Pratica di Shadowing: why i stopped calling myself a "girls girl" - Impara a parlare inglese con YouTube
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I am not a girl's girl.
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I am not a girl's girl.
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No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You what?
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I was rooting for you.
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We were all rooting for you.
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How dare you?
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Before you guys click off this video, let me explain.
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I think I have like a genuine,
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physical, visceral reaction to every single time I hear someone use the term girl's girl.
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And for like the longest time, I couldn't articulate why.
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Like I just didn't know why that term bothered me so much, but it does.
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Let's get into it, guys.
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Because to say I'm not a girl's girl and to even question that feels like this horrible crime.
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You might as well just get on stage and announce that you hate all women.
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But first, we need to backtrack a little bit and define the term girl's girl for everyone.
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Who the hell do you think you are?
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Half-five!
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So the term girl's girl didn't emerge out of nowhere.
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She was born as the opposite of pick me.
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And if you somehow missed that entire era of the internet, lucky you.
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The pick me girl was supposedly a woman that put other women down to gain male approval.
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It was that girl that just says I get along better with guys.
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She doesn't wear that much makeup She's just like a natural girl,
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you know, and most of all she's just not like other girls
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and look pygmies are real I have met a couple of pygmies in my lifetime.
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I'm sure everyone has they absolutely exist I would honestly argue
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that most women go through a pygmy phase in their teenage
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years Your hormones are calibrating you're adjusting to the male population for the first time
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and you just end up doing weird Embarrassing things to be noticed
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and I think that's honestly a pretty normal part of just
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growing up Most of us just cringe about it later and move on.
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But the internet does not move on.
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The internet never moves on.
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Miss Jackson!
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What happened next is what always happens with internet discourse.
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The concept expanded and expanded and expanded
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until PickMe stopped meaning women that undermines other women
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and started meaning any woman that doesn't perform female solidarity and femininity in the exact way that the internet has deemed correct.
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And on the other side of the coin,
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the girl's girl became the gold standard,
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the aspirational identity, the right way to be a girl.
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So now we have a binary.
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You're either a girl's girl,
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which makes you good, supportive,
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trustworthy, a real one, authentic,
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you're a real woman, or you're a pick me,
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which means you're a sellout,
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a traitor, a man lover,
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a whore, basically just the worst kind of girl ever.
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And the threshold for falling on the wrong side of the line is remarkably, almost comically low.
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You don't want to share where you got your boots.
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Pick me made a joke that was even mildly critical of women as a group.
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You're a pick me, not a girl's girl.
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Are you a private, competitive,
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or even a blunt person?
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You're a pick me.
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We have created a sorting mechanism for women,
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and the criteria is, are you agreeable enough?
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The way the internet uses girl's girl has nothing to do with supporting women and everything to do with controlling them.
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So I remember seeing this TikTok a while back,
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and I'll put it up here.
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I had one of the most unhinged interactions with a girl
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that i've had in a long time today and it's just
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so weird to me because i think i forget
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that not every girl is a girl's girl essentially there's this
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woman at a market in silver lake she sees another woman
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wearing these cowboy boots she goes up to her ass where do your boots
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and the other woman says i don't want to tell you
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i would have never done this to you i would have
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never done this this interaction gets posted on tiktok it gets like over seven million views
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and everyone just unanimously decided that the girl that didn't want to share where she bought her boots from was evil,
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was a pick me, was like the scum of the fucking earth and ultimately was not a girl's girl.
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And within days even brands hopped onto this.
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The boots I think were just from Urban Outfitters and Urban Outfitters,
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the brand, completely rebranded around this moment.
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Urban Outfitters sent out promo text no gatekeeping here.
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Like a woman's minor social boundary became a whole marketing campaign.
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This is where it gets interesting to me because when you actually list out what being a girl's girl requires,
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when you strip away like the branding,
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the TikToks, the snarky comments,
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the checklist looks like this.
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Be generous, be supportive, be not competitive,
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be warm, be accommodating, never be publicly critical of another woman,
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always uplift, always share, always hype.
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Now, I want you to listen to that list again
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and tell me that just isn't a repackaged version of every expectation
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that the patriarchy has imposed on women for centuries because that is the list.
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It's always been the list.
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Be nice, be pleasant, be agreeable,
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don't be too much, don't make waves, definitely don't be difficult.
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Women have been conditioned into agreeableness for so long
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that it's basically just like ingrained in our freaking firmware at this point
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and what the girl's girl era has done to that conditioning,
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which we should have been interrogating in the first place,
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which feminism was supposed to actually help us unlearn,
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turned it into an identity,
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a feminist identity no less.
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So if anyone ever puts us back on this expectation
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that you should be endlessly warm and generous and accommodating to women at all times,
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you're not just being rude, you're being anti-feminist.
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You're failing the sisterhood.
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You're not a girl's girl.
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And that's where it gets good.
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You can't critique the expectation of agreeableness without being disagreeable.
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And being disagreeable is the one thing that kicks you out of the sisterhood.
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And what's wild is who's actually enforcing this because it's not men, it's women.
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You cannot be for real.
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Oh my God, you for real.
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The girl's girl framework has essentially outsourced patriarchal policing to women themselves.
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We have become our own oppressors, guys.
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Think back to the cowboy boots lady, okay?
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She didn't insult anyone.
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She didn't compete with anyone.
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She didn't tear anyone down.
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She just said, no, I don't want to tell you where my boots are from.
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And yes, maybe that wasn't the super friendly or super socially acceptable thing to say,
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but she had a boundary.
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And the punishment for that wasn't anything from men.
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It was from thousands of women who essentially just called her a pick-me and not a girl's girl.
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Like when you fix a stranger's hair in the bathroom,
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when you bond with your girlfriend at the club,
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when you tell a girl that her outfit looks amazing,
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these are lovely gestures, genuinely.
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But the moment that these gestures become mandatory,
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the moment a woman is punished for not performing them,
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you're not describing solidarity.
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What that is, is just compliance.
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And here's the part that I actually find quite funny.
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The entire premise of a girl's girl is that she centers women.
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She puts women first.
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She's built past the petty,
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man-obsessed era of the pick-me movement and is now focused on what matters most, women supporting women.
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But look at what a girl's girl actually does.
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Look at what earns you that title.
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You help your friends get ready for a night out but you're getting ready for what?
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For whom?
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You share your beauty secrets,
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but beauty by what standards?
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You don't steal someone's man,
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which frames women as inherent threats in a competition that is by definition organized around male attention.
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So much of what earns someone a girl's girl status is still focused around attractiveness,
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desirability, and the rules of heterosexual dating.
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Like the cowboy boots drama.
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If you like strip away the girlhood solidarity language,
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what it's really about is style.
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Not willing to share her style.
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And style is looking good.
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So it's really just about the currency of being attractive and whether you're willing to share your cheat codes.
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And who gets called not a girl's girl most often?
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Women who are competitive, women who are blunt,
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who are private, women who aren't necessarily super warm.
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In other words, women who don't necessarily make themselves easy to be around,
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which has always been the requirement, right?
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Be easy, be pleasant, don't be a problem.
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The whole girl's girl prison is still just about making women palatable.
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And then there's a part where all this becomes a product because of course it did.
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The girl's girl quickly became a social identity to a brand identity.
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Influencers, brands, they started selling girl's girl totes,
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girl's girl merch, shirts, hats.
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It was like the same energy that they used to sell feminist merch five years ago.
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Girl's girl became absorbed by this content machine and it became an aesthetic.
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It became a content category.
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It became a very distinct trope online.
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Someone I saw described it as kitsch feminist slop.
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That's pretty good.
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That's pretty good.
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Because that's exactly what it is.
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It's essentially just feel-good feminism.
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It looks like solidarity.
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It sounds like solidarity.
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It is, in practice, a marketing strategy.
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And this matters because it replaces substance with performance.
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When supporting women gets reduced down to sharing where you got your boots from and complimenting strangers' outfits,
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the definition of solidarity shrinks until it's almost meaningless.
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You don't have to change anything structural.
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You don't have to sit with disagreement or complexity.
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You just have to be nice and share where you got your clothes from.
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What the hell is that?
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A dress.
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Says who?
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Calvin Klein.
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So I want to be clear about something because if you're only half listening to this,
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you probably hate me at this point.
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I'm not making the argument that women should just be mean to each other
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and see each other as threats and not help each other out and just be super ultra competitive.
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Of course not.
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I'm definitely not nostalgic for an era
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when women tore each other down for male attention and I'm not like other girls was such a dominant personality trait.
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We all agree that was bad,
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but I just think that we overcorrected into something that also is bad,
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but it's just a harder thing to verbalize and articulate because it's so like,
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it's like a feminist identity at this point.
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Here's what really bothers me about being a girl's girl.
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You have to do things like this.
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Share your lip gloss in a club bathroom.
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Tell a stranger her outfit is cute.
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Hype someone up in Instagram comments sharing where you got your freaking cowboy boots.
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And that's it.
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That is literally the bar.
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That is what supporting women has come to.
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Surface level pleasantries.
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These are like micro gestures of solidarity that cost you nothing.
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And look, these things are nice.
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They're good.
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They make you feel good.
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Obviously, it feels nice when someone compliments you on the street.
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I'm not mad at anyone for being kind in a bathroom,
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but I feel like we've confused these tiny micro moments of support with real support
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and they're definitely just not the same thing.
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You know what actually looks like to support women it looks like showing up for your friend
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when her relationship is falling apart not just in the first week
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but in month freaking five
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and she's still not over him it's advocating for women at work who are still underpaid even
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if that's inconvenient for you it looks like having hard honest conversations with your friend
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when they're fucking up instead of just gassing them up
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when they really need to hear the truth it looks like fighting for maternal rights reproductive productive rights, real shit.
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This stuff like doesn't just fit into a TikTok.
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The work is unglamorous, it's uncomfortable, it's hard.
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It takes a lot of freaking time.
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And it usually doesn't come with a bunch of praise,
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a title, it doesn't come with,
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you know, the glory of being a freaking girl's girl.
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And that's why the girl's girl's brand just doesn't touch it.
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Because real solidarity requires effort.
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It requires sacrifice.
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It requires disagreement, telling another woman that she is wrong holding her accountable,
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having conversations that aren't fun.
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The girl's girl version of feminism skips all of that
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and jumps straight to the part that feels good and looks good on camera.
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And it ties it all in a neat little bow and calls it the sisterhood.
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And I think what just really freaking pisses me off is
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like women who use the term girl's girl most are the quickest to freaking turn and tear another girl apart.
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Like I don't know if you guys share this experience,
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but I feel like a of people I know that use the term girl's girl unironically,
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they will say all these things like,
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oh my god, this girl's so nice because she shared me her lip gloss.
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Oh my god, she looks so pretty.
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And then immediately turn and say the most hateful gossip-filled thing about another woman.
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Make it make sense, guys.
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Make it make freaking sense.
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The girl's girl versus pick me binary is not new.
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It's just the latest version of a game that sorts women into good
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and bad based on how well they perform the version of femininity that the internet society has decided for them.
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The rules change every decade.
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In the 2000s, you were supposed to be the cool girl,
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chill, low maintenance, one of the guys.
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In 2010, you're supposed to be the girl boss,
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ambitious, leaning in, having it all.
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And in 2020, you're now supposed to be the girl's girl.
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Warm, generous, endlessly supportive, and never difficult.
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But the underlying structure is exactly the same.
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There is a right way to be a woman.
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And if you deviate from it,
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other women will let you know.
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Honestly, the most radical thing that girls,
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women, feminism could do right now is just to let women be.
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Let them be generous or guarded.
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Let them not share your freaking cowboy boots.
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Let them be warmed or reserved without turning every one of their personality traits into something
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that dictates how supportive they are to the gender.
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I feel like I've been thinking about this topic for a really long time
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and I've never really had the right words to articulate it and honestly I'm really open to conversation.
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Maybe I'm completely off about this.
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Maybe girl's girl is a really good thing for feminism
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and really good thing for women and we should hold more women to this standard.
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But I feel like this term has just always made me uncomfortable.
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I just hate how women use it to essentially police other women.
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I think there definitely can be a balance here or honestly maybe I just hate the way that the internet uses it.
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Girl's girl, it just.. and yeah I think we'll leave at that.
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Let me know what you guys think about girl's girl in the comments below.
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Bye!
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you
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Vocabolario e Frasi Chiave
- girl's girl - termine che descrive una donna che sostiene altri donne.
- pick me - donna che cerca approvazione maschile a discapito di altre donne.
- authentic - autentico; un termine utilizzato per descrivere qualcuno che è genuino.
- supportive - sostenitore; si riferisce a una persona che offre assistenza e supporto.
- binary - binario; significa avere solo due opzioni come "buono" o "cattivo".
- hormones - ormoni; si riferisce ai cambiamenti nel corpo durante l'adolescenza.
- confidence - fiducia; la capacità di credere in te stesso e nelle tue abilità.
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