Shadowing-Übung: Why Feeling Lonely Means Your Life Is About to Level Up - Englisch Sprechen Lernen mit YouTube

So you probably clicked on this video because you feel lonely.

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So you probably clicked on this video because you feel lonely.

And guess what?

If that's you, you are not alone because your girl feels lonely right now.

Very lonely.

And actually one of my clearest,

earliest memories of feeling genuinely lonely was back when I was 18 years old and I was a freshman at NYU.

I remember it like it was yesterday, okay?

It was a Friday night.

I was sitting alone in my dorm room crying in my bed because both of my roommates had plans.

And it was my third weekend in a row spending it by myself.

And it just felt like everyone and their mom had friends except for me.

Everyone had their friend group.

Everyone belonged.

And I was just always alone.

And I even remember like my mom calling me and asking, how's college?

How are you enjoying it?

And I lied to her.

I was like, I love it here.

I love it here.

I have so many friends.

It was all a lie.

And it was because I didn't want to admit to her that I felt lonely.

And you know, for context,

my parents are both Korean immigrants.

They literally sacrificed everything for me to be able to go to school.

And so the guilt of telling them

that I was actually struggling in school almost felt heavier than the loneliness itself I remember I would eat lunch alone.

I would walk to class alone I sat alone in my

dorm room feeling like everyone else had found their people

and I just didn't and you know Your girl knows what it feels like to feel lonely.

Okay, it's not fun It sucks and at 18 years old

that moment felt like the end of the world and I actually just turned 26 So your girl is grown.

I have the friends that i've always wanted.

I have my dream career.

I have my dream apartment I'm finally financially stable yet.

I still feel lonely at times.

I feel very lonely right now.

And that's actually why I wanted to make this video to help you better understand why you may feel lonely

and to remind you that what you're feeling right now doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you.

And if you use this lonely season,

right, you can actually transform yourself into the best,

most confident version of yourself.

If you're new here, hello,

my name is Lena and I share all things leveling up and becoming your best self.

So if you're not already subscribed, what are you doing?

Okay.

What are you doing?

Go subscribe right now.

By the way, how are we liking this new podcast setup?

We're trying something new.

I'm holding the mic this time.

Let me know how you guys feel about it.

I read all the comments.

So what loneliness feels like.

So loneliness is that feeling that you get when you're by yourself and you just don't feel like you're at peace.

And honestly, the best way I can describe it is it's like a sinking feeling.

It's like a pit in your stomach.

And it almost feels like you're drowning.

You're like drowning in water,

but no one else sees.

It's like a heavy feeling in your chest.

Like for me, sometimes when I feel lonely,

it literally feels like my stomach is empty,

like so empty that it's almost painful.

I found this photo that actually depicts the feeling really well.

And actually, fun fact, feeling lonely doesn't mean you're actually physically alone.

It could be that heavy feeling you get when the day is almost done,

when your day is going by and you just don't know what to do with yourself,

when you're constantly checking your phone but no one is texting or calling you,

when you want to talk to somebody but you feel like you have no one to reach out to.

Sometimes feeling lonely shows up as you constantly scrolling on your phone

because maybe you're bored because maybe sitting with your own thoughts is just uncomfortable.

It also looks like staying super busy so you don't have to feel the lonely feeling.

And sometimes it's really confusing too.

Sometimes your life is going well, it's going fine.

And you wonder like, why do I feel lonely when my life is fine?

And then maybe you start to feel guilty for feeling lonely.

So that's what basically loneliness feels like, at least to me.

So for me, when I was 18 years old,

feeling super lonely every single day,

I always thought it was just because I was struggling to make friends in college.

But thinking about it now,

there were so many layers to it, girl.

Like, first of all, NYU is a pretty prestigious school.

And majority of the people that go there come from very wealthy backgrounds.

You know, private school, boarding school.

I come from a lower income background, public school education.

My parents were both working class immigrants.

And so I already went to NYU feeling like less than.

And also, when your girl first got there,

tell me why everyone and their mom already had their friend groups already.

Because apparently NYU had a Facebook group where you could join and literally meet people before school even started.

No one told me about this Facebook group.

okay so everyone came to school first day school everyone knew everybody

and i was looking around like hello like how do you all know each other

and i remember there was this one girl group

that it was just like the prettiest girls they were dressed like fabulous

and i remember i went up to them

and i was trying to make friends with them i was being friendly with them

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and they actually invited me out to eat

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which i was like yay i finally made my friends tell me why

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when i get back to my dorm room i look up the restaurant

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that they're trying to go to three dollar signs I was like,

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um, I was a broke college student.

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Okay.

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And I do not come from money.

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Like $3 signs is crazy.

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So I texted them that I didn't feel well just to make an excuse.

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So I didn't have to go.

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And after I skipped out on that meal,

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they never invited me again.

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And they ended up being close all throughout college.

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And after that moment, I felt even more lonely.

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Why you feel lonely.

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So actually a lot of times loneliness happens when you're in the middle of a transition season when you're growing,

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when you're healing, you're outgrowing old versions of yourself.

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Maybe you're outgrowing some friends,

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people that you were friends with for years.

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Maybe you don't relate to them anymore.

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And that's actually really normal.

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You know, when you're friends with people,

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everyone is going through different stages of their life.

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You know, especially during like the college years.

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I remember like some people were going to college.

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Some people were getting married, having kids.

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Other people were like partying all the time.

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There's other people already working full time.

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So you often feel loneliness when things are changing around you.

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And when things are changing, it feels uncomfortable.

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It feels unfamiliar.

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And you might not understand why you feel lonely,

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but it makes sense, you know?

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So why I feel lonely now.

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So I wanted to kind of open up about why I am actually struggling with loneliness right now,

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because I thought, you know,

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the last time I felt super lonely was when I was 18 years old and was struggling to make friends in college.

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Your girl is grown now.

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I'm 26 and I still feel lonely.

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And I had to figure out why I felt lonely

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because even though I've come such a long way from that 18 year old version of myself that,

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you know, was super insecure,

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struggled to make friends, was a broke college student, like had zero confidence.

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You know, like on paper,

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my life looks a lot better now.

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Okay.

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It looks like your girl's up.

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I can eat at the restaurants with the $3 signs.

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Now I have the career of my dreams,

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the career that I used to dream every single day about.

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I have amazing friends.

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I have an amazing supportive community of a million of you who give me so much life and purpose.

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I live in a beautiful apartment in my dream city in New York city.

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I have an amazing family.

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So from the outside, you know,

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it probably looks like I have it all.

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Like I even had to ask myself,

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like, why do I even feel lonely right now?

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You have everything that you've ever asked God for right now.

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I'm actually in a healing season or transition season.

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Last year, I got out of a five-year relationship.

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And when you go from spending every single day with a person,

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building your entire future around a person,

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giving so much of yourself to another person to all of a sudden trying to navigate life alone,

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spending every day alone, trying to be alone with yourself and your thoughts,

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trying to comfort and soothe yourself.

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Like it's been a loneliness that I've never experienced before.

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Also at the same time that I got out of that relationship,

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I made the decision to cut off my dad and he was an abusive alcoholic my entire life.

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We were never close, but mourning the relationship I never got to have with my dad.

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And also mourning the fact that I never got the dad that I deserved and understanding as an adult,

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how he has destroyed and negatively affected our family.

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That has been another experience of loneliness that I've never felt before.

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And just processing how both of those relationships were not healthy for me all of

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that together has added an immense amount of loneliness into my life

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that i'm not gonna lie i was not prepared for

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and you know i'm doing the right things now like i'm

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in therapy i'm in my word i'm praying every single day

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i'm really prioritizing my healing i'm setting boundaries i know i'm doing all the right things

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but even in all that and doing all the right things i still feel really lonely

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and it's really hard for me to admit but last year

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when i was going through all this a bunch of you guys didn't even know

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because I was trying to escape the loneliness.

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Okay.

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I didn't want you guys to see me struggling.

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I didn't want to show anybody that I was struggling and feeling lonely.

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So my instinct was to escape.

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Okay.

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I was traveling everywhere around the world.

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Like literally within a few months,

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I went from going to Italy, Portugal, London, Canada.

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I was staying super busy with work.

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I was still posting all the time.

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I was surrounding myself with all my friends,

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going out, grinding at my work.

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And I did all of that to help me feel less lonely.

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And it worked temporarily.

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But guys at the end of it it all left me feeling even more lonely

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and even more empty

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So even though on the outside still my life might look like it's up internally I'm telling you guys every single day.

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I've been battling loneliness

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But let me tell you guys why I know feeling lonely

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as uncomfortable as it is as much as I hate it

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is essential for me right now Especially in my healing season my self-worth

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and my standards are now rising faster than my loneliness feeling

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And that just proved to me that loneliness is an essential part of your healing journey So girl,

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I know how much it sucks.

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Okay, the feeling is not fun.

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Feeling lonely, it sucks.

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Like it really does.

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It really does.

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My instinct is just to want to escape it,

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but sitting in it is the hard thing.

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It's easy to distract yourself with your friends,

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to go travel, to keep yourself busy with work,

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to go out partying, to jump into another relationship,

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to not think about it.

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But sitting in your thoughts and your loneliness and feeling the discomfort,

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that is where you're going to grow the most.

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And I know this

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because I've had the most growth in the past month where I've sat in the loneliness and embraced it.

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Seek the support you need.

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So, you know, from dealing with a five-year breakup and,

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and cutting off my dad in the past six months,

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I tried the method of distracting.

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You know, I kept telling myself to push through,

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push through to be strong, to continue on.

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And eventually I just hit my breaking point where I finally realized I couldn't distract myself anymore.

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I don't need to push harder.

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I don't need to work harder.

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I need support.

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And that's why I'm so grateful that this video is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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And I just like love their mission.

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And this past month, especially I've been prioritizing my healing and just growing and started focusing on myself and understanding myself.

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And therapy has played a huge part in that guys.

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What I love about BetterHelp is how simple it is to get started.

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After signing up, you just fill out a questionnaire

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and they match you with a licensed therapist based on your preferences and their clinical experience.

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And if the therapist isn't the right fit for you,

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you can switch at any time with no extra cost,

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which is honestly so helpful because I know how intimidating starting therapy can be.

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Sessions can be done by video phone or live chat.

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So if it's your life,

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even if things get busy,

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therapy has helped me so much.

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It's helped me understand myself better,

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my emotions, to build self-trust,

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self-worth instead of just running on pressure.

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So you can join the 6 million plus people who have gotten help from BetterHelp.

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You can click the link in my description

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or go to betterhelp.com slash leanalifts to get 10% off your first month of therapy.

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So this is probably no surprise,

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but social media makes our loneliness so much worse.

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Studies have consistently shown that the more time people spend on social media,

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the lonelier they report feeling,

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especially when they're using it to stay connected,

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which funny enough, that is the point of social media to help us feel more connected.

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But the irony is that it's making us feel lonelier.

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And research across adults of different ages found that frequent social media use is strongly associated with loneliness,

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even when people have jobs,

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friends, and have full lives.

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And just think about it.

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Every single time you scroll and scroll,

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you're being fed everyone else's lives,

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everyone else's highlight reels, their perfect photos,

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their perfect moments, their perfect vacation.

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And it makes you feel lonelier.

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It makes you feel isolated.

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And then you start constantly comparing yourself to everyone else's life that you see on social media.

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And because you're only seeing the perfect moments,

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you might feel like your life is not good enough.

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And I am proof of that, okay?

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When I was going through all my hormonal imbalances and acne blew up all over my face,

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I was barely leaving my apartment.

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I spent every single weekend inside.

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I never wanted to go outside.

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I felt horrible about myself.

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My self-esteem was like to the ground.

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I felt so lonely.

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And to escape that loneliness,

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I would start scrolling on my phone.

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And one hour would turn to two, two, three.

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And then all of a sudden my whole day would be gone from just scrolling.

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And instead of helping me feel more connected with other people and feel less lonely,

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it made me feel worse.

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I'd finish scrolling and I'd feel even more lonely,

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even more depressed, even more insecure.

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And then on top of that,

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I would feel even worse about myself because I wasted all my time just scrolling and scrolling.

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And so it was just like this negative cycle loop.

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I would feel lonely, then scroll to escape,

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feel worse, then scroll more.

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And look, I've tried to do screen time limits.

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I tried to do social media cleanses.

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And honestly, none of that really worked for me long-term.

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I just realized that I needed to be intentional with where my attention was going.

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So I started using tools like journaling every single morning, praying every day.

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I also created Cove, which is my app that I literally created to document my own routines,

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my thoughts, my moments, my progress.

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So using tools like journaling,

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like Cove, that are intentional tools to help you focus back on yourself instead of focusing on other people on social media,

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that has been a game changer for helping me not doom scroll anymore.

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And it's helped me feel less lonely.

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You're alone, but not lonely.

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So another big lesson I've learned is that being alone doesn't automatically mean you're lonely.

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Like before, whenever I'd feel lonely,

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I thought that the solution was to never be alone,

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to always have plans, to always have people around,

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to always keep myself busy.

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But what I've realized is being alone is so important because

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when you're alone with your thoughts and yourself

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and you have to sit with yourself and you learn to be at peace with that feeling,

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you don't wait for someone else to make you feel whole.

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You don't settle for less than what you deserve.

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You're not scrolling and scrolling to fill the silence.

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You're not chasing plans and friends just to avoid your thoughts.

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You start paying attention to your own life again, to yourself.

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You start building confidence.

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You start growing.

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And that's why it's actually really important to understand the difference between feeling lonely and being alone because you could feel lonely,

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but you could enjoy being alone.

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And if you're in a season right now where you're spending more time with yourself,

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you feel a lot more lonely than usual.

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That does not mean your life is over,

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that you are unwanted, that you are unworthy.

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It is actually quite the opposite.

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You are learning self-worth.

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You are learning to love yourself.

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You are learning to be comfortable with yourself.

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You are learning to love yourself.

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I'm telling you, learning how to be with yourself is a skill that will change everything for you.

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It will change you.

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You will radiate confidence.

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You'll be the best version that you've ever been.

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Like this is just a season and it is temporary because let me tell you,

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after the season, you are about to grow and glow up like you've never seen before.

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There are people who care even if it doesn't feel like it.

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So when you're feeling lonely,

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sometimes your brain like lies to you and it makes you feel like no one else around you cares,

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that you're just invisible, that you don't matter,

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that you're unworthy, that you're not chosen,

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that no one wants you.

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But that is just not the truth, okay?

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Loneliness can quite literally just distort your perspective.

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And a perfect example of this is actually back freshman year when I was 18 and I was struggling to make friends.

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I was so lonely spending every single weekend alone.

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It was actually one of the friday nights

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that I spent alone in my dorm room and that night in particular I was over it.

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I was like I cannot spend another friday night alone

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So at the time my parents were not home They were in korea

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and so I took a bus from new york to new jersey to my parents apartment

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Because that's how lonely I was I would rather be alone

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in my parents apartment in jersey than alone in my dorm room in NYU Well,

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my older brother june who was also in college at the time He's two years older than me that day.

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He decided to stop by my parents apartment I think to pick up something

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and he opened the door thinking that no one was gonna be there right

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because my parents were off in korea And he opens the door

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and he just sees me sitting in the kitchen by myself He actually got scared when he saw me.

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He's like what the heck lena?

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What are you doing here?

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And guys I broke down to him I was sobbing my

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eyes out to him He's the first person I told like the truth

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that I was struggling and I felt really lonely in college and I hated college And he didn't lecture me.

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He didn't try to fix it He just like listened and my brother's not like an emotionally I don't know expressive person.

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So he just sat there and listened to me,

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which that was enough for me.

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Even him listening.

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I appreciated it.

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And he just tells me grab your stuff.

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We're going.

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And I was like, what?

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Like, where are we going?

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He doesn't even answer me.

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We get in his car and he drives me back to New York City.

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I was like, bruh, this guy's driving me back to NYU where I was trying to escape from like my brother sucks.

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And I thought he was driving me to NYU.

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He actually ended up taking me to a restaurant.

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And I remember it to this day because it's still one of my favorite restaurants to this day.

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It's called Rosemary's here in New York City.

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I've never eaten at such a nice restaurant in New York City before.

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I was like so amazed.

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That restaurant is gorgeous.

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And he bought me a plate of pasta.

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And thinking about it now as a grown adult,

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I'm like, what my brother did for me was crazy because he was only 20 at the time.

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He was only 20 years old.

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He was not balling like that financially either.

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But he took me out to eat, which I really appreciated.

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Spent his Friday night with his little sister at this restaurant in New York City.

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I'm looking at this gorgeous plate of pasta in front of me.

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And he tells me, you think those girls at NYU are better than you because they can afford this $14 plate of pasta?

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He's like, you have so much more to offer.

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You go to the same school as them.

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You need to see yourself as an equal and not shrink.

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And that moment changed everything for me because what he said was facts and it was great advice.

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But also I realized that just because you feel lonely doesn't mean that you're unloved.

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A lot of times the people who do really care about you aren't showing up for you

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because they don't know what you're going through.

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So that's why if you feel this way right now,

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reach out to your sister,

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your friend, your mom, your cousin,

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your childhood friend that you haven't spoken to since middle school, your therapist.

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Okay, there is someone out there for everyone.

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We are social creatures.

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Okay.

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We are not meant to be alone all the time with our own thoughts

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And

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if you're in a season of life where you genuinely don't have someone to reach out to you I'm here

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and that's honestly why youtube has always been my favorite platform It feels like you are friends with the person

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that you're watching That's how I feel with my favorite youtubers

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And I hope that's the way that you guys feel with me

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And if you're struggling with feeling lonely right now comment down below

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because we have built a community of Amazing girlies who are just trying to be the best version of ourselves

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and we are hype women.

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Okay, we hype each other up So if you're feeling lonely right now,

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I know that there's someone out there in our community that will comment back to you and help you feel less alone.

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Listen to me when I say this.

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You are loved.

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You are important.

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And you don't have to feel lonely.

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I really hope this video helped you guys.

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And if you're a real one,

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follow your girl on Instagram and TikTok.

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I post more content on there.

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I love you guys so, so much.

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And I hope to catch you in my next video.

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Bye.

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Shadowing-Übung: Why Feeling Lonely Means Your Life Is About to Level Up - Englisch Sprechen Lernen mit YouTube

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