शैडोइंग अभ्यास: How to Stop Caring What People Think | English Podcast | Easy English Conversation for Beginners - वीडियो के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें

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Hello English learners and welcome back to English in Comfort, your cozy English podcast for learning English through easy conversation.

I'm Mark.

And I'm Leah.

It is so great to be back here.

It is.

You know, Mark, every day we make choices.

What clothes to wear, what job to take, where do we go?

But often we ask a bad question.

What will people think?

Yeah, that is a very bad question.

It really is.

And today, you know, it is time to stop living for other people.

It is time to stop caring what people think.

And it's time to start living for yourself because, well, this is our true mission today.

You know, it is very normal to want people to like us.

We are human beings, right?

Right.

We are human.

We want to be part of the group.

But when we care too much about other people's opinions, we stop living our own lives.

We really do.

You might be a student or you might have a job, you have responsibilities or bills to pay.

I mean, you have real stress.

It is time to protect your peace of mind.

I understand that.

I do.

But I have to push back a little bit.

Isn't it just human nature to want to fit in?

Like, I look at my own life and I want my co-workers to like me. Of course.

I want my family to accept me.

It feels very dangerous to be on the outside of the group.

You are right.

It feels dangerous.

And that is because our brains are very old.

Think about a long time ago.

People lived in small groups in the wild.

Right.

Like in the forest.

Yeah.

If the group did not like you, you were alone.

And if you were alone, you had no food, you had no fire.

You wouldn't survive.

Exactly.

So your old brain says, I must fit in or I will not survive.

When someone does not like you, your brain feels real physical pain.

It is just how we are built.

So wanting to fit in is like a way to stay alive.

Yes.

But there is a very big difference between fitting in and losing yourself.

Tell me about that difference.

Well, fitting in means you find people who like the real you.

Losing yourself means you wear a mask.

You change your words.

You change your choices.

You hide your true self just to keep people happy.

And that is a very bad way to live.

It sounds so tiring.

To stop caring what people think, we first need to understand why we care so much in the first place.

We have to look at how we grew up.

Yes.

Think back to when you were a small child.

When we were young, we really needed other people. Because we were small.

Exactly.

We needed our parents to give us food.

We needed a safe bed.

And we went to school and we needed the teacher to say, good job.

I remember wanting that gold star.

Yes, the gold star.

We learned that making big people happy kept us safe.

If the big people were happy, we got good things.

But you know, I noticed this in my own life today.

I still act like that small child.

How so?

Well, I wait for my boss to say, good job.

I wait for my friends to say my new shirt looks nice.

I am always waiting.

That is because old habits are hard to break.

But I want you to hear this clearly.

You are not a child anymore.

You can take care of yourself.

Think about your life today.

You work hard.

You pay your own rent for your house.

Yeah, I do.

You make your own food.

You make your own money.

You do not need a teacher or a parent to tell you that you are doing a good job.

You do not need everyone around you to agree with your choices.

You are safe.

I always get an image about this.

Caring about other people's opinions is like carrying a very heavy bag every single day.

A heavy bag.

I like that.

So every morning you wake up, you put this heavy bag on your back.

And inside the bag are heavy rocks.

Each rock is someone else's opinion.

So one rock is what your boss thinks.

100

That is a big rock.

101

Yeah, a very big rock.

102

And another rock is what your neighbor thinks or what your old friends think.

103

You carry this heavy bag to work, you carry to the store, you carry it home.

104

And what does this bag do to your body?

105

It makes you so tired.

106

When you carry this heavy weight, you do not say what you really think.

107

Let us look at a real situation.

108

You sit in a big meeting at work.

109

I hate big meetings.

110

Me too.

111

So you have a very good idea to solve a problem.

112

But you feel the heavy bag.

113

You think, what if they think my idea is stupid?

114

Right.

115

I worry about the boss.

116

Yes.

117

So what do you do?

118

You stay quiet.

119

I say nothing at all.

120

Or maybe you want to practice speaking English at your job.

121

You really want to try.

122

But your heart beats fast because of the bag.

123

You think, what if I use the wrong word?

124

What if my co-workers laugh at me? So scary.

125

So you just smile and say nothing.

126

The heavy bag makes you small.

127

Yes, you do the safe thing.

128

You do what everyone else is doing and it makes you feel bad inside.

129

You feel stressed.

130

You feel sad.

131

I think about it like a mobile phone battery.

132

We only have 100% battery every day, right?

133

We only have 24 hours.

134

So when you spend hours worrying about what your co-worker thinks of your shoes, it is like running bad apps in the background of your phone.

135

It drains your battery.

136

Exactly.

137

You have zero energy left to build your own dreams.

138

This heavy bag steals your joy.

139

It steals your time. But wait.

140

I have a question.

141

If I put the heavy bag down and I do exactly what I want, won't people leave me?

142

Will I be all alone?

143

That is the biggest fear.

144

But here is the deep truth about life.

145

True friends will not leave you.

146

True friends respect your choices, even if they do not agree.

147

Let us say you tell a friend, I am going to leave my safe job and start a new business.

148

A big choice?

149

Yes.

150

A true friend will say, I'm a little worried for you, but I support you.

151

If someone leaves your life because you stop wearing a mask, well, they were never a true friend.

152

They only like the mask.

153

That hurts to hear, but it makes sense.

154

We keep carrying this heavy bag because we think everyone is looking at us all day long.

155

But you know, we have a very big secret to tell you today.

156

Listen to this secret very carefully.

157

People do not think about you very much.

158

That is almost hard to believe.

159

It is true.

160

People are busy.

161

Think about your own brain.

162

From the time you wake up, what do you think about?

163

I think about my coffee.

164

Right?

165

You think about your own money.

166

You think about your own health.

167

You think about what to eat for dinner.

168

Other people are doing the exact same thing.

169

So, they are not thinking about my shoes?

170

No, they're busy with their own adult problems.

171

They do not have time to look at you.

172

I like to call this the five-minute rule.

173

Imagine you are at the office.

174

You are wearing a new pair of glasses.

175

A co-worker looks at you and says, those glasses look strange on your face, and it hurts your feelings.

176

Yes, it hurts.

177

But what happens next? That is the point.

178

The co-worker will walk away.

179

In five minutes, they will forget what they said.

180

They will go back to their desk.

181

They will worry about their own emails.

182

Later, they will go home, watch television, and go to sleep.

183

They completely forgot.

184

They forgot.

185

But you, because of the heavy bag, you will think about it all day.

186

You will look in the mirror ten times.

187

You will feel bad all night.

188

You are giving them your time and they are not even thinking about you.

189

Let us use another picture.

190

Everyone is the star of their own movie.

191

In your life, the movie camera is always pointing at you, but here's the trick.

192

Your co-worker is the star of their movie.

193

The camera in their head is pointing at them.

194

It is not pointing at you, they are only looking at themselves.

195

I want you to just really think about this for a moment.

196

No one is watching your movie.

197

The camera is not on you.

198

How does that make you feel?

199

For me, it feels like a big breath of fresh air.

200

Exactly.

201

When you understand that no one is watching, you feel a deep peace.

202

You are free to make a mistake at work.

203

You are free to speak English and say the wrong word.

204

Yes.

205

You are free to wear a color no one else wears.

206

You are free to just be you.

207

Okay.

208

So, we know people are not watching our movie.

209

We know the bag is heavy and we want to put it down.

210

But how do we actually start?

211

Because, I mean, if I wake up tomorrow morning, I cannot just magically change my whole mind.

212

It takes time.

213

That's right, you cannot change overnight.

214

We must take small steps.

215

And step one is this.

216

You must know what you actually want.

217

Many of us have worn the mask for so long, we don't even know what we like anymore.

218

So what do we do?

219

Take a piece of paper today.

220

Find a quiet room in your house, sit down, and write down what is important to you.

221

Not what your friend wants.

222

Not what your boss wants.

223

What do you want?

224

Is it spending quiet time with your family?

225

Is it playing games?

226

Is it saving money to travel?

227

Write it down.

228

If you do not have a plan for your own life, other people will make a plan for you.

229

You must be the boss of your paper.

230

I have done this, because if I do not plan my weekend, my friends will say, let's go to this expensive dinner.

231

Or my boss will say, can you work on Saturday?

232

If I do not know what I want, I just say yes to them.

233

Yes.

234

Knowing what you want makes you strong.

235

Once you have your paper, you move to step two, which is small practice.

236

You cannot start with big life choices.

237

You must start small.

238

Tomorrow morning, go to your closet.

239

Pick the clothes you really love, even if they're a little different.

240

Wear them.

241

Look in the mirror and say, I chose this and I like it.

242

I love that.

243

I will give another example.

244

Lunchtime at work.

245

Everyone is ordering a small healthy salad because they want to look good for the boss.

246

But you are very hungry.

247

You want the big hot sandwich.

248

Order the big sandwich.

249

Eat it.

250

Enjoy it.

251

Do not look around the room.

252

these sound like silly things, but they are very important.

253

It is practice for the big things.

254

In a meeting, raise your hand.

255

Speak your mind.

256

Just say one sentence.

257

Do not worry if your English is perfect.

258

Do not worry if the idea is the best idea in the world.

259

Just practice letting your true voice out of your mouth.

260

I think one of the biggest practices is saying no. This is very hard for adults.

261

We get an invitation to a party

262

or a co-worker asks us to do their work and we do not want to do it.

263

But our heart beats fast and we say yes.

264

Saying no is the best practice.

265

You must learn to say no to a meeting or a dinner you do not want to go to.

266

It feels bad at first, but when you say no to something you hate, you are saying yes to your own life.

267

Every time you choose yourself, your mind gets stronger.

268

You're putting the heavy bag down one small rock at a time.

269

But let us talk about what happens when we start making these new choices.

270

Because when I say no to a friend, my first thought is to start talking a lot.

271

I explain everything.

272

Ah, yes.

273

We feel bad, we feel guilty.

274

So we talk and talk.

275

We need to stop doing this immediately.

276

This is step three.

277

Stop talking.

278

Imagine it is Friday night.

279

You worked 40 hours this week.

280

You are so tired.

281

Your phone rings.

282

It is your friend.

283

They want you to go to a loud, busy place.

284

You want to stay home, read a book, and sleep.

285

But you feel bad saying no. So you say, oh, I'm so sorry.

286

I think I have a bad cold.

287

My head hurts.

288

And I have to clean my kitchen.

289

And my car is broken.

290

Yes, we make long stories.

291

We make big excuses.

292

Basically, we want the friend to understand.

293

We want them to say, oh, you are a good person.

294

It is okay.

295

But that is the heavy bag again.

296

You do not need to give a reason for your life.

297

If you want to stay home on a Friday night, just stay home.

298

So how do I say it?

299

What are the exact words?

300

No, thank you.

301

I am staying home tonight.

302

And if they ask why you aren't coming, then you give them the best excuse in the world,

303

which is, because I want to. Because I want to.

304

That feels so dangerous to say.

305

It feels dangerous, but it is true freedom.

306

Because I want to is a very good reason.

307

You only need to answer to yourself.

308

You are the adult.

309

You are the boss of your time.

310

But I have to ask the hard question.

311

If I stop explaining myself and I start saying no, and I use the words because I want to, well, some people will get mad at me.

312

Some people will not like me anymore.

313

That is true.

314

And this brings us to step four.

315

It is a hard truth, but it will set you free.

316

You cannot make everyone like you.

317

It is not possible.

318

Even the kindest, nicest people in the history of the world had enemies.

319

You can be the nicest person in your office.

320

You always bring coffee.

321

You always smile.

322

and someone somewhere in that office will still not like you.

323

They will say she smiles too much.

324

Exactly.

325

So if someone is always going to be angry, let them be angry.

326

Let them dislike you.

327

If they do not like your clothes or your choices or your quiet Friday night, it is their problem, not your problem.

328

You cannot please everyone.

329

Do not try.

330

You must keep your circle small.

331

Focus your time on the people who love the real you.

332

The people who like me without the mask?

333

Yes.

334

When you take off the mask, the people who stay are your true friends.

335

Give your love to them.

336

And what about the angry people?

337

Let the other people think what they want to think.

338

They are in their own movie.

339

Let them watch their own movie. That is so freeing.

340

We have talked about so many important things today.

341

I want to put all these simple rules together for you.

342

This is how you walk through the door to freedom.

343

First, you must see the heavy bag of opinions.

344

Feel how tired it makes you.

345

Second, you must learn the big secret.

346

People are busy and no one is watching your movie.

347

Third, take a piece of paper, write down what you want, and take small steps every day.

348

Eat the big sandwich.

349

Fourth, stop explaining your choices.

350

Stop talking so much.

351

Just say no. And fifth, accept the hard truth that some people will not like you. So, how about you?

352

Make one small choice right now.

353

The moment this talk ends, go do one thing for yourself.

354

Make your coffee exactly the way you like it.

355

Say no to a text message you do not want to answer.

356

Just practice.

357

Friends will come and go.

358

Jobs will change.

359

The money in your bank will go up and down.

360

But you are the only person who will be with you for your entire life.

361

From the day you are born to the very end, you are always with you.

362

Thanks for spending time with us today.

363

For more English listening and speaking practice, interesting topics, and more, subscribe to English in Comfort.

364

Keep practicing, keep improving, and take care, everyone!

शैडोइंग तकनीक क्या है?

शैडोइंग (Shadowing) एक विज्ञान-समर्थित भाषा सीखने की तकनीक है जो मूल रूप से पेशेवर दुभाषिया प्रशिक्षण के लिए विकसित की गई थी। विधि सरल लेकिन शक्तिशाली है: आप मूल अंग्रेज़ी ऑडियो सुनते हैं और तुरंत इसे ज़ोर से दोहराते हैं — जैसे वक्ता की छाया 1-2 सेकंड की देरी से। शोध से पता चलता है कि यह उच्चारण सटीकता, स्वर, लय, जुड़ी हुई ध्वनियाँ, सुनने की समझ और बोलने की प्रवाहशीलता में काफ़ी सुधार करता है।

शैडोइंग अभ्यास: How to Stop Caring What People Think | English Podcast | Easy English Conversation for Beginners - वीडियो के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें

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