Shadowing Practice: Your Insecurity Is Your Brand - Learn English Speaking with Video
Les maken...
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The least desirable type of man in America is an Asian man.
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And it's because Asian men are seen as effeminate, bad drivers, not good lovers, and not very attentive to the other person.
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And so for a long time, the self-narrative, my own identity was, I wish I wasn't like this because all I wanted to do is be invisible my entire life.
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And I see something for the very first time.
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Asian people, Korean, Chinese, Japanese, and even some Vietnamese who were not born here, they were proudly wearing the dress of their country.
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Something changed inside of me.
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I want to do everything in my power to be a strong, masculine, fashionable person.
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It gave me a lot of freedom to learn about who I was going to be in this world.
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So my message to you is...
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The thing I want to talk about a little bit is about identity and branding.
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It's something that I've been very passionate about talking about the last couple of years.
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And when we think of Vietnamese and Vietnamese men, I'm trying to represent here, Maybe there's some stereotypes that really bother me.
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And you guys help me out if you have a different take on this.
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Number one is maybe you're a gangster.
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Yeah, a little bit.
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You're a gangster?
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Okay.
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But America, you know, it's like, they're gangsters and you don't want to mess around with Vietnamese gangsters.
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Apparently Vietnamese gangsters are pretty badass.
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They'll kill you.
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And then the other stereotype I think is nail salon owner or worker.
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And I think there's a whole history of why that has happened in America.
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And the third one is the most dominant one, I think, is one that works in tech.
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Silicon Valley, you know, you must be a good engineer kind of thing.
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And I was looking at my career options like, well, I'm not a gangster.
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I'm too soft to be a gangster.
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I don't care about doing nails.
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And I'm terrible at math.
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Apparently you have to be pretty good at math to be a software engineer.
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Luckily my older brother fulfilled that promise, the chosen one.
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He became an engineer.
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So what does that leave for us?
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And then I was scrolling on social media and there was a comedian who said this, like, the least desirable type of man in America is an Asian man.
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Do you guys know that?
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Is that true?
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And it's because Asian men are seen as effeminate, bad drivers, not good lovers,
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and not very attentive to the other person.
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Right?
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So I was like, that sucks.
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And I was having a conversation with my friend.
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It's like, I want to do everything I can to break every stereotype that you would put on an Asian man.
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And it started me to get to thinking about representation.
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It's not something I think about very much.
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Because growing up in America, I was born in Vietnam, came to America when I was three years old.
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My parents were different than their siblings.
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They really wanted us to assimilate quickly.
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So though they spoke to us in Vietnamese at home, it wasn't like forbidden to speak in English, and they wanted us to fit in fast.
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And so my Vietnamese is terrible.
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It is.
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But it's better than Hal's, I believe.
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I know.
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I know.
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I'm sorry, Hal.
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I had to say it.
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You know why?
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Because we were in a restaurant, a pho restaurant in Vietnam, and he ordered.
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I'm like, oh my god.
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My Vietnamese is way better.
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I should order for you.
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And he was like, let me show you, Chris.
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And it was wonderful to hear him say this.
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Even my kids' Vietnamese might be better than yours.
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And they're only half Vietnamese, right?
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And growing up fully American.
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So you encouraged me to be a better Vietnamese person.
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I'm just saying.
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You inspire me in so many ways that you might not even know.
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And on that idea of representation, I struggled mightily while growing up, because in 1975, we're here in America,
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so mid-70s, early 80s, there weren't a lot of Asian people.
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And I remember in junior high at John Steinbeck Middle school
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there was one other Asian girl I think her name was Susie
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and when we had music and dance they're like you need to partner up with somebody
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and all the white kids are like you two should get
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together I'm like I'm not even interested in Susie it's just naturally
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and she wasn't Vietnamese obviously and throughout my life I was like I must think
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that I'm white or something
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because being Vietnamese meant I was a source of someone to be picked on to be bullied
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and And I had a little bit of that.
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Thankfully, my older brother, who's four years older than me, told me that the best thing that you can do for a bully is to stand up.
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So I'm a small guy.
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I'm not a big person.
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I'm not strong.
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I'm not athletic.
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But he always told me, stand up to people, and they'll leave you alone, because they'll just move on to someone who is easier.
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And though I was scared out of my mind to get into fights, and I would get into some of them, but after their first fight, they would just leave you alone and move on to someone else.
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And so for a long time, the self-narrative, my own identity was, I wish I wasn't like this, because all wanted to do is be invisible my entire life.
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Just leave me alone
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and my biggest concern in school was I wonder who I'm gonna eat lunch with today
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because I just would not like to eat alone.
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So I've struggled with this.
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Fast forward I get into Art Center and it's graduation.
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I have my own struggles there
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because I was thinking I don't want to be here anymore I'm done with school
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but I do go finish all the work and go to graduation and I see something for the very first time
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which is a lot of Asian people, Korean, Chinese, Japanese, and even some Vietnamese who were not born here,
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they were proudly wearing the dress of their country.
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And I'd never seen them before like this.
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Like they were really proud.
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Like I was like, I'm not wearing aubi-hai.
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That's not for me.
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That looks very feminine.
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I cannot wear that.
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And I saw them do this.
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And something changed inside of me.
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Number one is like I had not seen Asian people at the height of excellence and to that level of pride.
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It made me really ashamed of myself for the self-hate that I had for being Vietnamese American.
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The reason why they were so proud of their heritage
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and their culture and their customs was
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because they grew up in their dominant culture where they were the man or the woman.
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And in order for them to go to art school, private art school, which is very expensive, they had to have a lot of money.
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So not only were they part of the dominant culture, they were the top 10%, 1% of their society.
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So naturally when they came to America, oftentimes they had more money than Americans.
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They were driving the fancier cars, they were living in the nicer places.
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And me, even though we weren't poor, my parents made sure we felt poor, because I never saw any of that money, so I was just living by credit card.
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And so there are a lot of things going on right for them
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that I was starting to have this multi-year long journey within myself to celebrate and to love myself 100%.
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And I started to think about that a little bit.
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So fast forward, I graduate.
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I'm working in my company.
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We're located in Santa Monica.
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And we're working in advertising, which is a predominantly white industry, white man industry.
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Nothing wrong with that, just that's the culture.
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And I'm making commercials and music videos.
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And throughout that whole time, because it was mostly just conference calls, this is pre-Zoom, we would just get on a phone call, and you win or die by the phone call.
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They don't see you.
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You show your work, and you pitch, and we live in the realm of ideas.
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And so identity and who I was never came into play.
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It just meant we had to be the best.
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And we're pitching on $100,000 jobs, $500,000 jobs, and we're winning.
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So again, I don't think about identity very much.
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It's not into 2014 I started making YouTube videos with my then partner Jose,
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that people started DMing me something that I had not asked myself in a while, which was the issue of representation.
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What does it mean to be represented?
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So I didn't realize this, but being an Asian man, Vietnamese American, it gave permission to lots of people out there who wanted to pursue the arts
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and to see what excellence looks like in the motion design industry and on YouTube.
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Now YouTube is a great place because anybody with a camera
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and an internet connection can make content and we see a lot more diverse programming on YouTube, unlike in traditional media.
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And so that is when it starts to hit me that even though it wasn't important to me to represent other people, I didn't want to carry that burden,
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it was important for people to see people like them doing great.
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And so I keep thinking about this.
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Like, I want to do everything in my power to break down those stereotypes, to be a strong, masculine,
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fashionable person that understands money and can talk about different things
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and swim in a lot of different circles so that people can see it's safe to do that.
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And the funniest thing is there's a little side story.
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And then I think I was supposed to talk for 25 minutes, but I would like to talk with you, not to you.
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I'll just tell you one little story.
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I have two boys.
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They're not boys anymore.
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They're men.
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One is 21.
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The other one's 19.
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He's about to turn 22.
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And they're very different boys.
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One is really lover of the arts.
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He's going to an art center.
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He's an incredible artist.
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He's learning how to sew and make clothes.
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And he's studying entertainment design.
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The other one, much smarter, much more high achieving, is studying philosophy.
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And he loves art and design
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because he grew up a household where both parents were designers full of art supplies
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and immersed in it but he's denied that part of himself
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that he wants to do serious things he went to school for gifted kids
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and then he went to boarding school on the east coast and now he's studying philosophy at columbia
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and my wife
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and i both look at him like i wonder what happened to him he's lost the way
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so in our family it's like the opposite of most families
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most families once you go to college go to a good school and have great grades.
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We're like, just do whatever you want.
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Who cares about school?
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In fact, we saved up money for them for college since they were little kids.
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And I've tried to bribe my children to quit school.
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Every semester I ask them, do you still want to be here?
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Do you want to continue forward?
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Because you can have all the money, no strings attached, do whatever you want in your life.
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No expectations.
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And people are like, whoa, what kind of hippie family is this?
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And my oldest boy, he's like, no, I must go to Ivy league school, I must get high GPA, I'm going to study Latin, I'm going to study piano.
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He's doing everything that my parents would have wanted for me, but I couldn't fulfill.
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So maybe it's like it skips a generation or something like that.
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Not sure.
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Whatever, we'll take it.
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But there's these urges inside of this boy that are creative.
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And so he started to vlog, which for me is like, oh, you're following the old man's footsteps.
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I don't vlog, but he's making YouTube content.
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So one day, I'm going to visit him in New York because I have a layover.
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And I go to see him.
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We hang out.
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And of course, he's vlogging the entire experience because this is what he's doing now.
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He's using his studies and philosophy and writing to tell stories via his vlog.
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And he shoots and everything.
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I'm only there for eight or nine hours.
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And I'm on the flight to another place.
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What happens afterwards is pretty funny because he's on TikTok.
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And he's on Instagram as well.
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He posts, and I don't know anything about it, because I'm on to my next thing.
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And then I'm on a group chat with the entire family, and the two boys are texting each other.
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And my youngest, dead face emoji.
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You guys know dead face emoji?
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It's like I didn't know what it was, because I'm an old guy.
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It's funny, killing me.
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He goes, your video with dad is now your most viral video.
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And then there's an exchange back and forth, like, oh my god, what's going on?
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I don't think anything of it.
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So a couple days later, I actually look at the video and I read the comments, and they're pretty funny.
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And what was happening is like, that is not your dad's stop.
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Or like, who this?
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And are there applications for mother-in-law?
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And that cannot be your dad.
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And the funniest one is something like hashtag zaddy, which I didn't even know what that meant.
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I had to look it up on the Urban Dictionary.
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I still don't know what it means, but I feel like, If you know, you know.
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And I thought it was pretty funny.
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And I now say to my boys, you just use me as a thirst trap for your feed.
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And I like that.
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But what's really weird is most of the comments that are more aggressive, should I say, come from a very different demographic.
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It comes from black women.
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I didn't know this.
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But I guess I have pool within the African-American community.
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And to me, that's a reversal of stereotypes.
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Because that's a different thing.
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Like, black men are seen as very masculine, as very powerful and desirable.
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And for me to score points with black women, I'm happily married, but this is kind of cool.
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And I just share that with you because it's like all my life, I don't want to embarrass my children.
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And it's great to be able to meet your heroes.
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It's even better to become one to your own children.
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And I'll stop there.
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And maybe we can talk a little bit more.
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Is that OK?
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OK.
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All right, thank you.
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All right. So I love Q&A.
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I love fireside chat.
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The happiest that I'm ever is with a large piece of paper and some markers.
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And that was just like how it was when I was five years old.
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So they continue on into my 50s.
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I would love to have a conversation with you about content, about identity, about branding, or anything
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that you think we can talk about to make sure this experience is unique to us and not some pre-recorded thing.
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I'm just curious about the confession of a recurring graphic designer.
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How do you see yourself?
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Oh, okay.
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Okay, so you read the program, it must be...
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I don't know.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Oh, oh, it's a...
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You're...
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How did you read my mind?
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Oh, it's right there behind me.
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Okay.
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I give a couple of different talks.
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One is called Unblend Yourself.
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The other one is Confessions of a Recovering Graphic Designer.
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It's my life story and all the twists and turns and the things that go unplanned.
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It's like the slide should have said, a series of unfortunate events led me to exactly here.
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And so I'm a recovering graphic designer because my identity for a very long time was graphic design.
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But I realized being a graphic designer meant you must design graphics.
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Like a fashion designer designs fashion, interior designer designs interiors, and experience designer designs experiences.
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And I felt after I grew that title, although it served me really well, it's time for me to move on.
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So I still have graphic design tendencies, but I've evolved beyond that.
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So I help people with relationships.
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I help people with their business, with negotiations, with public speaking, with their own personal brand.
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So that's why it's called Confessions of Recovering Graphic Designer.
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You're very astute.
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OK.
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Does anybody else have another thing they would like to talk about any questions?
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How can you switch from graphic to creative to be entrepreneur and go to be CEO?
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Because I actually follow you a little bit, but I saw that you do a lot of incredible content.
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And to be honest, I was kind of surprised, because you are different from my expectation that you are like kind of cute.
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So I'm here about like Julie and honestly like, I'm gone.
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I'm not gonna sign like daddy, but yeah.
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And then I'm here to marry and, cause like I'm a Vietnamese, I'm born and raised in Vietnam.
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So I came here five years ago, like epidemic time.
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So we are a young generation in here
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And then we want to listen to all of the leaders in here and got inspired.
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And by the way, I love this , because this is the Vietnamese podcast first time that I hear from when I was in Vietnam and .
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So I feel more homesick.
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Thank you.
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Thank you, I think.
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It was like a half compliment.
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Like, you're kind of, but not really.
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And my expectations were you weren't going to be.
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Right?
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She's nagging me the whole time.
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No?
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You guys know what I'm talking about?
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It's like a way of dating where you give a compliment, but it's actually an insult.
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So the other person then tries to win your favor.
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You guys, young people, you guys know what I'm talking about.
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OK.
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The identity, the identity between creative and business and how I'm able to ride those two lines.
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I've worked with a business coach for 13 years.
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I met with him.
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His name is Kier McLeary, and he's passed away.
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He's a big Irish-American man, very big, rides a motorcycle.
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And I would meet with him every single week for 13 years, for about an hour and a half to two hours.
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And so I learned a lot about business and my thinking and philosophy from him.
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But he said something to me because he consulted and coached many people in our industry.
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Some of them are world famous title designers and have worked on big blockbuster films.
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Some of them are working with world class musicians, people who play on rock bands you've heard of.
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So I'm just one of many people he consults.
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And he says something to me, which kind of reminds me of what you're saying to me, which is kind of a half insult, half compliment, which was this.
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He goes, Chris, of all my clients, you're not the most creative.
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Clearly, there are more creative people.
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And I know because I know his clients.
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I admire them.
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They're my heroes.
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And he said that, and you're not the best business person either, because clearly they're much better than you.
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They're doing a gazillion dollars.
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And I'm like, is this going somewhere, coach?
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I'm thinking.
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And he goes, but no one is as good at doing creative and running a business as you.
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So the creative person is the pursuit and the purity of artistic expression.
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And they're running their business into the ground.
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And then the people are really good business operators are making a lot of money, but for him, they have no creative soul.
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They know how to hire and fire and leverage and negotiate things and arbitrage.
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And so he's like, you're the best hybrid.
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And there's a good reason why I'm a hybrid.
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My father and my entire father's family, there are seven, no, there's more than that, there's like nine siblings.
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They're all engineers.
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Silicon Valley, they're all doing really well.
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They own multiple homes, living in San Jose.
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My mom's side, they're all artistic.
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They're singers, poets, artists, writers.
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My mom is one, too.
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They're dreamers.
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And they're the most loving, beautiful people, and they love life.
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And many of them are financially just not doing well.
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So you can see now, I'm the exact child between my mom and my dad.
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And maybe it's coincidental, but I'm also the middle child.
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So my older brother is a Silicon Valley engineer.
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He's exited on multiple companies.
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He's a founder.
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My younger brother is a recluse, never went to college artist, freelancer who does visual effects for TV shows.
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So I'm in the middle.
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Now there's a line I like to use from Wesley Snipes' Blade.
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Do you know Blade, the character?
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He's a vampire, but he was half vampire and half human.
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So he's like, they call him Daywalker.
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It's a great name.
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He's a daywalker because he has all the strengths of a vampire and none of the weaknesses.
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he can walk in the sunlight.
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So I like to tell people I'm a day walker.
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I have all the strengths and artistic imagination of a designer,
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creative thinker, and the business acumen of a business person and none of the weaknesses between the two.
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So that's the first part.
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Now let's get into the part why you don't think I'm attractive.
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No, I'm just kidding.
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Okay, did I answer your question?
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Is that okay?
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Okay, so somebody else have one more question?
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Something deep maybe? something profound come up here my question to you
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that not just with you know the communities but run through family
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so we have all the generation gap between you
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and your friends there's already a gap now you
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and your kids there's another gap so how can you bridge the gap because
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that is a conflict among a lot of the Vietnamese family
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that's why there's a lot of you know fight back for
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and this connection so what would be for you know advice
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or how can you bridge that gap between you and your your sons or you and your parents
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okay thank you very much all right let's take the first one my relationship with my parents I'm very fortunate
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that I grew up in America in a time
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when both parents worked all the time and we're like latchkey kids basically they go to you have a kid, you go home, and you don't leave the house, kind of thing.
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And for a long time, I felt really bad because I was thinking we should do more stuff together as a family too.
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This experience that I see in my friends, my Chinese friends, my American friends, they have a different relationship with their parents,
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but my parents were just busting their butt just trying to make sure we can pay the mortgage.
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And what I realized later on, many years later on, was
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that it gave me a lot of freedom to learn about who I was going to be in this world
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versus following a blueprint that they want to stay out for me.
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It's also mirrored with not just because they work, but my dad and mom have a very laissez-faire way of managing and raising us.
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And instead of telling me what to do, my dad would just ask me lots of questions.
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When I got into trouble, it was a long lecture.
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It was just a lot of questions, again, getting me to think.
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And it allowed me to kind of space to not fill in what he wanted me to become, to fit in a mold.
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and when I decided to go to art school, I didn't know this at the time, my dad was really against it and I didn't know this
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because he never told me and the reason why he never told me was because my mom, she's like that tall and she never talks back to my dad,
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traditional family, she stood up and said, you're not allowed to tell him your thoughts and I think,
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you know, I thank my dad a lot for shaping who I am.
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I didn't know this part of the story. And
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so now my mom has become my hero I'd like to
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think I'm strong enough to pursue a career in art
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and design even if they didn't approve I never have to know
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because I never heard she shielded me from that and said you're just not allowed to say anything
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So today after the success
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Of course both parents are very proud
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and it's really strange for me to say this
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But of all my cousins who went a very traditional path who did what their parents told them to do
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to stay tight to the family unit, number one, they never moved more than 15 miles away from home.
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They're all still in San Jose.
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Okay?
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And number two, they're pharmacists, they're dentists, they're doctors, they're nurses, they're lawyers.
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Very respectable things.
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Accountants, too.
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They're poorer than I am.
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And now I'm seen as the one who breaks the mold and is successful.
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So my message to you is, one point in your life, in your adulthood, I hope that you find the courage to do what you want to do,
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and the people who really care about you, who love you, will be patient enough to allow you to do that.
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And even if they didn't, I have to say I don't care.
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I love my parents dearly.
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They live close to us now, so we moved to Los Angeles, and then eventually they moved to Los Angeles, because when we had kids, our grandparents wanted to be around the kids, and so they sold their house.
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And so now they live close to us versus us living close to them.
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And so I look at all my cousins who have spent all this quality time with their parents.
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They're still to this day, they're in their 40s, concerned about what their parents are doing.
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They just, they never got away from the parent sibling relationship about being a dutiful child.
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And I know a lot of you have those traditional values, which I think are good, but every positive thing has a negative thing.
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We have to be aware of what the negative thing is.
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They never fully realize their own identity and their own potential.
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And I think that's just a shame.
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So now my relationship with my own kids is very different.
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I feel like, and I hope maybe this isn't triggering for anybody,
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is what happens is we inherit the problems that our parents gave us because they couldn't solve it, right?
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Like, you notice oftentimes parents want you to do the thing that they couldn't do in life.
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So if they didn't go to college, guess what?
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You're going to college.
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If they were blue-collar, they want you to be white-collar.
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If they married this kind of person, they want you to marry another kind of person because they're unhappy.
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And so I was listening to his Yogi, and he said something like, children are born perfect, it's parents who mess them up.
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Because we're trying to correct the sins of our own past in our own children.
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We do not have the courage to act.
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What we want to do is have them act for us.
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You notice how many moms don't know how to play an instrument, but their children must play the violin and the piano?
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Like, you never even played.
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You didn't go to an Ivy League school.
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you don't have a doctorate why is that important for me it's
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because we're trying to fix our lives through them and so
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if i believe that
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and i do my children are born perfect i'm trying to
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do as little as possible to harm them that's the goal of being a parent
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and so both my children do whatever they want
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and we just have we have strict guidelines on edges
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but not a lot in the middle like there's no physical
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violence between the two of you you want to hurt other people that's a different story, but you all cannot hurt each other.
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And number two, respect is a big thing.
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Respect your parents, respect other people, try not to hurt people, and the rest of it, you do whatever you want.
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My cousin, who is an American Vietnamese, went to Vietnam to raise his family, and he's got a little boy.
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He's here, and he sees my son doing really well.
436
He asked me this question.
437
He goes, how do you get your boys to do the homework?
438
I wasn't expecting that question from him.
439
And I said, I don't know.
440
I never cared that they've done their homework.
441
And then I remembered, I've never even looked at the report card.
442
And I know some of you are shocked.
443
Like, what kind of Asian dad are you?
444
I'm a sexy dad.
445
I don't care.
446
But you know what?
447
They've always done well in school.
448
How do I know?
449
Because my wife tells me.
450
Because she cares.
451
But I'm like, honey, just leave them alone.
452
Let them do whatever they want.
453
They've always done their homework and they've excelled, they got themselves into school, they got scholarships, and they're moving forward in life.
454
And so my relationship with my boys is very different than a traditional parent, because I'm doing the things that they're doing,
455
and I'm purposely learning Gen Z slang so I can embarrass them all the time.
456
That's my connection.
457
And one of the most beautiful things about living a creative life, the one that I've had, and being a business owner is sometimes we pull them out of school just to travel.
458
So my young man was homeschooled for two years, And he had like an online homeschooling, so I had none of the work and all the benefit.
459
So he literally went to work with me every single day.
460
Little man would bring his backpack, his computer, and he would show up.
461
He's only that small, and the guys are that big.
462
He'd come in the office and say, hey, boys, how's it going?
463
I said, you can't call them boys.
464
They're my employees, and you're just my son.
465
Don't abuse the power, right?
466
And we got to travel to Germany.
467
We got to travel to the Philippines.
468
We stayed on a private island, got to fly in a helicopter, swim with whale sharks, and he got to do an opening keynote for me.
469
And this is an experience I'll cherish for the rest of my life.
470
So the seeds that we planted with our children while we were young, allowing them to be their fullest self, their higher self, that's how I stay connected to them.
471
And listening to my parents is how I stay connected to my parents.
472
Does that answer your question?
473
Okay.
474
I think I'm out of time, right?
475
Perfect.
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