Практика Shadowing: The Real Reason you’re Tired & Unfulfilled the Truth - Изучайте разговорный английский с YouTube

You're productive, you're successful, but inside it feels empty and exhausting.

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You're productive, you're successful, but inside it feels empty and exhausting.

Why?

At the start of this year,

we asked over a thousand high achievers if they wake up feeling tired or unrefreshed,

even after a full night's sleep,

and 89% of them said yes.

78% of them also said they do not feel consistently energized throughout the day.

Well, what if I told you that unmet psychological needs,

not long hours and chasing goals,

are what really lead to burnout?

And that's what we're going to be unpacking in today's episode.

And please don't just take my word for it.

McKinsey Health Institute in 2022 found that 76% of employees experience burnout when their core needs go unmet.

I've personally experienced this too.

And these stats come from a comprehensive survey involving nearly 15,000 employees across 15 different countries.

So the research really shows that,

you know, it's critical that the unmet psychological needs are contributing to burnout.

Now stress and our daily life isn't the enemy.

Mismanaged stress is because it leads to lack of fulfillment.

And for high performers like us,

it's common to live in one of two zones either overstimulated and overwhelmed or numb and disconnected.

Now there's a sweet spot in the middle where you're energized,

growing and performing in your absolute best and this is happening when your psychological needs are being met.

Now the big mistake is

that most high achievers treat fulfillment like a reward for hard work instead of a requirement to work well.

We go from one win to the next

but underneath it all we're still drained because we're neglecting the real drivers of sustainable energy.

So the big idea here is that you have six core psychological needs and how well you meet them determines your energy,

your stress levels and how fulfilled you feel.

Now these six needs are certainty,

variety, love and connection, significance, growth and contribution.

Now certainty is the need for safety,

stability, security, comfort, order, predictability and consistency.

Variety is the need for surprise,

challenge, excitement, difference, adventure or change.

Love and connection is the need for communication,

attachment, connection, intimacy and love.

Significance is the need to have meaning,

to feel special, needed and wanted or to have a sense of importance.

Growth is the need for constant emotional,

intellectual or spiritual development and contribution is the need to give beyond ourselves care for protect

or serve others now these are not random

when one of these goes unmet your system literally your nervous system will compensate with stress anxiety

or coping mechanisms like distraction and lots of other unhealthy habits

so let's break this down go ahead and grab a journal and work through this with me

Because the more we can understand each of these core needs,

the more we can design our life so

that we can fulfill these needs fully and completely so that we can perform well,

be stress free to a certain extent and to have the impact that we really want in the world.

And the more we can pay attention to these needs,

the easier that's going to be.

So the first thing I want you to do,

go and grab that journal.

then inside that journal find a fresh page

and I would love for you to draw six columns

so there's one column for every need

and then what we're going to do we're going to look at every need individually

and we're going to observe how we feel about that need

and observe our current reality within that need so let's do this together let's take the first one for example So certainty,

that need for safety, stability,

security, comfort, order, predictability and consistency.

Think about that for a moment and ask yourself,

how much of certainty do you need on a daily basis to feel OK?

Because if we're not feeling OK,

maybe we'll feel a bit unsettled.

Like maybe we need a bit more consistency or predictability in our lives.

Maybe we feel pretty good about certainty and we feel like,

you know, actually we don't need too much certainty.

You know, we don't need to know everything.

100% of everything needs to be certain.

Maybe we only need like 70% or 60%.

So take a moment and ask yourself,

what do you need to feel okay?

How much?

So for the purpose of our example for certainty, let's go with 70%.

We need 70% of certainty just to feel okay.

And there's no right or wrong answer here.

You can choose whatever makes sense for you.

Then what we're going to do is we are going to ask ourselves based on our current reality,

based on right now today how much certainty do I have

in my life right now based on my current reality

so I know that I need 70% to feel okay

but right now there's a lot of

that uncertainty actually right maybe there's something happening at your work

maybe there is something happening your family maybe there are some things

that are not very predictable that are causing you to feel a bit unfulfilled right now.

Then how much is your current reality?

Just jot that down in your column.

So for the purpose of this example,

let's say we are at 50%.

So we're just under the okay line.

So if this is me,

I need 70% to feel okay,

but actually my reality is 50%.

So we need to address

that right we need to understand well why why am i below the line why am i perhaps feeling

unfulfilled with this need right now

so this is where i want you to address your your

like current reality in how you are fulfilling this need right

100

and we can fulfill these needs in healthy ways and unhealthy ways

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so for example um maybe a regular income fulfills your need for certainty, right?

102

But maybe you notice that maybe as a leader,

103

you are trying to feel in control of your day by controlling every single minute of the day.

104

Maybe you are being over controlling or micromanaging your team, right?

105

Or maybe you are trying to make sure everything goes to plan,

106

even if the plan isn't ideal for you anymore right

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so maybe control is actually contributing to our sense of certainty

108

and these are just examples okay

109

so you can think about what makes sense for you a

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healthy example would be for example let's say somebody who understands

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that they have an important need for certainty but they know

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that life's going to happen they know that they're going to need some breaks,

113

they know that maybe something is going to happen that's completely unplanned.

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So maybe they reflect and adapt their calendar to reflect that, right?

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So they actually put breaks into their schedule, right?

116

Maybe they get a team to support them with whatever it is they're doing, right?

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Maybe though there's some other things that you do,

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like scrolling on social media,

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or maybe you are constantly like having the same conversations, right?

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Maybe there's other things that are creating a sense of stability for you,

121

maybe like family, right?

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There's many, many different ways that you can fulfill your sense of certainty.

123

So in your journal, I would love for you to take a moment

124

and go through and identify all of the things that contribute to your sense of certainty.

125

And then what we're going to do is exactly the same thing for all of the other needs.

126

Okay, so go ahead and score yourself,

127

maybe you need more of one and less of another.

128

Maybe you feel like you've got a sense of higher sense of variety right now.

129

Maybe for love and connection,

130

you feel like you don't need too much love and connection,

131

perhaps maybe you're more of a like a 40% for love and connection.

132

But maybe you feel like that's on the low side right now.

133

And maybe we're only sitting at 20%.

134

So go ahead and score yourself for all of these.

135

I'm going to share with you some more examples of some of these needs though

136

because these are the examples that can sometimes be the tricky bit.

137

So variety, the need for surprise,

138

challenge, excitement, difference, adventure and change.

139

Now this is one that we often see a lot of like startup founders,

140

like entrepreneurs that are jumping between like new ideas and they're like really trying to figure out what's their thing,

141

right or what's the what's that purpose and sometimes it can become unhealthy

142

because we're chasing this constant stimulation right

143

or we're trying to avoid boredom as much as we can

144

we're constantly looking for the next high right we're addicted to

145

that dopamine that we're getting

146

so those perhaps could be some unhealthier ways to fulfill the need for variety and healthier ways For me personally,

147

variety is a very, very high one.

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I love variety.

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It drives my husband nuts because he loves certainty, right?

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So we have to balance that out a little bit.

151

Now, a healthy way

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that I've found to fulfill this need is to actually like

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something simple is like get my meals delivered to me every single day.

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It adds variety to the food that I eat and my diet,

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but it also gives me a sense of certainty because I know it's going to be clean food delivered.

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Plus it helps my need for growth from a health perspective because they're wholesome meals that fit into my life.

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They literally will fuel my week and it helps me to fulfill my needs effortlessly.

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Personally I use Meals On Me that's based here in the UAE.

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If you're curious about how they could help you to fulfill your needs you can find out more in the show notes.

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But ultimately for variety there are going to be different ways for you personally.

161

How are you fulfilling your need for excitement,

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right, for that sense of adventure?

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Pause and ask yourself that.

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When you're ready, come back in and we can do exactly the same for love and connection,

165

significance, growth and contribution.

166

So just going to run through these for you.

167

And again, these are just examples so please do take your time and think about what makes sense for you personally.

168

Love

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and connection for example right could be from an unhealthy perspective

170

constantly posting on social media right having a strong presence on there

171

because perhaps we feel like we're not getting the connection in day-to-day life right

172

and we feel like that the like on social media is actually fulfilling our needs

173

but under the under the surface on that deeper level maybe it's not

174

so we get to really question ourselves as we go through

175

these the next one then is a healthy example i would say here for a sense of love

176

and connection is intentional time right for meaningful relationships for spending time like phone free dinners and deep conversations and different activities,

177

you know, all these different things,

178

like quality time with family,

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friends, self-connection as well is critical, right?

180

If we're not connected with ourself,

181

we're really, really going to struggle.

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What about significance then?

183

Significance is an interesting one,

184

because this is the need to have meaning,

185

to feel special, to feel like you're needed and wanted and to have a sense of importance.

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And this is very natural.

187

Everybody has this need for significance and it shows up in different ways.

188

So unhealthy ways to fulfill this could include things like obsessing over titles and salaries and this constant need for validation.

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And healthier ways to look at this would be potentially like different achievements that you have in your life, right?

190

Are you celebrating like wins,

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like small wins, as well as the big wins?

192

Are you sharing what you do, right?

193

Are you sharing maybe the impact of what you do?

194

Are you having meaningful recognition, right?

195

Or are you leaning into the ego more than you would like?

196

Be really honest with yourself here,

197

because honesty is the only way we're going to move forward ever.

198

Then we have growth.

199

This is quite an obvious one, right?

200

Is we want to make sure that we are growing and we've got this constant feeling of development in our lives.

201

Ultimately, if we're not growing,

202

we're dying in a sense.

203

We don't need to stay still.

204

Nothing in nature stays static.

205

So it's really important to think about that.

206

It's like, how are you growing?

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Are you leaning into all sorts of different books and podcasts and videos?

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And are you then doing something with it?

209

Because sometimes it could actually be an unhealthy strategy and way to fulfill this need.

210

If we're constantly reading books,

211

for example, I listen to podcasts,

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but we don't do anything, right?

213

A healthy example would be integrating that knowledge, right?

214

So you apply the lessons learned, you perhaps share them.

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um maybe you are taking a course right maybe you are

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um having a growth goal in a different area of your life right what does

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that look like for you and then last

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but not least we have contribution right basically doing something

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that can help somebody else right the need to give beyond ourselves

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and care for protect and serve others so sometimes this can show up in an unhealthy way like people pleasing, right?

221

Being a yes person saying yes,

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all the times everything without considering yourself and your own needs, right?

223

But a healthier way to fulfill this need could be to lean into something that's important to you, right?

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What's your sense of purpose?

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Like, is there something you do that genuinely like lifts other people up?

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Is there anything that you're doing?

227

Maybe you're volunteering, right?

228

Or maybe you're just showing up fully, right?

229

and well and with love and kindness right that's a form of contribution so I'd love for you to just

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hit pause I know that sounds like a lot but hit pause

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and think about what are your needs are they being fulfilled right now how are you fulfilling them

232

and then ask yourself what needs to change what do you need more of

233

or what do you need less of or what else could you do to fulfill each of these needs.

234

And your job is to basically just pick one,

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pick one need that maybe scored the lowest on your current reality

236

and just start there and start to tweak perhaps some of those daily behaviors

237

that will really help you to fulfill your needs.

238

Remember, fulfillment isn't a reward, it's your fuel.

239

You can't outperform unmet needs.

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The key to sustainable success isn't more hustle,

241

is more alignment because burnout doesn't come from doing too much it comes from doing too much

242

that doesn't meet your needs

243

so please check in with yourself every week where are you

244

feeling full where are you starving then feed the part of you

245

that needs you to keep it alive right for the choices

246

that you're making if you want to know which needs specifically are keeping you stuck

247

we do have a scorecard specifically designed for high achievers it's

248

like 16 questions takes less than two minutes to do

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and you can then have a chat with one of our well-being specialists to kind of decode your results

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and basically what that'll do will help to highlight perhaps some areas you're feeling stuck

251

and how to fulfill your needs in a way that's going to create lasting change

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so you don't keep coming up against the same kind of patterns

253

and problems that maybe you are already until then i'll see you in the next video take care

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if you enjoyed this episode and you haven't done so already hit

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that subscribe button

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so you never miss an episode then share it with a

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friend who you think might benefit spread the word that's how

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we're going to impact the world by helping each other we appreciate you

259

so much and as always unconditional love and wellness to you

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