シャドーイング練習: How to ACTUALLY Let Them? - 動画で英語スピーキングを学ぶ

I'm gonna ruin your perception on life in this video, and you are gonna thank me eventually.

Everybody says, let them.

We've all heard it by now.

Let them lose you, let them treat you badly, let them walk away, let them be who they are, and let them show you who they actually are, and believe them when they show you.

And I agree with that.

Sometimes some people just need to free up some space for something better to come into your life.

But why is everybody positioning it like it's something that you can just snap your fingers and let go of.

You can just literally wake up and not care.

Why is nobody talking about how hard it actually is to let them?

Just let them doesn't work.

It's not a willpower problem.

It's not that you're weak.

It's a brain problem.

How do you actually let them?

How can you just throw your heart on the ground, step on it, throw your ego there as well, just stab it and leave?

It seems simple.

The concept itself, it's very simple.

Whenever somebody mistreats you, whenever somebody shows you who they really are, you should let them and you should leave.

Seems easy, right?

But it's actually not.

How do you step on your own heart and say, nope, this is not for me.

I'm gonna stab you.

I'm gonna leave you here and I'm gonna walk away.

Hi guys, my name is Valeria and in these videos I talk about everything related to self-development, self-improvement and ultimately I'm here to help you become your best self.

Welcome or welcome back.

My electricity is going on and off So if you hear an annoying beeping sound in the background, that's my electricity going on and off.

But we are here to talk.

We are here to talk about let them theory.

When you finally actually let somebody go, not to get them back, not to get revenge, but genuinely letting someone go,

releasing someone, it shifts towards something nobody is talking about and nobody is warning you about.

You get into an extreme grieving phase.

You do not feel instant release.

You don't feel instant rush of happiness you might feel a little bit more energy

because you stop wasting it on people who do not deserve it.

But something nobody talks about is the grieving phase and a huge grieving feeling that you get after you release people.

It doesn't feel powerful or enlightening.

So yesterday I spent almost the whole day crying, which made me want to record this video.

Things are just not working out how I plan them to work out.

People are not doing things that I want them to do.

A lot of people are disappointing me, things that I hoped for got canceled.

It feels like everything is falling apart, right?

Everything that I thought would go one way is going another way.

And I know I should let it.

And I know you're like, yeah, Valerie, you're sitting in Bali crying because of that stuff.

Cry me everywhere.

I did.

And the process I went through was very reflective.

And like I journaled a lot.

And I guess I had to go through this crying evening

for at least one purpose to share what i realized with

you how to actually let things happen how to actually let them go how to actually accept the fact

that you're feeling miserable but there are things

that you just have to do that you just understand

that are logical it feels like you're a child who's in the store crying

because she wants ice cream or like a toy

and she's throwing these tent rooms and crying and asking for a toy

and at the same time you're also a parent who's dragging the child away knowing it's what's best for him

and you're in this weird dynamic with yourself where on one side you're a child

and on the other side you're also a parent who knows what's best for you

but it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt doesn't mean

that you can just stop the tantrum i guess that's what parenting yourself feels like the best way

that i figured out how to let them how to let

things happen how to let them lose you is by growing

that internal parent by making

that internal parent stronger than your internal child who is throwing tantrums

and says no but i love them but i want them

but i miss them

but i want them back your inner parent has to be

stronger than your inner child in order for you to stay strong step on your ego step on your heart

and walk away so today we're not answering the question why you should let them

or whether you should let them

if you're watching this video you already know the answer

and deep down we do always know the answer we do know what's good

and what's bad for us

and whenever something doesn't feel right you should listen to it there is a saying

if how do you say it correctly

if you're imagining something you're not imagining i don't know how to say it in english correctly

but basically the whole idea if you're feeling something it's already real the feeling is real

if you're feeling not valued if you're feeling unhappy that doesn't mean

that you're imagining stuff that doesn't mean

that you're overthinking even though you can the feeling is already

real enough for you to consider something yes maybe consider the way you're thinking

but also there can be multiple reasons why you can be feeling this way

but the feeling itself is already valid enough

and is already real for you to take some action before

we get into the good juicy stuff let's break down why just let them doesn't work.

It's not a willpower problem.

It's not that you're weak.

It's a brain problem.

So there was a research in some university that studied people who went through the breakup.

And what it showed is that whenever people saw pictures of their exes, it triggered the same pain responses as if they were shocked by electricity

or had an actual physical pain social rejection activated the same

exact brain regions as actual physical pain your brain literally cannot

tell the difference between being left by someone you loved

and being burned it feels all the same to your brain

and another big trick or life hack or brain hack is

that your brain doesn't understand the difference between what's real

or the things that you're imagining basically that means

that you can be traumatized by movies well not in

100

that sense but things that you're imagining things

101

that you're relieving in your head your brain will have the exact same response as

102

if it was happening actually so whenever you're rethinking about the breakup whenever you're rethinking about

103

that person or relieving the situations

104

and the scenarios it will trigger the same pain response like the one

105

that you felt in that moment to your nervous system leaving people breakup emotional pain is

106

that deep it is

107

that deep telling someone to just get over it just forget

108

about them just let them leave is the same thing as

109

telling somebody with a broken arm to just stop hurting that's

110

why advice let them without framework feels like almost like a joke

111

and a little bit cruel you're asking somebody to override basically a pain signal

112

so whenever i understood the parenting and the child analogy i was meditating yesterday

113

when i was crying and i was having my little breakdown i decided to meditate

114

and to see what's going on and i saw this image of inner child

115

and the inner parent and like this whole situation

116

and my inner child was like throwing tantrums

117

and crying just being upset like everything is not working out

118

the way i want to work out people are disappointing me i'm

119

so sad blah blah blah blah blah an inner parent

120

and i was like okay that's interesting no way i'm the only one experiencing

121

that so i started researching the best thing i can do top one things

122

that i do whenever i'm upset or whenever i experience something is i research

123

because i'm kind of logical person i like to understand the

124

science behind stuff i like to connect my experience to science

125

so i researched

126

and apparently it's a thing there is a theory there is

127

a framework in psychology basically like a therapeutic model called internal family systems

128

so the core idea is that your mind isn't one unified thing

129

so you do have multiple personalities within you it's made up of different parts

130

so basically like an internal family

131

and they do not always agree understanding this concept helped me

132

kind of like pinpoint where i should direct my energy

133

and attention to what should i focus on in order to feel better

134

and to parent myself so i'm gonna share it with you

135

so basically there are three main parts the exile is your

136

inner child all the wounds within you all the traumas within

137

you most likely this inner child has them it's carrying the trauma flag it's the part

138

that learned early on that love is conditional that people can abandon you

139

that you have to earn affection basically all the trauma all the wounds

140

that you're carrying the exile is the one terrified right now

141

the exile is the one throwing tantrums it wants the person back

142

because that person represents the source of safety for the child even

143

if the person was hurting you sometimes we even project our own parents onto these people but let's not get into that.

144

Another part is the protector.

145

It's the part that tries to manage the exile's pain.

146

It has all these like defense mechanisms, so it tries to protect the exile's pain by over-explaining,

147

people-pleasing, over-functioning or staying in situations when you already need to leave just in order to avoid pain.

148

These are the defense mechanisms that are saying if I try harder, they might change.

149

If I love them enough, they will love me back.

150

If I give them one more chance it will be different

151

this time all of these things these are basically defense mechanisms

152

and these are basically things that are not real

153

that are never gonna happen most likely

154

but you're doing these things in order to protect your inner child from the pain of leaving

155

that person for example the protector thinks it's helping

156

but what actually is happening is it's keeping you stuck it

157

stops you from moving forward it stops you from walking away from the situations that are actually hurting you, your brain is just trying to protect you.

158

You are just trying to protect yourself.

159

The thing is, your brain doesn't always understand what's best for you.

160

That's where the third part comes in.

161

The higher self, the adult, the self, whatever you want to call it, it's you that is calm, that is cool, that is collected,

162

that is grown up, and the version of you that can see the full picture, that can understand things logically.

163

It doesn't panic, it doesn't chase, it says, this is not good for us, that's why we need to walk away.

164

Or, I know it's hard, but we just have to go through this.

165

Basically, the inner parent, that's parenting the inner child.

166

The problem is whenever you're going through the breakup or you're like me, throwing little tantrums and having a little cry, the selves, the inner parent's voice,

167

get silenced by the exiles, the inner child's tantrums, by inner child's pain.

168

You know deep down that you should let them go, but the inner child is screaming so loudly, you cannot actually hear or differentiate or pay attention to that voice.

169

So that's where the ice cream shop battle is happening.

170

And here's the framework I figured out is good to help you go through these situations and to help you help yourself.

171

So basically whenever something like that happens, the first thing you need to do is to understand which part is in control right now.

172

Is it the one who is throwing every defense mechanism just to avoid the pain?

173

Is that the part that is wounded who wants love, who wants protection, who wants to be cared, who doesn't want to be left alone,

174

or is it the part that is cool and collected and logical and rational?

175

The next time you feel the pull to check their social media, to message them, to hold them, to forgive them, to give them another chance, ask yourself which part of me actually wants this.

176

Nine times out of ten it's not the adult, it's not the rational part of you.

177

Once you can name the part

178

that is driving the situation it kind of first loses its grip

179

and gives you back the control because you become the observer

180

and you decide where to direct your energy to it can

181

basically feel like sitting the whole family at the table like

182

you can have a small conciliam you can ask what the

183

inner child wants you can ask the inner parent what's like

184

their opinion on the situation you can ask the protector what are they trying to do

185

and why they're trying to do it to see

186

and understand the situation fully

187

and then to be like the judge of the situation you're not fighting yourself anymore you're making conscious decisions

188

and you're returning power back to yourself the next thing is

189

feel the pain without acting on it sometimes you just need the child to throw tantrums

190

and you just need to sit through them you just need

191

to i'm talking about like even actual parenting even though i'm

192

not a parent sometimes you just need to hold their hand

193

and say i understand you're upset i understand you're very hurt you need to explain

194

and like reflect their emotions back to them say i know

195

you're hurt you're probably feeling pain you're probably upset i understand

196

that and i'm here with you and i love you

197

and just sit there with them and let them feel their emotions

198

and let the emotions pass you need to do the same

199

thing to yourself you need to feel the emotions you don't

200

need to suppress them you need to cry like i did

201

yesterday slow throw a little tantrum just try to do it in private maybe

202

and just let the emotions pass you need to hold your hands through

203

that and you need to print yourself through that

204

and just let the emotions go trust me no emotion

205

if you process it correctly is gonna stay for longer than an hour

206

and even if it does it's gonna go back

207

and forth in waves and you just need to live through that

208

so treat it like an actual wound no need to rationalize

209

it no need to explain it just sit with it okay this has happened yes i'm hurting

210

and let your body do the healing let yourself heal you

211

cannot rationalize your wound to heal you just need to sit in it

212

but here's another crucial part don't let the inner child make the decisions and don't let the pain decide your actions.

213

A feeling is an information, not an instruction, not an action plan.

214

You can grieve someone and still not message them.

215

You can feel the pain of losing someone and still not pick up the phone when they are calling.

216

Trust me, you can.

217

And the decision that you make when the pain is the loudest is the one that sticks, is the one that will define how you feel about yourself.

218

Because let me tell you, every time you promise yourself you're not gonna call them, that is the last time you forgive them, you're not gonna take them back and you break that promise,

219

you lose the most important thing and that is trust in yourself and believe in yourself.

220

You lose a piece and a part of yourself and at the end you'll be left with nothing.

221

And when I mean nothing, you might have this person, you might have money, you might have safety and security, but you will feel so deeply empty inside with no foundation,

222

with no grounding, that no other person will be able to replace that emptiness.

223

So trust me when I say this, the cost of lying to yourself the cost of breaking promises to yourself is very high

224

and whenever you'll feel it it will be very hard to rebuild it back it is possible

225

but it will be very hard

226

so every time you make the decision to betray yourself to lie to yourself to not choose yourself just know

227

that the choice you're making is going to cost you in

228

the future first time your inner parent your higher self will fight second time it probably will as well

229

but the more you break promises to yourself the more you promise yourself you're not going to do it

230

and you repeat it the less fight it will bring

231

and at some point it won't even be there it will just give up

232

that what losing yourself is so let's get to the third part is making promises

233

that are small

234

and easy enough to keep don't say i'm never talking to

235

them ever again your brain will not believe you your inner child will not like

236

that it's gonna throw another tantrum

237

and it will be even harder to resist set goals

238

and say things like i'm not texting them today i'm not texting them within the the next hour.

239

That's it.

240

One small thing.

241

That's how you will build up that inner parent, because every time you will keep that micro promise,

242

your strengths and your self-trust and your inner parent will become stronger and stronger.

243

Your brain will update itself, your brain will update the files and believe that, okay, it's okay, we survived it.

244

And also, oh, it's okay, we can rely on ourselves.

245

I am strong enough to handle stuff.

246

That's what having an inner parent is like.

247

That's what having a higher self and a foundation within yourself is like.

248

Understanding that you can handle any in your life by yourself and you are all you need.

249

And in order to have this belief, in order to have this foundation, you need to prove it by taking actual actions because your brain only believes evidence.

250

It doesn't believe your affirmations or your self-talk.

251

The next step is fill the part, fill the empty space with something else it can be new

252

hobby it can be new friends it can be i don't

253

know new experiences move your body not for fitness purposes

254

or in order to glow up so perfectly

255

that you wouldn't even want to be with that person anymore

256

and you would feel so much better about yourself

257

but in order to discharge all the negative energy

258

but also glowing up to the point where you feel like

259

only the old version of you would tolerate this relationship you would feel

260

so good about yourself

261

that you wouldn't even want to go back there is also

262

not a bad advice that's what i like to do i want to feel

263

so confident and so proud of myself internally

264

that just a thought of going back to

265

that person it feels illogical it doesn't make sense anymore we are not in the same place

266

and i'm not saying i'm better than them i'm just saying

267

that we went such different ways we are not gonna connect in any way anymore journal not to self-analyze

268

but to be with yourself to help yourself build something a new project start making jewelry whatever

269

that is find a new hobby build new neural pathways

270

because the more neural pathways you build the easier it's kind

271

of to let go of the old ones to let go of your old self

272

and another part is

273

that you need to grieve you need to grieve who first who you wanted

274

that person to be who you imagined that person to be

275

but secondly who you imagined yourself to be with that person

276

and future you saw for yourself with

277

that person you need to actually grieve it like it's

278

that person because it is a dead part of you

279

that part of you is gone that part of you died that's why grief feels so significant

280

because it is you're not just letting go of the person you're letting go of the future you imagine

281

and you're letting go of the person you were with them

282

and you're letting go of the person you saw yourself in the future with them

283

and be realistic understand the difference between mourning who they actually are

284

because probably they are not the person you want to spend the rest of your life was

285

and mourning who you wanted them to be and seeing the difference

286

and seeing the reality was one of the hardest things about the breakup just seeing who the person actually is

287

because i i love denial i love believing in the best in people i love seeing the best in people

288

so whenever something bad happens i always excuse people and

289

that is something that i had to work on i am much more unapologetic right now

290

but i like to believe the best in people

291

and sometimes you do not need to believe in the best in people sometimes you need to finally choose yourself

292

and love yourself enough to see the truth to see

293

that sometimes shrek is not gonna become a prince charming he will always stay a shrek another tip

294

and another practice is actually reparent yourself in real time like sitting in yourself

295

and talk to yourself i do

296

that i decided to share what i was going through

297

so i'm just gonna share what i was actually going through

298

and that is actually like sitting with myself

299

and talking to myself having an actual inner dialogue like oh my god i missed them i want the back

300

and the inner band says i know you do

301

that makes sense that's okay to feel that way but

302

that feeling came from a cost you weren't willing to pay anymore what

303

if nobody else makes me feel this way there are seven

304

billion people on this planet there will be another person who will make you feel

305

that way and what if you were certain

306

that somebody will love you the way you want to be loved

307

and you will meet them for sure would you still want to go back to

308

that person no of course i wouldn't but you get the point

309

and then one day you actually wake up and you do move on

310

and your inner child starts relying on yourself and your inner parent more

311

and starts trusting the inner parent more

312

and the gentrums just stop at some point at some point the child forgets that they wanted that toy.

313

And the truth about letting go, it was never about letting them, letting them go.

314

It's not about them at all.

315

It's about whether you have the strengths and believe

316

that you trust yourself enough to survive the pain of losing somebody who was never actually meant for you, who was never actually yours.

317

It's about building the internal voice that is strong and that is loud, that whenever it says I've got you, you actually believe it.

318

And that is all I have for you guys today hopefully

319

that helped and if you did leave a comment like share comment subscribe i'll see you in the next one

✨ おすすめ動画

337 文

How to Enter Your Unbothered Era: Stop Over-Explaining and Let Them Lose You

University StudentsBusiness English+2

588 文

10 Signs You're Mentally Stronger Than You Think | Intermediate English Podcast(B1–B2)

University StudentsBusiness English+2

101 文

the conversation I couldn’t stop thinking about

University StudentsBusiness English+2

499 文

Just Stop Trying to Speak English Perfectly

en-USUniversity Students+3

225 文

Life Begins When You Stop Being Available | English Podcast for Learning, Shadowing & Life Growth

University StudentsBusiness English+2

277 文

They are probably overthinking everything they’ve said too #psychology #lawofattraction #overthinker

University StudentsBusiness English+2

シャドーイングとは？英語上達に効果的な理由

シャドーイング（Shadowing）は、もともとプロの通訳者養成プログラムで開発された言語学習法で、多言語習得者として知られるDr. Alexander Arguelles によって広く普及されました。方法はシンプルですが非常に効果的：ネイティブスピーカーの英語を聞きながら、1〜2秒の遅延で声に出してすぐに繰り返す——まるで「影（shadow）」のように話者を追いかけます。文法ドリルや受動的なリスニングと異なり、シャドーイングは脳と口の筋肉が同時にリアルタイムで英語を処理・再現することを強制します。研究により、発音精度、抑揚、リズム、連音、リスニング力、そして会話の流暢さが大幅に向上することが確認されています。IELTSスピーキング対策や自然な英語コミュニケーションを目指す方に特におすすめです。

シャドーイングのやり方: ステップ別の完全ガイドを読む →

シャドーイング練習: How to ACTUALLY Let Them? - 動画で英語スピーキングを学ぶ

How to Enter Your Unbothered Era: Stop Over-Explaining and Let Them Lose You

10 Signs You're Mentally Stronger Than You Think | Intermediate English Podcast(B1–B2)

the conversation I couldn’t stop thinking about

Just Stop Trying to Speak English Perfectly

Life Begins When You Stop Being Available | English Podcast for Learning, Shadowing & Life Growth

you're not being kind - you're performing

If You Feel Like You LOST The One, WATCH THIS! | Matthew Hussey

Stop introducing yourself like this.

How To Stop Wasting Your Energy On People-Pleasing

How to Love without fear

8 Steps to Reclaim Your Life

They are probably overthinking everything they’ve said too #psychology #lawofattraction #overthinker

このクリップのスピーキング目標

フレーズバンク

弱点を直そう

シャドーイングとは？英語上達に効果的な理由