Shadowing Practice: How to Control Yourself, Read People & Build Discipline | Chase Hughes - Learn English Speaking with Video

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The difference between a person who's confident and a person who doesn't have confidence is that they hear those voices as truth.
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And I hear them or somebody with confidence hears them as fiction.
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If a person is blinking fast, it's a sign of high stress.
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If they're blinking really slow, it's a sign of focus.
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I need to hear what's underneath the statements that someone is saying.
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You need to hear between the lines.
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I define discipline as your ability to prioritize the needs of your future self ahead of your own, present self.
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One of the fastest ways to get good at just enjoying the moment is to be
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so self -forgiving that it's almost delusional.
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it would be a person that is lacking some degree of control in some aspect of their life
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and it's typically they think they need skills most of my clients come to me saying
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i want the technique i want the skill teach me the the recipe to do x y
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and z what do i say on the phone give me a new sales script.
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So I have this model called the ACSS model that I trained to my entire staff.
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And that ACSS model stands for authority, comfort, social skills, and then skills.
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90 % of people say they need more skills, but what they need is authority or comfort.
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And they can't be comfortable in a conversation.
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So I could give you, like I would talk to these clients and I would say, I could spend $10 million,
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write the best persuasion script for whatever your ideal outcome is, hand you this thing on a silver platter.
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And if you're not comfortable in that conversation, you're not going to be successful.
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I could give it to somebody with social anxiety and have them go read this out loud.
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It's not Harry Potter.
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We're not reading spells.
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It's not a spell.
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So a lot of people's problems come from comfort,
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a lack of being able to be comfortable in a conversation and the level of authority that they might have.
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And I don't mean hierarchical authority.
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I just mean personal authority.
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But they don't know it.
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They think it's, I need more social skills, I need to learn small talk, or I need this little technique.
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So every time, the one thing I tell every client is, if I give you a flight checklist right now for a small plane,
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a Cessna 172, are you a pilot?
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No. Having this little checklist of what to do does not give you the skill.
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So a lot of that, so much of that comes from comfort.
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And the problem that a lot of people have is they're competing with other people on height, on looks, on social status,
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money, hierarchy, confidence, all this other stuff.
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The number one thing you need to compare yourself with other people on is comfort.
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That's it.
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Is can I be more comfortable than the other person in this conversation?
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Because our brains are naturally wired to compete.
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We can't turn competition off, but we can change what they're focused on.
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And if they're focused on comfort, we win a lot more conversations.
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And they never go away.
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So the difference between a person who's confident
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and a person who doesn't have confidence is that they hear those voices as truth.
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And I hear them or somebody with confidence hears them as fiction.
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They're both listening to the same thing.
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So imagine like as a quick story, if you and I were going to lunch and I said, Stephen, I'm going to come pick you up.
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I pull up in front of your house.
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You jump in the passenger side.
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We're heading off and I'm listening to an audio book about a nuclear bomb going off.
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But it's inside the audio book.
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There's a fake news report about a nuclear bomb going off.
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Let's say it's a pretend BBC broadcast or something that's going on that it's in the audio book.
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We start driving.
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I'm relaxed.
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I'm focused on the road.
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I'm enjoying what I'm doing.
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Your heart rate's increased.
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You're fearful.
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Your amygdala's firing off.
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You're in this horrible state of like, oh my God, what's going to happen to my family?
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We're both hearing the exact same broadcast.
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We're listening to the same speakers at the same time.
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But I know that I'm hearing fiction and you are worried that it's truth.
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I don't mean to use you as that example, but that's the easiest way to describe it.
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And then just fundamentally changing how you hear that voice.
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And nine times, I think 10 times out of 10, that voice was developed when you were eight or nine.
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What did that kid do?
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And this is what I would ask any of the clients.
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What did that kid do to make friends or keep them?
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So friends, to feel safe.
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Now we're in the safety, like, how did I get to feel safe?
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And what did I do to earn rewards?
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And for some people, that might be recognition.
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For other kids who had a bad start in life, that might be water or food.
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Might have been a reward for those kids.
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So the way that we keep or earn friends, the way that we get rewards as a child,
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and the way that we feel what we have to do to feel safe.
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If I'm reading other people well, I'm also making a lot of eye contact with them.
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So that's also one of the fastest ways to get a read on another human being is how often they're blinking.
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And if a person is blinking fast, it's a sign of high stress.
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If they're blinking really slow, it's a sign of focus.
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So it's not always relaxation.
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So if I talk to a psychopath in an interrogation room or in a business negotiation, and they're very focused on prey,
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so we call that a prey focus, because they're going to manipulate somebody, their blink rate will almost be a zero.
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If I talk to somebody who's being deceptive, their blink rate can go up to like a 75, 80 without us even knowing it.
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So one of the reasons that blink rate is so reliable is that it's unconscious.
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We don't realize the shifts in blink rate and we don't manually control it very well.
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And if all that I would ever need to teach somebody, you don't have to count or know how many times per minute it's going on,
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is if I'm in a conversation, I'm going to start the conversation and say, is the blink rate normal?
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Does it look fast?
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Does it look slow?
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So what I'm really looking for in human behavior are changes, changes.
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So if I'm on stage, let's say I'm doing a keynote, and across the room I'm making eye contact with all these people,
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and I start seeing an increase in audience blink rate, I know I need to change the subject or change the topic right away.
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So would you be looking at one particular person?
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No. So generally...
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Yeah, so I would look at all of these eyes and pretend like I'm looking at one human.
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Okay.
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Does that make sense?
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You're getting an average of that.
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Yeah, so as I'm looking around, how many blinks do I see?
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And I'm going to pretend as if that was one human eye.
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Okay.
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So when you get a lower blink rate, people are paying more attention.
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Yeah, you're doing a great job.
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And you can, I go to these pitch meetings where these entrepreneurs will go up
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and pitch these angel investors and stuff like that up in Washington.
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And you can measure who will pitch based on blink rate.
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You see a blink rate drop, that's the most interested person in the room.
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We do the same thing with jury selection.
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It's so reliable.
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And you read these articles about like someone breathing into their chest.
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It takes a while to get good at that with your peripheral vision.
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Because I've taught it to people and they would spend a conversation with someone staring at their chest.
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And especially if you're talking to a woman, it's a bad idea.
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So blink rate is incredibly reliable.
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Listening means I can identify who you are and what the needs
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that are driving you and the social needs and the way that you make decisions.
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Is that part of the observation part?
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Yes, absolutely.
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Just listening to that means
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that now I have the right words to use for the communication
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and the right understanding of what motivates you as a person.
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So if I'm a therapist, that makes me a better therapist.
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If I'm a hostage negotiator, that makes me a better hostage negotiator.
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And if I'm a suicide hotline operator, that makes me way better at my job because I'm understanding exactly who I'm talking to.
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It's not about the calls.
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I need to hear what's underneath the statements that someone is saying.
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You need to hear between the lines, just like a behavior profiler.
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So what's the emotion that's starting here?
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Is it anger?
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Is it loneliness?
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Is it feeling unappreciated?
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I need to understand what the emotion is behind what someone's saying
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and address that and never address exactly what people are saying to try to win an argument.
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I just posted a video on YouTube three days ago.
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It was called the Narcissist Off Switch.
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And it was how to disarm any narcissist.
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And there were these very specific methods.
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But the biggest method of all was to always think about what they are using to get out of you.
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So if I'm in an argument, is someone using fear, obligation, or guilt?
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And that acronym spells FOG.
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So am I going to get in trouble or can I recognize when somebody is using fear, obligation and guilt?
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And if someone is doing any of those things, I want to call it out in a non -confrontational way.
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So let's say you give me some line about like, if you don't do this, I'm going to have to work 19 hours next week.
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So it's never about the hours and it's now it's guilt, right?
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I could say, Stephen, maybe you didn't mean to.
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It sounded like you wanted me to feel guilty about me working next week.
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And I know that you're a good person.
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I don't think you meant it that way.
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So I will absolutely call out any fear, obligation, or guilt.
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Always.
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But I'll call it out in a way that says, maybe you didn't mean this.
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But it sounded like this is what you were saying right here.
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And I always want to use that word where it's non -confrontational.
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And I want to give them an out.
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So in interrogation training, we always call this the golden bridge.
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In the art of war, they say, give your opponent a golden bridge on which they can retreat.
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So they can retreat across this golden bridge.
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And trap them in a corner.
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Yeah.
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So we give them an out that's beautiful.
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So maybe you didn't mean this.
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And I always want to think about going back to that.
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What is the hidden feeling or fear that's behind what they're saying?
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They're scared of something.
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They're scared of losing a deal.
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They're scared of losing money.
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They're scared of looking a certain way.
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They're scared of what the people in the room are going to think.
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Everything else change.
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And how do I fix my discipline if I'm an ill -disciplined person?
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Understanding what discipline is is the most critical element.
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And I define this differently than most people.
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So I define discipline as your ability to prioritize the needs of your future self ahead of your own, present self.
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And that's it.
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That's all that discipline is.
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I'm prioritizing the needs of future me.
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You're trying to think of a...
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No, I was thinking of two scenarios.
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Scenario one is I go home tonight, right?
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Because I go to sleep, I get to bed early.
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And there's this other thing I'm thinking about doing after this, which is going to the gym.
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And I'm like, as you're saying that, I was thinking both help future me.
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Yeah.
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So I was like, which one is discipline?
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I think they would both be discipline.
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Okay.
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So the moment that we start understanding that, if I could just make decisions that are prioritizing future me,
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then we go back to where am I getting my dopamine from?
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And I want past tense me to be a source of dopamine for present tense me.
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Because most of us look back with regret.
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I shouldn't have drank that much.
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I shouldn't have mouthed off at the family reunion.
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You know, whatever it is.
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I shouldn't have overslept.
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If I can start looking backwards with gratitude, that's the fastest way to make discipline dopamine generating.
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So the tricks are to start small.
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So like when I go to bed at night, I will pop open the little Keurig coffee thing and stick the thing in there,
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put a cup under there.
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Everything's like ready to go.
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So when I wake up in the morning, I just go, bam, and everything's ready.
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I'll get my clothes out, everything kind of lined up, ready to put on for the next day.
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So I'm lowering the threshold of how much attention I'm spending.
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So I'm going to set my life up in every single way
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that I possibly can as if I were a butler for future me.
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So when I wake up in the morning, all this stuff set out,
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my laundry's laid out, my checklist for what I need to do for the day.
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All the stuff I've got to get on a plane is all laid out by the back door.
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I can grab it and jump in the car.
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Everything that I could possibly do to make my future self go, oh man, that's awesome.
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and look backwards with gratitude, I'm gonna do it.
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I'll take a hundred dollar bill or maybe a few hundred dollar bills every spring or summer,
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and I'll stick them in a jacket pocket that I'm not gonna use until the winter.
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And I'll forget about it.
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And in the winter, I'm looking, and now I become a source of dopamine.
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Past tense me is becoming a source of dopamine for present tense me.
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That forces me to look in the future.
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along with like printing that old me photo and putting it all over the house.
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But everything that I can possibly do to make myself look backwards with gratitude is what I'm going to start doing.
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But you have to start small.
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It's like just going overboard is going to be crazy.
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And even writing a little post -it note to yourself
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and sticking it in a jacket or maybe a dress shoe that you're not going to wear for a few months,
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it means so much to find that
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and it's it's from you it's not from a loved one you did it
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so you're looking backwards with like wow that's amazing
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so you're now getting in love and sending gratitude backwards
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which automatically means that what's going forwards is concern
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and care the moment i'm always looking back with gratitude the concern is always going forward in the future
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and the concern for present goes away.
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And I'm going to push that concern to the right out in the future.
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So New Year's resolutions are around the corner.
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Everyone's going to say to themselves who they want to become.
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But it's easier said than done, I think seven eight eight percent nine percent of new year's resolutions will stick yeah
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so is it just a case of starting small
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or is there any other tricks to discipline
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that you can offer it's starting small and realizing
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that all of our lives are about habits not goals
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but what are the habits
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that make my goal a byproduct everything is about byproducts in your whole life whether you know it or not
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so instead of setting goals set like the byproduct what are the byproducts i want to have for this year
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and then what are the habits that make that up
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so what the big mistake most people make is they see
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somebody like you you go to the gym very often you probably eat really clean
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i know you don't drink alcohol because i brought you a flask and gave it to your team but uh
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they took it they did so somebody who doesn't live a very disciplined life would look at you and say,
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God, I want to be like Steven.
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He's got all this discipline, going to the gym.
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But they don't understand that you going to the gym isn't discipline.
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It's a habit.
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So you're not like forcing yourself to go do something.
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You're doing something that's a habit for you.
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The discipline only is necessary.
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You only need like a teaspoon of it at the very beginning to get this habit started.
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So start micro habits first and then bigger habits.
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So the discipline is not something that you should be seeing if you're seeing someone eat healthy and go to the gym,
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do all the stuff you want to do.
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Those are habits.
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And that person, you're not seeing a discipline at work right there.
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You're seeing a habit.
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The discipline was just at the beginning.
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And I think if more people knew that, that you're just exercising a little discipline at the very beginning,
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and then it's just, that's just what you do.
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It's like somebody who sees someone brushing their teeth every day.
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Like, wow, that's so much discipline.
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It's just what we do.
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It's a habit.
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Focus, emotion, agitation, and repetition.
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It spells fear.
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And that is the best way to brainwash yourself to form these new habits and goals.
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So how can I get myself to focus?
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How can I build the emotion, which is the why?
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Recurring emotion, not just one at the very beginning.
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How can I continue to make it emotional?
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Or maybe I can make the cost of inaction emotional.
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Maybe I can buy the app that makes me look fat or one of those things.
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And then agitation is if I'm waking up habituation, which you just talked about.
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If I'm waking up in the same house every day that I've been fat in, let's say I wanted to lose weight or whatever,
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the same house every day that I've lived X way in, I'm seeing the same hallway, same rug, same couch, everything looks the same.
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My brain says, oh, I'm here.
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I'm going to follow that script because our brain writes scripts for us to save us time.
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So agitation means I'm going to disrupt my environment so much
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and so often that my brain has no chance to default to an older script.
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So I have clients that repaint their house, they rearrange their furniture, they change up their wardrobe a whole lot,
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they get a completely new haircut so they're not even looking at the same person in the mirror anymore.
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They do everything you can to disrupt that rhythm.
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It's exactly what we would do with a detainee if we were trying to brainwash someone who is in an intelligence interrogation.
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So I'm disrupting environment like crazy.
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And what would we do with a dog?
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Are we going to let it do everything it's always done?
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Are we going to change that environment?
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Are we going to change the behavior, change the leash, change the collar?
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So it's not everything exactly the same.
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And then repetition.
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Repetition, which is just repeating the same thing over and over.
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So like if even just coming to the vision board, the last client I had,
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I had him go to Best Buy and get a 70 inch TV and then get one of those cheap tablets,
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those $300, $200 tablets and just duct tape it to the back of the TV and put his vision point, vision board on that thing.
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It's like 900 slides of just nonstop photos, but it runs 24 hours a day in his office.
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Even if he's not there, he walks in the morning, it's on non -stop repetition
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because him having to turn it off at night means he's got another point of discipline i've got to turn
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that tv on start that little powerpoint thing
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but that's non -stop and it's just non -stop exposure
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so can i generate focus that's a lot of focus on on the goals
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then there's emotion you're seeing all of that agitation which is disrupting my life patterns and repetition, which is just over and over and over.
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How can I re -expose you to the same stimuli, re -expose myself to the same stimuli?
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Just learning present tense mindfulness of just being in this moment.
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And I think if you
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one of the fastest ways to get good at just enjoying the moment
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is to be so self -forgiven that it's almost delusional.
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It's the best advice that I could give somebody.
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Be delusionally self -forgiving about everything.
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What does that mean in reality?
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Give me an example.
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Most people look back with regret and shame.
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I shouldn't have done that, or I should have done that.
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I can't believe I embarrassed myself.
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I can't believe I did that thing in front of those people.
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Get so forgiving of everything that you've ever done of yourself.
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that it is like delusional to the point where it's just crazy.
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And you're thinking, I shouldn't forgive myself for that.
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You get to a point where everything is fine and it's just hilarious.
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If you get to that point, your ability to stay in the present and not stuck in the past will 10X overnight.
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Just the ability to be delusionally self -forgiving.

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AI TelaffuzHer cümleyi puanla
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Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları

Bu konuşma dersi “How to Control Yourself, Read People & Build Discipline” videosuna dayanıyor. Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 327 cümle ve 3688 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 20:52 sürüyor. Konuşmacı dakikada yaklaşık 177 kelimeyle, günlük konuşmaya yakın doğal bir hızda konuşuyor. Kelimelerin %83’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında; geri kalanına başlamadan önce bakmakta fayda var.

Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler

Videodan öğrenmeye değer 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:

KelimeTelaffuzAnlam
discipline isim/ˈdɪsəplɪn/disiplin
blink fiil/ˈblɪŋk/göz kırpmak
habit isim/ˈhæb.ɪt/alışkanlık, adet
comfort isim/ˈkʌm.fət/konfor
forgive fiil/fɚˈɡɪv/affetmek, bağışlamak
emotion isim/ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/duygu, his
script isim/skɹɪpt/hat
scare fiil/skɛɚ/korkutmak
tense isim/tɛns/zaman
gratitude isim/ˈɡɹæ.tɪ.tud/şükür, şükran
backward sıfat/ˈbækwɚd/geri
spell isim/spɛl/büyü, tılsım
guilt isim/ɡɪlt/suç, suçluluk
audio sıfat/ˈɔ.di.oʊ/ses
fiction isim/ˈfɪkʃən/kurgu

Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller

KelimeTelaffuzAnlam
go off fiilpatlamak
line up fiil/laɪnˈʌp/sıraya sokmak
wake up fiil/ˌweɪk ˈʌp/uyanmak

Tekrar etmeye değer cümleler

Videodan, günlük konuşmada yeniden kullanabileceğiniz kısa ve tam cümleler:

  • I'm focused on the road.
  • I'm enjoying what I'm doing.
  • How can I continue to make it emotional?
  • Are we going to let it do everything it's always done?
  • Are we going to change that environment?

Bu videodaki dil bilgisi

Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:

YapıVideoda
İlgi cümlecikleri who / which + cümle — bir kişi ya da şey hakkında ek bilgiperson who doesn · person that is · kids who had
Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylemI've taught · I've been · I've lived
Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemliare naturally wired · was developed · was called

Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar

Konuşmacı I'm, you're, they're gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 126 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.

  • “th” sesleri: underneath /ˌʌndɚˈniθ/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, breathe /bɹiːð/, rhythm /ˈɹɪð.əm/, threshold /ˈθɹɛʃ(h)oʊld/
  • “sh” ve “zh” sesleri: emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, fiction /ˈfɪkʃən/, obligation /ˌɑ.blɪˈɡeɪ.ʃn̩/, interrogation /ɪnˌteɹ.əˈɡeɪ.ʃən/, delusional /dɪˈluːʒənəl/
  • Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: interrogation /ɪnˌteɹ.əˈɡeɪ.ʃən/, delusional /dɪˈluːʒənəl/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, recognition /ˌɹɛkəɡˈnɪʃ(ə)n/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/

Türkçe konuşanların zorlandığı sesler:

  • /w/ — dudaklar yuvarlak, /v/ değil: backward /ˈbækwɚd/, reward /ɹɪˈwɔɹd/, wire /ˈwaɪɚ/, microwave /ˈmaɪkɹoʊˌweɪv/, wardrobe /ˈwɔɹdɹoʊb/
  • Kelime başındaki ünsüz kümesi — araya ünlü eklemeyin: blink /ˈblɪŋk/, script /skɹɪpt/, scare /skɛɚ/, gratitude /ˈɡɹæ.tɪ.tud/, spell /spɛl/
  • /æ/ — “e”den daha açık: habit /ˈhæb.ɪt/, gratitude /ˈɡɹæ.tɪ.tud/, backward /ˈbækwɚd/, jacket /ˈd͡ʒæk.ɪt/, tablet /ˈtæblət/

Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır

  1. Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
  2. 0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
  3. Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; discipline, blink, habit gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.

Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?

Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.

Shadowing tekniği: adım adım eksiksiz rehberi okuyun →