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So, how do you actually get him obsessed with you?
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Not answering your text messages within minutes or telling you how gorgeous you are obsessed.
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No, I mean actually obsessed, like staying up at night because he can't stop thinking about you, obsessed.
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Consistently showing up even in times that you didn't ask him to, obsessed about you.
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Taking initiative and making it clear that you are exactly who he wants to be with, obsessed.
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The unfortunate truth is most of the things that women do to try
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and create that feeling of obsession from him are the exact things that prevent it from ever happening.
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And after talking to and helping hundreds of women go from feeling underappreciated
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and a placeholder and invisible to totally adored and cherished and loved without even having to ask,
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I've discovered that the women who naturally attract devotion and consistency from men are not doing more.
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They're doing something completely different, which is why I'm making today's podcast.
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To show you why most relationships end up feeling imbalanced, why you keep attracting the same dynamic no matter how much you change who you're dating,
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and what it actually takes to become the woman a high -quality man genuinely cannot get out of his head.
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So let's dive in.
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Let's talk about what obsession actually is and what it is absolutely not.
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let's get into it.
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Because I think a lot of women say that they want a man who is obsessed with them.
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I know it because whenever I post the word obsessed on TikTok, it goes viral.
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But what they actually mean is that they want a man who is devoted and certain.
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And those are very different things from what social media calls obsession.
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Real obsession from a high quality, grounded, masculine man that you want is not possessive or jealous or controlling.
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It's not him checking your phone or panicking when you go out or trying to isolate you from other people.
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That's insecurity, fear, and an anxious attachment at its extreme.
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A real obsession from a stable man that you want looks calm.
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It just looks like presence.
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It looks like him consistently initiating, making real plans, and showing up without being reminded, thinking about you when you're not asking him to.
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I know revolutionary.
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It's not like loud, it's just steady commitment from him.
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It's just basically him deciding that he's sure about you and that's the woman for me and moving accordingly, not too much to ask.
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He basically pursues you, protects the connection and invites and basically invests into you without being pushed or prodded.
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And the important part here is that the kind of devotion is not manufactured through games or tactics.
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You cannot hack it, you cannot trick it really, and you cannot pretend for the long run.
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It's a natural response to a specific type of feminine energy
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that most women have actually been conditioned out of by today's society.
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There is a difference between a man who is addicted to the chase
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and a man who is genuinely devoted to you in the relationship.
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The man addicted to the chase is triggered by anxiety.
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He likes unpredictability.
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He likes the dopamine of not knowing whether he's got you.
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He likes the push and pull effect.
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He likes the drama.
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He's a little drama queen he doesn't actually like you he likes the stimulation you give him from being hot and cold
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and that's why as soon as things calm down
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he gets bored again the genuinely devoted man is not triggered
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by chaos from you he's triggered by self -possession on his own accord
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he is drawn to the groundedness of the relationship he's activated by a woman he's emotionally invested in
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and stable with who's available and that's okay for him.
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He doesn't want like a puzzle he needs to solve.
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He wants a partner to be with.
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And most women completely misunderstand what creates that feeling in a man over the long run.
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Because popular dating advice teaches women to manufacture obsession and it's all over online.
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Like don't talk to him and then he'll chase you, etc. Play hard to get.
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Only one daily response.
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Withhold affection.
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Make him jealous.
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Act busy.
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Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, post strategically, don't post this, post that.
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And yes, that might actually trigger anxiety in someone.
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It works, right?
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But a high quality man that you actually want, that you actually want attention from, it won't work on him.
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He can feel when something is unrealistic and a tactic, and he can feel when it's calculated and fake and you cannot sustain it.
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And a grounded man who does want that won't compete with your strategy.
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The women who actually inspire devotion are not the ones who are playing games.
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They're genuinely fulfilled in their lives.
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And that is the first clue.
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They're genuinely selective about who they let close to them.
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And they're genuinely unbothered by outcomes.
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That's a big one.
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They don't pretend.
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They're actually unbothered by outcomes, not by people and situations.
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There's a really big difference in the two of those.
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A man can feel the difference between a woman who is pretending not to care
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and a woman who truly has a life that is
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so full and is grounded in a sense of self and a mission.
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And.. he can feel the difference in that and feel the tension.
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A woman like that truly feels magnetic.
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One feels like she has a purpose that she's having in her life.
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The other feels like she's simply not available and is pretending and acting.
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One feels manufactured like a manipulation, and one feels realistic and authentic and adds real value to your life.
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And this is the core truth that a lot of women don't want to hear, or maybe they miss it.
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You can't perform your way into being the woman he's obsessed with, no matter what you do.
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Like when you send me the DM, there is nothing I can do to make him obsessed with you.
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He cannot wear a costume, wear the right lipstick, write the right script.
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You just have to become her.
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You have to just be her.
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Because obsession from a grounded man is not a reaction to what you do.
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It's a reaction to who you naturally are.
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You see?
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It's how you move.
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It's how you regulate yourself, not using him by the way that's the clue it's how you don't collapse
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when he pulls back it's how you don't change your personality
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or character when he changes it's how you stay steady in your own life
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and body even if he has some kind of different mood
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that is the attractive part about you it makes him want to match
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that energy and this is where most women get stuck with this whole dynamic
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because they keep trying new tactics with new men and going hot and cold and doing this and that new strategies, boundaries, approaches, personas.
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I'm going to this and that one, the other one, it's not going to work.
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Dynamics keep repeating because you can't keep up the act, which brings me to the real pivot of the situation.
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It's not about tactics.
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It's about understanding why you keep ending up in the same dynamic no matter how many times
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you start over with somebody new.
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Face it, it always ends up the same, right?
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And that's where we're going into next, which is why you keep attracting the same dynamic.
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And I guess this is the uncomfortable part to talk about.
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You keep attracting the same dynamic, even when the man changes, it's a different face, different job.
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It was Gary, now it's
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Barry, different city, but somehow it's the same story repeating itself.
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And this is the part that requires some emotional maturity on your part.
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Ready, Jessica?
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Because the pattern is rarely about him, is it?
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It's about the energy and the identity you're bringing to the table that people interact with and accordingly react to.
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The nervous system is not neutral.
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It acts like a filter.
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It unconsciously scans for what feels familiar, not what's healthy, familiar.
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And that's the concept in psychology called repetition compulsion.
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It comes from psychoanalytical theories and it essentially explains why we unconsciously create familiar emotional environments in our lives,
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even when they hurt us, yeah?
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Your nervous system does not prioritize happiness, it prioritizes familiarity.
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And if you learn early on that love requires overgiving, you will repeat that again.
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If you learn that connection requires effort and performance and fakeness, you will repeat that again.
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And if you've learned that you need to earn closeness, you will unconsciously create that dynamic even with someone new because it what feels familiar.
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And this is why a woman operating from anxiety over giving
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or over scroll overdo everything she will attract the same type of man who will reinforce
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that behavior because that's what she's used to not because she deserves
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that not because she isn't valuable or a or a terrible person
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but because that dynamic feels familiar to her body she will choose the same again research on attachment shows
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that anxious attachment tends to pair with what avoidance we've talked about it it's a polarity it's one pursues one,
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one distances and the one that chases keeps backing the other one away.
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The dance feels electric because it's unstable and because it's familiar.
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And here's the thing, right?
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Changing the man does not change the pattern.
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You can take your nervous system into every room and you will attract the same type of thing.
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You can take your defaults into any type of date
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and you will repel the person who's not like that and attract the same one until something in you changes.
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I know so many women who have had this exact situation.
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You've had three months into something new on the surface.
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It looks different.
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He's a different person, right?
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He says the right things.
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He's got a good job that you like.
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He seems really mature.
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And then suddenly you feel the same tightening in your chest, the same weird feeling, the same overthinking begins, the same patterns in him begin.
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Why is he avoidant of you?
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Why are you doing all the emotional work? and you realize, oh shit, this is exactly what I felt like before,
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even though everything on paper is different.
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Let's talk about the specific mechanism that keeps people stuck in this imbalance dynamic, operating from need instead of desire.
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When you desire a manner or situation or whatever, you're very open.
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When you need a specific outcome, you become strategic and manipulative.
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And when you need something to work, you start over -functioning, over -explaining,
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over giving, over accommodating, over investing and being like somebody that people don't want to be around.
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Not because you're weak, but because your body believes that giving more creates more safety.
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There are studies in behavioral psychology
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that show people who develop anxious relational patterns often over -function as a way to maintain proximity to the person
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that they're targeting.
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They become hyper -attuned to people's needs, person's moods, reactions, they scan constantly, they anticipate things, they compensate.
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I used to do this all the time.
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And here's the problem.
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When you over -function, you create an imbalance from the very beginning.
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You're doing emotional labor for two people.
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You're doing initiating for two people, planning for two people and regulating for who?
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Two people.
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And he's doing very little.
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So it's not necessarily because he's like malicious and mean and he plotted it,
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but because there's no space for him to do the job of the other person, there's no requirement.
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And I've told you this before about men, they will do the minimum that they have to in these situations.
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And if there is no gap and no motivation
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and why would he step up and do it
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if you're doing all the planning
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or the adjusting of the schedule is always the one sending and following up on texts and all these things.
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You slowly train the dynamic that you do the job of two and he does the job of zero.
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And then months later, you look up suddenly and you're like, why am I the only one trying?
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Margarita, why is he not trying?
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But it's a conscious choice.
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Like it's unconscious, but it's also conscious in the fact
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that you've done too much and now you've trained the pattern your body's learned
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that love does not equal equality from two partners putting in effort
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but in adult romance and relationships that strategy backfires because masculine energy
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and masculine men healthy ones respond to challenge and space unfair i know
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but they do masculinity steps up when there is a room to step into it
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and when you fill every gap and manage every detail
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and carry everything and every emotion there is nothing left for him to do there is no need
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which is why the cycle becomes exhausting and you're the one who always
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does the masculine energy in the relationship and over time
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that doesn't just feel tiring it actually feels demoralizing and soul crushing
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because you start to feel unwanted and unloved and all of these things
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that are very big for women and eventually you're resentful
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and like this angry little rat in the corner
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that we talk about a lot right
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and it's not about finding a better man or anything
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because the dynamics created it's about understanding
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that it really creates an imbalance in the first place and
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if you leave barry you'll do it with gary and the one
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that you see clearly once
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you see it something shifts let's talk about why um most relationships become imbalanced in the first place um
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they often start very nice and very beautifully because this is the part
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that confuses a lot of people at the beginning it's easy
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you met a new person you're relaxed it's exciting
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you show them the best parts of yourself you're not analyzing every text because you don't have like ownership, emotional ownership over them.
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You're in your feminine as in like, he does this, you don't mind what he's doing.
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He's initiating, planning, pursuing you.
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He's leaning in, you're responding and all of this good stuff's happening.
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There's polarity, there's sexual tension, there's flow.
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And then you start to care.
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Bloody hell, you start to care.
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And when you start to care, anxiety sneaks in, not because you're like crazy, but because you're invested in now what's happening.
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And this is where most women accidentally step into their masculine energy to feel safe.
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It looks really subtle at first, but you start to text or double text first.
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You suggest to the next date and the day after that.
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You double check plans to clarify.
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You clarify what he meant when he said something.
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You just communicate again to be clear and clarify.
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And because you know it, you're initiating more, planning more, doing everything.
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And you're sending the, are we still on for today text?
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and you're organizing everything and you're bringing up the next step in the relationship and I've told you not to.
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What are we?
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You're making sure everyone feels okay.
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You're slowly becoming the manager, the mother or the martyr in the relationship and he does what?
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Steps back.
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Not because he's evil and men ain't shit, but because you stepped forward so far, he's basically standing nose to nose with him.
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There is something behavioral psychologists actually show quite clearly
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when one partner over functions the other under functions
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it's called a complementary pattern the more one takes responsibility the less the other feels required to do
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so humans adapt to gaps and especially men
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if there is no gap there is no motivation and
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that is the painful part because women think
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that he should just step up
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and it's not his fault it's not your fault either it's what happens
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when your nervous system confuses control with security so your body thinks
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if I manage this properly I won't lose him
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so you manage you direct you steer you optimize the whole relationship you help out more
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and slowly you're no longer present in the relationship you're like this managing role you're running it you're not in it
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And this dynamic, I see it all the time.
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She's doing everything right on paper.
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She's communicating her needs.
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She's doing a lot of talking.
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She's understanding.
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She's patient.
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She's everything, thoughtful, everything.
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Mother Teresa, she plans the date.
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She checks in and she feels completely unseen, underappreciated, like a placeholder, basically.
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She sits there thinking, I'm doing everything.
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Why does it feel like I'm getting crumbs?
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And this is where it gets super uncomfortable because often the doing is the problem.
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doing too much.
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And now let's answer the question every woman asks, why did he stop showing up the way he did at the beginning?
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At the beginning, you weren't managing him, were you?
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You were doing your own thing.
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You were in your own world, in your own lane.
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You weren't trying to secure him yet or ask him how he is or if he took his vitamins this morning.
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You were present and magnetic in your own life for your own self.
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There's research from early stage relationship studies that show that novelty
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and uncertainty activates dopamine
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and reward pathways in men where there's space curiosity polarity there's pursuit in the early stages it creates
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that pull from them he responds naturally but when
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that shifts it stops there's actually research from early stage relationship studies showing
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that novelty and uncertainty activate dopamine in reward pathways in men.
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When there is space, curiosity, and polarity, there's pursuit.
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In early stages, your softness and groundedness creates that pull from him.
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He responds naturally from that.
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And when that softness shifts into anxiety, when you care too much, that changes for him too.
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When desire shifts into need, that pull disappears because masculine energy is drawn to feminine presence, not feminine management.
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A man
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and his grounded masculine does not want to be directed into devotion by you he wants to move towards
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that feeling because he wants to the moment you start trying to secure him steer him
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or correct him into being the man you want him to be the polarity
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and him chasing you collapses and i know someone's going to hear this
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and think so what i just shut up then i just don't do anything
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or say anything ever no you this is not what it's about it's not about silence
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it's about energy there's a difference between I need you to reassure me now
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because I'm spiraling and when you don't confirm plans that doesn't work for me.
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One is fear -driven and the other is grounded in your desire.
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One is trying to control what he does and the other is communicating your standard and your own way of living.
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A woman in this dynamic often feels like they're doing everything and getting back nothing but the doing,
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the constant initiating and planning and explaining is often the very thing that's preventing him from stepping into his masculine fully.
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You can't step into a space that's already occupied by you.
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You can't pursue someone who's chasing you.
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How are you going to chase each other?
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And this is not about women blaming women.
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It's about understanding the mechanisms.
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You can't go on a hunt for a moose that's already standing on your doorstep.
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And if you're always the one who's filling the silence, if you're always the one who fixes the tension,
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if you are always the one who bridges the gap, babe, He never has to, no matter how much you argue with me about it.
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And over time, you start feeling exhausted and resentful and demoralized by the whole thing.
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And he starts feeling what?
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Unnecessary, which is a dangerous place for masculinity to sit.
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That's bad.
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And this is exactly why relationships start with so much spark and slowly turn into this flat line.
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Not because you're not enough, but because the dynamic shifts from polarity to management.
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If you want my help on becoming the woman who naturally attracts devotion
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and consistency and genuine effort without even chasing or managing a guy or overthinking,
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then you should click the link in description for Unbothered Women where I'll show you exactly what
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that looks like through a framework.
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But let's get back into the video because now that you understand that changing the man will never actually shift the dynamic,
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let me show you what actually does change the dynamic.
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What actually creates the pull in a relationship?
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The pull that you want is not tactics.
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We've discussed that.
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It's not the scarcity games because you can't sustain them.
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If it's not withholding affection like you're rationing water in the desert, then what is it, Margarita?
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It's self -possession, babe.
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I don't mean independence in the I don't need no man finger -wagging way.
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I mean a woman who is actually grounded in her own life, in her own identity and fulfillment and purpose
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and she's not looking for a man to give her a life
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and purpose and stabilize her she can like like him a lot she can want to be with him
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but her mood and her self -worth do not depend on his okayness
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and that is so magnetic and most importantly babe it's rare
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because most women and i say this with love outsource their emotional stability that I see.
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The moment they like someone, they're like, boom, have it.
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One text can make their day.
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One delay can ruin their evening.
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The man can feel that, not like intellectually, but energetically.
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There's research in emotional cognition and interpersonal neurobiology that shows humans unconsciously mirror and respond to each other's emotional stances and states.
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We regulate off one another.
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So if your nervous system is dysregulated and hyper -focused on him,
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he will feel that pressure and also focus on himself because he knows you're focused on him too.
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It feels heavy and the heaviness is not seductive.
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Self -possession feels light because it gives the person freedom.
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It feels spacious.
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It feels like a woman who has her own center of gravity
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and that is important because he can then be free to be himself.
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It's not that you don't care or you're cold.
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It's not pretending that you're busy either.
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It's actually being busy.
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A man can sense the difference between a woman who is pretending that she doesn't need him
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and a woman who is genuinely enjoying her life and does not need him to regulate her.
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One feels strategic and very manipulative and the other one's a strength.
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And that is exactly what creates obsession in men.
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And here's the feminine principle that explains all of this.
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Desire is magnetic, need is heavy.
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When you desire a man, there's an openness and a curiosity and a playful energy.
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And when you need him, there's an urgency and there's tension and there's pressure and need feels like, please choose me.
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I can't do life without you and I can't relax.
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And desire feels like, I like you.
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Let's see where this goes.
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And that shift alone changes everything.
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So what does this actually look like in real life?
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Because I know you don't just want the theory.
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You want to know what it looks like on a random Tuesday at 7 .30 when he hasn't confirmed the plan.
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It looks like this.
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You continue investing in your own life.
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You keep your friendships.
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You keep your own gym membership.
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You don't cancel for him because he said yes last minute.
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You keep your projects.
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You keep your joy.
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You do not disappear into him and his friends in his life.
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You invite him into your life that you already love,
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that is very different from building your entire world around him in the moment that you see some kind of potential.
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It also looks like when he makes an effort, you receive it as opposed to trying to match it.
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You don't immediately try and do the same thing.
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You don't overcompensate.
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You don't disregard it you just feel comfortable to say, wow, thank you.
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Let him show up.
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Let him make a plan, babe.
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Let him pursue you.
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Let him move into the space.
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So many women sabotage this because a moment a man invests, they panic and they think, I have to prove I'm worth this.
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So they start doing it back and they over -offer and they overdo.
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And suddenly it's this competition that just is dumb, which sounds like good in theory that you're doing it back,
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but energetically it removes the polarity self -possessed feminine energy receives
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it does not compete
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it also looks like regulated communication not silent treatments not suppression of your emotions not leaking anxiety either
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there is a difference between it feels insecure
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so i'm going to emotionally unload on you
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and make you fix it right now and when you disappear for two days without saying anything that doesn't work for me.
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One is dysregulated and one is normal and grounded and self -possessed.
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You regulate your emotions before you bring it to someone else.
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You don't expect him to be your nervous system regulator.
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And here's the shift that really changes things.
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When you stop trying to secure the outcome and you start actually enjoying the present moment in your life,
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when you stop analyzing whether he's the one by date three and you start asking yourself, Do I even like him?
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Rare question.
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There's a spaciousness and men lean into spaciousness because masculine energy expands in space.
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It contracts under a lot of pressure.
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When you're not gripping the outcome, when you are not subtly pushing the relationship forward, even though you're pretending you're not.
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When you're not trying to extract certainty, he feels like he can lean into it, not because you're manipulating him, but because you can finally move.
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towards you without feeling that you're already standing there and
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that is the whole shift
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that i'm talking about now you've seen why um obsession from the right kind of man
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that you want has nothing to do with tactics
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and everything to do with the woman you are
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when no one is watching
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which means you can finally stop blaming yourself you can stop thinking
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you're not pretty enough not interesting enough not strategic enough
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and actually start changing the thing that matters because the relationship you want is not out of reach.
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The devotion you want is not unrealistic.
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The man who plans for you shows up for you and chooses you consistently.
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He exists, but he is only going to show up for the woman who's already chosen herself.
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And if you want my help becoming that woman, as I've said, the link is in the bio where I'll be walking you through the steps.
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There's five steps and we start on March 20th.
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Thanks for watching and I'll see you on the next video.
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Bye.
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Esta aula de conversação usa o vídeo “How To Actually Make Him Obsessed With You”. Este vídeo tem 393 frases e 4580 palavras para praticar shadowing. A fala dura 25:14. O falante fala rápido, cerca de 181 palavras por minuto, então espere sons ligados e reduzidos. 84% das palavras estão entre as 3.000 mais comuns do inglês; vale a pena estudar o restante antes de começar.
Vocabulário principal deste vídeo
15 palavras do vídeo que vale a pena aprender, com pronúncia e significado:
| Palavra | Pronúncia | Significado |
|---|---|---|
| dynamic adjetivo | /daɪˈnæm.ɪk/ | dinâmico |
| obsession substantivo | /əbˈsɛʃən/ | obsessão |
| masculine adjetivo | /ˈmæskjələn/ | macho |
| chase verbo | /t͡ʃeɪs/ | caçar, perseguir |
| pretend verbo | /pɹəˈtɛnd/ | fingir |
| attract verbo | /əˈtɹækt/ | atrair |
| anxiety substantivo | /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/ | angústia, ansiedade |
| invest verbo | /ɪnˈvɛst/ | investir |
| feminine adjetivo | /ˈfɛmɪnɪn/ | feminino |
| devotion substantivo | /dɪˈvoʊʃən/ | devoção, dedicação |
| naturally advérbio | /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/ | naturalmente |
| tactics substantivo | /ˈtæktɪks/ | táticas |
| pursue verbo | /pɚˈsu/ | perseguir |
| trigger substantivo | /ˈtɹɪɡɚ/ | gatilho |
| tension substantivo | /ˈtɛnʃən/ | tensão |
Phrasal verbs que você vai ouvir
| Palavra | Pronúncia | Significado |
|---|---|---|
| end up verbo | terminar, acabar | |
| bring up verbo | criar | |
| calm down verbo | acalmar-se | |
| go out verbo | sair | |
| keep up verbo | manter | |
| shut up | /ʃʌt ʌp/ | cala a boca, cale-se |
Frases que vale a pena repetir
Frases curtas e completas do vídeo que você pode usar na conversa do dia a dia:
- Why is he avoidant of you?
- Why are you doing all the emotional work?
- Why does it feel like I'm getting crumbs?
- At the beginning, you weren't managing him, were you?
- How are you going to chase each other?
Gramática neste vídeo
As estruturas que o falante mais usa, com as palavras exatas do vídeo:
| Estrutura | No vídeo |
|---|---|
| Frases condicionais if + oração, will/would + verbo — uma condição e seu resultado | if you leave barry you'll do · if I manage this properly I won't lose |
| Present perfect have/has + particípio passado — uma ação passada que ainda importa agora | I've discovered · have actually been conditioned · you've learned |
| Voz passiva be + particípio passado — o foco está no que acontece, não em quem faz | is devoted · being reminded · being pushed |
| Orações relativas who / which + oração — informação extra sobre uma pessoa ou coisa | women who naturally · different, which is · man who is |
Pronúncia para ficar de olho
O falante usa 119 contrações e formas reduzidas, como you're, don't, can't. Diga-as na forma curta, do jeito que você ouve.
- Os sons de “sh” e “zh”: obsession /əbˈsɛʃən/, devotion /dɪˈvoʊʃən/, initiate /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/, tension /ˈtɛnʃən/, possession /pəˈzɛʃn̩/
- Palavras longas — acerte a sílaba tônica: genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, initiate /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/, consistently /kənˈsɪstəntli/
Sons difíceis para falantes de português:
- Consoante final — sem acrescentar um “i” depois: dynamic /daɪˈnæm.ɪk/, pretend /pɹəˈtɛnd/, attract /əˈtɹækt/, invest /ɪnˈvɛst/, initiate /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/
- /l/ final — a língua toca o céu da boca, não vira “u”: stable /ˈsteɪ.bəl/, behavioral /bɪˈheɪvjəɹəl/, principle /ˈpɹɪn.sɪ.pəl/, neutral /ˈnuː.tɹəl/, invisible /ɪnˈvɪzəb(ə)l/
- /h/ — um sopro suave, diferente do “r”: behavioral /bɪˈheɪvjəɹəl/, happiness /ˈhæpinɪs/, placeholder /ˈpleɪsˌhoʊldɚ/
Como praticar com este vídeo
- Ouça o vídeo inteiro uma vez sem falar e anote as palavras que você não conhece.
- Comece na velocidade 0,75×, faça shadowing frase por frase e volte à velocidade normal quando ficar fácil.
- Grave a sua voz e compare com o original, prestando atenção a palavras como dynamic, obsession, masculine.
O que é a Técnica de Shadowing?
Shadowing é uma técnica de aprendizado de idiomas com base científica, originalmente desenvolvida para o treinamento de intérpretes profissionais. O método é simples, mas poderoso: você ouve áudio em inglês nativo e repete imediatamente em voz alta — como uma sombra seguindo o falante com 1-2 segundos de atraso. Pesquisas mostram melhora significativa na precisão da pronúncia, entonação, ritmo, sons conectados, compreensão auditiva e fluência na fala.