Практика Shadowing: How to ACTUALLY Let Them? - Изучайте разговорный английский по видео
Создание урока...
1
I'm gonna ruin your perception on life in this video, and you are gonna thank me eventually.
2
Everybody says, let them.
3
We've all heard it by now.
4
Let them lose you, let them treat you badly, let them walk away, let them be who they are, and let them show you who they actually are, and believe them when they show you.
5
And I agree with that.
6
Sometimes some people just need to free up some space for something better to come into your life.
7
But why is everybody positioning it like it's something that you can just snap your fingers and let go of.
8
You can just literally wake up and not care.
9
Why is nobody talking about how hard it actually is to let them?
10
Just let them doesn't work.
11
It's not a willpower problem.
12
It's not that you're weak.
13
It's a brain problem.
14
How do you actually let them?
15
How can you just throw your heart on the ground, step on it, throw your ego there as well, just stab it and leave?
16
It seems simple.
17
The concept itself, it's very simple.
18
Whenever somebody mistreats you, whenever somebody shows you who they really are, you should let them and you should leave.
19
Seems easy, right?
20
But it's actually not.
21
How do you step on your own heart and say, nope, this is not for me.
22
I'm gonna stab you.
23
I'm gonna leave you here and I'm gonna walk away.
24
Hi guys, my name is Valeria and in these videos I talk about everything related to self-development, self-improvement and ultimately I'm here to help you become your best self.
25
Welcome or welcome back.
26
My electricity is going on and off So if you hear an annoying beeping sound in the background, that's my electricity going on and off.
27
But we are here to talk.
28
We are here to talk about let them theory.
29
When you finally actually let somebody go, not to get them back, not to get revenge, but genuinely letting someone go,
30
releasing someone, it shifts towards something nobody is talking about and nobody is warning you about.
31
You get into an extreme grieving phase.
32
You do not feel instant release.
33
You don't feel instant rush of happiness you might feel a little bit more energy
34
because you stop wasting it on people who do not deserve it.
35
But something nobody talks about is the grieving phase and a huge grieving feeling that you get after you release people.
36
It doesn't feel powerful or enlightening.
37
So yesterday I spent almost the whole day crying, which made me want to record this video.
38
Things are just not working out how I plan them to work out.
39
People are not doing things that I want them to do.
40
A lot of people are disappointing me, things that I hoped for got canceled.
41
It feels like everything is falling apart, right?
42
Everything that I thought would go one way is going another way.
43
And I know I should let it.
44
And I know you're like, yeah, Valerie, you're sitting in Bali crying because of that stuff.
45
Cry me everywhere.
46
I did.
47
And the process I went through was very reflective.
48
And like I journaled a lot.
49
And I guess I had to go through this crying evening
50
for at least one purpose to share what i realized with
51
you how to actually let things happen how to actually let them go how to actually accept the fact
52
that you're feeling miserable but there are things
53
that you just have to do that you just understand
54
that are logical it feels like you're a child who's in the store crying
55
because she wants ice cream or like a toy
56
and she's throwing these tent rooms and crying and asking for a toy
57
and at the same time you're also a parent who's dragging the child away knowing it's what's best for him
58
and you're in this weird dynamic with yourself where on one side you're a child
59
and on the other side you're also a parent who knows what's best for you
60
but it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt doesn't mean
61
that you can just stop the tantrum i guess that's what parenting yourself feels like the best way
62
that i figured out how to let them how to let
63
things happen how to let them lose you is by growing
64
that internal parent by making
65
that internal parent stronger than your internal child who is throwing tantrums
66
and says no but i love them but i want them
67
but i miss them
68
but i want them back your inner parent has to be
69
stronger than your inner child in order for you to stay strong step on your ego step on your heart
70
and walk away so today we're not answering the question why you should let them
71
or whether you should let them
72
if you're watching this video you already know the answer
73
and deep down we do always know the answer we do know what's good
74
and what's bad for us
75
and whenever something doesn't feel right you should listen to it there is a saying
76
if how do you say it correctly
77
if you're imagining something you're not imagining i don't know how to say it in english correctly
78
but basically the whole idea if you're feeling something it's already real the feeling is real
79
if you're feeling not valued if you're feeling unhappy that doesn't mean
80
that you're imagining stuff that doesn't mean
81
that you're overthinking even though you can the feeling is already
82
real enough for you to consider something yes maybe consider the way you're thinking
83
but also there can be multiple reasons why you can be feeling this way
84
but the feeling itself is already valid enough
85
and is already real for you to take some action before
86
we get into the good juicy stuff let's break down why just let them doesn't work.
87
It's not a willpower problem.
88
It's not that you're weak.
89
It's a brain problem.
90
So there was a research in some university that studied people who went through the breakup.
91
And what it showed is that whenever people saw pictures of their exes, it triggered the same pain responses as if they were shocked by electricity
92
or had an actual physical pain social rejection activated the same
93
exact brain regions as actual physical pain your brain literally cannot
94
tell the difference between being left by someone you loved
95
and being burned it feels all the same to your brain
96
and another big trick or life hack or brain hack is
97
that your brain doesn't understand the difference between what's real
98
or the things that you're imagining basically that means
99
that you can be traumatized by movies well not in
100
that sense but things that you're imagining things
101
that you're relieving in your head your brain will have the exact same response as
102
if it was happening actually so whenever you're rethinking about the breakup whenever you're rethinking about
103
that person or relieving the situations
104
and the scenarios it will trigger the same pain response like the one
105
that you felt in that moment to your nervous system leaving people breakup emotional pain is
106
that deep it is
107
that deep telling someone to just get over it just forget
108
about them just let them leave is the same thing as
109
telling somebody with a broken arm to just stop hurting that's
110
why advice let them without framework feels like almost like a joke
111
and a little bit cruel you're asking somebody to override basically a pain signal
112
so whenever i understood the parenting and the child analogy i was meditating yesterday
113
when i was crying and i was having my little breakdown i decided to meditate
114
and to see what's going on and i saw this image of inner child
115
and the inner parent and like this whole situation
116
and my inner child was like throwing tantrums
117
and crying just being upset like everything is not working out
118
the way i want to work out people are disappointing me i'm
119
so sad blah blah blah blah blah an inner parent
120
and i was like okay that's interesting no way i'm the only one experiencing
121
that so i started researching the best thing i can do top one things
122
that i do whenever i'm upset or whenever i experience something is i research
123
because i'm kind of logical person i like to understand the
124
science behind stuff i like to connect my experience to science
125
so i researched
126
and apparently it's a thing there is a theory there is
127
a framework in psychology basically like a therapeutic model called internal family systems
128
so the core idea is that your mind isn't one unified thing
129
so you do have multiple personalities within you it's made up of different parts
130
so basically like an internal family
131
and they do not always agree understanding this concept helped me
132
kind of like pinpoint where i should direct my energy
133
and attention to what should i focus on in order to feel better
134
and to parent myself so i'm gonna share it with you
135
so basically there are three main parts the exile is your
136
inner child all the wounds within you all the traumas within
137
you most likely this inner child has them it's carrying the trauma flag it's the part
138
that learned early on that love is conditional that people can abandon you
139
that you have to earn affection basically all the trauma all the wounds
140
that you're carrying the exile is the one terrified right now
141
the exile is the one throwing tantrums it wants the person back
142
because that person represents the source of safety for the child even
143
if the person was hurting you sometimes we even project our own parents onto these people but let's not get into that.
144
Another part is the protector.
145
It's the part that tries to manage the exile's pain.
146
It has all these like defense mechanisms, so it tries to protect the exile's pain by over-explaining,
147
people-pleasing, over-functioning or staying in situations when you already need to leave just in order to avoid pain.
148
These are the defense mechanisms that are saying if I try harder, they might change.
149
If I love them enough, they will love me back.
150
If I give them one more chance it will be different
151
this time all of these things these are basically defense mechanisms
152
and these are basically things that are not real
153
that are never gonna happen most likely
154
but you're doing these things in order to protect your inner child from the pain of leaving
155
that person for example the protector thinks it's helping
156
but what actually is happening is it's keeping you stuck it
157
stops you from moving forward it stops you from walking away from the situations that are actually hurting you, your brain is just trying to protect you.
158
You are just trying to protect yourself.
159
The thing is, your brain doesn't always understand what's best for you.
160
That's where the third part comes in.
161
The higher self, the adult, the self, whatever you want to call it, it's you that is calm, that is cool, that is collected,
162
that is grown up, and the version of you that can see the full picture, that can understand things logically.
163
It doesn't panic, it doesn't chase, it says, this is not good for us, that's why we need to walk away.
164
Or, I know it's hard, but we just have to go through this.
165
Basically, the inner parent, that's parenting the inner child.
166
The problem is whenever you're going through the breakup or you're like me, throwing little tantrums and having a little cry, the selves, the inner parent's voice,
167
get silenced by the exiles, the inner child's tantrums, by inner child's pain.
168
You know deep down that you should let them go, but the inner child is screaming so loudly, you cannot actually hear or differentiate or pay attention to that voice.
169
So that's where the ice cream shop battle is happening.
170
And here's the framework I figured out is good to help you go through these situations and to help you help yourself.
171
So basically whenever something like that happens, the first thing you need to do is to understand which part is in control right now.
172
Is it the one who is throwing every defense mechanism just to avoid the pain?
173
Is that the part that is wounded who wants love, who wants protection, who wants to be cared, who doesn't want to be left alone,
174
or is it the part that is cool and collected and logical and rational?
175
The next time you feel the pull to check their social media, to message them, to hold them, to forgive them, to give them another chance, ask yourself which part of me actually wants this.
176
Nine times out of ten it's not the adult, it's not the rational part of you.
177
Once you can name the part
178
that is driving the situation it kind of first loses its grip
179
and gives you back the control because you become the observer
180
and you decide where to direct your energy to it can
181
basically feel like sitting the whole family at the table like
182
you can have a small conciliam you can ask what the
183
inner child wants you can ask the inner parent what's like
184
their opinion on the situation you can ask the protector what are they trying to do
185
and why they're trying to do it to see
186
and understand the situation fully
187
and then to be like the judge of the situation you're not fighting yourself anymore you're making conscious decisions
188
and you're returning power back to yourself the next thing is
189
feel the pain without acting on it sometimes you just need the child to throw tantrums
190
and you just need to sit through them you just need
191
to i'm talking about like even actual parenting even though i'm
192
not a parent sometimes you just need to hold their hand
193
and say i understand you're upset i understand you're very hurt you need to explain
194
and like reflect their emotions back to them say i know
195
you're hurt you're probably feeling pain you're probably upset i understand
196
that and i'm here with you and i love you
197
and just sit there with them and let them feel their emotions
198
and let the emotions pass you need to do the same
199
thing to yourself you need to feel the emotions you don't
200
need to suppress them you need to cry like i did
201
yesterday slow throw a little tantrum just try to do it in private maybe
202
and just let the emotions pass you need to hold your hands through
203
that and you need to print yourself through that
204
and just let the emotions go trust me no emotion
205
if you process it correctly is gonna stay for longer than an hour
206
and even if it does it's gonna go back
207
and forth in waves and you just need to live through that
208
so treat it like an actual wound no need to rationalize
209
it no need to explain it just sit with it okay this has happened yes i'm hurting
210
and let your body do the healing let yourself heal you
211
cannot rationalize your wound to heal you just need to sit in it
212
but here's another crucial part don't let the inner child make the decisions and don't let the pain decide your actions.
213
A feeling is an information, not an instruction, not an action plan.
214
You can grieve someone and still not message them.
215
You can feel the pain of losing someone and still not pick up the phone when they are calling.
216
Trust me, you can.
217
And the decision that you make when the pain is the loudest is the one that sticks, is the one that will define how you feel about yourself.
218
Because let me tell you, every time you promise yourself you're not gonna call them, that is the last time you forgive them, you're not gonna take them back and you break that promise,
219
you lose the most important thing and that is trust in yourself and believe in yourself.
220
You lose a piece and a part of yourself and at the end you'll be left with nothing.
221
And when I mean nothing, you might have this person, you might have money, you might have safety and security, but you will feel so deeply empty inside with no foundation,
222
with no grounding, that no other person will be able to replace that emptiness.
223
So trust me when I say this, the cost of lying to yourself the cost of breaking promises to yourself is very high
224
and whenever you'll feel it it will be very hard to rebuild it back it is possible
225
but it will be very hard
226
so every time you make the decision to betray yourself to lie to yourself to not choose yourself just know
227
that the choice you're making is going to cost you in
228
the future first time your inner parent your higher self will fight second time it probably will as well
229
but the more you break promises to yourself the more you promise yourself you're not going to do it
230
and you repeat it the less fight it will bring
231
and at some point it won't even be there it will just give up
232
that what losing yourself is so let's get to the third part is making promises
233
that are small
234
and easy enough to keep don't say i'm never talking to
235
them ever again your brain will not believe you your inner child will not like
236
that it's gonna throw another tantrum
237
and it will be even harder to resist set goals
238
and say things like i'm not texting them today i'm not texting them within the the next hour.
239
That's it.
240
One small thing.
241
That's how you will build up that inner parent, because every time you will keep that micro promise,
242
your strengths and your self-trust and your inner parent will become stronger and stronger.
243
Your brain will update itself, your brain will update the files and believe that, okay, it's okay, we survived it.
244
And also, oh, it's okay, we can rely on ourselves.
245
I am strong enough to handle stuff.
246
That's what having an inner parent is like.
247
That's what having a higher self and a foundation within yourself is like.
248
Understanding that you can handle any in your life by yourself and you are all you need.
249
And in order to have this belief, in order to have this foundation, you need to prove it by taking actual actions because your brain only believes evidence.
250
It doesn't believe your affirmations or your self-talk.
251
The next step is fill the part, fill the empty space with something else it can be new
252
hobby it can be new friends it can be i don't
253
know new experiences move your body not for fitness purposes
254
or in order to glow up so perfectly
255
that you wouldn't even want to be with that person anymore
256
and you would feel so much better about yourself
257
but in order to discharge all the negative energy
258
but also glowing up to the point where you feel like
259
only the old version of you would tolerate this relationship you would feel
260
so good about yourself
261
that you wouldn't even want to go back there is also
262
not a bad advice that's what i like to do i want to feel
263
so confident and so proud of myself internally
264
that just a thought of going back to
265
that person it feels illogical it doesn't make sense anymore we are not in the same place
266
and i'm not saying i'm better than them i'm just saying
267
that we went such different ways we are not gonna connect in any way anymore journal not to self-analyze
268
but to be with yourself to help yourself build something a new project start making jewelry whatever
269
that is find a new hobby build new neural pathways
270
because the more neural pathways you build the easier it's kind
271
of to let go of the old ones to let go of your old self
272
and another part is
273
that you need to grieve you need to grieve who first who you wanted
274
that person to be who you imagined that person to be
275
but secondly who you imagined yourself to be with that person
276
and future you saw for yourself with
277
that person you need to actually grieve it like it's
278
that person because it is a dead part of you
279
that part of you is gone that part of you died that's why grief feels so significant
280
because it is you're not just letting go of the person you're letting go of the future you imagine
281
and you're letting go of the person you were with them
282
and you're letting go of the person you saw yourself in the future with them
283
and be realistic understand the difference between mourning who they actually are
284
because probably they are not the person you want to spend the rest of your life was
285
and mourning who you wanted them to be and seeing the difference
286
and seeing the reality was one of the hardest things about the breakup just seeing who the person actually is
287
because i i love denial i love believing in the best in people i love seeing the best in people
288
so whenever something bad happens i always excuse people and
289
that is something that i had to work on i am much more unapologetic right now
290
but i like to believe the best in people
291
and sometimes you do not need to believe in the best in people sometimes you need to finally choose yourself
292
and love yourself enough to see the truth to see
293
that sometimes shrek is not gonna become a prince charming he will always stay a shrek another tip
294
and another practice is actually reparent yourself in real time like sitting in yourself
295
and talk to yourself i do
296
that i decided to share what i was going through
297
so i'm just gonna share what i was actually going through
298
and that is actually like sitting with myself
299
and talking to myself having an actual inner dialogue like oh my god i missed them i want the back
300
and the inner band says i know you do
301
that makes sense that's okay to feel that way but
302
that feeling came from a cost you weren't willing to pay anymore what
303
if nobody else makes me feel this way there are seven
304
billion people on this planet there will be another person who will make you feel
305
that way and what if you were certain
306
that somebody will love you the way you want to be loved
307
and you will meet them for sure would you still want to go back to
308
that person no of course i wouldn't but you get the point
309
and then one day you actually wake up and you do move on
310
and your inner child starts relying on yourself and your inner parent more
311
and starts trusting the inner parent more
312
and the gentrums just stop at some point at some point the child forgets that they wanted that toy.
313
And the truth about letting go, it was never about letting them, letting them go.
314
It's not about them at all.
315
It's about whether you have the strengths and believe
316
that you trust yourself enough to survive the pain of losing somebody who was never actually meant for you, who was never actually yours.
317
It's about building the internal voice that is strong and that is loud, that whenever it says I've got you, you actually believe it.
318
And that is all I have for you guys today hopefully
319
that helped and if you did leave a comment like share comment subscribe i'll see you in the next one
✨ Рекомендуемое видео
B28
337 предложений
How to Enter Your Unbothered Era: Stop Over-Explaining and Let Them Lose You
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
588 предложений
10 Signs You're Mentally Stronger Than You Think | Intermediate English Podcast(B1–B2)
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
101 предложений
the conversation I couldn’t stop thinking about
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
225 предложений
Life Begins When You Stop Being Available | English Podcast for Learning, Shadowing & Life Growth
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
240 предложений
If You Feel Like You LOST The One, WATCH THIS! | Matthew Hussey
British AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2635
38 предложений
Stop introducing yourself like this.
Business EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation
B23
668 предложений
Why Translation Is Destroying Your English Fluency 🔥 | Think & Speak English Faster
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
31 предложений
How to Love without fear
British AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
306 предложений
to allow is to let go
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B2479
56 предложений
When She Plays The Victim (The Stoic Reality Check)
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2238 предложений
Why Strong People Learn to Be Alone 💪🧠| English Listening Practice| Learn English Through Psychology
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B23
198 предложений
How I Got Over My Worst Heartbreak (And You Can Too)
British AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
Почему практиковать речь на этом видео?
Видео Валерии — отличный материал для практики разговорного английского, так как он сочетает естественную речь с глубокими размышлениями. Контекст прощение и принятие жизни подходит для тренировки эмоциональной экспрессии, а разговорный стиль (с паузами, эмоциональными вкраплениями) идеально подходит для shadowing — техники повторения речи после говорящего. Это помогает улучшить интонацию, ритм и уверенность в разговоре, а также понять, как носители языка выражают сложные чувства.
Грамматика и выражения в контексте
- "Let them lose you" — конструкция с инфинитивом без "to" после "let". Обычно используется для выражения разрешения или примирения с ситуацией. В видео она передаёт идею "позволить им уйти", что важно для разговорного английского.
- "It's not a willpower problem" — структура "it's not a... problem" для отрицания причины. Удобна для объяснения, что сложность не в личных качествах, а в обстоятельствах. Полезна для обсуждения проблем в повседневной жизни.
- "Things are just not working out how I plan them to work out" — использование "work out" в значении "развиваться, складываться". Фраза показывает, как выразить разочарование в планах, что часто нужно в разговорах о жизни.
Трудные моменты в произношении
Для улучшения произношения английского стоит обратить внимание на:
- "perception" — произносится как /pərˈsepʃn/, а не "персепшн". Важно правильно ударять на втором слоге и мягко произносить "t".
- "grieving" — /ˈɡriːvɪŋ/, с долгим "i" и мягким "v". Часто из-за русского акцента говорят "гривинг", что неверно.
- "eventually" — /ɪˈventʃuəli/, с ударением на первом слоге. Нужно избежать ошибки "ивентчуэлли" и правильно произнести "tch".
Используйте видео для shadowspeak (техники shadowing с акцентом на смысл) — повторяйте фразы сразу после Валерии, копируя её интонацию и ритм. Это поможет не только улучшить произношение, но и научиться выражать эмоции так же естественно, как носители.
Грамматика в этом видео
Конструкции, которые говорящий использует чаще всего, с точными словами из видео:
| Конструкция | В видео |
|---|---|
| Условные предложения if + предложение, will/would + глагол — условие и его результат | If I love them enough, they will love |
| Пассивный залог be + причастие прошедшего времени — важно, что происходит, а не кто это делает | were shocked · being left · being burned |
| Придаточные определительные who / which + предложение — уточнение о человеке или предмете | people who do · people who went · one who is |
Что такое техника Shadowing?
Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.