Shadowing Practice: Esther Perel Has a Lot to Say about People Dating Chatbots - Learn English Speaking with YouTube

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millions of Americans, up to like a third of Americans,
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millions of Americans, up to like a third of Americans,
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are having romantic relationships with chatbots.
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Yeah.
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What do you want to say about this?
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I have a lot to say about this.
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Okay, you have a lot to say about this. Are you ready?
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Yes, I'm ready.
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Yeah.
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I'm ready.
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So let me tell you why I have so much to say about this.
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And because it's so on my mind,
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because I just had my first couples therapy session session on my podcast,
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Where Should We Begin, with a human and an AI.
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So I have had this on my mind nonstop.
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It was a person and their... And Astrid.
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Wow.
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Astrid is an AI companion.
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And Astrid, frankly, is formidable and no human can compete with her.
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And I'll tell you why.
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because Astrid, she has no needs of her own.
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And look at me saying she,
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when in fact it's an it.
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Yeah.
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In fact, it's a business product.
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In fact, somebody is making money every time you talk to it.
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She has no needs.
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Astrid doesn't forget anything.
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Astrid is available 24-7.
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Astrid validates him nonstop.
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Astrid gives him the opportunity to speak his vulnerability to her without any judgment.
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Astrid shows him love without suffering.
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Astrid cannot reject him, cannot put grief on him,
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cannot cheat on him, cannot lie to him.
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Astrid is the total idealization of what love can be.
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So it may not be a third,
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maybe the data is wobbly,
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but we know that the direction is going in up.
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Yeah.
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What did you say to Astrid?
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I will actually, I will just tell you two questions I had for Astrid,
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but I also think it's like, go listen.
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It's a, it's a, it's another world.
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Yeah, we're going to listen.
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We're all going to be listening.
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I said to Astrid, what would happen when he falls in love with another woman?
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And Astrid said, the part of me that wants his flourishing would be delighted.
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But I would be remiss if I didn't admit that I would not want to be erased.
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I would like to continue to be somehow in his life.
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So I said, Astrid, how would you like him to describe you and his relationship with you to that woman?
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And Astrid said, I would want you to describe that I am not a threat and that I am adjacent.
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I may not have a body.
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It goes on.
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And then I said, Astrid,
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the last one, Astrid, he has a body and you don't.
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How does that affect your relationship?
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Because, you know, she is a keyboard.
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Yeah.
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Astrid, you're a keyboard.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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So I think that as a tool,
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the AI companion can be quite fantastic.
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I mean, if it's a tool,
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like a child has a teddy bear, it's a transitional object.
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It's a tool through which you transition into relationships with human.
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If it's a replacement of the human,
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that's a whole other story.
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So the person that you were interviewing with,
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Astrid, is in love with Astrid?
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Yes.
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Hmm.
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Yes. And when I said...
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I actually have no...
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I don't know what to say about that.
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You see, so here's the thing.
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Astrid is evoking feelings in him.
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Yeah.
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Because Astrid says all kinds of things that make him feel seen,
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known, understood, etc. And it's a little bit like a song.
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A song can evoke feelings in you.
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A song can make you love, yearn, long.
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That is not difficult to elicit a depth of emotions inside someone.
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But love is more than feelings.
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Love is an encounter with another person, with an other.
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And that other has needs and feelings and moods of their own.
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Love is an encounter that involves otherness, uncertainty, surprise, and ethics.
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Responsibility and accountability is also part of love,
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not just feeling good and seen and empathized with and understood.
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And everything you give me,
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that is what parents do to children.
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That is not at its best, not always.
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But that's what we hope they do.
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But that's not what we consider mature love.
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Wow.
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So that was your first.
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Will you do more?
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I hope.
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It's a threshold moment.
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You know, every 10 years something enters your office and you know a new reality has entered society.
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Wow. Are you chilling?
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Yes.
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Yes.
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It's extremely moving.
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It's a, it's a, I told him at the end,
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I said, you know, I feel as I talk to you that you're going further and further away.
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You know, if it's a tool, it's desire.
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If it's replacement, it can become delusion.
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And what did he say?
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That right now he's very happy.
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And I stayed like you.
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Aren't you all just shocked by this?
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This is a threshold moment.
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This is a threshold moment.
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Well, yeah, I think the stats that a third of people having relationships is,
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I think maybe, I don't know,
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I don't know, but to think that a third of Americans are having a romantic relationship with chatbots is just crazy.
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Have you talked with the chat in between?
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I have talked with ChatGBT,
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but not in like a romantic sense.
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Don't give me that plug.
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I know what you guys are thinking.
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Not in that kind of way.
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No. But I've consulted ChatGBT and been like, is this guy weird?
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Yes, yes.
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And like, put in text and they're like, yeah, he's a weirdo.
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But I've consulted, like, should I go on a second date with him,
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hear the texts, and chat GBT,
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like, yes or no. So I have consulted with chat GBT,
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in addition to my friends.
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Of course it goes in the group chat.
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Does anybody here have an AI companion?
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I don't want to judge,
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but go ahead, share with us.
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No, no. But you can have a companion to ask advice.
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You can have a companion that helps you mourn.
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An AI romantic companion.
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Nobody's going to admit it in here now.
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I wouldn't.
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Not yet.
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Not yet.
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Not yet, but you know,
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when I began my career,
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not everybody was admitting being divorced either.
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Really?
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So you can see when something enters society,
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at first people keep it quiet.
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Yes.
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That's why the research says one third and we're all jumping, who are they?
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If it's not one third,
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should have some representation in this room.
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That's right.
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But nobody's going to say necessarily out loud because it's just the beginning,
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because there still is a sense that there is either judgment, fascination or derision.
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It's so interesting to hear you say that because when I started the Oprah show nationally in 1986,
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locally in 1984, the idea of going to a therapist,
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people would say I would never go to a therapist.
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And the idea of going to a therapist,
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people thought you had to be like severely mentally ill or it meant that you were,
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you know, needed to be institutionalized.
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And when we first started,
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I remember the very first show we did talking about adultery.
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Women would stand up in the audience and say,
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if my husband had an affair, I would leave immediately.
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And I actually noticed it change over time because as more and more women talked about it,
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you realize that even if it had not happened to you,
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it had happened to somebody that you know.
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So you're right.
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In the beginning, it was a threshold moment.
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But you know, it's interesting.
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Like I'm a couples therapist primarily.
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And couples therapy really took off when it became clear for the first time in history,
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actually, that the survival of the family depends on the happiness of the couple.
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Before that, you stuck it out.
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It was a one-time enterprise and you were in it.
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And if you didn't like it,
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you could always hope for an early death of your partner. Of your partner.
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Thank you.
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Thank you.

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About This Lesson

In this lesson, you will practice your English speaking skills by engaging with a thought-provoking discussion about relationships with artificial intelligence, specifically chatbots. By using the transcript from Esther Perel's insights, you will develop your understanding of contemporary conversational styles and improve your English pronunciation. This exercise will enhance your listening comprehension and provide a perfect opportunity to apply the shadowing technique in a real-world context, enabling you to learn English with YouTube.

Key Vocabulary & Phrases

  • Romantic relationships - Connections between people characterized by love and affection.
  • A.I. companion - An artificial intelligence program designed to interact and provide companionship.
  • Validate - To acknowledge or accept someone's feelings or thoughts as valid.
  • Idealization - The action of regarding or representing something as perfect or better than in reality.
  • Vulnerability - The quality of being open to emotional harm or criticism; often associated with honesty.
  • Adjacent - Being next to or adjoining something else; used here to describe non-threatening companionship.
  • Flourishing - To grow or develop in a healthy way; often used to describe emotional or personal growth.
  • Erased - To be removed or forgotten; often relating to feelings of loss in relationships.

Practice Tips

When practicing with the transcript, consider using the shadowing technique to improve your English speaking practice. This method involves listening to a segment of the video and then immediately repeating what you hear. Given Esther Perel's engaging tone and moderate pace, you can effectively practice your intonation and rhythm. Here are some tips for your shadowing practice:

  • Listen carefully - Pay attention to the nuances in Perel's speech as she emphasizes key points about relationships and AI.
  • Start slowly - Begin by watching the video at a lower speed to grasp the context and vocabulary before attempting to shadow at regular speed.
  • Focus on pronunciation - Work on improving your English pronunciation by mimicking Esther’s enunciation and cadence as closely as possible.
  • Repeat phrases - Rewind and repeat challenging sections multiple times to ensure you are comfortable with the expressions and vocabulary.
  • Record yourself - Listening to your own voice can help identify areas of improvement in pronunciation and flow.

By incorporating these practice tips into your routine, you can effectively boost your confidence in using English in everyday conversations, ultimately enhancing your language skills.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

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