Shadowing Practice: Why We Are Afraid of Judgment | Real English Conversation Practice - Learn English Speaking with YouTube
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Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Talk Fluent Daily,
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Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Talk Fluent Daily,
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the podcast where we help you speak English naturally and confidently every single day.
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I'm your host, Nora.
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And I'm Kamal.
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So happy to be here with you again today.
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Welcome back to all our wonderful listeners and a very warm hello to anyone joining us for the very first time.
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We are so glad you are here.
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Kamal, how are you feeling today?
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Honestly, Nora, I want to share something a little personal.
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Last week, I was in a meeting,
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and I had a really good idea,
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but I did not say anything.
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I just sat there quietly and kept it to myself.
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Oh, why did you not share it?
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Because I was afraid.
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Afraid that people would think it was a stupid idea.
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Afraid they would judge me.
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Afraid of looking foolish in front of everyone.
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And did you regret staying quiet?
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Completely.
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Someone else said something similar 10 minutes later and everyone loved it.
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And I sat there thinking, that was my idea.
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I was just too afraid to say it.
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That story is so relatable,
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and I think almost every single person listening right now has experienced exactly that feeling.
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The fear of being judged.
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The fear of what other people will think.
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And today, that is exactly what we are exploring.
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What is the fear of being judged?
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Where does it come from?
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What does it do to us?
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And how do we start to move past it in our lives and in English, too?
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Because this fear, the fear of judgment,
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is actually one of the biggest reasons people struggle to speak English confidently.
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They are not afraid of English.
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They are afraid of being judged while speaking it.
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Such an important point.
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So today, we help you with both the psychology and the English.
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Before we begin, please subscribe to Talk Fluent Daily and share this episode with someone who needs a little courage today.
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Okay, let's talk about judgment.
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So first, what exactly is the fear of being judged?
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Psychologists call it by a specific name,
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fear of negative evaluation, the worry that other people are watching you,
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assessing you, and forming a negative opinion about you.
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Evaluating, assessing, forming an opinion.
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These are all things our minds believe other people are constantly doing,
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watching us and deciding are they smart enough?
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Are they good enough?
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Do they belong here?
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And here's the fascinating thing.
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This fear is completely universal.
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U-N-I-V-E-R-S-A-L.
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It exists in every human being across every culture and every generation.
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Nobody is immune to it.
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Immune.
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I-M-M-U-N-E.
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Protected against something, not affected by it.
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Nobody is fully immune to the fear of judgment,
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not even the most confident people you know.
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In fact, research shows that the fear of social judgment is one of the most common human fears.
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Many studies place it even above the fear of death.
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People are more afraid of public embarrassment than dying.
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Which sounds extreme, but when you think about it,
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it makes sense from an evolutionary perspective.
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E-V-O-L-U-T-I-O-N-A-R-Y.
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Related to how humans developed over thousands of years.
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Our ancient ancestors lived in small tribes,
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and in those tribes, being accepted by the group was literally a matter of survival.
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If you were rejected, cast out,
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judged as unworthy, you were alone, and alone meant danger.
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So the brain developed a very powerful alarm system,
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a radar, always scanning for signs of social rejection,
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always asking, do these people accept me?
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Am I safe here?
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Do I belong?
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And that ancient alarm system is still running in our modern brains.
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Every time we speak in public,
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share an opinion, try something new, that alarm goes off.
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Warning, warning, people are watching.
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You might be judged.
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The problem is, the alarm was designed for life or death tribal situations.
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But today, it fires in completely non-dangerous situations.
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A work meeting, a classroom, a social conversation.
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brain treats them all like survival threats.
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Which is why the fear can feel so overwhelming and so disproportionate.
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D-I-S-P-R-O-P-O-R-T-I-O-N-A-T-E.
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Much bigger than the situation actually warrants.
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Your heart races.
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Your mind goes blank.
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Your voice shakes all because of an ancient survival instinct firing in a modern world.
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Keyword vocabulary.
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Fear of negative evaluation.
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universal, immune, evolutionary, rejection, disproportionate, survival instinct.
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Say them universal, immune, evolutionary, disproportionate.
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Now, let's talk about what the fear of judgment actually does to us,
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because the effects go very deep and touch many areas of life.
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The first effect, it stops us from speaking,
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from sharing our ideas, our opinions, our true selves.
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Like my story at the beginning,
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I had something valuable to contribute,
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and I stayed silent because of fear.
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And this happens everywhere.
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In classrooms, in meetings, in social situations, in relationships.
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People have genuine thoughts, real feelings,
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important ideas, and they swallow them.
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They keep them inside, because they are afraid of how they will land.
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Swallow them.
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Such a vivid expression.
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Like swallowing your own words before they even leave your mouth.
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And over time, when you constantly silence yourself,
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you start to feel invisible,
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unheard, disconnected from the people around you.
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The second effect, it makes us perform instead of connect.
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When we are afraid of judgment,
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we stop being ourselves and start playing a role.
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We carefully control every word,
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every expression, every action to make sure we appear acceptable.
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Bill Hickman, Appear.
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A-P-P-E-A-R.
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To seem a certain way to others.
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Not to be, but to appear.
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And there's a huge difference.
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When you're focused on appearing,
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you cannot genuinely connect because connection requires authenticity.
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Real you, not performed you.
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And people can feel the difference.
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When someone is performing, being careful and controlled and managed,
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the conversation feels stiff and surface level.
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When someone is authentic, open and real,
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the conversation flows and something genuine happens.
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The third effect, it creates a vicious cycle.
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V-I-C-I-O-U-S.
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A pattern that feeds itself and gets worse over time.
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You're afraid of judgment, so you avoid situations where you might be judged.
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But the more you avoid,
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the more the fear grows,
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because you never get the experience of surviving judgments and realizing it was okay.
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I was okay.
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Avoidance feels like relief in the short term.
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You did not go to the event, you feel relieved.
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You did not speak up in the meeting, you feel safe.
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But in the long term,
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avoidance makes the fear bigger, not smaller.
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Because your brain learns that situation was dangerous.
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We avoided it and we survived.
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Therefore, we must avoid it again next time.
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And the circle continues, getting tighter and more limiting every time.
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Psychologists call this the anxiety avoidance cycle,
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and breaking it requires doing the opposite of what the fear tells you,
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not avoiding, but gently approaching,
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not running away, but stepping toward.
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Now, let's talk about something very specific for our English learners,
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because the fear of judgment is directly connected to the fear of speaking English in public.
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This is so important.
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So many people say, I understand English well,
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I can read and write,
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but the moment I have to speak, I freeze.
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My mind goes blank.
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I forget everything I know.
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And the reason is almost never a lack of knowledge.
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It is almost always fear.
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Fear of making a mistake.
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Fear of having an accent.
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Fear of choosing the wrong word.
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Fear of what the listener will think.
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And here is something every English learner needs to hear.
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Native speakers make mistakes, too.
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Every single day.
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Native speakers use the wrong word,
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forget vocabulary, lose their train of thought, stumble over sentences.
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Lose their train of thought.
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Such a natural expression.
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A train of thought is the connected flow of your ideas.
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When you lose it, you forget what you were saying.
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Even native speakers do this constantly.
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And nobody judges them harshly for it.
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Because human communication is naturally imperfect.
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It's messy and spontaneous and real.
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And that's actually what makes it beautiful.
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The standard you are holding yourself to,
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perfect, accent-free, mistake-free English, a standard that literally nobody meets,
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not even people who have spoken English their whole lives.
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So, when you're afraid of being judged for your English,
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ask yourself, what exactly am I afraid of?
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Usually the answer is, I'm afraid of looking unintelligent,
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of people thinking I don't know enough.
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But here's the truth.
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When someone hears you speaking English as a second language,
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the automatic reaction of most people is not judgment, it is respect.
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learning a new language is genuinely difficult and genuinely impressive.
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Genuinely.
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G-E-N-U-I-N-E-L-Y.
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Truly.
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Really.
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Authentically.
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Not pretend or performed, but real.
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And the effort of speaking a second language,
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even imperfectly, is genuinely admirable.
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Admirable.
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A-D-M-I-R-A-B-L-E.
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deserving of respect and appreciation.
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When you speak English, even with mistakes,
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even with an accent, you are doing something admirable.
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Remember that.
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Let's do a role play,
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a real conversation about this topic,
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so you can hear natural English about judgment and fear.
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Kamal, let's imagine we are two friends talking about a difficult experience.
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Perfect.
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Nora, can I ask you something?
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Have you ever felt too afraid to speak in a social situation because you were worried what people would think?
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Honestly, yes, many times.
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I remember going to a dinner party a few years ago where everyone seemed so confident and well-spoken,
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and I just felt completely out of place.
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Out of place.
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Such a natural expression.
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Feeling like you do not belong in a particular environment,
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like you are in the wrong setting for who you are.
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Exactly.
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I felt like everyone was smarter than me, more interesting than me.
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And so I barely said anything the whole evening.
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I just smiled and nodded.
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And how did that make you feel afterward?
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Terrible, honestly.
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I went home feeling invisible,
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like I had been there physically, but not really present.
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And the worst part?
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I realized later that my fear was completely irrational.
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Nobody was actually judging me.
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I was judging myself.
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That is such an important insight.
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Most of the time, the harshest judge in the room is ourselves.
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The voice inside our own head is far more critical than anything that people around us are actually thinking.
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Far more critical and far less accurate because that inner critical voice,
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psychologists call it the inner critic,
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tends to catastrophize, C-A-T-A-S-T-R-O-P-H-I-Z-E, to imagine the worst possible outcome,
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to turn a small moment into a disaster in your mind.
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You stumble over a word and your inner critic says, everyone noticed.
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They all think you're stupid.
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They're laughing at you.
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When in reality, most people were barely paying attention.
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They were thinking about themselves themselves and
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that is one of the most liberating l-i-b-e-r-a-t-i-n-g meaning freeing realizations
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you can have other people are far less focused on you
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than you think they are busy worrying about their own impression
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their own words their own judgment psychologists call this the spotlight effect the feeling
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that you are standing in a spotlight that everyone is watching your every every move and noticing every mistake,
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when in reality, the spotlight is mostly in your own imagination.
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The spotlight effect, such a perfect name,
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because the spotlight feels so real,
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so bright and exposing, but for everyone else, it is barely visible.
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So, Nora, what would you do differently at that dinner party now?
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I think I would give myself permission to be imperfect,
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to say something that might not be perfectly articulate,
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to ask a question, even if it seems basic,
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to laugh at myself if I say something awkward.
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Because imperfection is human, and humans connect over imperfection far more than over perfection perfection.
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That is beautifully, Saird.
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We connect over imperfection, not over the perfect,
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polished version of ourselves, but over the real, stumbling, trying, genuine version.
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Let's finish with some practical tools for managing the fear of judgment,
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things you can start using today.
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First, name the fear.
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When you feel the fear of judgment rising,
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say it out loud or write it down.
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I'm afraid people will think I'm not smart enough.
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I'm afraid of making a mistake.
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Simply naming the fear reduces its power immediately.
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Name it to tame it.
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That's what psychologists say.
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When you name an emotion clearly,
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the part of your brain that creates fear becomes less active.
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The simple act of labeling it calms the nervous system.
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Second, challenge the thought.
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When your inner critic says, Everyone will judge you.
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Ask yourself, is that actually true?
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What evidence do I have?
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Have I survived judgment before?
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And what actually happened?
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Usually, nothing terrible.
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Usually, it was okay.
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Third, embrace imperfection deliberately.
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In your English practice, make mistakes on purpose.
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Say something slightly wrong and see what happens.
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Most of the time, nothing.
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People understand you.
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The conversation continues.
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The world does not end.
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And every time you survive an imperfect moment,
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your brain learns, oh, that was not dangerous.
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That was okay.
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And the fear shrinks just a little bit more fourth focus outward not inward
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when you're in a conversation
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and fear rises shift your attention from yourself to the other
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person what are they saying what do they need what can you contribute to them
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when your attention is outward there's no room for self-consciousness
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self-consciousness s-e-l-f consciousness being overly aware of yourself and how you appear to others.
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The opposite is being other-focused,
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curious about and engaged with the people around you.
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And fifth, remember the spotlight effect.
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Remind yourself, the spotlight I feel is mostly in my own mind.
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Other people are far less focused on my imperfections than I think.
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They are too busy worrying about their own.
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Let's do a quick final vocabulary review.
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Keywords from today.
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Fear of negative evaluation universal immune evolutionary disproportionate
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survival instinct vicious cycle avoidance authenticity catastrophize spotlight effect inner critic liberating admirable
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genuinely self-consciousness out of place lose your train of thought swallow your words And the key insights?
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The fear of judgment is universal and evolutionary.
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Avoidance makes it grow.
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The spotlight effect means people notice us far less than we think,
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and imperfection is how humans genuinely connect.
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So listeners, our question for you today.
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Can you think of a moment when fear of judgment stopped you from saying or doing something?
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What happened?
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And what do you wish you had done differently.
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Write your answer in the comments in English,
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even two or three sentences.
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We read every single one and we love hearing your real experiences.
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Please subscribe to Talk Fluent Daily and share this episode with someone who needs a little courage today.
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Because courage is not the absence of fear, it's speaking anyway.
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Speaking anyway.
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That's the whole lesson.
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Speak anyway.
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Your voice matters.
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Your words matter.
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You matter.
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See you next time, everyone.
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Bye.
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Until next time.
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Why practice speaking with this video?
In this episode, Nora and Kamal tackle a common hurdle that many English learners face: the fear of judgment. This fear often prevents individuals from expressing themselves fully and confidently when speaking English. By engaging in this practice, learners can begin to overcome their anxieties through real-life context and relatable experiences. Practicing with the provided conversation helps reinforce the idea that making mistakes is a natural part of learning a new language. Through regular speaking practice, especially using a shadowing app or tools like shadowspeak, learners can build their confidence and fluency.
Grammar & Expressions in Context
- “I was afraid that people would think…” - This structure is a great example of the conditional mood used to express fear or concern about others' opinions. It’s useful for learners to articulate their feelings regarding potential judgment.
- “I just sat there quietly…” - This phrase demonstrates the use of past simple to recount a narrative. Understanding narrative structures will help learners craft their stories in English.
- “Someone else said something similar…” - This expression shows the use of reported speech, allowing learners to convey what others have said, which is key in everyday conversations.
- “I was too afraid to say it.” - The infinitive form “to say” after an adjective is an important structure that learners can adopt when expressing hesitations or fears.
- “What does it do to us?” - This question format encourages learners to inquire about impacts and consequences, promoting deeper conversations.
Common Pronunciation Traps
While practicing, pay attention to these potential pronunciation challenges:
- “Judgment” - The silent “d” can be tricky. Practicing this with a shadow speak method can help emphasize the clarity of this word.
- “Afraid” - Make sure to clearly pronounce the initial vowel sound. Shadowing native speakers can aid in mastering this pronunciation.
- “Evaluate” and “Assessing” - These longer words can be daunting. Breaking them down into syllables while practicing through rhythm can improve fluency.
- “Foolish” - The “oo” sound can be challenging; practicing with a learn english with youtube method can help with recognizing correct sounds.
By focusing on these elements, English learners can enhance their speaking abilities while primarily addressing the psychological barriers that hinder their progress. Regular practice with a shadowspeaks approach can further solidify these skills.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.
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