Pratique du Shadowing: 4 Mindset Shifts That Will Finally Help You MASTER DETACHMENT - Apprendre l'anglais à l'oral avec la vidéo
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True detachment is not acting cold and aloof.
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It's not about not caring about anything.
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It's not about numbing yourself to the world.
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That is not detachment.
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That is disconnection.
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And it's just another form of control in disguise.
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True detachment is freedom.
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It's about being free from the need to control everyone and everything around you.
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It's about stopping the exhausting cycle of trying to control how people see you,
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fixing problems that aren't yours to fix,
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and constantly trying to control how your future is unfolding.
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These four concepts from one of my favorite books,
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The Courage to be Disliked,
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broke that attachment cycle for me,
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and they're about to do the same for you.
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But just a warning, one of these is a little controversial,
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so keep an open mind.
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So it's time to enter your unbothered era,
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not because you're numb and disconnected and you're trying to pretend to be some cool girl who doesn't get affected by things,
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but because you trust life.
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You trust uncertainty and you trust yourself enough to let go.
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Hey friend, welcome back.
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If you're new here, my name's Jill and I help women step into their power,
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tap into their divine feminine and become their best self,
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live their best life.
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So if that's something you want to do,
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you should subscribe and stick around.
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And in case you want more from me besides just my YouTube videos,
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you can always check out my deep dive feminine energy course
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or any of my other courses or digital products like my bestselling notion templates.
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They are all linked down below.
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So in this video, I'm going to walk you through four concepts that I got from this book,
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the courage to be disliked that will finally help you master detachment.
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So if you've ever struggled with overthinking or people pleasing or trying to control how every aspect of your life unfolds,
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I hope that this video can shift something in you.
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And if you want to give this book a read,
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I highly recommend it.
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It's one of my favorites.
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I'll link it down below.
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So concept number one from this book is so incredibly simple, but also life-changing.
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It's called the separation of tasks.
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And it's about understanding what is my task and what is your task and not getting those roles confused.
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There are tasks that are yours to handle and there are tasks that belong to other people.
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And most of your anxiety,
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most of your stress, some of your exhaustion is because you are carrying tasks that were never yours to begin with.
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So let me explain.
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You are only responsible for your own tasks,
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meaning your own actions, your own choices,
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your own feelings, and how you show up.
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That is all your task.
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That is under your domain other people's opinions feelings
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or reactions to those choices that's their task other people's actions that's their task true detachment starts
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when you stop crossing that line when you stop invading into their tasks
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and focus solely on your own so here's what this looks like in real life
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so my task right now is to show up film this video do the best i can
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and publish it to youtube whether it gets a ton of views
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or not that's not my task that's your task as the audience That's your task to decide,
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hmm, should I like this video?
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Should I comment?
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Should I share it with a friend?
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And because that's your task,
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I don't need to concern myself with that stuff.
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When you're on a date,
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your task is to show up,
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be your best self, have a good time,
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and decide if you even like the person or not.
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And his task is to show up,
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be his best self, have a good time,
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and decide if he even likes you.
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But whether he likes you or not,
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that is not your concern because it's not your task.
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Someone's mad at you.
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That's their task.
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You can acknowledge it.
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If you did something wrong, you should absolutely apologize.
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But their anger is theirs to process.
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It's not yours to fix.
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Your parents are disappointed in your life choices.
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That's their task.
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You can love them.
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You can listen.
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But you cannot sacrifice your whole life trying to meet their expectations.
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That is not your task.
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Someone doesn't like the way you look,
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the way you talk, the choices you make.
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Not your task.
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When you try to take on other people's tasks,
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when you try to control how people see you or feel about you,
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you're actually disrespecting their autonomy.
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You are robbing both of you,
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not just you, not just them,
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but both of you of your freedom.
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As the book says, when you intrude on another person's task,
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you are violating their right to live freely.
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So here's the simple question that makes everything clear.
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Is this my task or is it theirs?
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Before you stress about someone's reaction,
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ask, is this my task or is it theirs?
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Before you try to fix someone's mood,
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ask, is this my task or is it theirs?
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Before you adjust yourself to make someone else comfortable,
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ask, is this my task or is it actually theirs?
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Your task is always about your choices,
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your actions, your authenticity, your opinions, your feelings, your reactions.
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Their task is always about their choices,
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their reactions, their feelings, their opinions,
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etc. Because remember, detachment is not about not caring about anything.
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That is apathy.
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Okay, that's starting to tiptoe a little bit into depression and we don't want that.
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Detachment is about understanding what is actually yours to carry,
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and not everything is yours to carry.
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And when you can drop everything that's not your task,
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that's when you can finally start to feel free.
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This is so insanely simple,
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but a perspective shift that has genuinely changed my life.
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Now, before we keep going,
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I do want to thank Better Help for kindly sponsoring today's video.
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When we talk about detachment,
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what we're really talking about is emotional freedom and the ability to stay grounded no matter what's happening around us.
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And that can be really hard to do when your mind feels busy and your emotions are all over the place.
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Or you're caught in cycles of overthinking or maybe even being a bit anxiously attached.
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We've all been there.
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That's why having someone in your corner really does matter.
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No matter what you're navigating,
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whether it's stress around relationships,
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family, health, work, or just everyday life,
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having someone to talk to can make a huge difference.
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Therapy can give you a safe space to process what's coming up,
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regulate your emotions, and stay grounded even when everything else feels uncertain.
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Even just having an outside perspective can shift how you see a situation,
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and that's where BetterHelp comes in.
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It's an online therapy platform that makes it easy and convenient to get matched with a licensed therapist.
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No waiting rooms, no commuting,
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just professional support from home on your own schedule.
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You just fill out a quick questionnaire and you'll be matched with a therapist within a couple days,
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and if for some reason that first match isn't quite right, that's okay.
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You can switch therapists at any time, no extra cost.
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If therapy feels like the right next move for you,
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just click the link in the description or go to betterhelp.com slash jills to get 10% off your first month.
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So thank you to BetterHelp and let's get back into it.
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Now next to be unbothered and detached,
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we all know, this is common sense,
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we all know that this requires letting go of criticism, right?
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And how people see you and how people talk about you.
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Not caring if people don't like you or have something to say about you or don't understand you.
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But there is a small point from this book that really hit me.
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You'll never be able to detach from criticism until you can detach from craze.
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And as long as praise validates you,
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criticism will also control you.
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Right?
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Think about it.
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If you rely on people's praise to feel happy and confident,
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then their disapproval of you will also destroy you.
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You can't selectively detach, right?
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It doesn't work that way.
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But for so long, I only focused on the negative part.
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You know, like ignoring people who didn't like me or were just like mean or whatever.
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But then when people told me,
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oh, you did such a good job,
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to me it was, oh,
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yay, that makes me happy.
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I got a big burst of confidence from that.
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And I never really thought about it like that.
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If it gave me this big burst of confidence and self-esteem,
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then what does that really mean?
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And what happens when I don't get that?
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And here's what the book says that made this click.
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When you seek recognition from others,
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approval becomes the goal, not contribution meaning you stop doing things
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because they matter to you and you start doing things because you want people to notice.
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It's small, but it's sneaky.
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You post something not because you really love it or you believe in it,
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but because you know it'll get the likes.
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You want the likes.
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You help someone not because you really want to contribute,
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but because you want the thank you.
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You achieve something or go after some goal not because it truly fulfills you deep down,
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but because you want people to be impressed.
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And you start subtly performing and maybe you don't even realize it because most of the time this is unconscious.
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So you have to start doing things without needing any external response.
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No praise, no criticism, no validation, no nothing.
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So here are simple little ways that you can start to practice this.
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Do something kind and don't tell anyone, right?
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You can help someone, you contribute to something,
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you can donate to something,
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you can create something, and also you can keep it completely to yourself.
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No posting about it, no mentioning it,
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no, hey, look what I did.
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Because if you can't do those things without wanting recognition you are still craving
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and chasing approval and next if you're on social media post something
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and practice being okay with the silence put something out there
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and then put your phone down and set a time limit for yourself for
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when you can check it again and eventually
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when you check it did it get kind of a meh response Because if so,
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this is perfect practice.
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Can you still feel good about what you created and what you posted,
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even when no one really acknowledged it?
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If not, you're still tied to their validation.
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Also notice when you are subtly fishing for compliments.
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So pay attention when you say things like,
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oh, I don't know if this is any good,
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or I'm not really sure about this,
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or does this look okay?
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Even though you already know how it looks,
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you have your own eyes,
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you can judge for yourself.
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What you're unconsciously doing in those moments is seeking approval and validation.
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And lastly, ask yourself before you do anything,
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am I doing this because it matters to me?
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Or am I doing this because I want someone to see me do it?
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This can be the little and the big things.
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Am I going to law school just to look impressive?
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Am I going to law school just to get approval from my father?
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Or am I bringing cookies over to that new neighbor so that everybody thinks that I'm that kind,
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amazing person, not actually because I care?
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So the goal isn't to never feel good when someone praises you,
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that's always going to feel a little bit good.
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The goal is not to need it to feel good about yourself.
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That's the difference.
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If praise is the only thing that builds you up,
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criticism will be what tears you down.
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They're two sides of the same coin.
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Real freedom is when neither one controls how you feel about yourself.
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It's not just about having the courage to be disliked.
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And this was a huge moment for me.
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It's not just about having the courage to be disliked.
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It's also about having the courage to sometimes be unseen and not have that mean anything about you.
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All right, now this next concept is a little bit controversial.
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This is the one that I'm warning you about,
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but it does come straight from the book.
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So if it resonates, great.
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That's great.
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If not, that's okay too,
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and you can skip it.
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And it's all about detaching from your past.
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That is the point of this concept,
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so keep that in mind.
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So the author says in this book,
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quote, trauma does not exist.
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That is what he says, trauma does not exist.
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And I know that's a bold statement and can feel a little invalidating,
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but stay with me for a sec.
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He's not saying that bad things didn't happen or that pain isn't real or that,
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you know, just get over it, you whiny little baby.
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What he's saying is that trauma doesn't come from the event itself.
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It comes from the meaning we've continued to attach to it.
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Because most of us are so deeply attached to our past,
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to our old stories, to our wounds,
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to our explanations for why we are the way we are.
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I can't trust people because of what happened to me.
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I'm not worthy of love because of how I was treated as a kid.
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I'll never be successful because of how I grew up.
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We're unconsciously clinging to these old stories and we're using our past to prove why we can't move forward.
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And as long as we're attached to those old stories, we can't change.
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That's just the way it is.
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As long as we stay attached to that old narrative, we can't change.
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Real detachment is not just,
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oh, I'm not bothered when that person doesn't like me.
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Oh, I'm not bothered when they don't text me back.
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It's also being able to let go of old stories and detach from old painful experiences.
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Those experiences happened, yes, but that doesn't mean they have to keep shaping your story and stay attached to your identity.
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You are the one who keeps assigning it meaning.
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That's what he says in the book.
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And in the book, he says,
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you are the one that's choosing to keep them around, right?
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Those experiences, they already happened there in the past,
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but the meaning you took from that experience is still shaping your present reality.
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It's not the event that you're attached to.
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It's the meaning.
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And again, a little controversial here,
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but in the book, he says,
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sometimes we stay attached to these old stories and this old trauma because in some weird way,
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it actually serves us.
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It gives us a reason to stay stuck.
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And in some weird roundabout way,
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we may actually benefit from it.
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It explains why we are the way we are without us having to do the hard work of changing.
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So the book gives this specific example.
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Imagine someone who says, I have social anxiety because I was bullied as a kid,
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so I can't go to social events.
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On the surface, it sounds reasonable, right?
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Trauma is causing the behavior.
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But the book, and again,
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this is what makes it a little controversial and some people don't like it,
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the book flips it.
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What if they're choosing to use that past experience and keep assigning meaning to it to avoid social situations,
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not because they can't go,
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but because staying home feels safer.
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And I think what he's essentially saying is there's a nice little validation of that behavior there.
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The trauma itself isn't making them stay home.
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They're using that trauma as permission to avoid something uncomfortable.
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Here's another example.
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I can't be in a healthy relationship because my parents had a terrible marriage.
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But what's really happening here?
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You're attached to that story because it protects you from the risk of trying.
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If you believe you're broken because of your past,
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you never have to face the actual vulnerability of showing up in a relationship,
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in an intimate relationship.
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The book says we determine our own lives according to the meaning we give to past experiences.
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Meaning you're not stuck because of what happened.
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You're stuck because the meaning you keep attaching to it.
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And you're stuck to that meaning because sometimes staying stuck is easier than changing.
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And your past gives you a convenient explanation for why you don't have to try so you don't want to let go.
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Now, is that controversial?
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Yes.
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A lot of people don't like that in the book.
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That's just a reality.
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But I like being challenged and I did find value in this perspective.
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I'm not trying to discount your experiences.
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Believe me, I'm not.
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And I'm pretty sure that the author is not trying to do that either.
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But when I read this, it changed me.
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That attachment to our own suffering is what quietly keeps us from ever feeling free.
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And lastly, detachment at its core is the art of releasing control over people,
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over outcomes, over timing of how your life unfolds and learning to trust.
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And if you think about it,
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almost all suffering comes from our attachment to how we think life should be.
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It should have worked out.
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They should have stayed.
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I should be further ahead by now.
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This should feel different.
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The word should can sometimes just be control in disguise.
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But here's the part of the book that they talk about and what I want to bring up.
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When something doesn't go the way you planned,
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you're not always upset about it just because of what happened.
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You're upset because reality didn't match your story of how you thought it was supposed to happen.
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You're attached to the version of life that only existed in your head.
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So here's what this book helped me realize.
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Most of your stress isn't coming from what's actually happening.
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It's coming from the gap between what's happening and what you expected to happen.
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You expected the relationship to work out so when it didn't,
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you felt like something went wrong.
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You expected to be further along in your career by now so every day that you're not there,
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you feel like a failure.
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You had a plan, and when life didn't follow it,
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you interpreted that as a problem.
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That suffering isn't from the situation itself,
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it's from your attachment to how you thought it should be.
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The author explains that the moment you accept life as it is,
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you instantly become free.
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Not because you gave up,
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but because you stopped resisting what already is.
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And this is the ultimate separation of tasks, right?
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Your task is to live honestly and show up in alignment.
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Life's task is everything else.
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You can control effort, not outcome.
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You can control how you show up,
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but not how people see you.
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You can control your actions,
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not necessarily the timing of your results.
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So all of this anxiety that you feel,
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it isn't from experiencing uncertainty.
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It's from fighting the uncertainty.
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When you finally stop doing that,
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when you stop resisting your current reality, something strange happens.
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Peace.
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Detachment brings peace.
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And when you are calm and at peace,
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that is when you are at your most powerful self.
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Detachment brings peace and peace is your power.
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And let me tell you,
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once you stop resisting your current situation,
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that is when you will start attracting in all the things that you desire.
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And it sounds ridiculous.
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It sounds counterintuitive.
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But resistance keeps you chained to what you don't want because it's still your point of focus.
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The moment you stop fighting it,
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you stop fighting that resistance, you stop feeding it.
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And that is the paradox.
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The second you stop trying to control everything,
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it finally starts working in your favor.
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I hope this video maybe gave you a little bit of a perspective shift
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and helped you to see things differently detachment goes a lot
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deeper than just having the courage to be disliked detachment is detaching yourself from everything
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that holds you back detachment is finally feeling free and trusting life
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and these are concepts that i come back to time
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and time again
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when i feel like i need a refresher some people love this book some people don't
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and it doesn't resonate and that's okay but again
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if you want to take it for a spin
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and read it yourself i will link it below now
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if you truly want to have
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that unbothered energy though you also have to become the master of your emotions
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and stop reacting so much and in this video i tell you exactly how to do
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that how to heal from that and stop being so reactive
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so i will see you in this video
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or i'll just see you in my next one that's fine too love you guys bye
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Vocabulaire et conseils d’expression pour cette leçon
Cette vidéo contient 387 phrases et 3563 mots à répéter en shadowing. La partie parlée dure 17:05. Le locuteur parle vite, environ 209 mots par minute : attendez-vous à des liaisons et à des sons réduits. 88 % des mots font partie des 3 000 mots les plus courants en anglais ; le reste mérite d’être vu avant de commencer.
Vocabulaire clé de cette vidéo
15 mots de la vidéo à retenir, avec leur prononciation et leur sens :
| Mot | Prononciation | Sens |
|---|---|---|
| attach verbe | /əˈtæt͡ʃ/ | attacher |
| trauma nom | /ˈtɹɔm.ə/ | traumatisme, trauma |
| courage nom | /ˈkʌ.ɹɪd͡ʒ/ | bravoure, courage |
| praise verbe | /pɹeɪz/ | louer, féliciter |
| controversial adjectif | /ˌkɑn.tɹəˈvɝ.ʃəl/ | controversé, polémique |
| theirs | /ðɛɚz/ | le leur, la leur |
| dislike verbe | /dɪsˈlaɪk/ | ne pas aimer |
| attachment nom | /əˈtæt͡ʃmənt/ | attachement |
| validation nom | /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/ | validation |
| anxiety nom | /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/ | anxiété, inquiétude |
| resist verbe | /ɹɪˈzɪst/ | résister |
| emotion nom | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | émotion |
| uncertainty nom | /ʌnˈsɜːtənti/ | incertitude |
| therapist nom | /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/ | thérapeute |
| recognition nom | /ˌɹɛkəɡˈnɪʃ(ə)n/ | reconnaissance |
Les verbes à particule que vous entendrez
| Mot | Prononciation | Sens |
|---|---|---|
| show up verbe | apparaître, se montrer se pointer | |
| work out verbe | /ˌwɝk ˈaʊt/ | calculer |
| bring up verbe | élever | |
| check out verbe | mater, regarder | |
| come up verbe | se montrer, sortir du bois | |
| fill out verbe | /fɪl ˈaʊt/ | remplir, compléter |
| get off verbe | descendre, faire descendre | |
| get over verbe | surmonter |
Prononciation à surveiller
Le locuteur utilise 92 contractions et formes réduites, comme you're, don't, I'm. Prononcez-les sous leur forme courte, telles que vous les entendez.
- Les sons « th »: theirs /ðɛɚz/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, bother /ˈbɑðɚ/, worthy /ˈwɝ.ði/, authenticity /ɑθɛnˈtɪsɪti/
- Les sons « sh » et « zh »: controversial /ˌkɑn.tɹəˈvɝ.ʃəl/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, recognition /ˌɹɛkəɡˈnɪʃ(ə)n/, explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/
- Mots longs — placez bien l’accent: controversial /ˌkɑn.tɹəˈvɝ.ʃəl/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, uncertainty /ʌnˈsɜːtənti/, recognition /ˌɹɛkəɡˈnɪʃ(ə)n/
Comment s’entraîner avec cette vidéo
- Écoutez la vidéo en entier une fois sans parler et notez les mots que vous ne connaissez pas.
- Commencez à la vitesse 0,75×, répétez phrase par phrase, puis revenez à la vitesse normale quand cela devient facile.
- Enregistrez-vous et comparez avec l’original, en faisant attention à des mots comme attach, trauma, courage.
La grammaire de cette vidéo
Les structures que le locuteur utilise le plus, avec les mots exacts de la vidéo :
| Structure | Dans la vidéo |
|---|---|
| Voix passive be + participe passé — l’accent est mis sur ce qui arrive, pas sur qui le fait | be disliked · be matched · be unbothered |
| Present perfect have/has + participe passé — une action passée qui compte encore maintenant | you've ever struggled · has genuinely changed · we've continued |
| Propositions relatives who / which + proposition — une précision sur une personne ou une chose | people who didn · one who keeps · someone who says |
Qu'est-ce que la technique du Shadowing ?
Le Shadowing est une technique d'apprentissage des langues fondée sur la science, développée à l'origine pour la formation des interprètes professionnels. Le principe est simple mais puissant : vous écoutez de l'anglais natif et le répétez immédiatement à voix haute — comme une ombre suivant le locuteur avec un décalage de 1 à 2 secondes. Les recherches montrent une amélioration significative de la précision de la prononciation, de l'intonation, du rythme, des liaisons, de la compréhension orale et de la fluidité.