Shadowing Practice: Supercut: Lessons in Dealing with a Crazy Family | Two and a Half Men - Learn English Speaking with Video
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1
Charlie, I've studied psychology for eight years and been a patient for 20.
2
Your brother is exhibiting all the classic signs of clinical depression.
3
What are you saying?
4
You think he might try to hurt himself?
5
The important question is, do we stop him?
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Oh, like I'm the only one here thinking that.
7
All right.
8
I didn't want to have to do this, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
9
What are you going to do?
10
Something I hoped I'd never have to.
11
You don't mean.
12
I'm afraid so.
13
Hello?
14
Mom?
15
Oh, God, what plague have you set upon me now?
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Alan, it's Mommy.
17
Good one.
18
Oh, my poor darling.
19
How are you holding up?
20
How do you think?
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I blew another marriage.
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I wasted all my money.
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I'm a complete and utter failure.
24
Oh, sweetie, you just can't see the big picture, can you?
25
What big picture?
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Every foolish choice you've made.
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Every wasted opportunity.
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Every hapless misstep in your sad, misbegotten life.
29
I know, I know.
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It's an opportunity to learn and grow.
31
Well, perhaps, but more importantly, It's a reflection on me.
32
Always good to see you, Mom.
33
I'm not finished.
34
Of course not.
35
There is a silver lining in this dark cloud.
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I can't wait to hear about it.
37
You're all alone.
38
You're penniless.
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And you have no prospects.
40
Are we at the silver lining part yet?
41
Yes.
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Short of contracting a flesh -eating disease, things couldn't possibly get any worse.
43
You've hit rock bottom.
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You have nowhere to go but up.
45
You know what?
46
You're right.
47
You're self -obsessed, insensitive, and soul -sucking, but you're right.
48
I have stared into the abyss, and I'm still here.
49
I've had my heart shattered, and then shattered again, and I'm still here.
50
I've taken every piece of crap that life could throw at me, and I'm still here.
51
Well, we don't have to turn this into an evening with Liza Minnelli.
52
Now, get washed, get dressed, get on with your life.
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Okay.
54
And remember, no matter what, I'll always love you.
55
I know.
56
Thanks.
57
Don't thank me, sweetheart.
58
I'm your mother.
59
I have to love you.
60
Charlie, I'm telling you right now, I'm not going to sleep with you tonight.
61
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
62
Where'd that come from?
63
Buy you a couple of drinks, invite you back to my house, and all of a sudden you think I want to sleep with you?
64
Yeah.
65
You mean you don't?
66
Hey, we just met.
67
Let's talk, get to know each other.
68
If later down the road, something happens, great.
69
If not, we've each made a new friend. That is very sweet.
70
Well, my mother raised me to be respectful of women, and I've always said, son of a bitch!
71
What? That.
72
That's what.
73
Butterscotch candies?
74
In about 30 seconds, they're gonna be butterscotch suppositories.
75
Well, we have a wild show today.
76
I have a TV show.
77
Morning.
78
Morning.
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I couldn't help but notice the guys from Goodwill hauling away Alan's hide -a -bed.
80
Oh, yeah.
81
He doesn't live here anymore.
82
No kidding.
83
Alan's gone?
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Yep.
85
Wow.
86
So you couldn't think for even a second that I might want to hide a bit?
87
Sorry.
88
You want some flowered towels?
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Pass.
90
So what broke your two lovebirds up?
91
He crossed a line.
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Must have been a big one.
93
Very big.
94
Was it money?
95
Worse.
96
A woman?
97
Worse.
98
What's worse than money in women?
99
He bought an ugly bowl and put it on the front table.
100
No. Then, when I told him to get rid of it...
101
He filled it with candy and put it on the coffee table.
102
Dear God.
103
What kind of candy?
104
Butterscotch.
105
Mmm.
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I mean the son of a bitch.
107
Are you making fun of me?
108
I'm trying. So what?
109
You think I should just let him put a candy dish wherever he wants?
110
No, you're right.
111
He obviously had to go.
112
He's an ungrateful parasite who overstepped his boundaries.
113
Exactly.
114
Well, you, on the other hand, are a completely reasonable man with no control issues whatsoever.
115
I don't pay you to mock me.
116
Charlie, you'd have to pay me not to.
117
I can't believe he cut school on his first day.
118
When you think about it, it's pretty smart.
119
As far as the school is concerned, he might just be a typo.
120
Charlie, the question is, why did he cut school?
121
Well, that's easy.
122
He cut because you scared the crap out of him and dressed him like an ace bandage.
123
Hey, hey, I was just trying to prepare him. For what?
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A life of running and hiding?
125
No, no. A life of blending in, and only if they see you running and hiding.
126
Face it, Alan.
127
When the good Lord was handing out courage, you were crouched in a locker peeing on your gym socks.
128
Okay.
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First of all, I had had three Mr. Pibbs at lunch.
130
And secondly, I am not a coward.
131
Come on, I've seen steal your nerves from a cat on the freeway.
132
That's ridiculous.
133
Jingle!
134
Ah!
135
Okay, I was not ready, and that was not fair.
136
And what about you?
137
What about me?
138
You're afraid of everything.
139
Like what?
140
Well, let's see.
141
Germs, change, commitment, opening your eyes underwater, angry husbands, angry ex -girlfriends, large birds, spiders, and mom.
142
Hold on.
143
Hold on a sec.
144
I am not afraid to open my eyes underwater.
145
I'm just sensitive to chlorine.
146
Right.
147
And for the record, it's just when birds get indoors.
148
In the sky, I got no problem.
149
Fine, fine.
150
Live in denial.
151
I'm gonna try and straighten my kid out.
152
And what sane person is not afraid of spiders?
153
Tell the doctor that if I was a tree, the rash is predominantly around the mossy trunk area.
154
But I'm starting to see some redness on the adjacent boulders.
155
Oh, come on.
156
Tree, two boulders?
157
What part don't you understand?
158
Hey.
159
Hey.
160
Okay, just have him call me.
161
Heard from Jake?
162
Nope.
163
I'll call him at his mom's, see how school went.
164
Alan, does this look infected to you?
165
What?
166
Oh!
167
Get that away from me.
168
I'm not asking you to tickle it.
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Just take a look.
170
No, thank you.
171
But you're a doctor.
172
I'm a chiropractor.
173
I work with vertebrae.
174
And contrary to popular belief, there's not a single bone in the penis.
175
Oh, hi, Judith.
176
Uh, nothing.
177
I was just talking to Charlie.
178
Hey, is Jake home from school yet?
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No?
180
Oh, okay.
181
Well, I was just wondering how his first day went.
182
Have him call me, okay?
183
Thanks.
184
Bye -bye.
185
Huh.
186
Hope he didn't wander under the bleachers during lunch hour.
187
Ah, he's smarter than that.
188
Smart?
189
Charlie, he only got out of sixth grade because he couldn't fit in the desks anymore.
190
Well, if you're that concerned, just call him on his cell.
191
Good idea.
192
Watch your step here.
193
what happened to your mouth I just had a little procedure
194
what kind of procedure they sucked some fat out of her ass and shot it into her lips
195
what did they do use the whole ass
196
they're just a little swollen in two days they'll be plump luscious and ready for action
197
what boy doesn't like hearing
198
that from his mother charlie i i need to sit down
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got you covered i i thought i thought you said it
200
was a woman thing you know any guys dumb enough to
201
do this good lord what did you do fillet a beehive fillet I read.
202
I can conjugate.
203
Man, the last time I saw a mouth like that, it was trying to eat Jacques Cousteau.
204
Hey, dogs.
205
Oh, hey.
206
Hey, Jake.
207
Alan, here.
208
I need you to sign these papers for Jake's summer school.
209
Uh, summer school again?
210
Why not?
211
He's getting good at it.
212
Oh, my Lord.
213
Who is that?
214
He's my handyman.
215
Really?
216
I've been looking for a good handyman.
217
Well, it's a little soon to know how good he is.
218
I'll find out.
219
I'm starting to see a trend here. That bony bitch!
220
Yep, definitely a trend.
221
Summer school three years in a row.
222
They might as well just make you the janitor.
223
Uh, well, school sucks.
224
That's because you go year -round.
225
Imagine if you had a couple of months off in the summer.
226
If I were you, I'd start teaching him how to throw sawdust on vomit.
227
I could do that.
228
Mind you, just go start your homework.
229
What's the point? i'm already going to summer school jake and
230
if i flog there what can they do send me to regular school go actually
231
that sawdust job might be a pipe dream is the big one gone
232
yeah she went to get something waxed we were scared to
233
ask what i just wanted to tell you I was able to save you some money on the Redwood.
234
Oh, that's terrific.
235
How?
236
My cousin.
237
He works at a lumberyard, and...
238
that's all you need to know.
239
Well, thanks.
240
No problem.
241
I'll give out your work.
242
I like this guy.
243
Of course you do.
244
What's that supposed to mean?
245
Charlie, he's a younger version of you.
246
Oh, yeah, that must be it.
247
I'll get it.
248
There you go.
249
He could be a doorman man.
250
Charlie, I really don't appreciate it.
251
I'm not saying right away.
252
He could work his way up from door stop.
253
Thank you for transporting me home.
254
You are a terrific cab driver and I hope someday you do visit your country.
255
Damn, where is that key?
256
Here.
257
Key, key, key, Key key key key key key key key key key key
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key key key key key key key key key key key
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key key key key key key key key key key key
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key key key key key key key key key key key
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key key key key key key key key key key key
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key key key key key key key key key key key
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key key key key key key key key key key key
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key key key key key key key key key key key
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key key key key key key key key key key key
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key key key key key key key key key key key
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key key key key key key key key key key key
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key key key key key key key key key key key
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key key key key key key key key key key key
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key key key key key key key key key key key
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key key key key key key key key key key key
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key key key key key key key key key key key
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key key key key key key key key key key key
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key key key key key key key key key key key
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key key key key key key key key key key key
276
key key key key key key key key key key key key key key Hello?
277
Oh, hey, Alan.
278
Come on in.
279
Why don't you come in here?
280
I can't.
281
I lost my key.
282
Dad!
283
Had a few cocktails, didn't we?
284
Me, too.
285
Listen, I need to ask you a favor.
286
Your needs, your needs.
287
What about my needs?
288
are you capable of having a conversation capable i just spent
289
20 minutes discussing open -toed shoes with a fat man from
290
rangoon he's a rangoonian we'll talk in the morning i wouldn't
291
count on it okay you talk i'll cook it's 11 30 well what are you cooking good question
292
and i can give you the answer in two words my famous homemade chili Since when do you make chili?
293
There's a lot you don't know about me, Alan.
294
I am a man of many layers.
295
Strata, if you will.
296
I see.
297
A thin crust, magma, and a chewy nougat center.
298
Great.
299
Anyway, tomorrow I have to go to the DMV to get my license renewed.
300
Ah, cars.
301
Where would we be without cars?
302
And how would we get there?
303
Run, run, you're free.
304
Well, listen, the thing is, I can't take Jake, because he's got a book report to do.
305
I love Jake.
306
Oh, come on, we had an adventure.
307
Dad?
308
Yeah, buddy?
309
Fight me.
310
You'll see.
311
Someday, you and I will look back on this weekend and laugh and laugh.
312
I didn't say someday soon.
313
Hey, come on.
314
I thought you liked wet T -shirts.
315
Hey.
316
Hey.
317
Shut up.
318
Oh, come on, Alan.
319
We both know I can't do that.
320
What do you want me to say?
321
It was a bad idea?
322
Okay, it was a bad idea.
323
I mean, the only thing we bonded over was our mutual discomfort with pooping into a coffee can.
324
It wasn't chock full of nuts, was it?
325
sorry sorry where's jake he went back to his friends in hooterville yeah i can't blame him it never rains in hooterville
326
look alan seriously i'm i'm sorry it didn't work out i
327
know your heart was in the right place thank you now i finished the limerick you want to hear it
328
too soon
329
you don't get it you don't understand what it's like to
330
be a little boy's best friend to be to be someone he looks up to
331
and then one day you turn around
332
and the only person he looks up to is covered with baby oil
333
and nailed to the ceiling hey count your blessings there's all kinds of pictures
334
that could have been up there yeah i guess it could have been the moscow ballet By that, it's still, I can't help but feel a little empty inside,
335
like a chapter of my life is over. So?
336
You've still got plenty to look forward to.
337
You mean besides work, loneliness, and death?
338
Absolutely.
339
There's memory loss, impotence, adult diapers yours?
340
I'm all you've got, pal.
341
That's true.
342
My wives are gone.
343
My son has grown.
344
But I'll always have you.
345
My brother.
346
Forever.
347
Okay, now I was just having fun, but that was mean it's much easier to rotate in new posters when these ones stop working for you
348
i don't think that's gonna happen trust me after a
349
while these beautiful eyes are gonna be filled with judgment
350
and condemnation what are you talking about okay maybe that was just me
351
anyway you're lucky your dad lets you hang posters like this i guess does your mother let you no way So, what do you got in her house?
352
A secret stash of magazines?
353
Just one.
354
Playboy, 1998, the Christmas issue.
355
God bless you, Hefner, huh?
356
God bless Kimberly McAdoo from Portland, Oregon.
357
Born March 4th, 1979.
358
Turn on, sunshine and goatees, turn offs, judgmental people and more.
359
Gotta love a chick who doesn't like war.
360
Tape me.
361
Hey, Uncle Charlie, could you do me a favor?
362
If it's the favor I'm thinking of, not until you're 18 and not in my house.
363
What?
364
Nothing, nothing.
365
What do you need?
366
Could you get my dad to lay off the father -son stuff?
367
It's kind of lame.
368
Lame?
369
You think it's lame your father cares so much about you he wants nothing more than to be part of your life?
370
Yeah.
371
Look, you've got to understand what your father's going through.
372
What do you mean?
373
Okay, here's the deal.
374
Your father has reached a very difficult age.
375
It's confusing and a little bit scary for him.
376
Scary how?
377
Well, first of all, his body's changing.
378
Really?
379
Oh, yeah.
380
Hair is growing where it's never grown before. That is scary.
381
And then there's the hormones.
382
Hormones?
383
Yep.
384
Your father is running out of them.
385
Sounds bad.
386
No, no. it's just a perfectly natural part of growing old jake is it happening to you no no no
387
well when will he be back All right, tell him I called again.
388
Boy, some agent.
389
He never calls, he never returns my calls.
390
I'm almost sorry I let him fill me up.
391
I guess that's showbiz.
392
That's what he said.
393
Uh, listen, Candy...
394
I really thought they liked me at that audition.
395
They had me read three times, and then all the jumping jacks.
396
Jumping jacks?
397
It's an action series, Alan.
398
They need to know that I'm fit.
399
Ah, uh, well, listen, Candy, there's something I wanted to talk to you about.
400
If it's about the divorce papers, I haven't signed them yet.
401
No, no, that's not why I'm here.
402
Um, sweetie, do you remember why we split up?
403
The big reason or all the little reasons?
404
The big one.
405
Because there were a lot of little reasons, Alan.
406
I know.
407
Like the way your toenails grow all crazy.
408
Right.
409
And your ear hair and your nose hair.
410
Got it.
411
And that one long hair on your back?
412
Yuck.
413
Okay, forget the little reasons.
414
Just the big one.
415
Yeah, you didn't want to have a baby and I did.
416
Right, well, what would you say if I were to tell you that I've changed my mind about that?
417
Really?
418
Yeah, I've just been thinking that Jake has almost grown and there's still a lot of daddy left in me.
419
So you want to have a baby?
420
Yes, I do.
421
A fresh start, a new chapter.
422
Wow, that's a big step.
423
Yeah, I know, I know it is.
424
So, if you want to think about it...
425
No, that's okay, let's make a baby.
426
Just like that?
427
Don't you want to talk about it so far?
428
Alan, it's practically all we talked about our entire marriage.
429
Baby, baby, toenails, baby, ear hair, baby, how clocks work, baby.
430
So, so you really want to do this? Do what?
431
Hey, Charlie, would you see who that is?
432
It's death.
433
Hi, Mom.
434
Your gardener left this in the driveway.
435
There's no gardener.
436
It was a girl with a grudge.
437
so how was your friend's funeral oh terribly disappointing yeah in
438
my experience nothing kills a party like a dead broad in
439
a box don't be glib charlie hello alan oh hey mom
440
wow you look nice yes mourning becomes me doesn't it only more of my friends would die i'm sure the feeling's mutual.
441
Charlie, as long as you're over there, make mommy a drink.
442
It's been a very depressing afternoon.
443
Thanks for spreading it around.
444
Can you believe two of Cynthia's three children didn't even bother showing up at her funeral?
445
And the one who did was drunk and cracking tasteless jokes about his mother all throughout the service.
446
You didn't happen to jot any of them down, did you?
447
and it wasn't just the children the crowd was very sparse
448
and there was virtually no mourning well that's understandable isn't it
449
you said no one really liked this woman oh she was a hateful shrew
450
but still fortunately i was able to draw on my theater background
451
and work up a good cry sense memory i remember the
452
time i wasn't cast as blanche dubois in streetcar you're a good friend mom i know i'm just glad
453
that when my time comes i won't have such a humiliating send -off
454
right yeah yeah sure sure yes well i'm gonna go freshen up even fake tears can ruin one's mascara
455
speaking of which whoever did cynthia's makeup should be shot
456
and buried beside her she looked like a varnished clown you'll
457
go to mom's funeral won't you of course as the eldest
458
son it's my obligation to pound in the steak typical nothing
459
for alan to do okay you can cut off her head
460
and hold it up for the villagers what are you doing
461
leaving before mom gets out of the bathroom i I thought we were taking her to dinner.
462
I can't listen to her anymore.
463
It just blows my mind that she can go on
464
and on about her toxic friend's sad little funeral when we both know she's gonna end up exactly the same way.
465
I don't disagree, but there's an option to running away from her.
466
Yeah, but we'd get caught, and you'd sell me out for a reduced sentence.
467
We could tell her the truth,
468
that she's just as toxic as her late friend and that that's the way she's gonna be remembered. Are you on crack?
469
Maybe if she realized how people see her, she might make an effort to change.
470
If she realized how people see her, she'd just...
471
Get new people.
472
What are we going to say, Alan?
473
Hey, Mom, you're a crazy she -bat, and the only way people will come to your funeral is
474
if your delighted son's turning into a three -day beer bash with go -go dancers.
475
Well, we wouldn't start there.
476
All right.
477
Cynthia's in the ground.
478
My face is on.
479
I look stunning in black.
480
Let's go to dinner.
481
Just follow my lead.
482
Um, Mom?
483
Yes, dear?
484
Alan thinks you're a crazy she -bat and no one will mourn at your funeral either.
485
We're telling you this because we love you.
486
Thanks for seeing me on such short notice, Doug.
487
Not a problem, Charlie.
488
So, what's the big emergency?
489
Why does it have to be an emergency?
490
Maybe I just wanted to check in.
491
Well, you left six messages on my service.
492
Oh, that was just a liquored -up fella hitting the speed dial.
493
All right, I got five minutes before my next patient, so why don't you just give me the headlines?
494
All right, I'm seeing a woman.
495
Well, that's not a headline, Charlie.
496
That's the name of the paper.
497
I know, I know, but she's different from the type of woman I usually go out with.
498
Yeah, different how?
499
Well, she's a little older.
500
You really couldn't go younger without having to register with the authorities.
501
I mean, she's older than me.
502
Oh, we have our headline.
503
And I'm confused because I have really strong feelings towards her.
504
Do you find her attractive?
505
Yeah, she's gorgeous.
506
How's the sex?
507
We haven't had sex yet.
508
Hold the presses.
509
We have a new headline.
510
Do I have to pay extra for the sarcasm?
511
No, it's a flat rate.
512
The thing is, we get along great.
513
She's warm, nurturing, supportive, and I feel really safe with her.
514
Well, let's see.
515
You're involved with an older woman who's warm, nurturing, and supportive.
516
You feel very safe with her, and you haven't had sex.
517
Now, what male -female relationship does that suggest?
518
Uh, I feel like I should know this one.
519
Take the time.
520
Older, nurturing, warm.
521
Mrs. Butterworth?
522
Charlie, this woman you're seeing is a mother figure.
523
A mother figure?
524
I said she's warm, nurturing, and supportive.
525
The words toxic she -devil did not pass my lips.
526
My point is, because your real mother didn't give you what you need emotionally, you're responding to it in this relationship.
527
No, no, no, no, no. This is not a mother thing.
528
Now, my brother Alan, he's the needy one.
529
He practically wants to sit in this woman's lap and breastfeed, and not in the phone way.
530
so Alan's met her yeah and he's clinging to her like a tree monkey which is really pissing me off
531
so you're competing with your brother for the attention of an older nurturing woman
532
boy you're just a one -string banjo aren't you what do
533
you want me to tell you Charlie I can only play
534
the notes in front of me I want you to cut through all the psycho babble
535
and tell me why I'm so confused I just did you're gonna stick with the mother thing huh plink Look, Charlie, I've got my next patient waiting.
536
If you like, we can make a weekly appointment and really explore these issues.
537
In fact, twice a week might not be overdoing it.
538
No, thanks.
539
I prefer to deal with my demons as they escape.
540
All right.
541
So what do I owe you?
542
Well, I get $200 an hour.
543
You were here for five minutes, so why don't we just round it off and say $200?
544
Man, even hookers prorate.
545
Hookers don't have to listen to you, Charlie.
546
Goodbye.
547
Bye, Doc.
548
Good session.
549
Hi.
550
Come on in.
551
Thanks for seeing me last night.
552
I think I'm in love with my brother's girlfriend.
553
Morning.
554
What's good about it?
555
i didn't say good hey weren't you studying for your test i thought we settled this dad
556
turn off the tv go to your room and study i'll never learn hey hey i heard that so
557
so i'm an adult i don't have to learn anything
558
what's bugging you zippy your blow -up doll run off with a pool toy Just mind your business and do your job.
559
You want to rephrase that?
560
Desperately.
561
You got your homework done?
562
Mm -hmm.
563
All of it?
564
Yep.
565
Mm -hmm.
566
That a boy.
567
Now you just get to kick back this weekend.
568
That's my plan.
569
Mm.
570
Except?
571
Except nothing.
572
Oh.
573
Well, excuse me.
574
Oh, yeah.
575
There it is.
576
I might have to write a book report for Monday.
577
What do you mean you might have to write a book report?
578
I mean, if there's an earthquake by Monday morning, I have to write a book report.
579
Oh, God.
580
So what's the book?
581
William Shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew by William Shakespeare.
582
Hey, that'll come in handy when he's mopping out the toilets at the House of Pancakes.
583
You know, I could go over some pancakes.
584
Jake, please tell me you read the book.
585
I really wish I could, Dad.
586
Please.
587
I was gonna read it, but I can't find it.
588
You lost the book?
589
So what did you intend to do about the report?
590
You mean aside from the earthquake?
591
Yeah.
592
Well, I kind of put all my eggs in the earthquake basket.
593
Go get dressed.
594
We're going to the bookstore.
595
Well, can we stop for pancakes?
596
Go.
597
I'll bet you're sorry you took all that LSD before you had it.
598
I never took any LSD.
599
You might want to start telling people you did.
600
So are you a friend of the bride or the groom?
601
Uh, well, the bride is my mother, so the groom.
602
Hey, how do you like my house?
603
Oh, it's beautiful.
604
Helen, I have to talk to you.
605
Go away.
606
I've got a shot here.
607
No, you don't.
608
Come upstairs, honey.
609
Why?
610
Just come on.
611
Friend of the bride or friend of the groom?
612
Friend of mine.
613
Oh, my God. Does he...
614
Has a doorknob.
615
Doorbell?
616
Doorknob.
617
He's dead.
618
I can't believe he's gone.
619
Oh, Courtney, I'm so sorry.
620
So, he was just lying there with his pants down?
621
Apparently, somebody was giving him a very special wedding present.
622
I don't think so.
623
She's downstairs acting as if nothing happened.
624
And more importantly, she already married the guy.
625
Why would she bother?
626
Your mother's looking for you guys.
627
What's going on?
628
Teddy's dead.
629
Yeah, that's a stiffy.
630
We have got a real problem here.
631
What do you mean, we?
632
You son of a bitch.
633
So, you weren't the one who was...
634
Of course not.
635
I already married the man.
636
I just can't believe he'd cheat on me on our wedding day.
637
Excuse me, my father is lying here dead.
638
With his pants around his ankles and lipstick on his hoo -hoo.
639
Oh, my, what happened in here?
640
My husband is dead.
641
As a doornail.
642
Has anybody called the cops?
643
well you might want to consider it
644
because you only got a limited window before he starts stinking up the joint take a look at his pants
645
the belt is buckled on an unworn hole someone redressed him any of you touch the body
646
interesting we've got some perimortem ecchymosis on the posterior occiput That means a bruise on the back of the head.
647
Annette, you still couldn't get into medical school.
648
So much for time of death.
649
Looks like our boy here had some sexual activity before he bought it.
650
Hit the light.
651
I'm gonna check for semen.
652
Uh -oh.
653
My God.
654
It's like a Jackson Pollock painting.
655
The ceiling fan is actually a cute story.
656
Coffee?
657
Thanks.
658
So, Mr. Harper.
659
Call me Charlie.
660
And you are?
661
Interested in how you found the body.
662
Oh, right to it, huh?
663
Okay, well...
664
What have you heard?
665
That's not how we do this.
666
You tell me what happened.
667
All right.
668
I went upstairs to use the bathroom, and there he was.
669
Oh, no. Teddy.
670
So you're saying you were alone when you found him?
671
Well, technically, aren't we all alone?
672
You know, I'm finding that tank top awfully distracting. Is that police issue?
673
Mr. Harper, are you aware that making a false statement to the police is a crime?
674
Huh.
675
Slap -on -the -wrist crime or pack -my -bags -and -tape -my -butt -shut crime?
676
Hey, I like it when it's gift -racked.
677
Okay, okay, I wasn't alone.
678
I was with Courtney.
679
Why'd you lie?
680
Oh, come on.
681
I was trying to nail my stepsister at my mother's wedding.
682
Alan, I do not want a cheap album.
683
What is very possibly my last wedding?
684
He's always been stingy.
685
I remember once when he was a little boy, he accidentally swallowed a quarter.
686
Refused to poop for a week.
687
Mom, for God's sakes, this is my future stepsister.
688
Oh, relax, Alan.
689
I think it's cute.
690
Cute?
691
He's so tight, I wouldn't have been surprised if only two dimes came out.
692
Mom, I'm begging you.
693
Would you feel any better if I told you something embarrassing about me?
694
Yes.
695
Promise not to laugh?
696
Promise.
697
All right.
698
I have never in my life refused to poop.
699
You are so mean.
700
I love you.
701
I think I liked it better when you two didn't get along.
702
Well, those days are over.
703
Once I saw how happy Evie makes my father, I could have married her myself.
704
Oh, thank you, sweetheart.
705
And you're like the daughter I never had.
706
Not that he didn't try.
707
You should have seen him parading around in my earrings and my high heels.
708
Look at me, Mommy.
709
I'm pretty.
710
He wasn't, of course.
711
oh darling i'm just teasing you you're all man thanks you sure you're up to this i'm fine
712
just a little tender in the giblets Yeah, you're fine.
713
Two beers, please.
714
Oh, yeah, much better.
715
What are you doing?
716
What do you think I'm doing?
717
Scouting the talent.
718
Are you out of your mind?
719
What's your pickup line?
720
Want to come back to my place and help me look for my balls?
721
it was one ball and i found it don't you think you need to slow down a bit
722
why would i want to do that oh come on is this lifestyle actually making you happy
723
let me answer that question with another question who would you rather be you or me
724
you're kidding right you have two black eyes and you're perched on a scrotum cozy you
725
hi hey there oh sweet lord can I buy you a drink?
726
if you want to well I'd like to buy you an airplane but let's start with a drink
727
I'm Charlie pepper oh my favorite condiment it's a spice shut up So, Charlie.
728
No kidding.
729
Well, then...
730
All right, you're under arrest for solicitation.
731
Stand up, put your hands behind your back and spread your legs.
732
I'm afraid you're gonna have to choose one.
733
They left the faucet on a long time when they poured those legs.
734
I don't believe it.
735
Another one.
736
hey alan who's the blonde don't know founder on the beach like homeless not tonight
737
when you realize it's three in one day depends how you count i make it out to be seven eight
738
i should carry a clicker Oh, Charlie, even for you, this is ridiculous Hey,
739
one man's ridiculous Is another man's yabba -dabba -doo I should carry a kick Yabba -dabba -doo By the way,
740
I'm Charlie I'm Gretchen Ooh,
741
I like that, Gretchen He's got a built -in girl Upstairs on the right Make yourself comfortable.
742
Okay.
743
Grr.
744
Charlie Harper?
745
Yeah?
746
Get your hands off my wife.
747
Yes, sir.
748
No problem.
749
God, Charlie, are you okay?
750
No, I'm not okay.
751
I just got punched in the face.
752
Help me up.
753
That was an angry husband, wasn't it?
754
Well, you can't really blame him.
755
From now on, he's gonna have to take his wife golfing with him.
756
Wait a second.
757
You're still going upstairs?
758
Why not?
759
It wasn't her husband. But you're bleeding.
760
Did you see that girl?
761
I'd be climbing these stairs if I was just a head and a spine.
762
Uncle Charlie?
763
What?
764
Could you do me a favor and call Millie's mom and find out if Millie likes me?
765
But don't tell her to ask, because I don't want to appear needy.
766
I'm on it.
767
You're not going to do it, are you?
768
What was your first clue?
769
Oh, come on, why not?
770
Jake, buddy, I don't even remember who Millie's mom is.
771
Calling her would put me in a very awkward position.
772
More awkward than the time I had to pretend to be lost at the mall
773
so you can meet the cute security guard?
774
We both benefited from that.
775
How do you figure?
776
I got a hot date, you got a hot pretzel.
777
It was an excellent pretzel.
778
Did you make the call?
779
Jeez, everybody wants me to pimp for them.
780
Might as well give myself an orange hat platform shoes and a full -length fur coat.
781
If anybody could pull it off, it'd be you.
782
Did you make the call?
783
Here.
784
Her name's Alexis.
785
She's expecting to hear from you.
786
Ooh.
787
Alexis.
788
That's a pretty name.
789
They all have pretty names, Alan.
790
You'll never meet a hooker named Maud.
791
Right, right. So, uh...
792
So exactly how much are we talking about?
793
She's willing to throw you one for $500.
794
Whoa.
795
Uh, okay.
796
Um, can I put it on a credit card?
797
A credit card?
798
Where are you planning to swipe it, Alan?
799
All right, all right.
800
I was just hoping to get the miles.
801
Forget the miles.
802
And remember, that $500 does not include the tip.
803
I have to tip her?
804
You know, in case there's something you want that might be considered unusual.
805
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna have to tip her.
806
Hi.
807
Oh, hey, hey, Berta.
808
Hey, Berta.
809
So what you're saying is that this is a la carte kind of deal, like a steakhouse?
810
What?
811
As opposed to a set menu or buffet style.
812
Sure, whatever.
813
Should I mention your name when I call?
814
Absolutely.
815
For every referral, I get a free travel mug.
816
Terrific.
817
Thank you, Charlie.
818
Happy to help.
819
Zippy getting a hooker?
820
It would appear so.
821
Boy, talk about earning your money.
822
I think competitive eating really changed when that Japanese guy started weighing the hot dog buns.
823
I actually figured out that trick myself by accident.
824
So, how are your folks doing?
825
That's not funny, Charlie.
826
No, no, no. I meant how are they doing in heaven?
827
What are you talking about?
828
Hell.
829
Are you referring to their divorce?
830
Yes, I am.
831
And divorce is hell.
832
But after a while, it can be like heaven.
833
You know, you're even prettier than I remember.
834
Thank you.
835
And you are just as charming as the first time we met.
836
Oh, you don't remember that.
837
I sure do.
838
It was a really hot day in July, and we were both...
839
My opinion, the hot dog eaters are amateurs.
840
The guys that do pork ribs and spaghetti, they're the real athletes.
841
Hey, hey, hey, the lady's talking here.
842
Oh, right, Millie.
843
Charlie wants to know what your mom's name is.
844
You don't remember my name?
845
What?
846
Of course I do.
847
You're gonna listen to SpongeBob Smear Pants?
848
Oh, you want to play like that, huh?
849
Mr. Drunky Face?
850
What's my name, Charlie?
851
Just a sec.
852
How's your lobster, sweetheart?
853
You need more butter?
854
Because there's plenty on Jake's shirt.
855
You have no idea what my name is, do you?
856
He doesn't have a clue.
857
Okay, okay, okay.
858
I'm not good with names.
859
But I'll never forget the passionate nights we spent together.
860
We never spent the night together.
861
We didn't?
862
No. Well, no wonder I don't remember you.
863
Come on, honey.
864
We're leaving.
865
No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
866
I gotta know.
867
Who the hell are you?
868
Nice going.
869
You mean?
870
You're putting this on me?
871
Can I bring you anything else?
872
Yeah.
873
Give me a bottle of scotch, a taxi, and a smarter kid.
874
So, are either of you going to tell me how it went tonight?
875
Ask your bubble -headed son.
876
Ask your butt -headed brother.
877
You know what?
878
I'm not that interested.
879
I'm on the bed.
880
Oh, no. Stay.
881
I so enjoy your company.
882
so uh how's school this week okay anything noteworthy happen
883
no i thought you said he got
884
dumped i was easing into it
885
oh good idea go ahead jake sooner or later every guy gets dumped Some guys get dumped sooner and later, right, Ellen?
886
Sorry, I should have eased into that.
887
My point is, you've got nothing to be embarrassed about.
888
I'm not embarrassed.
889
I'm angry.
890
She didn't even tell me why.
891
She just sent me an email saying she doesn't want to go out with me anymore.
892
Maybe she found somebody better.
893
What do you mean, better?
894
Who's better than Jake?
895
Why, no one, Ellen.
896
he's the pinnacle of male evolution thank you
897
look buddy I know exactly how you feel
898
when I was your age I was dating a beautiful girl
899
Charity Kirschenbaum I was crazy about her then the night before junior prom she called
900
and dumped me wouldn't even give me a reason I was devastated
901
so what'd you do what could I do How can you mend a broken heart?
902
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
903
You done?
904
Unless you want to hear Jive talking.
905
The thing is, Jake, that no matter how bad you feel now, eventually it'll pass.
906
You just have to be willing to live with the pain.
907
No, he doesn't.
908
Yes, he does.
909
Hang on, Deb.
910
What do you mean, no, I don't?
911
When you get dumped, you don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself.
912
You go out and find another girl, a better girl.
913
Okay, but how am I going to get another girl?
914
I don't know how I got this one.
915
You don't know how you got a girlfriend?
916
No, it just kind of happened.
917
Yeah, I know how that goes.
918
Wake up in the morning and there she is.
919
Shut up, I know that was wrong.
920
Look, Jake, who is the cutest girl in your class?
921
Nicole O'Malley.
922
Okay, call Nicole O'Malley and ask her out.
923
Are you drunk?
924
A little.
925
But this is a secret that will serve you for the rest of your life.
926
The hotter the girl, the lonelier she is because most guys are too scared to talk to her.
927
really why couldn't you have said this 20 years ago come on dad i wasn't even born 20 years ago
928
i really shouldn't be giving him advice that could help him reproduce should i
929
and then she leaned over real close to play with the paddles
930
the what paddle shifters on the steering wheel oh oh i had another picture entirely
931
but i restrained myself i walked away and now i can still look teddy in the eye
932
that's that's great
933
but how come you have no problem looking me in the
934
eye after sleeping with my wife's sister my son's teacher my divorce lawyer and my old receptionist I like Teddy.
935
And the receptionist was your fault.
936
How?
937
If you'd paid her a decent salary, she wouldn't have had to hook.
938
I brought the Bentley.
939
Come on, Courtney.
940
I told you I can't.
941
Just one little test drive.
942
What do you have to lose?
943
Well, there's my integrity, my self -respect, my relationship with your father.
944
Give me the damn keys.
945
Is your brother still in bed with his sister?
946
Stepsister. To be. And yes.
947
Wow, how long has it been? About 18 hours.
948
Good thing he's got supplies up there.
949
He does?
950
Sure.
951
Water, power bars, fresh batteries, rope.
952
Oh, like an earthquake kit.
953
Huh.
954
I guess you could use that stuff for earthquakes.
955
Oh, crap.
956
Misdirected anger.
957
You'll get used to it.
958
What are you guys doing here?
959
We came here to talk with you and Charlie.
960
Didn't he tell you?
961
No, he did not.
962
In fact, he never tells me anything.
963
I don't know half of what he does, nor do I want to.
964
It's his life, and he alone should suffer the consequences.
965
Come on in. Is he even home?
966
Uh, I'll check.
967
Why don't you, uh, make yourselves comfortable and, uh...
968
I'll check.
969
Because I have no idea.
970
So, I'll need to check. Is he on something? If only.
971
What?
972
Teddy and Mom are downstairs.
973
You're kidding.
974
What the hell are they doing here?
975
Apparently you invited them.
976
I did not.
977
Yes, you did.
978
On the phone, remember?
979
Hey, Alan.
980
Hi, Courtney.
981
How you doing?
982
Charlie, they're waiting.
983
Yeah, we got a problem here.
984
No, no, no, sir.
985
You got a problem.
986
I made no promise.
987
I broke no promise.
988
You actually made a promise?
989
Yeah, and I really tried to keep it.
990
He did.
991
I can sense his inner conflict as we were doing it in the backseat of the Bentley.
992
Look, just stall them.
993
I'll be right down.
994
Fine, but know this, Charlie.
995
I am not taking the fall for you.
996
How could you take the fall for me?
997
I don't know, but it always seems to work out that when you get laid, I get screwed.
998
Just go.
999
Love, Charlie, Waffles.
1000
Here you go, Dakota.
1001
What do we say to Mr. Waffles?
1002
Thank you, Mr. Waffles.
1003
No, thank you, sweetheart.
1004
And thank you, Mommy.
1005
So tell me, is there a Mrs. Waffles?
1006
Sadly, no. Well, maybe this will cheer you up.
1007
Come on, honey.
1008
Oh, I do indeed.
1009
This guy's a phenomenon.
1010
The label's already moved 100 ,000 units in less than two weeks.
1011
The Wiggles can kiss my pasty white tushy.
1012
I'm sorry, who are you?
1013
I'm Artie Plissken, president and CEO of Fluffy Bunny Records.
1014
And you are?
1015
Alan, Charlie's brother.
1016
Oh, you're the sponge.
1017
Pleasure.
1018
Same here.
1019
Do you believe in God, Artie?
1020
I'll tell you what I believe in.
1021
Regular prostate exams, full -release massage, and Charlie Freak and Waffles.
1022
Okay, kids, Charlie Waffles needs to take a little potty break, but he'll be right back.
1023
In the meantime, why don't you all sing along?
1024
It's potty time.
1025
Can't hold it.
1026
Can't hold it.
1027
Can't hold it.
1028
Here, I'll put this in the mommy and me pile.
1029
I'll be right back.
1030
Alan, this is nothing compared to the concert he's going to give next weekend.
1031
Concert?
1032
Concert?
1033
1 ,200 screaming kids and moms all dying to hear Charlie Waffles sing in person.
1034
1 ,200?
1035
At 50 bucks a pot?
1036
Wait a minute.
1037
He's going to make $60 ,000 off one concert?
1038
Yeah.
1039
Good time to be a sponge, huh?
1040
I'm not doing any concerts.
1041
Why not?
1042
Because I'm not.
1043
Case closed.
1044
What's up with him?
1045
It would appear he's displeased with the latest gold nugget to fall out of his ass.
1046
You know, trust me, the gold's going to keep coming, even if I can get it myself.
1047
Pretty catchy, huh?
1048
So's gonorrhea.
1049
Drinking from the well of bitterness, are we?
1050
I just don't understand what kind of spiteful God could allow
1051
my drunken whoremonger of a brother to become a children's singing star while I toil away in poverty -stricken anonymity.
1052
You want to talk to me about toiling away in poverty -stricken anonymity?
1053
No. Sorry.
1054
I'm sure you've got it worse than I do.
1055
Whoa, whoa.
1056
I wouldn't go that far.
1057
What I'm trying to say is there's another way to look at this what's
1058
that we're all in this together your brother's success is our success his home is our home
1059
and most importantly
1060
when he's got a load on his car is my car
1061
hey bernard guess what i got another big royalty check oh
1062
hey good for you why don't you celebrate with a drink
1063
i think i will hey alan guess what yeah i heard another big check yeah
1064
you know what's a great place to pick up single moms the parking lot of chuck e cheese he didn't
1065
and not just moms nannies aunts and a couple of very doable grandmas do you have any shame no why
1066
hello hang on
1067
who loves kids oh hey artie just got the check thanks what's up
1068
sure i'll sign some cds where they got bookstores just for kids who knew Everyone but you.
1069
Okay, I'll be there.
1070
Thanks a lot.
1071
Hey, Alan, guess what?
1072
There's no God?
1073
Oh, on the contrary.
1074
There is a God.
1075
And he loved me long time.
1076
Who barfed in the fishbowl?
1077
Who could it be?
1078
Who barfed in the fishbowl?
1079
Oh, wait, it's me.
1080
Fish food, fish food.
1081
I love you.
1082
Men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men,
1083
men, men, men, men, men, men, men
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Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları
Bu konuşma dersi “Supercut: Lessons in Dealing with a Crazy Family” videosuna dayanıyor. Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 1082 cümle ve 7631 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 58:30 sürüyor. Konuşmacı dakikada yaklaşık 130 kelimelik dengeli bir hızla konuşuyor; gölgeleme için rahat bir tempo. Kelimelerin yalnızca %81’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında, bu yüzden kelime dağarcığı zorlayıcı. 1082 cümlenin 246 tanesi soru; soru tonlaması ve kısa cevaplar için iyi bir alıştırma.
Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler
Videodan öğrenmeye değer 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| funeral isim | /ˈfju.nəɹ.əl/ | cenaze, defin |
| whoa | /woʊ/ | oha |
| candy isim | /ˈkæn.di/ | tatlı, şeker |
| pants isim | /pænts/ | pantolon, don |
| divorce isim | /dɪˈvɔːs/ | boşanma |
| earthquake isim | /ˈɝθkweɪk/ | deprem, zelzele |
| sweetheart isim | /ˈswiːtˌhɑːt/ | sevgili |
| ridiculous sıfat | /ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs/ | saçma, komik |
| buddy | /ˈbʌdi/ | ahbap |
| honey isim | /ˈhʌni/ | bal |
| scary sıfat | /ˈskɛə.ɹi/ | korkunç |
| toxic sıfat | /ˈtɒk.sɪk/ | toksik |
| bride isim | /bɹaɪd/ | gelin |
| headline isim | /ˈhɛd.laɪn/ | başlık, manşet |
| terrific sıfat | korkunç, dehşet |
Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| shut up | /ʃʌt ʌp/ | kapa çeneni, sus |
| find out fiil | anlamak, ortaya çıkarmak | |
| get along fiil | kardeşçe yaşamak, iyi geçinmek | |
| look up to fiil | hayranlık duymak, örnek almak | |
| blow up fiil | havaya uçurmak, havaya uçmak | |
| come out fiil | /ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/ | çıkmak |
| figure out fiil | açığa çıkarmak | |
| go out fiil | çıkmak |
Tekrar etmeye değer cümleler
Videodan, günlük konuşmada yeniden kullanabileceğiniz kısa ve tam cümleler:
- What part don't you understand?
- Why don't you come in here?
- Had a few cocktails, didn't we?
- Don't you want to talk about it so far?
- What do you think I'm doing?
Bu videodaki dil bilgisi
Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:
| Yapı | Videoda |
|---|---|
| Koşul cümleleri if + cümle, will/would + fiil — bir koşul ve sonucu | If I were you, I'd start · if you want to well I'd like · If anybody could pull it off, it'd be |
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — önceden başlayıp hâlâ süren bir eylem | I've been looking · I've just been thinking |
| Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem | I've studied · you've made · You've hit |
| Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli | were crouched · is covered · be filled |
Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar
Konuşmacı I'm, you're, don't gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 298 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.
- “th” sesleri: earthquake /ˈɝθkweɪk/, bother /ˈbɑðɚ/, thin /ˈθɪn/, sixth /sɪksθ/, theater /ˈθi(ə)tɚ/
- “sh” ve “zh” sesleri: unusual /ʌnˈjuːʒ(u)əl/, evolution /ˌiːvəˈluːʃ(ə)n/, dish /dɪʃ/, flesh /flɛʃ/, reflection /ɹɪˈflɛkʃən/
- Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: ridiculous /ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs/, importantly /ɪmˈpɔɹ.tənt.li/, practically /ˈpɹæk.tɪ.k(ə.)li/, underwater /ʌndɚˈwɔtəɹ/, unusual /ʌnˈjuːʒ(u)əl/
Türkçe konuşanların zorlandığı sesler:
- /w/ — dudaklar yuvarlak, /v/ değil: whoa /woʊ/, earthquake /ˈɝθkweɪk/, sweetheart /ˈswiːtˌhɑːt/, awkward /ˈɔk.wɚd/, homework /ˈhoʊmˌwɝk/
- Kelime başındaki ünsüz kümesi — araya ünlü eklemeyin: funeral /ˈfju.nəɹ.əl/, sweetheart /ˈswiːtˌhɑːt/, scary /ˈskɛə.ɹi/, bride /bɹaɪd/, groom /ɡɹum/
- /æ/ — “e”den daha açık: candy /ˈkæn.di/, pants /pænts/, practically /ˈpɹæk.tɪ.k(ə.)li/, embarrassed /ɪmˈbæɹ.əst/, charity /ˈtʃæɹɪti/
Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır
- Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
- Normal hızda cümle cümle tekrar edin; ritminiz konuşmacıyla aynı olana kadar her cümleyi yineleyin.
- Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; funeral, whoa, candy gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.
Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?
Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.