ฝึกพูดภาษาอังกฤษด้วยเทคนิค Shadowing จากวิดีโอ: The Shortest Podcast In The World - 15 Minute Podcast #1

Hi, I'm Aiden.

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Hi, I'm Aiden.

And I'm Sean.

And you're listening to 15 Minute Podcast.

So before we get into fixing people's problems,

how have you been, dude?

I've been swell.

How have you been?

I've honestly been kind of bored.

I haven't done much this week.

Well, you're going to be busy soon, that's for sure.

Why are you acting weird?

How would you feel if I were to say that I'm from the future?

Guys, this isn't like a goofy sketch podcast.

This is like an actual podcast.

We're not playing characters.

I don't know why Sean's doing this.

No characters.

Sean is doing, obviously, some joke thing.

I'm myself.

Other than that, just ignore the future.

But I'm one week in the future.

The first email we received,

Dear Aiden and Shang, My mom is dying.

Ooh.

Okay.

And I can't figure out who will inherit her fortune.

How can we get her to pick a favorite?

We know a lot about that.

This one is the one that we did last week,

so I think I got a good answer.

What's your answer, then?

Do you want to give yours?

Well, you said you have a good one.

Yeah, well, you don't lead with a good one usually.

You usually step with your bad foot first.

Have you ever committed a good framing?

Framing?

Yes.

I can set things up on my little brother's,

and my mom would just believe me because I'm older.

Have you ever put a head in a joint in your little brother's room,

told your mom to check there,

and then she grounds him for a month,

and then you go into your little brother's room and you say,

I did this just to show you that I can do this.

And you look at him in the eye and you say,

I can make this worse

if I want to you're lucky i haven't well the parent

is dying exactly wouldn't this like be already like figured out i guess like

when they already have like their will figured out like before

this clearly they have the parent has not picked a favorite

that's literally what the question is saying oh okay you said you have a great answer

but you don't even understand the question well i'm telling you

that this is going wildly different from

when it how it went the first time like you're not saying the same things

and i think it might be because i said

that i was from the future I think if I just didn't say anything,

it would have went really well.

You're lying, Sean.

Yesterday, I was eight days in the future.

Did you walk into a portal?

Did you make a deal with a witch?

No. What happened that you went from point A to point B?

Okay, so you know how half of Niagara Falls is in Canada and half is in the U.S.?

Yeah.

Okay, well, there's sort of a place like that in the world for spiritual realm and the real world.

Kind of get what I'm saying?

No. Be more specific.

Where did you go specifically?

I went to Arizona.

okay so the largest ball of twine is actually not in arizona it's not no i didn't know

that until i got there okay i went to the exact place where it should have been

and it was not there so what did you do i turned around

and went home and my way home my flight hit some turbulence

and the turbulence it actually hit my ejection button and i got launched from the airplane suddenly i find myself

in like world war ii aviator battles uh

and i i head up to lumberg okay i go down

to the secret uh you know nazi base down there yeah i go into their particle accelerator

but i accidentally entered the wrong date that's the story you're

going with now it's not the story i'm going with more

like the story i found myself in tell me what happens

in the in the next week in the next week um on earth yeah on fucking earth

because that's another bombshell i guess we gotta talk about yeah

that's not uh peppa pig gets cancelled okay they did a

live episode where peppa the voice actor for peppa she did

you say the n-word she are you from the future i

just she stopped her toe okay she stubs her toe

and i guess like an intern came in at the same time

and first thing you see you know okay anything else cool

happen anything else cool happened peppa pig said the n-word in live broadcast

and broadcast and now it's just an accepted word that little kids are allowed to say.

Wait, what?

Yeah.

I keep forgetting you're not from the future.

I'm like, you didn't hear this?

You didn't hear this?

The N-word is an accepted word for little kids to say.

Little kids, white, black, Asian adults cannot say it,

but we do not know what's going to happen when those little kids grow up.

100

And will they teach their little kids to say it?

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Nobody's stopping these kids.

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Nobody cares.

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You'd be surprised how much nobody cares.

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Other than

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that, nothing cool is happening i mean peppa pig yeah she did get publicly executed the voice actor

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and the cartoon they animated a little thing to go side by side with the public execution that's cute

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it was pretty cool huh

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and they they weirdly enough they made the voice actor like

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record the lines of peppa choking to death before they i

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don't know why they couldn't just have it go at the same time

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but can we just get back to the person who asked

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us for advice sean we gotta take a break first oh yeah let's take a quick break

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hey we're back from the break did you miss us oh um

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so I guess we got to talk about this lady who's dying to repeat the question it was dear Aiden

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and Shang she misspelled Shawn's name

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but not mine okay dear Aiden Chang my mom is dying My siblings

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and I can't figure out who will inherit her fortune.

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She isn't really a thing your siblings figure out.

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How can we get her to pick a favorite?

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Basically, I guess I imagine the person asking the question is a girl,

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but I don't know why.

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Why?

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I don't know.

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I imagined a gender-neutral person.

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So this chick is asking us to help manipulate her mom into picking a favorite.

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I don't think manipulate was a part of the question.

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How else is she going to do it?

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I mean, she's coming to us for advice.

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She's clearly not the best daughter.

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We don't know if she's a daughter, dude.

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I'm just saying you don't gender someone these days.

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I wouldn't want to end up like Peppa.

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No. I got to say,

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though, from my personal experience,

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like, listen, my grandfather, my dad especially,

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you know, he's been dying before.

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You know, people have been dying of cancer and then they don't.

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Dying of AIDS, but then they just, it doesn't actually happen.

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Well, I mean, like, why wait?

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Because the cure is coming out so soon. For AIDS?

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The cure for AIDS is coming out soon?

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What?

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No. The cure for what?

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I just dying in general.

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There's no cure for dying.

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Not yet.

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Listen what I was trying to get to my dad has been dying before but he still Fucking came out on top.

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Yeah, he's still kicking like an asshole

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You got what kind of dying is your mom is what kind of what we're wondering, right?

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Yeah Sometimes the only option is to take it into your own hands.

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We're not suggesting that nothing is a hundred percent in this world We're not suggesting you kill

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Your mother only hundred percent thing that you can hundred percent do is probably take a life And listen,

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you're obviously not her fucking favorite.

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I mean, you're thinking about killing your mom.

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Yeah, I mean...

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We're already here.

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That's the other thing.

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Yes, you are standing at the edge of your options and staring out into this black void.

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Like, your only option at this point is just to continue with the murder.

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But you need something in writing before you get the murder.

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Oh.

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Saying...

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Maybe we could set them up with a hypnotist and hypnotize the mother into signing away all the money.

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I think that's almost too complicated.

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The mother's probably out of it, dude.

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Think about it.

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When my family members are in hospice,

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they were not like, oh, Aiden, how are you?

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They were horrible to look at.

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It was terrifying.

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It was sad, but they would have agreed to anything.

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You don't need to get a hypnotist.

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Why not?

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You can't hypnotize somebody who can't speak.

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I've gone to a hypnotist every week for the last something,

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30 odd something years.

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How would you go about it, Sean?

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I gotta ask.

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Not that we would, because we wouldn't.

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But if you had to take the life of a family member that was your mother to cut their wool,

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how would you go about it?

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We don't endorse it, but what I would probably do is nurse them back to health

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and then on the car ride home,

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plan out some sort of elaborate accident.

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That is probably the craziest thing I've ever heard.

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Part of your plan, They're already on the brink of death,

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and part of your plan is to save their life?

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Doesn't even make sense.

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Craziest thing you ever heard? Yet.

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But first, shouldn't we take a look at the news?

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Sup guys, Aiden asked me to welcome you back,

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and I don't feel like that.

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Why did you rap me out like that?

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Let's just go to the news.

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So Sean, recently a massive blob of seaweed has been invading the beaches of Florida.

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Yeah.

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A shit ton of seaweed.

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How big? like a really big,

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but you haven't even heard the best part yet.

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It's alive.

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Scientists have discovered flesh eating bacteria lurking within the seaweed.

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Yeah.

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So here's my question for you, Sean.

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Okay.

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Is this a sign to get rid of Florida?

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Is this a sign to wipe it out?

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Is that the sign to get rid of Florida?

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Obviously there's been many signs.

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Let's just not solve this flesh eating bacteria problem.

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We can make it.

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Let's let it work itself out.

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We can make it float away.

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Have you, but why would we?

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Oh, Florida float away.

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I'm sorry.

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I thought you meant the bacteria.

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Oh, yeah.

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Why would we do that?

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Yeah, exactly.

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Yeah.

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Is it time we let Florida go?

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Yeah.

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You ever think, you know,

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you always, you got 50 friends, right?

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50 friends, yeah.

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50 friends.

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You got one friend that's kind of not really in the group. And, um.

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He's like in the group.

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You don't even know how he got in the group.

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And maybe the bananas were nice for a while.

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Oh, of course.

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And the orange juice was delicious.

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We'll never forget the great orange juice we got from Florida.

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We got so much, but at one point,

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do you stop, you know?

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Have you met anybody from Florida?

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They're terrible.

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They're like...

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Non-human?

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Yeah.

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Non-human.

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If you were born in Florida, mark of the curse.

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Mark of the curse.

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Mark of the curse.

245

You're born in Georgia?

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Yeah.

247

Might as well be born in Florida.

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Might as well, might as well,

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might as well, might as well rain frogs is what I'm saying.

250

You know what I say?

251

What?

252

Let's arm the flesh-eating bacteria.

253

Let's arm the flesh-eating bacteria?

254

Let's arm them.

255

I love that.

256

I love that.

257

Can we take a little break and then get back to the biggest issue at hand?

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This chick and her mommy issues?

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Sure.

260

Hey, everybody.

261

Welcome back to 15-Minute Podcast, the only podcast that...

262

The only podcast hosted by Two White Guys.

263

I think. Is it?

264

Mmm, yeah.

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Probably.

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It's gotta be.

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How many other white comedians would just break into podcasting?

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I doubt many.

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Not many of the guts.

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Can we just get back to what's at hand here, Sean?

271

Dear Aiden and Shang, my mom is dying.

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My siblings and I can't figure out who will inherit her fortune.

273

How can we get her to pick a favorita?

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Have you ever, Sean, in your life,

275

gotten the best of your siblings, dude?

276

Yeah, but this happened like a while ago.

277

This isn't from like one week in the future.

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Okay, I didn't.

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Okay.

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Is that a problem?

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No, it's not a problem.

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I never want one week in the future shit.

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I just thought that you prefer to hear stories from the future because they're a little bit more mystical and mystifying.

284

I think you know that it's the exact opposite of what I want and it's going to get on my nerve.

285

Okay.

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So there's this one time, right?

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My sister's diabetic, right?

288

Okay.

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She comes home from school.

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And when she comes home from school,

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she's like, okay, TV's mine.

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My I'm, you know, it's I get to watch what I watch.

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And I'm like, bro, I'm like, come on.

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This doesn't freaking work for me.

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I took all of her insulin, ready?

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I went to the driveway,

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just smashing it one by one,

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just smashing hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of insulin.

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That's insane, Sean.

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Right?

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And then I blamed it on the dog.

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We put the dog down i don't think

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that would make you better than your siblings though i think

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that would just keep you right where you are

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and make your dog look bad okay in my in the eyes of my parents who's the one

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that let all their hundreds of dollars of insulin get smashed

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the dog oh really the dog's insulin got smashed does

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that really quite make much sense the dog smashed your sister's

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insulin no i did aiden this is terrible it was a trick this was terrible advice what

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that doesn't help at all make her look better than her sibling.

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Okay then I don't know what the mom's like on life support

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or some shit just go unplug some machines or whatever and just and hope.

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But the mom hasn't picked the favor yet.

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Oh shit.

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Right okay.

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From one week in the future you're barely following.

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So you think that because I'm one week in the future apparently I remember everything

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that happens to me and I'm able to be on my best game all the time.

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I figured you would know how to answer the question

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or at least be able to follow

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because i'm not from one week in the future

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and i can follow

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if i did this twice i could especially follow christ aiden

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it's not i don't have to step up on you dude

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it's a handicap it's a handicap yeah i'm handicapped how is it a handicap it's a handicap

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because i keep thinking i keep thinking like will i meet her again

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who the is her dude i keep can we curse yes i keep freaking freaking forgetting

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that you're not from one week in the future

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that you haven't met her yet who the is she the love of my life.

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Do you have any advice to give to this non-gendered female?

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If you really need your mom to pick a favorite,

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you need to just, you need to just need to sit down with her and tell her your honest, true feelings.

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If you are worried, hey,

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if I sit my mom down and I tell her,

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hey mom, I'm trying to get all of your inheritance instead of my siblings,

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and you're thinking, oh my god,

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my mom might think I'm a dick.

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You are a dick.

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That's what you want.

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What?

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That's what they want.

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No, you sit down with your mom.

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You say, Mom, I'm trying to get all your inheritance.

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Just work with me.

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Just what can we do?

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How can we make this work?

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Or I'll kill myself, Mom.

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Yes.

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Oh, okay.

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Okay, okay, okay.

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So now I'm starting to remember what we said last week,

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and it was a lot in that vein, I think.

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Okay, well, I'm glad we finally got it at the end.

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I'll shoot myself.

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I'll fucking shoot myself.

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If you threaten to kill her,

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your mom's not going to want you to kill yourself.

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That's your mother.

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She loves you.

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The last thing she wants is to die not before you.

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Wow, I'm glad we figured it out in literally the nick of time, Sean.

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Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

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Every Thursday, we will be solving your guys' problems.

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So email us at podcast at oneminutetalkshow.com.

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With your problems, you could write the one O-N-E or just put the number.

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It doesn't matter.

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It'll go to the same fucking place because I'm smart as shit.

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Yeah, and if you want more and want to hear more about my future adventures,

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view us at the fucking Patreon for One Minute Talk Show.

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That's right.

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We're going to film another episode right after this,

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and it's going to be out by the time you're listening this exclusive episode

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and we're gonna talk more about this future thing and I'm gonna figure out what Sean knows about me.

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It's almost like we're from one week in the past.

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Guys thank you for being a part of this journey.

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Get us to a million subscribers by this weekend or we'll kill ourselves.

377

Thank you.

TRENDING

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