair

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and makeup we were out like i was in her dorm

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room i was bonding with her other friend it was the

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three of us we all got along we were talking about heels like you should wear

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that dress you should like you know i mean like i spent a solid six hours with these girls

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and we bonded over like our love of music we had a good night out

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but i never met up with them again and it's all

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because i didn't follow up they didn't follow up also

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so i can't blame it all on myself there's an element

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of like it goes two ways don't leave things up to chance

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if you click with someone and you have a good time don't leave it up to chance that like

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I'm just gonna leave it.

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Like if you really want to see them again, you have to follow up.

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A friendship is only as good as your ability to follow up.

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If you don't follow up, you can't make friends.

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Following up can look like a simple text like, oh, hey, like I had a really good time.

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I'd love to meet up again.

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Like, are you free Saturday?

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Following up can look like just replying to their story.

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Nothing too, nothing too intense.

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Don't overthink it.

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It's trivial.

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It's often just send a message.

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Following up can be like when you when you see them again in real life, like saying hi.

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And I don't mean like hi from a distance, like like you're on the other end of the lecture page and you're saying hi, like, go up to then make the effort

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because effort goes a long way and just say hi face to face because

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if there's one lesson I've learned from university like don't leave

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things up to chance your friendship is going to depend on the fact

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that you follow up even when it comes to like being an actual adult

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and having like a real life job it's harder to maintain friendship

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because you're not seeing us you're not seeing friends all the time at university

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or in classes you have to be

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so active at the process of following up something

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that I've learned being like a really insecure person navigating friendships

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and kind of evolving and becoming more extroverted and more outgoing is that you you think that

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loneliness in the way that you feel but it really won't.

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I made a video talking about this in a lot more depth

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and I think if you enjoyed this video you'll really enjoy

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that one but I hope you enjoyed thank you

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so much for watching this video and I'll see you in the next one.

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ฝึกพูดภาษาอังกฤษด้วยเทคนิค Shadowing จากวิดีโอ: you’re not boring, you just lack social skills

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