Shadowing Practice: becoming charismatic is easy, actually - Learn English Speaking with Video
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The funny thing about charisma is that it's actually quite easy to achieve.
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Society is already pretty much set up perfectly for everyone to become charismatic at a young age.
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I mean, for the first 15-20 years of your life, you're literally forced to be in a little building, a little incubator, with hundreds of other high-energy,
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talkative kids the same age as you, from the same town.
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It's probably the best possible place you could go to develop social skills
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and humor and personality traits you know the stuff
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that makes you charismatic when you're older and you get
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so much time to do it there's no possible way we
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as a society could mess this place up like you would
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have to go out of your way to actively discourage people
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from talking laughing experimenting playing making jokes having energy moving around
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singing dancing being funny being loud being confident being creative oh
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oh i get it now now it makes sense okay never mind Let's just get one thing out of the way.
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The reality of charismatic people is that they're not born with it.
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You and everyone else are supposed to develop it through social interaction, preferably at a young age from just getting lots and lots of actual social experience.
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And that's why the young children who grow up to become the most charismatic are often the rule breakers, the talkers, the jokesters, the class clowns, and the loudest and most expressive people.
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Not because breaking rules and being annoying and loud has anything to do with charisma, but because those people, whether it's a good thing or not, don't think a lot before they decide to say things,
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and they're willing to take a few punishments at school
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if it means they get to practice speaking their mind and being authentic.
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It's definitely possible to be well-behaved and polite and still develop charisma.
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There are plenty of people who do it, and for me at least, it's pretty easy to spot a person like that in real life, because as soon as you meet them and you have one or two interactions with them,
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not only do you like them, but you can feel them using their social wizard tactics on you.
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But you can't even be mad because they do it so naturally that you don't even realize it until later.
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Like they come up to you and they ask you for some moderate favor.
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Like, hey, insert your name here.
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Can you help me carry this pressure washer to my car?
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It's expensive and I don't want to drop it.
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And then you, of course, gladly do it without immediately realizing that 1.
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They said your name to make you feel important.
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2. They smiled at you to make you feel appreciated.
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3. They didn't ask for just anyone's help.
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They asked for you specifically to make you feel important.
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4. They didn't say, can you carry this pressure washer?
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They said, can you help me carry this pressure washer?
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Just to really emphasize that they need your help.
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5. They specified that it's expensive, implying that they trust you with expensive stuff, which makes you feel responsible.
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And six, as a bonus, to get the biggest social bang for their buck,
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they'll specifically go out of their way to ask someone who really cares about feeling strong to carry the pressure washer, just to make them feel good.
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Sometimes this means asking the weakest person in the room to carry the pressure washer, just to make them feel strong and capable.
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Or sometimes this could mean asking the strongest person in the room to carry the pressure washer
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because you know it's been a
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while since anyone's asked them how much they bench press and you can tell they're feeling a little bit underappreciated.
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So you ask them to carry something heavy so
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that they'll feel good about their one special skill being put to good use.
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Do you notice how behind each
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and every one of these layers is a positive intention to make the other person feel good?
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Because it's not a coincidence.
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That is pretty much what charisma is.
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Most people don't even remember what you say or do.
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They remember how you made them feel.
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So instead Instead of going into conversations and thinking, what can I get out of this person?
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Or instead of thinking, how do I get this person to like me?
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Just think, how can I make this person feel good?
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And how can I avoid making this person feel bad?
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Now, this comes with a very important disclaimer.
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But before we get to that, let me show you a new tool you could use to learn social skills faster, which is Shortform, who were kind enough to sponsor this video.
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You'll probably recognize what I'm staring at right now.
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These are all the most popular books on social skills and communication.
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The ones everyone wants to read.
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The 48 Laws of Power, How to Win Friends and Influence People, How to Become a People Magnet.
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There's basically a book for every social skill.
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Most people, including me, say we're going to read all these books.
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But then time gets in the way.
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Other hobbies get in the way.
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And then you just end up having a massive collection of books you never read.
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Short form is the easy solution.
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You see 48 Laws of Power here.
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You can just click on it and then you get a chapter by chapter detailed breakdown and it's short.
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It's concise It's professional you can take notes You can highlight
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and they even have an app so you can just pull out your phone and start reading and learning
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Anywhere and it's not just books about charisma and social skills.
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They have books on everything business productivity life psychology I mean nowadays I just treat it like a convenient library
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and so can you if you're watching this you can actually get five days free
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and and 20% off by using this link right here, shortform.com slash easyactually.
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I'll put it in the description, so definitely go and check that out.
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Now, back to my very important disclaimer, do not take it to mean that you should spam compliments and start kissing up to everyone, including your close friends.
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Because that is very obviously fake, and people can easily tell when you're kissing up to them.
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Across every single source I've found, being fake, not being authentic, saying things you clearly don't mean, will take your charisma downward.
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People won't trust you.
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So here's my advice.
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Number one, give genuine compliments.
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You don't really have to try that hard to do this.
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Normally, if you look at people and listen to people for long enough, You will notice something
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that you genuinely like about them It happens naturally all the time without you even trying
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But the problem is most people think of compliments
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and then get scared and bottle them up You on the other hand just have to say them out loud.
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That's the only difference That's all you have to do.
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Just take the compliments you're already thinking of and say them out loud Okay, maybe not that one.
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Maybe not that one either Okay, just just forget I said anything number two know how to banter Banter is the thing British people say
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and Google defines it as playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks.
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If you're close with someone, you should banter with them from time to time because it shows them you're willing to be yourself around them.
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They know they can trust you.
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If your friends never banter with you ever and they're just constantly polite to you, you end up feeling kind of distant, like you're missing out on that one last bit of authentic connection.
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That's fine if you just want people to like you and respect you, but to be charismatic, to really get people to want to be around you, you can't just be a polite background NPC.
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That's one reason why you have a much harder time making friends as an adult.
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Everyone standing around the coffee machine, making boring small talk, exchanging safe compliments, trying not to say anything that could potentially be interpreted as an insult.
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So how's work going?
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Good, good, how about yourself?
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Not too bad, just tired.
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Stopping by for a coffee.
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That's cool, that's cool.
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I'm also uh here for a coffee.
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Wow, guess we're uh, guess we're coffee buddies now.
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Yes we are, yes we are.
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So uh, what's your favorite coffee?
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I usually just get an Americano with some creamer in it.
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Oh, uh, you too?
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No, no, I actually keep some packets of Colombian dark roast under my desk.
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Oh, okay Pablo Escobar.
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Get him.
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But banter is important.
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It shows people you're willing to be actual friends with them.
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That you both can relax around each other.
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It makes them feel like they can trust you.
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That said, you can't just start insulting people.
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Banter has to be amusing to both people in the conversation.
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Which is why banter is easier when you're close friends with someone and you already know what they find funny.
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But even if you don't know someone that well yet, you can still use it.
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It'll just depend on the context and the conversation topic.
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Here are some things you can joke about.
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First, stuff that you know the other person won't get mad about.
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Like maybe their favorite sports team or how slow they drive.
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Something that they can laugh about.
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Or you can make a joke about their strengths.
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You can also make a joke that's so obviously not true that everyone knows you're just playing around.
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So I just got my license.
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How's my driving?
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Oh, you're driving?
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You're going so far below the speed limit, I didn't even know we were moving yet.
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Shut up.
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That stuff's obviously banter.
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That's the kind of thing friends say to each other.
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But if you're singling one person out and just insulting them to make other people laugh, or to make yourself look smart,
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or because the joke feels too good to pass up, that's not banter.
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It's just being mean.
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We all know how it feels.
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Someone says something, and a really clever insult pops into your head.
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This sick burn.
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Everyone's gonna be rolling on the floor at this.
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And then you see it.
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But then you realize it was kind of harsh, and it wasn't as good as it sounded in your head, and it wasn't funny, and no one laughed.
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You hear that?
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That's your social credit going down in real time.
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Anyway, let's talk about another part of charisma that no one ever talks about.
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Going above and beyond.
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Giving compliments to people is nice, but anyone can do that.
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If you really want to stand out, Ask people about their interests and listen to them talk.
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People like to talk mostly about two things, themselves and their interests.
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All you have to do is just listen and don't get distracted and keep asking questions.
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Try not to fake it.
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Actually be genuinely interested in what they have to say and they'll like you more.
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Sure, it takes time and it takes effort, but that's what it takes to have good charisma.
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If you really want to take this to the next level and really make someone feel good, you can mention one of their accomplishments that you know they're proud of.
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Like maybe they have a hidden talent that they never get to show off.
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Or they did something cool, but never get to brag about it.
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People like when you mention those things in a group setting.
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But besides that, here is what I think is the biggest and most effective way to make someone feel good.
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Which most people miss.
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And that's to speak with your actions instead of your words.
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Get them a gift.
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Ask them for help with something.
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Like that one pressure washer example.
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Do something kind for them.
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Invite them to something fun.
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Ask them to hang out.
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You want to get them to think, wow, really?
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You would do that for me?
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If you can regularly get people to feel like that, that is true charisma.
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Speaking of favors, I'm collecting donations in the form of subscribes to fund the next video.
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Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları
Bu B2 seviyesindeki konuşma dersi “becoming charismatic is easy, actually” videosuna dayanıyor. Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 169 cümle ve 2081 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 10:06 sürüyor. Konuşmacı hızlı konuşuyor, dakikada yaklaşık 206 kelime; bu yüzden birbirine bağlanan ve zayıflayan sesler duyacaksınız. Kelimelerin %89’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında, bu yüzden kelime dağarcığını takip etmek kolay.
Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler
Videodaki en ileri düzey 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| banter fiil | /ˈbæntə/ | muhabbet etmek |
| charisma isim | /kəˈɹɪzmə/ | karizma, çekicilik |
| compliment isim | /ˈkɑmpləmənt/ | övgü, iltifat |
| charismatic sıfat | /ˌkɛɹəzˈmætək/ | karizmatik |
| insult isim | /ɪnˈsʌlt/ | hakaret, aşağılama |
| polite sıfat | /pəˈlaɪt/ | kibar, nazik |
| authentic sıfat | /ɔˈθɛn.tɪk/ | gerçek, hakiki |
| disclaimer isim | /dɪsˈkleɪm.ɚ/ | sorumluluk reddi, feragatname |
| concise sıfat | /kənˈsaɪs/ | mucez, özlü |
| incubator isim | /ˈɪn.kjuːˌbeɪ.tə(ɹ)/ | kuvöz |
| talkative sıfat | /ˈtɔ.kə.ɾɪv/ | konuşkan, şapır |
| playful sıfat | /ˈpleɪfl̩/ | oyuncu, oyunbaz |
| discourage fiil | /dɪsˈkɝɪd͡ʒ/ | şevkini kırmak |
| trait isim | /tɹeɪt/ | özellik, vasıf |
| emphasize fiil | /ˈɛm.fə.saɪz/ | vurgulamak |
Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| show off fiil | hava atmak | |
| shut up | /ʃʌt ʌp/ | kapa çeneni, sus |
Tekrar etmeye değer cümleler
Videodan, günlük konuşmada yeniden kullanabileceğiniz kısa ve tam cümleler:
- Can you help me carry this pressure washer to my car?
- It's expensive and I don't want to drop it.
- They didn't say, can you carry this pressure washer?
- You want to get them to think, wow, really?
- You would do that for me?
Bu videodaki dil bilgisi
Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:
| Yapı | Videoda |
|---|---|
| İlgi cümlecikleri who / which + cümle — bir kişi ya da şey hakkında ek bilgi | children who grow · people who do · stuff, which makes |
| Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli | being put · be interpreted |
Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar
Konuşmacı you're, don't, they're gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 51 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.
- “sh” ve “zh” sesleri: washer /ˈwɒʃə(ɹ)/, accomplishment /əˈkɑm.plɪʃ.mənt/, donation /doʊˈneɪʃən/, harsh /ˈhɑɹʃ/
- Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: charismatic /ˌkɛɹəzˈmætək/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, incubator /ˈɪn.kjuːˌbeɪ.tə(ɹ)/, accomplishment /əˈkɑm.plɪʃ.mənt/, coincidence /kəʊˈɪnsɪdəns/
Türkçe konuşanların zorlandığı sesler:
- /w/ — dudaklar yuvarlak, /v/ değil: washer /ˈwɒʃə(ɹ)/, downward /ˈdaʊnwɚd/, wizard /ˈwɪzɚd/
- Kelime başındaki ünsüz kümesi — araya ünlü eklemeyin: creamer /ˈkɹiː.mɚ/, playful /ˈpleɪfl̩/, breaker /ˈbɹeɪkɚ/, gladly /ˈɡlædli/, trait /tɹeɪt/
- /æ/ — “e”den daha açık: banter /ˈbæntə/, charismatic /ˌkɛɹəzˈmætək/, gladly /ˈɡlædli/, distract /dɪˈstɹækt/, packet /ˈpæk.ɪt/
Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır
- Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
- 0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
- Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; banter, charisma, compliment gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.
Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?
Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.