Shadowing Practice: I’ve failed so I come back stronger - Learn English Speaking with Video

I wish that we normalized setbacks, like the real setbacks, the ones that are super devastating, not the small obstacles that are inconvenient,

but the ones that make you question your worth, that makes you feel like a failure, and especially the ones that make you question who you are

because the thing that you are known for or good for might be taken away from you.

That happens all the time in my job.

I'm a professional athlete, and we experience setbacks all the time, but no one normalizes it.

I remember when I was a rookie, no one looked out for me.

It was almost like this weird competition within the team.

And it's so counterintuitive because when you play a team sport, you would think that you want the whole team to win.

But when you're participating in such a competitive environment, your setback can be an advantage to someone else.

It could be someone else's opportunity.

So when you experience a setback, usually you don't tell other people you might want to hide because it looks like weakness.

It looks like you're giving someone else an advantage and you don't want that, especially when you're young, especially when you're a rookie.

You are scared to admit that because you see people older than you that feels like they have it all figured out.

But the thing that people don't understand when they start their career is that even when you're older as a veteran, you experience setbacks all the time.

it never stops but no one normalizes that

and that's why i feel like a personal responsibility to my younger teammates to go to them

and tell them about the setbacks

that i'm experiencing for example last year i wasn't playing in games i was benched

and this year i'm a starter i'm a captain i'm a huge role model within my team

but that wasn't always the case and the people

that know me from this year they think that everything's going great

when they don't even realize that last year it was a really difficult year for me

and i'm seven years into my career as a professional athlete

but no one normalizes that and the thing is

when you pursue goals it's so normal that you're going to experience setbacks

because you are trying to achieve something very ambitious you're already in the top one percent

and then you're trying to be you know the best version

of you it's hard it's a hard journey to be on

so it's inevitable that you face the setbacks

but no one really prepares you for how painful they are

and no one is really there to support you when they happen

and another and another thing that people don't talk about in the professional environment is

that it is a very fun environment to be in we laugh

so much like i'm so grateful every single day for the job

that i have because i truly enjoy it i smile every day i laugh every day like even

when things are hard

while we train it's still with this pure feeling of you're playing a game

that you love so i have a really amazing job

but on the other end of it people don't get as vulnerable as you think they might

because we say that we're a family but think about your family

or someone else's family sometimes a family doesn't necessarily mean

that you're the most honest

and vulnerable with a lot of people in their family they

can't even be honest about what they think what they want who they are

so it's the same thing in a team environment it's not always a family

and i'm not here talking about my personal experience this year

at the club i'm at i'm talking about every soccer team

i've been on from college to all my four professional teams

i've played on to the national team i've lived to some

extent the same version of what i'm talking about in every team that I've played on.

And I want to normalize this because first of all, people need to understand that when you help other people feel better, when you help them win,

it also helps you win.

And it sounds bad because it's like, well, you're doing it for yourself.

No, because the source and the intention for why you want the other person to win matters.

But at the end of the day, why can't we all win?

When I help my teammate to normalize their setback, they're going through a hard time maybe they're being asked to

go on alone maybe it's the first time they're not dressing for a game

when I tell them that it's very normal

and it's part of the journey

and this doesn't mean anything for their future it creates this sort of bond this sort of connection

that you can sense when you're on the field when you play

and you have that connection with your teammates you have this feeling

that you will do anything to play for the other person and that feeling is something that is unmatched.

We just played a team not that long ago and you can tell that that team they don't like each other.

You can tell on that team that everyone's out there for themselves

and they don't really play together but

when you watch us play as a team we're a very good connected team because we make the effort to be vulnerable, to normalize these kind of setbacks,

to be a little bit different than the other clubs

and I want to keep encouraging that too because whatever personal goal you have

If the other person is in their best place possible mentally,

physically, spiritually, if they are confident and they are resilient and they are their best self, it helps your performance.

I'm thinking about my rookie year.

My team was so good.

We made it to the final and we had a star player on my team, Sam Kerr.

She's one of the best players in the world.

She was world-class, probably like at a huge peak in her life at that point.

and the thing is she wouldn't have been successful on her

own she needed the playmakers behind her to feed her the

balls for her to become the leading goal scorer in the

league you can't win a team sport by yourself like we know

that so to root

or to be you know somewhat feeling threatened by someone else's

success is kind of like hurting you at the end of the day because you can't win without your teammates.

So that's why when you see someone experiencing a setback, it is your responsibility to come in and help them

and bring them up because you can't get to your goals by yourself.

And this sport has a problem to be extremely lonely.

This sport, even though it's a team sport, a lot of people have individual goals and it's very strange to navigate

because you want the team to win but if you're not playing

and you're not performing

or you're not dressing it can feel very hard to root for your team

but this is where I have learned to navigate this

because I have experienced so many setbacks in my career

so many setbacks from my rookie year into my seventh year

a lot of them were injuries sometimes being cut from teams sometimes

being a sub for a season sometimes being told I the club doesn't want me anymore I've had

so many things happening to me.

I've had teammates that weren't really good teammates.

I've had coaches that's been abusive.

So there's a lot of things that's happened

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that I had to be very resilient to keep going and to be where I'm at, which is another example why those setbacks really don't define you.

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They can shape you.

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A lot of people have to understand that the setbacks are part of the journey.

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There's no professional athlete that's made it a long time without experiencing setbacks

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and even the people that you look up to or maybe

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that you want to be a part of maybe you want

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to be part of the mbps maybe you want to be like trinity rodman i can guarantee

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that she's not satisfied with her performances i can guarantee

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that she wants more for herself no matter who you are you can't compare yourself to others

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because everybody else is struggling in their own way everybody else is having tough periods they have periods of peak

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and periods of struggle.

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It's very normal.

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But the people that stay at the bottom

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or they don't succeed in their career are the people that let those setbacks define them.

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A lot of people experience their first setbacks once they become pro because when they're pro,

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they finally get tested for the first time throughout their whole life.

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Even in college, that was me.

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You were like a star.

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You were like the best player on your team.

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And then when you get to the pros, you're in the top of 1% or 0.1% of the people.

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So it's going to be a different game and everyone there is talented.

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Everyone there has what it takes to be a pro.

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So what makes someone different than the other?

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It's your mindset.

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It's how you view your setbacks specifically.

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Anyone can thrive when they're doing well, but when things are not doing well,

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it's the mindset that you need to have that determines how you will come out of it.

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People in professional sports, especially team sports,

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need to let go this scarcity mindset and realize that someone else winning doesn't take away from you losing

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and I know I'm talking a lot about sports right now

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and you might not be an athlete but I assume

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that you're capable of using my analogies to your life it doesn't matter what you do

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if you are a high performer

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if you're ambitious you are going to be in a competitive environment and if you want to compete,

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you can't have this scarcity mindset where you're afraid of yourself and you're afraid of your opportunities if someone else is winning.

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If anything, that person can compliment you.

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That person can elevate you.

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That person can give you insights that you need.

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You can talk to that person.

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And if they don't want to talk, well, eventually it's on them and it's going to bite them back in the ass.

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I truly believe that if you like hoard things for yourself and you're not helping others, I don't understand that mindset, but you don't want to surround yourself by people like

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that anyways but i'm saying like this is your journey

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and you are meant to win

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if you want to win you just have to not let your mind go against you

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and compare yourself or feel like you have less opportunities

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or just find excuses you can't let your brain go there

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because your brain will lie you lie to you all the

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time your brain wants to protect your failures protect you from feeling bad about yourself

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or if you're really down bad it's going to make you feel like of failure

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and will convince you that this wasn't for you.

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But if there's a part in your heart that knows that it is for you and that you want this really badly,

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well, that's a sign that it's meant for you and you got to keep going and you have to stay resilient.

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Having so many setbacks have put me in so many moments of introspection and I've seeked a lot of therapy,

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a lot of sports, psychology, work with my mental coach.

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I've really worked on the mental side of the game and I really truly believe that when you are successful,

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the thing that makes you go from good to great is your mental discipline because you have the skills and yeah, you can keep working on those skills,

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like it's never going to end, but that's the easy part.

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The hard part is disciplining your mind.

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So I've seeked a lot of help throughout the years.

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I literally started doing therapy in 2016,

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2017 in college when I had a lot of anger issues on the field and the anger issues was towards myself.

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I couldn't stop swearing at myself.

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I talked really poorly about myself.

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I had

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negative self-talk and that just shows how much what I did

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and my performance was tied to who I am and

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that is a huge problem and the reason why I'm giving this insight is

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because throughout the years I have developed a lot of tools through those therapy sessions like for example angers

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and emotion it comes and visits you it's not who you are things like that and those are all practical

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But it wasn't until this year, after all these years of therapy,

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that I truly understood what's important when you experience a setback is not necessarily how you respond to it.

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But it's thinking a little bit deeper about who is the person that responds to this setback.

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It's about the person that you are that experiences the setback because the setback itself is not who you are.

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And I think sometimes that's why you get pulled down the rabbit hole

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because you start associating yourself with what happened to you.

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So you experience a failure.

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So you think that you are a failure.

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You've made a mistake.

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So you feel like you are unworthy.

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You've played bad.

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You think that you are invaluable, like not valuable.

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so it's very natural to high performers to associate what happens to you to who you are

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but that's where you have to remove yourself

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and that's why I feel no threats to people succeeding on my team

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and I'm genuinely rooting for them because one it makes me feel

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so much peace to operate from this place of I love them

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and I want the best for them two it allows me to feel better about myself

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because I don't feel like I'm in competition with my teammates.

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But lastly, I realized that ultimately everything is about the person that I am every single day,

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how I show up because who you are, if you want to feel good about who you are, it's by the decisions you make every single day.

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It's how you show up.

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And that is within your control.

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And the thing is

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when you don't have this focus and you focus on who you are as the results that you produce, well, those results are never fully within your control.

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People don't realize that winning is never really your doing.

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What you did is you put in the work.

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What you did is that you played a game.

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What you did is you showed up for the moment, but the result itself doesn't belong to you.

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the result is just the result I don't know

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if you can follow me here but you have to detach yourself from outcomes

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because that means if you don't do that

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when something bad happens your brain won't be like oh well I won't associate with bad

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and I'll just associate with a good no your brain will associate with a bad as well

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and that's where it brings you to failure actually to quitting

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to mental illness because the setbacks are inevitable and you're going to experience them and they're going to hurt really, really bad.

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And that's what I did for years.

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And that's why it's been so painful.

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My journey as a professional athlete, I feel like I've enjoyed it less than I've enjoyed it.

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Does that make sense?

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Like it's, it's been more painful than joyful to play as a professional athlete

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because I tied all my self-worth to my performance so then

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when I wasn't playing when I wasn't like the player

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that I thought I was it really took such a big hit to my ego

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that I would isolate myself and I felt very lonely

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but I didn't realize the opportunities

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that I would have to still work on the person that I am while I'm experiencing that setback so I would

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instead back then I would be more indifferent I would you know not care

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and feel like I didn't really care about the results

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or didn't really care about not playing but that didn't really help

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because I do care I really want to win I want to succeed I want my team to succeed

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but I was pretending otherwise because I was protecting myself because it was so painful to care.

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So now instead of caring about the results, I'm caring about how I show up.

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I'm caring about the process.

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And the reason why I know this works is because when in preseason, I was having a really good preseason in my own opinion.

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Okay.

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I was showing up every day.

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I was doing the work.

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It was really intense, but I loved my process.

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I loved how I showed up.

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And in my mind, I was so ready to

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I was so ready and confident because of how I see myself show up every single day.

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And it was our first preseason game of the year.

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And the coach didn't start me.

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I was so confused because I knew I performed.

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And then I started feeling like it was unfair because I'm like, well, the coach puts the players that she knows or the coach puts his,

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her favorite players that, you know, is international, whatever.

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but then I took a step back and I told myself, be ready, just be ready, because in the past, I've made the mistake of,

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okay, this is unfair, which might have been, but I would just not care, I would just be like, okay, whatever, and then I wouldn't show up as ready as possible for the game,

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so now I just changed, and I was like, just be ready, and you know what happened?

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One of my teammates sadly got injured in the first 10 minutes of the game

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and suddenly the coach asked me to sub in

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so I was really excited

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because mentally I was sharp I was ready to jump on my opportunity

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and I had it right then and there

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and I was like wow God is real

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because I was praying to have him have my back

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and to make me ready for my opportunity if it did come

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and then I had a great game

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and from then on I've been a starter crazy and that's something

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that I did very differently in the past

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because I would attach my worth to starting or not

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and in the past because I wouldn't have started I would have just beat myself up

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and just feel bad and then maybe waste my chance of actually being ready for

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when my opportunity came but now it's different

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because I'm focusing on the person that I am I'm focusing on my process I'm focusing on preparation

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mentally and physically so then I really am capable of jumping on the opportunities

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that are in front of me I think a lot of athletes don't realize

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that and you know recently there's been a few players

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that I know that's been going on loans on my team

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or on different teams and it's a very difficult place to be in

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because when a coach asks you to be on a loan it's almost as

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if they're saying well we don't see you in our plans here

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or we don't value you enough to stay here

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so we want to ship you somewhere else so you can like play

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and be more useful you know but you really don't have to read into

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that because one business is business opportunities are opportunities you can't really beat yourself up for the situation

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that you're in because there are so many factors at play

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and if you have the proper mindset of like okay the place

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that you will be next on the loan can be the

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place where you develop where you get to reinvent yourself be more of a leader try different things you know

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if you have the proper mindset it could be the best thing

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that can happen to you so the whole video was about setbacks

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and I think it's very important to talk about

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because we don't normalize it enough in sports we don't normalize it enough in high performance life people

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that have big goals they know that they will experience setbacks

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but they don't understand how painful it's going to be

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and this is like my way to come in

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and be like hey it's going to be hella painful

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but you can make it easier for yourself

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if you don't attach what happens to you to who you are

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and you actually focus on keep showing up

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and controlling what you can not spending your energy controlling the narrative of what people think of you

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or how unfair it was not spending your energy on staying

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bitter this is something i had to learn a lot

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and really let go of those things and focus on yourself like the person

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that has high standards how would a true professional show up

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every single day it's really asking yourself who am i going to become

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when a setback inevitably happens who are you going to be okay not necessarily what you're gonna do

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because that stems from who you're gonna be

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so i hope this gave you the resiliency that you were looking for

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if you are experiencing a setback right now you are not alone anyone

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that is a high performer is going through this it's

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so normal and i don't want you to give up if you know that this thing is meant for you, don't give up.

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Because if you just pivot and start something new, you'll get the dopamine of starting something new.

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But you're going to experience setbacks there as well

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because you're a high performer and you're going to try to be the best.

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Setbacks are always going to happen.

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You need to focus on who you are and your opportunities will come again.

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You can't give up.

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Your opportunities will come.

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I'm promising you this.

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They always do.

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So believe in yourself.

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I believe in you, but it doesn't matter that I do.

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You need to believe in yourself, okay?

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You got this.

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Cool.

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Thank you so much for listening.

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I hope that these videos about my professional life helps you understand your life better.

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That is really my intention.

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If you're an athlete, let me know.

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I'm really curious if I have athletes watching these videos because I'm gonna keep doing these kind of videos.

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They really speak to me and they've been very valuable lessons in my life.

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So my hope is that it just gives some little gem in yours. So, okay.

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Thank you so much for listening.

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I love you and I will see you so so soon in a new video

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Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.

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